The rest of the day after finding out they were pregnant felt so weirdly magical and special. It was like they were living in a beautiful little bubble that was just the two of them. They had slept for a good amount of the afternoon, both of them exhausted and finally feeling like they could relax.
They had gone and picked up the girls, grabbing some Mediterranean food on the way home because it was something everyone loved and neither of them felt like cooking. They had brought it home and had a nice meal together before playing with the twins for a while, Maya and Carina both smiling stupidly at each other every time their eyes met. They got the twins into bed, both of them doing all of bedtime before heading downstairs.
"Ready for your injection?" Carina asked as they went into the kitchen.
"I think this is maybe the most excited I have ever been to get a needle put into my body," Maya said, "It feels like this one is for the baby. I mean, they all have been, but this time, we know they are in there. I don't even know if that makes sense."
"Si," Carina smiled as she prepared the injection, "It does. I felt like this when we found out I was pregnant, both times."
After she said that, Carina kissed Maya's stomach before wiping it down and injecting the progesterone before kissing the spot again. She looked at her wife as she went to throw the needle in the sharps box, noticing tears welling up in her eyes and fear plastered all over Maya's face.
"What's wrong?" Carina asked, tossing the needle in the box before pulling Maya into her arms.
"What if...what if this ends like our first pregnancy?" Maya asked, tears spilling down, "What...what if something happens? I hadn't thought about it until now, but it could. Something could happen and we could lose this baby just like we lost the first pregnancy and..."
"Come here," Carina said, putting her hand on the back of Maya's head, guiding it to her shoulder as she held her close, running her hand up and down her wife's back, "I'm sorry I brought that up. I didn't even think about it."
"But it could happen," Maya said, still crying, "We could still lose this baby and...I just..."
"Shhhh," Carina said, hugging her impossibly closer, "I know. I know it is so scary, but when we had the twins, did it really get any less scary once they were born? Because I know it didn't for me. Having them running around out in the world is terrifying, but I try not to let myself live in that fear because if I did, I would miss out on all the joy they bring. And I know that this is terrifying and it is probably going to keep being terrifying because we are already falling in love with this little bambino, but if we only think about the fear, we will miss out on all the joy, ok?"
"It's just so hard," Maya said, rubbing her face on Carina's shoulder.
"I know," Carina said, "I am feeling it too. And it is ok to be scared and to feel all of these feelings, but we can't let these be the only feelings. We also have to let ourselves feel the joy and excitement that come with growing our family, ok?"
Maya nodded against Carina's chest, the two of them just clinging onto each other until Maya pulled away.
"I promise I will try," she said, wiping at her tears, "But, can we wait to tell people for a little while, just in case?"
"Si," Carina nodded, cupping Maya's face in her hands, "We can wait until you are ready."
They had also waited to tell anyone when they were pregnant with the twins, not because they weren't excited, but because when they had grieved their miscarriage, it had been hard enough without other people asking about how they were doing all the time and giving them pitiful looks.
"I'm sorry I can't just be happy about this," Maya sighed, guilt filling her in that moment.
"Bambina, I am scared too," Carina said, "It's normal to feel like this, especially after everything we have been through. And you are probably feeling everything a lot more because of all the hormones. However you feel about this is normal and ok and I don't want you to ever feel like you can't tell me ok?"
Maya nodded, taking another shaky breath.
"Va bene," Carina said, brushing another tear off Maya' cheek, "Now, should we go curl up on the couch with some tea?"
Maya nodded, going to grab the mugs while Carina started the kettle for the water. They made tea before settling on the couch, Carina stretching out and insisting Maya sit between her legs which the blonde did not argue with. Almost immediately, Carina slipped her hands under Maya's shirt, resting it on her stomach.
"Is this what the next nine months are going to be like?" Maya asked as she leaned on her wife, "You with your hand on my stomach all the time?"
"Does it bother you?" Carina asked, going to move her hand only to have Maya grab it and put it right back where it was, leaving her own hand on top of it.
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I love it."
"Good," Carina said, pressing a kiss to Maya's cheek, "Because I love it too. I always loved it when you did this when I was pregnant with the bambine."
"I did too," Maya said, "Especially when they started moving. When does that happen again?"
"You will probably be able to feel them around 16-22 weeks," Carina said, "And I will be able to feel them a few weeks later."
"That's so long from now," Maya sighed.
"You are technically almost 5 weeks already," Carina said.
"That's still so weird to me," Maya said, shaking her head, "It's barely been two weeks since the transfer."
"Si, but it has been over 4 weeks since the first day of your last period and the embryo was a day 5 embryo," Carina said.
"So weird," Maya said, shaking her head, "When is my due date?"
"October 15th," Carina said immediately, earning her a look from her wife.
"How do you just know that?" Maya asked, "I mean, I know you are an amazing OB, but is calculating due dates your superpower?"
"I mean, I am very good at it," Carina nodded, "But I also did the calculation the day you had the transfer just to see. I mean, Dr. Howard will have to confirm obviously."
"No she doesn't," Maya said, "I know you are right. October 15th. That's a good day. They will be here before all the holidays. Maybe we should let the twins pick out a Halloween costume for the baby. They would probably love that."
"We can do that," Carina laughed, "But that is a long time from now."
"When are we going to tell the twins?" Maya asked suddenly, "I mean, we can't tell them now because they will tell everyone and if we do, it will be like Babbo Natale all over again and they will ask every single day for the next 35 weeks when the baby will be here but they should know right?"
"Bambina, they are three," Carina laughed, "They will not really understand what is going on. I think you are right though. Once we tell them, they will ask us every day, especially Rowan. Let's wait at least until we are ready to tell everyone else. Maybe we could have them help us tell everyone."
"That's a good idea," Maya said, nodding, "And maybe we make some kind of count down or something for them, like a paper chain or a sticker chart or something so they can see how many days until the baby comes."
Neither of them said it, but they also wanted to wait to tell the twins because if, for some reason, something happened, explaining that to two three-year-olds would be confusing.
"Do you think Nora will be excited about the baby?" Maya asked, relaxing a little more as Carina traced shapes on her stomach, "I know Rowan will because she told me she wanted a baby, but Nora isn't really into babies."
