*Katniss's POV*
I watch as the sun slowly sets from behind the curtains, and I watch as the shadows dance along the room, until the sun finally sets. I wish I was more like the sun, radiating and bright, but I'm not. I will always, be the moon. And I will always depend on the sun, Peeta, to even slightly, stay lit. But one day, when I'm not his first priority, I know I'll slowly fade, because what is the moon's purpose if it has no light?
A sudden knock on the door startles me, but I have no energy to be concerned on who it could be. I watch as the door swings open and Haymitch stumbles in, holding a glass of something that i should be drinking.
"Hey, sweetheart." He mumbles, while slumping over into the nearest chair. I nod at him, while sitting up, and I eye the drink in his hand.
"I thought you weren't coming." I remark, watching him hold his head up. His hair is messed up greatly, and I notice a piece sticking up in the back.
"Effie forced me." He sighs, and the looks around at the empty room. "Where is your loverboy?"
"Painting." I say, while beginning to stand. "Seems like he always is when you come around."
"Ironic." He says sarcastically. "Probably painting you."
"I don't know what he would paint of me, I've looked like a mess for the last year." I remark, and he nods his head in agreement.
"He'll use his imagination." He sneers and I glare at him before grabbing the glass out of his grasp. I let what's rest of the liquid in the glass fall into my mouth, and then hand the glass back to him.
"Don't come back unless you have alcohol." I say, gesturing for him to leave. He grumbles before standing and leaving, to which he doesn't return.
_
I hear footsteps down the hall as I look out the window, once again. Part of me hopes it's Haymitch, because of how badly I want alcohol. But, I'm not too disappointed when Peeta walks in. I roll over to look at him, and he smiles at my movement.
"I thought you would be asleep, it's quite late." He says, setting his paint palette down on the table.
"I hadn't noticed." I remark, while sitting up.
I watch as he lifts his shirt over his head, revealing his skin. He slowly climbs into bed, and he pulls me towards him. I smile at the touch of my body on his skin, and he begins to play with my hair.
"What were you painting?" I ask as he picks up his dirty clothes. He shrugs as he turns back to me.
"The sunset," he remarks, but quickly pauses. "Have you drank tonight?"
"No," I say quickly, while turning to look at him. He gives me a look but I shrug my shoulders in response. "Haymitch was in here earlier."
"Makes sense." He says, while reaching over to turn the bedside light off. I turn away from him, and thoughts flood my head.
I wish I didn't need to lie to him. After all, he's the reason I'm here, even if I don't deserve him. But, sometimes I wish he wasn't as perfect as he is, it'd make being not good enough a whole lot easier.
_
I'm back in the arena, standing on one of the podiums. I look around, and notice they are all my friends and family. I see Finnick and Mags standing together, and I see Rue standing across from me. Foxface? This can't be. I look around and see Boggs, Cinna, Cato, Clove. All of these people are dead.
I pause once I realize that the timer is counting down. I have 13 seconds. I look to my right and see Prim,and she looks at me with pure hatred. What did I do? I notice everyone is staring me down. The timer sounds, but instead of running, I'm yanked in the air. I frantically try to escape, only to realize there's a ladder. A tall ladder, leading straight to where I'm hanging. I struggle to get out of the ropes, but it's no use. The more I struggle, the tighter it engulfs me.
I see all of the tributes climbing the ladder and they are getting close. I scream but it's like nobody can hear me.
"Peeta!" I yell. I look around but I don't see him. Where is he? I need him. "Peeta!"
Clove is the first one to make it to me, and she holds a knife against my throat.
"Where's loverboy?" She asks, the same cackle as always. "Oh I see, he isn't coming to save you—"
I cry out in pain as the knife slits my throat as she plummets to the ground. I feel blood trickling down my neck, and tears begin to stream down my face. I watch as Finnick is the next one to arrive to me, and part of me relaxes, hoping he'll know how to save me.
"Finnick," I breathe helplessly, and I watch as the blood seeps onto the ropes. "Help me."
"You sacrificed my life, Katniss." He says, holding his trident at me. "I never got to meet my son." I watch as tears build in his eyes and then he draws back his weapon. A sigh of relief escapes from me, thinking he'll begin to cut me free, but I find him start to throw the trident as he falls down—just like he had in the sewer. Only this time, the trident meets my stomach with a wrenching impact.
