Here We Go Again

Part 8

The rest of the day after finding out they were pregnant felt so weirdly magical and special. It was like they were living in a beautiful little bubble that was just the two of them. They had slept for a good amount of the afternoon, both of them exhausted and finally feeling like they could relax.

They had gone and picked up the girls, grabbing some Mediterranean food on the way home because it was something everyone loved and neither of them felt like cooking. They had brought it home and had a nice meal together before playing with the twins for a while, Maya and Carina both smiling stupidly at each other every time their eyes met. They got the twins into bed, both of them doing all of bedtime before heading downstairs.

"Ready for your injection?" Carina asked as they went into the kitchen.

"I think this is maybe the most excited I have ever been to get a needle put into my body," Maya said, "It feels like this one is for the baby. I mean, they all have been, but this time, we know they are in there. I don't even know if that makes sense."

"Si," Carina smiled as she prepared the injection, "It does. I felt like this when we found out I was pregnant, both times."

After she said that, Carina kissed Maya's stomach before wiping it down and injecting the progesterone before kissing the spot again. She looked at her wife as she went to throw the needle in the sharps box, noticing tears welling up in her eyes and fear plastered all over Maya's face.

"What's wrong?" Carina asked, tossing the needle in the box before pulling Maya into her arms.

"What if...what if this ends like our first pregnancy?" Maya asked, tears spilling down, "What...what if something happens? I hadn't thought about it until now, but it could. Something could happen and we could lose this baby just like we lost the first pregnancy and..."

"Come here," Carina said, putting her hand on the back of Maya's head, guiding it to her shoulder as she held her close, running her hand up and down her wife's back, "I'm sorry I brought that up. I didn't even think about it."

"But it could happen," Maya said, still crying, "We could still lose this baby and...I just..."

"Shhhh," Carina said, hugging her impossibly closer, "I know. I know it is so scary, but when we had the twins, did it really get any less scary once they were born? Because I know it didn't for me. Having them running around out in the world is terrifying, but I try not to let myself live in that fear because if I did, I would miss out on all the joy they bring. And I know that this is terrifying and it is probably going to keep being terrifying because we are already falling in love with this little bambino, but if we only think about the fear, we will miss out on all the joy, ok?"

"It's just so hard," Maya said, rubbing her face on Carina's shoulder.

"I know," Carina said, "I am feeling it too. And it is ok to be scared and to feel all of these feelings, but we can't let these be the only feelings. We also have to let ourselves feel the joy and excitement that come with growing our family, ok?"

Maya nodded against Carina's chest, the two of them just clinging onto each other until Maya pulled away.

"I promise I will try," she said, wiping at her tears, "But, can we wait to tell people for a little while, just in case?"

"Si," Carina nodded, cupping Maya's face in her hands, "We can wait until you are ready."

They had also waited to tell anyone when they were pregnant with the twins, not because they weren't excited, but because when they had grieved their miscarriage, it had been hard enough without other people asking about how they were doing all the time and giving them pitiful looks.