"I'm sure she will be excited," Carina said, "She might not be as excited as Rowan, but she will love the baby. Did you like Mason when he was born?"
"I think so," Maya said, "You would have to ask my mom though. I know you loved Andrew."
"Si," Carina nodded, "But I was also six when he was born and had a lot more understanding what was going on."
"I guess that's true," Maya said, nodding.
They had talked about how many years they wanted between their kids, or at least between trying, and they had decided that two and a half or three years would be idea, but that couldn't happen because of Carina's cancer. However, having the twins be almost 4 when this baby came didn't seem like too big of an age gap.
The two of them sat there together for a while, just chatting and enjoying each other's company before going up to bed, both of them falling asleep that night with their hands on Maya's stomach, thinking about the baby that was growing there.
The next week, things were up and down emotionally for the Bishop-Delucas. Maya had started having a few more early pregnancy symptoms that she found to be as annoying as they were comforting because according to her wife and everything she read on the internet, it meant her hormones were still increasing. She was way more tired than normal, had some nausea that was getting pretty bad and had led to her throwing up more than once, and the one which she found to be the weirdest was nasal congestion. She had initially thought it was just from the cold they had had, but when she complained about it to Carina, she told her it was another pregnancy symptom.
Maya had also had a few more small bouts of dizziness, only really when she stood up too fast so she was careful about changing positions and Carina had told her she wasn't allowed to run outside alone because she was worried something might happen.
Maya tried hard not to let her fears about losing the baby take over, but there were days when it would all but cripple her. That mostly happened on days when she wasn't working because at work, she was often too busy with post-inspection paperwork and meetings to even think much about it, but when she was home, her mind would wander and she would start to worry that something was wrong with the baby. She tried to channel those worries into productive things like cleaning out their office which they rarely used to make space for the nursery they would need for the baby or spending time doing things with the twins.
Carina was feeling similarly, though for her, work often brought the feelings up more than being at home did, especially when she saw a pregnant woman come for a first ultrasound and leave with the devastating news that they were no longer pregnant.
It had never been easy for her to deliver that news to any patient and since having her own expertise, it got even worse, but now that Maya was pregnant and in the waiting period between getting the positive test and getting a good ultrasound, she was struggling to not see her wife in every single one of her patients.
She knew it wasn't healthy and wasn't good for her or her patients and she actively tried to separate her personal and professional life, but there were still times it was hard. Usually, she was able to do it in the moment while she was with the patients, but in her office or on her drive home, it would sometimes hit her.
One day in particular about a week after they found out Maya was pregnant, Carina had three patients who all were having miscarriages, two who came into the ER for bleeding and one who just came in for a routine scan. Maya was working late that night so she picked up the twins from daycare and took them home, heating up some leftovers for dinner.
"Mamma, yook," Rowan said running over to her as she was getting dinner ready, "I tan hold four babies."
"Wow," Carina said, looking down at the toddler, her arms full of baby dolls, "That's so many babies."
"I know," Rowan said, "Now dat I don't have my tast, I tan do it."
"That's good," Carina said, thinking about when Rowan got her cast off just a few days ago.
The toddler had been so fascinated with the entire process, asking Link about a hundred questions about what was going to happen and needing to inspect all of his tools before she allowed him near her arm. She had done very well though, sitting in Maya's lap while Carina held her other hand, keeping her calm. Rowan had watched the entire thing calmly, staring at her arm once it was free.
She had been a little bit cautious with her arm for a while after the cast was off, but she was now back to using it fully for the obviously important job of carrying around four babies.
" Auntie Maggie yet me hold her baby at daytare today," Rowan said, drawing Carina's attention back to her.
"She did?" Carina said, smiling, "Did you like it?"
"Si," Rowan said, "He is so yittle and cutie. I love him. Mamma, tan you have a baby?"
"No Patatina," Carina said, trying hard not to start crying, "Remember when I was sick last year and I had to go to the doctor a lot and sleep there sometimes?"
"Si," Rowan nodded, "And you were sweeping all da time."
"Yes," Carina chuckled a little bit, "Well, when I got sick, it made it so I couldn't have a baby anymore. Remember how we talked about babies growing inside of a uterus? Well, because of the kind of sickness I had, they had to take out my uterus so now, there is nowhere for a baby to grow."
"Oh," Rowan said with a frown, "Why tan't it drow in your tummy?"
"Because stomachs are where food goes to get digested and an abdomen is just a big open space that isn't safe for a bambino," Carina said, "Babies need a uterus to grow inside."
"Does Mommy have a utus?" Rowan asked.
"Si," Carina nodded, "Mommy has a uterus."
"Tan Mommy have a baby?" Rowan asked.
"Owan," Nora called from the playroom, "I need you."
"Toming," Rowan said, forgetting her question as she ran to go play with her sister.
Carina shook her head, thanking Nora silently from saving her from that conversation. Carina went back to working on dinner, getting plates out as she cut up some peppers and cucumbers for the twins, trying not to let the conversation she had with Rowan about her inability to carry a baby anymore along with how hard her workday had been bother her too much. She had to at least get the twins into bed before she would allow herself to break down.
Most of the time, it was not a problem that she had had a hysterectomy, but for whatever reason, having that conversation with her three-year-old was really hard. She shook her head, dishing up chicken enchiladas before putting them on the table and calling the twins.
Dinner went well and before long, it was time to get the girls ready for bed. Maya was maybe going to be home before they went to sleep, but she had a late meeting so it was up in the air and she had told Carina not to keep them up. She had just gotten the girls to sleep and had curled up on the couch with a glass of wine when she heard the door open and a minute later, Maya appeared.
"Hey," the blonde said as Carina stood up, "Are the girls in bed?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "How was your day?"
"It was fine," Maya said, wrapping her arms around her wife, "I threw up a couple of times after lunch which wasn't pleasant, and I had to pee like every forty-five minutes, and I was worried I might have a UTI or something, but it doesn't hurt or anything."
"That is a common early pregnancy symptom," Carina said, "It's hormone related. And I'm sorry you got sick. You should have called me. This is the fourth day in a row you have thrown up more than once. I don't like it. I think we might need to call Dr. Howard because you cannot keep getting sick."