I wake up suddenly and scream. I sit up and look around, trying to catch my breath. I start to feel tears stream down my face as Peeta rubs my back. I grab at my neck and I pull my hands away to see no blood on my hands, and then Peeta soon pulls them away from my neck.
"Katniss, you're strangling yourself." He says quietly. "You're okay, darling. It was a nightmare."
"You didn't save me." I say, in between tears. I gasp as I try and catch my breath, while causes him to wipe the tears on my face with his hands.
"Save you from what, love?" He asks, pulling me into his arms.
"Finnick." I turn into him and I bury my face in his shoulder. He brings me close to him and wraps his arms around me.
"Finnick would never hurt you." He reassures me. "It was just a nightmare."
My breathing is slows down, and my tears eventually stop. I lay there frozen, remembering the impact of the trident against my gut.
"Haymitch is going to kill you for screaming." He says, brushing the hair out of my eyes. I try to laugh, but more tears spill out. "Don't cry, darling." He says softly, and I my lip begins to tremble. "Nobody's going to hurt you, I promise."
All too quickly, I fall into a shallow sleep, to which vivid memories begin to shine in my head. I open my eyes quickly to find that no time has passed. I sigh and stare at a specific spot on the wall until my eyes fall dreary.
_
I wake up three times after that. Peeta didn't get much sleep, he was too busy calming me down. I feel so guilty, like this is all my fault. Not to mention, I've thrown up every morning for the past week. It's living hell, but I shouldn't complain, because I should be in hell already. Although, I haven't mentioned this to anyone. I don't want to bother them more than I have to.
I'm shaken from my thoughts when there's a knock on my dressing room door, to which I am surprised to see Effie.
"Effie." I smile and walk to greet her. She embraces me with a warm hug and I hug the rest of my prep team.
"Katniss," she exclaims. "You look lovely," I smile softly and she looks me up and down, "but we have to get you ready!"
I laugh quietly and she urges me to a chair that faces a mirror. I notice my sunken cheekbones when Effie speaks up. "They are already on Johanna's interview, so we don't have that much time. Luckily, Haymitch is going before you." That's good news. Atleast I get to see him be miserable for a short while.
_
I get dressed in a long flowy dress. It's a muted orange, Peeta's favorite color, and it has small flowered design. It's a bit loose on me, but it's not very noticeable.
"Do you like the color?" Octavia asks.
I shrug my shoulders and I look into the mirror. "No I don't really like it." I say.
Effie gives me the dirtiest look and I laugh. "What is so funny about being rude—" I cut her off.
"It's a joke. I don't like it, I love it, Effie." She rolls her eyes at me and I smile softly. Octavia gives me a content look and turns away.
"I don't find that very hilarious." She scoffs and she finishes my makeup.
I have very neutral makeup on, which I'm happy about, and I have small heels on. Over the years I've learned how to walk in them, but I still hate them with a passion.
"Let's get you to the stage!" Venia shrieks. I laugh as we make our way there. In the elevator, Octavia, Venia, and Flavius awe about Effie's new clothing line. I roll my eyes as they talk about types of dresses I didn't even know exist. I sigh of relief as we step off the elevator and walk to the side of the stage. I spot Peeta and begin to move towards him.
"Hey." I say and he turns to me.
"Hey." He smiles. We have a short kiss and get ready to walk out. I hear the prep team giggling and I blush. I don't really like the attention in public. You would think I'm used to it after all these years, but I guess I've gotten used to the privacy of my own home after all this time.
I watch as Caesar fairs goodbye to Haymitch and Haymitch hurries off stage.
"Have a little stage fright?" I mock him quietly. Caesar is on break so we have about 3 minutes to talk to Haymitch.
"No, I just don't wanna be here." He shrugs. Peeta and I laugh while he tries to calm his breathing.
"What did he ask about?" Peeta asks quietly. I notice that he's wearing a suit similar to my dress, just without all of the sparkles.
"Just life questions." He says tiredly. "Basically all stupid, I shouldn't even have to be here." He mutters as he gives Effie a death glare. She smirks at him and I laugh.
"Enough of the flirting." I mention to him. He immediately turns towards me and I fight the urge to breakdown in laughter.