"I'm ok," Maya said, "I ate some crackers around three, and while I still don't feel great, they did stay down. How was your day?"
"It was fine," Carina said, biting her lip as she felt her emotions she had been pushing down all day bubbling up as she desperately tried to push them back down.
"Hey," Maya said, seeing the tears forming in Carina's eyes, "What happened?"
Carina tried to answer, but instead, a small sob escaped her lips, startling Maya a little as she guided her wife over to the couch, sitting them both down as she pulled Carina into her arms, rubbing her back as the Italian continued to cry.
Eventually, the tears tapered off, Carina just staying in Maya's arms.
"If you don't want to talk about it, that's ok, but can I ask what happened?" Maya said gently.
"I had three moms who had miscarriages today," Carina said quietly, "And it's always sad, but right now, with you pregnant, it is a lot harder than it normally is."
"Oh Babe," Maya said, holding her close, "I'm so sorry."
"It was like this when I was pregnant with the bambine too," Carina said, "I don't know why I find it so much harder to separate myself from my patients sometimes."
"It happens," Maya said, playing with her wife's hair, "I find scenes we attend with kids almost impossible now and before, they were hard, but it's different now, especially when the kids are little like the twins. I'm sorry it was so hard today."
"Rowan also asked me if I could have a baby," Carina said, biting her lip hard, "And I don't know why, but today, it was really hard for me to tell her that I couldn't, to think about the fact that I never will be able to even if I wanted to. Normally, it doesn't even bother me, but today, something about talking to her about it, it was just...hard."
"Oh Car," Maya said, pulling her close again.
"I just...I'm so happy that you are having a baby and that we are growing our family, and I never want you to think I'm not, but sometimes I also...I feel like I let you down by not being the one to carry this time," Carina said.
This wasn't something they had talked about much since they had started this process and as soon as Carina said it, Maya was kicking herself for not thinking about it.
"Listen to me, ok," Maya said, getting her wife to look at her, "How you are feeling right now is completely valid. I can't even pretend to understand because I am not in your situation, but I do want you to know, that you, in no way at all, let me down by not being the one who got pregnant this time. I never thought this was something I wanted to do, but I also never really thought about it at all because it was so obvious that you, the world renown, knows everything about pregnancy, OB/GYN with the safe job would be the one to carry the baby. Before we decided to have the twins, I didn't ever think I wanted babies so I never thought about me being pregnant. And even after seeing how incredible it was when you were pregnant, I always just figured it would make the most sense for you to be the one to carry when we were ready again and so I never thought about it. But once you couldn't anymore, I actually did think about it and realized that it is something I wanted to experience, at least once. So don't feel like you failed me, but instead, think about it as you gave me the chance to realize this was something I wanted to experience, ok? I am not trying to invalidate your hurt, but I don't want you to be hurting unnecessarily."
Carina let out a little sob but nodded, pulling Maya close. They sat there for a while, Maya just pressing kisses to Carina's hair, until the blonde shifted a little.
"Sorry," Maya said, "I really have to pee."
"Go," Carina chuckled, moving so her wife could get up, "Did you eat yet?"
"No," Maya said, "I wasn't super hungry."
"You have to eat," Carina said, wiping her eyes as she went into the kitchen, "I'll make you something that will be easy on your stomach, ok?" "Fine," Maya called from the bathroom. Carina went into the kitchen, deciding maybe some plain pasta would help settle Maya's stomach. It had been something she had pretty reliably been keeping down over the past few days. The amount Maya was getting sick was starting to worry Carina, and she seriously was considering dragging Maya to the doctor for a check-up because while some nausea was normal, Maya was vomiting at least three times a day at this point. She was still holding down food and fluids though, so Carina decided it could wait.
She got the water on the stove to boil just as Maya walked back in the kitchen.
"Sorry," the blonde said, "Are you ok?"
"I will be," Carina nodded, grabbing a glass out for Maya, "Today was just a lot."
"I'm sorry," Maya said, "I wish I could have been there to help you though it." "You are here now," Carina said, "And that is all I need."
"I love you," Maya said, kissing her wife a little.
"I love you too," Carina said, smiling before pulling away to go find some pasta to cook.
"How is the nausea right now?" Carina asked as she walked back over to the stove.
"It's not great," Maya sighed, "I just wish it would go away."
"We can call Dr. Howard and get something to help with it," Carina said, "Or we can call your OB who will take care of you for the rest of the pregnancy and get them to prescribe something."
"Do we have to have a regular OB?" Maya asked, "Couldn't you just do everything?"
"Bambina, I cannot be your doctor," Carina said, "You are my wife. It goes against hospital policy."
"Fine," Maya grumbled, "But I kinda wish you were the one who was going to deliver the baby."
"Don't you want me to be there for moral support and to be your wife and not your doctor?" Carina asked, dropping the pasta into the water.
"I mean, yes," Maya said, "But I also don't want a million people there when they are born. I kinda like the idea of it just being me and you. Do you think we could have a home birth?"
Carina was a little bit taken aback by this questions. She had never thought about this before and wasn't totally sure she felt comfortable with it. Sure, she was a trained OB and had delivered babies in many places, but this was her baby and wife and if something went wrong, she didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive herself.
"I think it would be best if we are least had someone doing prenatal care for you besides me," Carina said, "I don't know if a homebirth is a great idea only because of the complications that could happen. But I need to think about it more. I'm not saying we can't, but I think I need to do some research and we need to talk about it more."
"Ok," Maya said, "I don't even know if I really want one, but it sounds kinda relaxing. Just being here in the comfort of our own home, just me and you. I don't know. I haven't thought much about it either, but it sounds nice."
"It does," Carina said, "But I have also seen what can go wrong. We are a long way from having to decide that though. I do not want to be the one doing your prenatal care because I don't want my emotions to cloud how things go and I don't want to accidently miss something."
"Ok," Maya nodded, "I understand that. I'll just see Dr. Johnson."
Dr. Danielle Johnson was both of the OB/GYNs and had not only delivered the twins but had also been the one who caught Carina's cancer.
"Perfetto," Carina nodded, "Sorry I can't do it."
"No," Maya said, "There are reasons we don't treat family. When should I call her? After I am done at the fertility clinic?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "That should be fine. Now, do you want anything besides pasta?"
"No," Maya said, "I don't know if I even really want pasta."
"I know," Carina said, "But you have to eat something."
"Yeah, I know," Maya said, hand on her upset stomach, "I just don't feel like puking again tonight."
"Hopefully this will be easy enough you won't," Carina said, stirring the pot.
Carina finished making dinner while they chatted a little, the Italian seeing the exhaustion written all over her wife's face. Once it was ready, Carina scooped some of it into a bowl, putting nothing on it at her wife's request.
"Thanks," Maya said as Carina set the bowl down in from of her.
"Just eat what you can," Carina said, rubbing her back a little before sitting down next to her, "But you need to get something in you."
Maya nodded, picking up a small forkful. She ate about half of the small amount of food Carina had given her before deciding she was done.
"Sorry," Maya said, hand on her stomach as Carina took the bowl.
"It's ok," Carina said, shaking her head, "You don't feel well. Now, are you ready for bed?"
"It's too early," Maya said, though bed sounded like heaven at the moment, "I have a few more files I need to get done before my meeting with the chief tomorrow."
"Fine," Carina said, "I have some charting too."
They curled up on the couch next to each other, each of them with their laptops to get their work done. However, not even half an hour later, Carina noticed Maya's head dipping down several times.
"Bambina," the Italia said, closing her own laptop, "Come on. We need to do your injection and then get to bed."
"I need to finish this one," Maya said, waking back up from her microsleep.
"No," Carina said, taking Maya's laptop off her lap, "You need to sleep. Come on."
"Fine," Maya mumbled as Carina helped her up. They went into the kitchen, Carina getting the injection prepped as Maya leaned against the counter, eyes closed.
"I'm so tired," Maya mumbled as she lifted her shirt up, eyes still closed.
"I'm sorry," Carina said, pressing a kiss to Maya's stomach which was ever so slightly bloated, "We will do this and then go to bed."
"I cannot wait to be done with these," Maya said, eyes still closed as Carina injected the medication, "My stomach looks like a warzone."
"If we call and ask Dr. Howard for some antinausea meds, we can also ask to switch to a suppository," Carina said, tossing out the needle, "That way your stomach can get a break."
Maya nodded as Carina pulled her into a hug.
"Now, bedtime," Carina said.
"I'm just gonna sleep here," Maya said, "I'm too tired to go upstairs."
"I can carry you," Carina offered, "But you are sleeping in bed."
Maya groaned, rubbing her eyes as she opened them.
"Do you want me to carry you?" Carina asked, opening her arms.
"No," Maya said, "I can do it."
"Come on," Carina said, guiding her up the stairs.
They made it upstairs, Carina all but brushing Maya's teeth for her because the blonde was so tired before tucking her into bed, Maya sound asleep before Carina even finished getting herself ready for bed.
Carina sighed as she got into bed. It was strange to see her wife so exhausted, and while Carina knew it was a normal part of pregnancy, especially in the first trimester, it was still strange. Carina wrapped her arms around her wife, smiling a little as Maya relaxed into her in her sleep, Carina resting her hands on Maya's stomach as had become their new normal sleeping position. Part of Carina was happy that Maya was dealing with this kind of exhaustion because it meant that her wife wasn't up tossing and turning with anxiety all the time, but it was so hard because sleep didn't make her any less tired the next day.
Carina was a little worried she would have a hard time sleeping tonight after the day she had, and while it did take her close to an hour to fall asleep, something about her wife in her arms, both of their hands intertwined over her stomach, lulled Carina's anxious brain to sleep.
The following morning, things in Maya's pregnancy took a bit of a turn. She woke up to her alarm going off, planning on going for a run.
However, the second she sat up, her stomach rolled, sending her sprinting for the bathroom, nausea that had been swirling around her stomach for the past week suddenly getting about ten times worse. She barely made it to the toilet before she started heaving, quickly bringing up all of last night's dinner.
As she continued to throw up, she felt someone lifting her hair off the back of her neck.
"Car?" she said in a croaky voice once the vomiting let up.
"Si, I'm right here Bambina," the Italian said, getting up, wetting a washcloth, and filling a small cup before going back to her wife's side, "How are you feeling?"
"Nauseous," Maya said, leaning against the wall, closing her eyes, "Really really nauseous. Like I have been feeling times ten. It sucks. I have never felt like this before."
"I'm sorry Bambina," Carina said, feeling her heart break a little at the miserable look on her wife's face, "What can I do?"
"I don't know," Maya said, stomach rolling.
"I know," Carina said, "Do you want to...?"
Before Carina could even ask if she wanted to go back to bed, Maya leaned back over the toilet, throwing up again. Carina grabbed a ponytail, pulling Maya's hair back before just rubbing her back.
"I don't feel good," Maya moaned as she leaned back into Carina's arms.
"I'm sorry," Carina said as Maya laid down in her lap, "Let's try to get back to bed so you can rest."
"I have to work," Maya said, "And so do you. And no one knows I'm pregnant so I can't just say I have morning sickness and need an extra hour. And I feel like calling out because of an upset stomach is kinda pathetic."
"Bambina, it is not pathetic. You have to listen to your body. But let's go back to bed and see how you are feeling in a few hours," Carina said, "Hopefully, your stomach will be able to calm down after a little rest."
Carina helped Maya back to bed, putting a trash can next to the bed just in case, before the two of them tried to go back to sleep.
They both managed to fall asleep, only for Maya to wake up about an hour later, barely having time to lean over the trash can before she threw up again.
"Oh Bambina," Carina sighed, waking up and immediately starting to help her wife, "I'm sorry you are so sick. Just get it all out."
Maya retched several times before falling back against the pillows, panting harshly.
"This sucks," Maya said, taking a tissue from Carina to wipe her mouth.
"I'm sorry," Carina said, taking the tissue and trash can into the bathroom, throwing out the tissue and rinsing the can before bringing it back to her wife, "I think maybe you should stay home from work today. I can call out too and we can just spend the day in bed. Just because it is morning sickness doesn't mean you don't you need to let your body relax."
"I have a meeting with the chief and other battalion chiefs today," Maya sighed, rubbing her eyes, "I at least have to go in for the morning. I should be fine."