Suddenly, a backstage manager pushes us to the steps of the stage and tells us to go on. I grab Peeta's hand for support as we climb the steps. We walk on stage and go and sit on the lounge next to Caesar. It looks somewhat similar to the hunger games interview set up. What a great time. I sit right next to Peeta and Caesar smiles.
"If it isn't the star crossed lovers of district 12." He laughs. I plaster a fake smile on my face but eventually give up after awhile. This might be harder than I thought.
"So," he says. "How are things in 12?" I look at Peeta and he answers for me.
"We're good," he pauses. "Everything is somewhat normal."
"We're glad to hear that, aren't we folks?" The crowd roars. I never noticed how big of an audience it was. "How was your big wedding day?" I answer this one because it's not something I have to calculate.
"It was amazing." I say. "I was happy to have my family there."
"We didn't get very many photos. What was it, 7 months ago?" He asks inquisitively.
"If you're counting exactly, I guess." Peeta laughs.
"One of our family members made sure it was a private event." I mention. I don't know what to call Effie. She's like family I suppose.
"Well I'm glad to hear that it all went well." He pauses, thinking of his next question. "So, any plans for the future? Kids?"
I freeze for a second but eventually snap out of it. I let Peeta answer—I remember how I reacted last time, and that ended poorly.
"Is anything ever really set in stone?" Peeta says. The crowd laughs and Caesar chuckles. I feel awkward. I look at Peeta and he seems fine. Maybe I just need to let him answer.
"So, Katniss." Great. A question I have to answer. Peeta squeezes me hand, to let me know he's still there. I guess to comfort me. "Do you plan on being pregnant or having kids anytime soon?" His voice echoes in my mind. I hear the audience become quiet, everyone listening for my answer. No matter what I say, it'll be the wrong answer. I'm going to hurt Peeta's feelings, or make the crowd disappointed.
"I—uh." I freeze.
"Someone's nervous." Caesar laughs, and gestures for me to continue.
"Not any time soon, maybe in the future." I tighten my grip and look at Peeta's eyes. He doesn't look mad or sad, so I think I narrowly escaped that. Caesar nods and continues.
"Peeta, the baker's boy," Caesar starts and the audience laughs. I immediately look up and acknowledge Caesar's joke. I fear that it will trigger something, he doesn't like to talk about his family's deaths. "Do you want kids?"
"That's not my place, Caesar. It doesn't matter to me, as long as she's happy." I feel my cheeks become red and I know the cameras are zooming in on us.
"Well, I loved seeing you guys again. Hope to see you soon." And the curtain closes. We get manage to get off stage before I feel like dying. Such a relief to be off of the spotlight.
I find Haymitch and he smiles. "Nice job, Sweetheart." I give him a look and he chuckles. He knows I hate the nickname, but it's kind always been our bond.
_
I begin to change into my pajamas in our room. All of a sudden, I start to feel sick to my stomach. I quickly slip my shorts on and run into the bathroom. I start throwing up and I hear Peeta begin to walk over towards the bathroom.
"Are you alright?" He asks. I don't answer as he walks into the bathroom. He looks confused but holds my hair up while I throw up.
It's been 15 minutes of constant sickness before I start to feel better. I sit again the wall and he warms a wash cloth for me. I wipe my face with the towel and begin to get up so I can brush my teeth. I look around dizzily before my vision steadies out.
"Slow down." Peeta says with his hands on my back, stabilizing me. "Why don't you sit for a few minutes, love?"
"I'm fine it's been like this all week." Shit. I didn't mean to say that.
"All week?" He asks as his eyes shoot me a look of confusion.
"It's fine, I've just caught a cold or something." I remark while reaching for my toothbrush.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks with a worried look on his face.
"I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to worry. I'm fine."
"Throwing up for a week isn't fine, Katniss." He rings and I sigh.
"I'm fine. I promise." I say grabbing the toothpaste. I spread it on the toothbrush and I start brushing.
At least I have a reason not to talk for a couple minutes. He walks out of the bedroom and lies down. I spit the toothpaste and wipe the sink clean. I feel bad for not mentioning it to him. But, it doesn't matter. It's a common sickness, everyone gets them.
It's nothing...right?