"Mommy," Rowan said, coming into their room, "Mamma. Is it morning?"
"Si Patatina," Carina said, going over to the little girl, "Did you sleep good?"
"Si," Rowan nodded, "Why is Mommy in bed?"
"Mommy isn't feeling good this morning," Carina said, looking over at her pale wife, "Her tummy is hurting. Remember when you and me and Nora were sick before Christmas? Mommy is feeling sick like that today."
"Oh," Rowan said, cocking her head a little, "Mommy, I can get you some water."
"Thank you Ro," Maya smiled, "But I'm ok."
Rowan ran off, Carina going back over to her wife for another minute.
"Bambina, just call-in sick today," Carina said, "You look miserable."
"I have to go this morning," Maya said, sitting up and going to stand, only to have to lean back over the trash can.
"Ok," Carina sighed, rubbing her back, "You're ok."
"This is terrible," Maya said, wiping her mouth with a tissue.
"Let me go get you something to try to calm your stomach down, ok?" Carina said, "Maybe some toast and ginger tea?"
Maya nodded, standing up and slowly making her way into the bathroom to brush her teeth and start getting ready. Carina headed into the twins' room, finding Nora still in bed.
"Come on Piccola," Carina said, rubbing the little girl's back, "It's time to wake up."
"No," Nora groaned.
"Si," Carina said, "You have to go to daycare today. Come on."
Nora grumbled a little, but stretched before sitting up, reaching for Carina to pick her up. The Italian smiled, picking up the toddler before going downstairs. She settled Nora on the couch before going into the kitchen. She stuck some bread in the toaster, hoping maybe some dry toast would calm her wife's sick stomach, before getting to work on some eggs for the twins.
As their breakfast was cooking, she pulled their lunches out of the fridge, happy Maya insisted on making them the night before when they both worked first thing in the morning because it simplified everything so much. She got their water bottles filled up before finishing their breakfasts.
"Rowan, Nora," she called, "Come eat please."
The twins both came quickly, sitting down at the table with their food. While they ate, Carina did their hair, just giving them both pigtails, before going to check on Maya. When she got to their room, she found the blonde getting dressed, looking absolutely miserable.
"Bambina," she frowned, "I really think you should stay home."
"I will come home after the meetings if I still feel like this," Maya said, pausing and putting her hand over her mouth, breathing through another intense wave of nausea, "But I really need to be at these meetings."
"Fine," Carina said, "What time are the meetings over?"
"Eleven," Maya said, pulling on her socks, "But then I'll have follow up paperwork so I need to work until noon."
"Bambina, just leave the paperwork," Carina sighed, "You are pregnant. You have a bambino to think about now. Your body needs to rest, especially if you aren't feeling well."
"It's just four hours," Maya said, looking at her wife tiredly, "And then I will come home and rest, ok?"
"Fine," Carina said, "But I am going to pick you up at noon, no arguments, ok?"
"Fine," Maya said, rubbing her eyes.
"Alright," Carina said, "Now, I made you some toast and tea. Do you want to come down to the kitchen and eat or do you want me to bring it up here?"
"I will come down," Maya said, standing up. The two of them went downstairs, walking into the kitchen.
"What is that smell?" Maya asked as she recoiled, "Oh god. What did you cook?"
"I just made eggs for the twins," Carina said, wincing as her wife gagged, quickly leaning over the sink as she threw up.
"Mommy's sick," Rowan said, looking at Nora while Carina rubbed her wife's back.
"Yuck," Nora said, wrinkling her nose.
"Girls, go upstairs and get dressed please," Carina said as Maya continued to throw up, "Long pants and short sleeve shirts or dresses."
The twins both got up, both of them clearly worried about their mommy, but obeying anyway.
"Bambina, you cannot go to work like this," Carina said as the blonde stopped throwing up, "I almost want to take you to the hospital."
"It's just the smell," Maya said, taking the wet cloth Carina offered her, "I think it's the eggs."
"Ok," Carina said, guiding her wife out of the kitchen, "Well, still, I don't feel comfortable sending you to work like this."
"I will be fine Car," Maya said, "I just need to get out of the house."
"If you throw up again, I want you to call or text me and you are coming home," Carina said, "Or maybe I will just take you to the hospital. You are going to get dehydrated which is no good for you or the bambino."
"Where's the bambino?" Rowan asked, coming downstairs in a pair of black leggings and a navy-blue sweatshirt with the word "Hello" written across it in cursive white letters.
"Um..." Carina stuttered, not wanting to talk about this with Rowan at the moment.
"At daycare, there is a bambino," Maya said, thinking on her feet, "Remember, Auntie Maggie just has a bambino."
"Oh," Rowan said, nodding, "Si."
"Rowan, is Nora ready?" Carina asked, desperate to steer this conversation in another direction.
"Non lo so," Rowan said, shrugging.
"I'll go check on her," Maya said, "I need to brush my teeth and leave. Car, can you please fill my water bottle up so I don't have to go back in the kitchen?"
"Why Mommy's going to work if her tummy is icky?" Rowan asked as she followed Carina into the kitchen.
"Because your mommy is too stubborn for her own good," Carina sighed, filling Maya's big yellow water bottle with some water before grabbing another, smaller bottle, filling it with water and some packets of rehydration solution that Maya had bought when Carina's stomach was rebelling against her radiation treatments.
"When you're sick, you stay home and west and watch mobies," Rowan said as Carina grabbed out some saltines, adding them to Maya's work bag.
"I know Patatina," Carina sighed, "But Mommy wants to go to work and she is a grown up and won't listen to me. Now, can you go find your sister?"
Rowan ran out of the kitchen as Carina made sure she had everything packed for her wife, clicking the garage open before carrying the bag to the front door.
Just then, Maya came down the stairs with Nora and Rowan in tow.
"Bambine, you can play with your toys until it's time to go," Carina said, looking at the twins.
"Wait," Maya said, stopping the girls, "Can I have a hug and kiss before I go?"
Nora gave Maya a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before going into the playroom. Rowan then walked up to Maya, looking her in the eyes.
"Mommy, you should stay home," Rowan said, frowning, "Your tummy is sick. You growed up."
"I have to go to work today Patatina," Maya said, "My tummy will be ok."
"Mamma says you are bubborn," Rowan said, frowning at her mommy, "And dat you should stay home."
"I am going to go to work for a little bit this morning," Maya said, looking between her wife and daughter, "And then I will come home, ok? Now, I love you. Be good at daycare ok?"
"Otay," Rowan said, giving Maya an extra big squeeze and kiss, "I love you too Mommy. I hope you feel better."
"Thank you Ro," Maya said as the little girl scampered off to find her sister, "You told our daughter I am stubborn?"
"You are," Carina shrugged as her wife stood up, "And she asked why you were going to work when you were sick. She's worried about you."
"I'm ok," Maya said, taking her bag from her wife, "My car is in the garage. I can't go out this way."
"I opened the garage," Carina said, "So you don't have to walk through the kitchen again."
The thought alone made nausea swell up in Maya's stomach and she thought she was going to have to sprint for the bathroom but she managed to hold it down, seeing the disapproving look on her wife's face when she finally got the nausea under control.
"Bambina," Carina sighed, "I really don't like you going to work this morning."
"I will be fine," Maya said, giving her wife a kiss before taking her water bottle, "I promise. I love you."
"I love you too," Carina sighed, placing her hands on Maya's still very flat stomach, "And I love you too, Trottolino."
"That's a new one," Maya said, looking at her wife, knowing Carina had been trying to settle on an Italian nickname for them to call the baby before it was born, "What does it mean?"
"It means little spinning top," Carina said, smiling, "Nonna used to call me that when I was a bambina because I was always dancing and moving."
"I like it," Maya said, "Trottolino?"
"Si," Carina nodded, hands still on her wife's flat stomach, "I think I like it too."
"Is it too early to settle on a nickname?" Maya asked, biting her lip, Carina's eleven-week miscarriage never too far from their minds and they didn't want to get too attached too soon.
"I don't think so," Carina said, "Besides, we are just trying them out, right? We don't have to keep it the entire pregnancy. Plus, as miserable as this pregnancy sickness it, it is also usually a good sign in terms of the health of the pregnancy."
"That's so weird, but I guess if I am going to feel physically terrible, at least that is some emotional comfort," Maya said, "And I do love hearing you talk to them with a nickname that is just theirs. Shit, I am going to be late."
"Ok," Carina said, handing Maya the extra water bottle, "This is rehydration solution. I want you to drink as much of this as you can. You both need the electrolytes."
"Ok," Maya nodded, "Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too," Carina said as Maya raced out the door.
By the time the blonde got the SFD headquarters, she was not feeling any better, but she was also almost late so she just took off for the meeting room, making it just in time. She wasn't the last one there, thank goodness, and she sat around chatting with the other battalion chiefs.
Her stomach was churning and achy, but she started sipping on the rehydration solution, hoping beyond hope that it would help. It didn't really make her feel any better, and by the time the meeting started, it was taking a lot of her energy to just not throw up. She somehow made it through the first hour and a half of the meeting, though by the hour and a half mark, she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep it up.
Luckily, the chief said they all needed a break and Maya all but sprinted down the hall and into the bathroom, glad she was the only female battalion chief at the moment because no one followed her. She hung over the toilet, throwing up all the fluids she had forced down, groaning as she sat on the floor of the bathroom.
She wasn't sure how this was morning sickness. She didn't remember it being this bad for Carina or Amelia or Andy or anyone else she knew, and while she knew every woman was different, this sucked on a level she didn't think was possible. She managed to peel herself off the floor, washing her hands and rinsing her mouth before going back into the meeting room.
She knew she had promised Carina that she would text her if she puked again, but she really wanted to make it through this meeting. She told herself she would skip the paperwork at 19 after and just go home straight from here.
She sat through the next hour of the meeting alright, but then she started feeling really bad again. She tried to wait until they got another break, but after 20 minutes of fighting with her stomach, she couldn't take it anymore.
"Excuse me," she said, getting up from her chair and bolting out of the room with her hand over her mouth.
She only just made it to the sinks in the bathroom before she started throwing up. As she stood there, making sure her stomach was calmed down, the door suddenly opened and in walked, much to her shock, Andy.
"Oh my god, Maya, are you ok?" Andy asked, seeing how pale her friend was.
Maya was going to answer but instead she just wretched into the sink again, bringing up another mouthful of stomach acid.
"Not ok, got it," Andy said, grabbing a paper towel and wetting it with cold water, pressing it to the back to her friend's neck, "What's going on?"
"I'm fine," Maya mumbled, trying to blink the spots in her vision away that had appeared, "Just not feeling great."
"You need to be at home in bed," Andy said, putting a hand on her forehead, "Well, you don't feel warm. Did you eat something bad?"
"I don't think so," Maya said, "Morning sickness."
"Wait, what?" Andy said shocked at what her friend just said, "Are you...?"
Maya just wretched miserably again, Andy rubbing her back.
"I need to sit," the blonde said, feeling very shaky.
"Think you can make it out to the lobby?" Andy asked, knowing there were chairs out there.
Maya nodded, Andy wrapping her arm around her friend as she helped her out to the chairs in a secluded area of the lobby, snagging a trash can on the way.
"I'm gonna call your wife, ok?" Andy said, seeing how absolutely miserable her friend looked.
"I'm supposed to be in a meeting," Maya said, breathing through another wave of nausea.
"I'll take care of it," Andy said, texting Carina quickly, "Sit tight and I will go talk to the chief and get your stuff, ok?"
Maya nodded, putting her head in her hands. She should have just listened to her wife and stayed home. She felt beyond terrible at the moment and wanted nothing more than her bed and to be held by Carina. She felt tears slipping out of her eyes against her will, brushing them away as they fell.
"Ok," Andy said, walking back out, "I told the chief you started feeling really sick all of a sudden and that you couldn't make it back to the meeting. He said he hopes you feel better and he will send you the notes. Also, your wife is on her way. I promised to sit with you until she gets here. Now, what the hell is this about morning sickness?"
"Surprise," Maya mumbled, looking at Andy, "I'm pregnant. Six weeks along."
"Oh my god, Maya," Andy said, squealing and giving her friend a hug, "Congratulations."
"Thanks," Maya said, "We weren't going to tell anyone, but if this is how morning sickness is going to be, I don't think we are gonna be able to wait another six weeks to tell."
"Hopefully this is just a one-time thing," Andy said, "I had a few bad days with nausea when I was pregnant with Luca."
"Andy, I have been throwing up since 5 am," Maya said, "Like, at least once an hour since 5 am. It's more than just bad nausea. I have had bad nausea for the past week, and this is much worse."
"That sucks," Andy said, frowning, "Good thing you are married to a magical OB. Maybe she'll have some remedies for you."
"Hopefully," Maya said, fighting off another wave of sickness.
"So, why did you decide to be the one to get pregnant this time?" Andy asked, still unable to believe Maya had a fetus growing inside her.
"Well, who else would have?" Maya said, "It's not like Carina can grow a baby without a uterus."
"Shit, I completely forgot," Andy said, wincing but also glad she had made that slip up in front of Maya and not Carina, "I get it now."
Maya nodded, rubbing her eyes, "It's ok. Just don't you dare mention that in front of her or I will kill you."
Andy nodded, knowing her friend was 100% serious about that threat.
"Can I get you anything?" Andy asked, "Water or crackers or a mint or anything?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I just want to go to bed."
"Well, Carina will be here soon," Andy said, frowning at how miserable her best friend looked, "And I'll get Robert to help me get your car back to your place later."
"Thanks," Maya said, "And don't tell anyone about this. I know I'm probably going to have to tell people sooner than later, but I want to keep it a secret as long as possible."
"Of course," Andy nodded, "I won't say a word. So six week...when are you due?"
"October 15th," Maya said, "And no one knows, not even the twins, and we don't plan to tell them for a while because I have no desire to get asked by Rowan every twenty minutes for the next 9 months when the baby is coming."
"Oh, and you know she would too," Andy laughed, "That girl is nothing if not persistent. It's like she got all the stubborn from both you and your wife."
"I know," Maya said, shaking her head, "And this morning, she had the audacity to inform me I am stubborn."
Andy laughed, able to perfectly imagine that little conversation, "I never thought this would be our lives. Talking about our kids in SFD headquarters."
"Me neither," Maya said, "But I genuinely wouldn't have it any other way. Those two little girls are just about the best things that have ever happened to me, I mean, other than Carina of course."
"Speaking of, Carina," Andy called, seeing the Italian walking in.
"Ciao," Carina said, walking over to where the two women were sitting, frowning when she saw how sick her wife looked, "Oh, Bambina."
"Hey," Maya said, offering a weak, tired smile, "I should have listened to you. I should have stayed..."
Maya couldn't even finish her sentence before leaning over the trash can Andy had given her, throwing up again. Carina immediately went to her side, rubbing her back as the blonde struggled to get control of her stomach.
"Sorry," Maya said, sitting up, taking a tissue from Andy.
"Don't apologize," Andy said, shrugging, "It happens."
"I might have told her about our little secret," Maya said, looking up at her wife, "Sorry."
"Bambina, it's ok," Carina said, brushing a piece of hair off her very pale face, "Can I take you home?"
"Yes please," Maya nodded as Carina helped her stand up.
"You ok?" Carina asked, helping steady her.
"I don't feel good," Maya said, burying her head into Carina's chest, the Italian engulfing her in a hug.
"I know," Carina said, rubbing her back, "Let's get you home. I stole some IV fluids from the hospital so if you are still feeling really bad, we can get you some fluids that way, ok?"
Maya nodded, pulling away from her wife.
"I can take her bag," Carina said, reaching for the backpack from Andy, "Thank you."
"Of course," Andy said, "Maya, I hope you feel better. And congratulations to both of you."
"Thank you," Maya said, giving her a smile.
"Let me know if you guys need anything," Andy said, "And Maya, listen to your wife."
The Bishop-Deluca's headed out to Carina's car, Maya tempted to roll her eyes when she saw the emesis basin sitting in her seat, but with how awful she was feeling, she knew it wasn't a bad plan.
"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you," Maya said as Carina got into the car, "I should have stayed home. I really thought I could make it through the meeting."
"I know you did Bambina," Carina sighed, "But you are not the only one making decisions right now. Trottolino gets a say too."
"I know," Maya said, putting her hand on her stomach, "And apparently, they don't like me working. Or holding anything down. Little spinning top is a good name for them because that's how my stomach feels right now."
"I'm sorry," Carina frowned.
"Is this normal?" Maya asked, looking at her wife as she drove.
"Normal, no," Carina said, shaking her head, "But it can happen, and while it is not ideal, there are ways to handle it. I brought home fluids and if it keeps up to this level for longer than a day or two, we will go talk to Dr. Howard or Dr. Johnson, ok? You might have just eaten something that is making you feel sick extra sick, but if it is all related to your pregnancy, we will get it sorted out."
"Ok," Maya said, nodding, "Well, hopefully it's just something I ate because I cannot imagine feeling like this for months."
Carina nodded, taking her wife's hand. She was hoping for that too, but she was concerned that this might be a bigger issue. She decided not to get overly worried about it right now and instead just focus on today.
They got home, Carina helping Maya upstairs, the blonde pulling off her uniform before finding a sleeping shirt and some shorts, climbing into bed.
"Can I get you anything?" Carina asked, rubbing her back.
"I just want to sleep," Maya said, "You can go back to work. I'll be fine."
"Maya, I am not going to work," Carina said, "You are very sick right now and that is not good for you or the baby. I am going to work on my charting, but I am going to be right here, ok?"
"Thank you," Maya said, feeling her eyes getting heavy.
"Sleep Bambina," Carina said, kissing her forehead.
Once her wife drifted off, Carina went and grabbed her laptop, knowing she had plenty of charts to complete. She was grateful that she had someone who was willing to step in and cover for her at the hospital for the rest of her shift today because Maya truly was worrying her with how sick she was.
She worked for a few hours as Maya slept next to her before the blonde stirred, Carina setting her laptop aside.
"How are you feeling?" Carina asked as Maya rubbed her sleepy eyes.
"Better than before," Maya said, her voice rough both from being sick and from sleep, "I don't feel like I am going to puke right now."
"That's good," Carina said as her wife sat up in bed, "Can you try to drink some of this?"
Maya nodded, sipping on the electrolyte drink Carina gave her.
"This flavor is not my favorite," Maya said, wrinkling her nose.
"I will get more when I go to get the twins," Carina said, "But do you think you can stomach it for now? If not, I'll go get some right now."
Maya shook her head, taking one more sip before setting the cup aside, leaning her head on her wife's shoulder.
"This morning sucked," she said as Carina wrapped her arm around her, "Is it going to be like that every day?"
"I don't know," Carina said, "It could be. Hopefully it's not, but we just have to take it day by day and see."
"I hope it's not," Maya said, yawning a little bit.
They spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, Carina managing to coax a small bowl of white rice into her wife around 2 in exchange for allowing Maya to have her laptop.
Unfortunately, the rice didn't stay down for longer than an hour, and after spending a good twenty minutes hanging over the toilet, Maya collapsed back into bed, defeated, miserable, and exhausted. Carina was extremely worried at this point and convinced Maya to at least let her put an IV in to make sure she and the baby were hydrated, which, much to Carina's surprise, her wife agreed to. Once the fluids were running, Maya went back to sleep, feeling too sick to keep working.
Eventually, Carina had to go get the twins, hating to leave her wife. She picked them up, running to the store to get as many kinds and flavors of rehydration as she could in hopes that one of them would be what her wife wanted. She then stopped by Nonna's for chicken soup and some rolls, hoping maybe Maya would be able to stomach just some broth. Maya was sound asleep when Carina got home so she got the twins fed and just as they were finishing, Maya came downstairs, hair a mess from sleep, face slightly puffy from how sick she had been earlier.
"Mommy," Nora and Rowan both said, running over to her.
"Mommy, is your tummy feeling better?" Rowan asked as Maya bent down to hug them.
"A little bit," Maya said, "But I'm ok."
"Sorry you are sick Mommy," Nora said, giving her a hug, "You should go west."
"I will," Maya said, "How about I rest on the couch?"
Both the twins nodded, scurrying off to the playroom as Carina walked over to her wife.
"How are you really feeling?" Carina asked as Maya laid her head on her chest.
"Not good," Maya said, "I am still really nauseous."
"Bambina, I really wish you would let me take you to the hospital," Carina said as she rubbed her back, "They can try to help you feel better. I am worried about you."
"Not tonight," Maya said, "I will be fine tonight. You gave me fluids. If I still feel like this tomorrow, you can take me in when the twins go to daycare, ok?"
"Alright," Carina agreed, knowing Maya was right.
That for tonight, the home management they were doing would work and besides giving her something to ease the nausea, there was little else that would be done at the hospital.
"Do you think you can manage some chicken soup?" Carina asked, "Or even just a roll?"
"I can try," Maya sighed, "No promises it will stay down."
"If it doesn't, I will just hang another bag of fluids before bed and take you in in the morning," Carina said, pressing a kiss to her wife's temple, "Now, do you want to do your injection quickly so that you can just rest?"
Maya nodded, getting into position as Carina grabbed the supplies, quickly going through their routine.
"Now, go relax on the couch and I will bring you some food," the Italian said as she threw the needle away.
Maya did as she was told, sitting down on the couch as Carina brought her a small mug of chicken broth and a roll. However, as soon as Maya smelled the broth, she blanched, pushing it away.
"Nope," she said, "Nope. That is going to make me sick."
"Ok," Carina said, quickly taking it away, "Just try the roll."
Maya took a small nibble of the roll, enjoying the soft texture and light flavor.
"Mommy," Rowan said, running over to her with a plastic cup, "Here's some tea so you tan feel better."
"Thank you Patatina," Maya smiled as she pretended to sip on the tea, "Oh, this is so good."
"Now you feel better?" Rowan asked.
"Si," Maya said, "Now I feel better."
That little game continued as Maya sat on the couch, Carina joining her eventually. The blonde made it through about half of her roll before deciding she was done, just curling up in her wife's lap.
"I'm sorry this is so rough on you Bambina," Carina said, rubbing her back.
"It's ok," Maya mumbled, "I'll be fine."
Eventually, it was time to put the girls to bed, Maya asking Carina if she could do bedtime tonight which the Italian agreed to. Once the girls were down, Carina went to find her wife, sighing when she saw the empty bed.
"Bambina," the Italian said, going into the bathroom where the light was on and the door was open, finding her wife leaning against the wall opposite the toilet, "Did you get sick again?"
Maya nodded, hand on her stomach.
"You are going to the hospital in the morning," Carina said, "You cannot keep going like this. Do you think you can get up?"
"Help," Maya said, reaching her arms toward her wife.
Carina helped her up, helping Maya brush her teeth before getting her into bed, starting a new bag of IV fluids.
"If you feel sick in the middle of the night, just wake me up, ok?" Carina asked, rubbing her back as the blonde settled under the covers, "I love you."
"I love you too," Maya said, "Will...will you lay with me until I fall asleep?"
"Of course," Carina nodded, "Let me just put on my pajamas."
A minute later, Carina crawled into bed, pulling Maya close while being careful to avoid her IV site. The blonde relaxed, letting sleep take over quickly as Carina laid there, mind racing with worry about her wife because while she had prepared herself for Maya to be emotional, moody, uncomfortable, or maybe even a little nauseous, the thought of her wife getting hyperemesis gravidarum had never crossed Carina mind until today, and that thought was one she just couldn't get out of her head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did you think? Maya's pregnancy is off to a bit of a rough start huh? How do we feel about that? Parts of this chapter are actually the first things I ever wrote for this story probably last December or so, and I'm so glad to finally be sharing them. I'm sorry this chapter took longer than normal to come out. I was having a bit of an off week last week (for no reason other than my brain decided to be both very depressed and very anxious at the same time which is my favorite combination) on top of starting off a new semester of school but things seem to be better now so hopefully, I will be able to update a bit sooner next time. Thank you all so much for your patience. Also, thank you for reading, commenting, and voting. You all are amazing!!
Follow me on Twitter for random writing updates and occasional other thoughts: @musicgirl1120