"Hey Night-owl, suns out"
Audrina gained back her focus, after seeing the room go dark. She lifted her her head to see the silhouette of Kieran at the opposite end of her office ; hand on the light switch. When he finally gained her attention, he turned the lights back on.
"I've been calling you for the past 10 minutes.", he walked up to her desk, taking a seat infront of her.
Audrina has been out of focus for most of the day. For the weekend, she had been so worked up by everything that's been happening that she started jumbling everything together.
It's been almost two weeks since she's been offered to fly out to America, and there was only one thing holding her back. It was eating her up knowing that if it were up to her own free will she would've taken the opportunity. But then, it would mean having to leave working alongside Kieran.
"Sorry", she sighed and continued sorting through her papers. Kieran had noticed she's been doing the same thing for the past 30 minutes. The repetitive organization, placing papers in a pile. Somehow it always ended up back as a mess, to which she reorganized.
"The papers can't get any straighter you know", he reached over and grabbed the stack from her hand, straightening it out as a last attempt and set it down on the corner of her desk, placing a stapler on it to prevent it from moving even an inch out of place.
Audrina quietly watched him, she didn't have much energy at all, she felt drained and helpless towards her own life. Nothing for the past three months has been in her control. Nothing in her life has been in control but this is now when she was staring to feel it most. Kieran folded his arms and leaned in across the table slightly, he studied her and frowned. "Are you okay?"
Audrina, mumbled a 'yea', turning to face her monitor and fiddle with the mouse. She had no task to do on it but, she still felt it was better than nothing. Because if she wasn't doing anything, than her mind would take over.
"Audrina?"
"What", she spoke. A hint of annoyance littered her tone. It wasn't because of him, it was just she couldn't explain herself what was going on, how was she suppose to explain it to someone else.
Kieran scrunched his eyebrows, taken back by her voice. Not only did her voice express agitation , but he was looking more at her. He noticed the way she carried herself was different that day. She wasn't willing to joke. Wasn't willing to even look him in the eye. If there was any other day he walked into her office, she would've ask him if he needed anything.
"Are you feeling ok?", he asked. Not bothered by her slight attitude.
"Yea... yes I'm okay", she turned back to gaze at the monitor.
"Look at me", he instructed. Audrina had no other choice than to do so. If she hesitated, he would further ask why. The sooner she let him conclude that she was "okay", the sooner he'd leave.
"You get any sleep last night?"
"Enough", she lied.
He knew. But he continued on, he looked at the clock on the wall then back to her, "It's almost 5, have you eaten today?"
"Yep", she lied. But then she thought about his question. Only because he mentions the time, "Wait it's 5?", she picked up her phone quickly.
"Yes ma'am", he sighed propping his arm up to rest his head on. "Riddle me this, you understand that food, is just a little important for our survival?"
"A little", she mumbled, scrolling through her text. Whatever he was saying was going in one ear out the other.
"Just a tiny bit", he repeated back trying to keep her attention, "we both went to school to seek out liars. I don't think you're telling me the truth."
"Ok. Fine I'm lying", she got up after finding what she was looking for. She started sorting together her stuff, and Kieran watched in confusion. "I have to go. My cousin was just checked into the hospital. Visiting hours are close to being over."
"Wait hold on—.", Kieran turned in his chair, as Audrina was about to head out the door. She stopped at the entrance. She turned to face him, not bothering to express her annoyance anymore it was clearly not getting through to him. But what she hasn't noticed was his care for her more than she was willing for herself that day. "Never mind", he shook his head.
"What's wrong?", Audrina pulled her jacket on. But Keiran retracted his thoughts. Seeing it wasn't the best time. He's noticed that she's been acting different lately . He wished to not be so curious, because he doesn't want to seem as if he was in her business. But there was more to it.
"Just remember, if you need anything at all, call me. ", he spoke softly.
Audrina was ready to head out of the door, but hesitated when she heard that. She turned back, to face him and saw something in his expression. She didn't know what to make of it. So instead of trying to interrupt it, she nodded, "Thank you."
———————————————————-
The door to Shigure's house was unlocked. Taking a deep breath for nerves, she walked in. There was no need to understand the lay out as she heard the commotion from upstairs.
She made her way up. Once she got to the room, the door was opened but she still knocked. Hatori and Shigure were standing on the side of the bed look to Rin who was tucked up in the covers. They all looked at her as she entered.
"Hey", she spoke softly, walking up to stand in-between. Rin immediately snapped her head at the voice. Audrina glanced up to Shigure, "You said she was in the hospital."
Shigure sighed and looked back to Rin, "Things turned complicated when she transformed into a horse.Obviously we couldn't take her to the hospital like that."
Audrina hummed, but when she focused back on Rin, she wasn't surprised to see her looking disturb, simply by her presence. The last time they talked, Rin told her she never wanted to see her again. Now the entire statement was thrown out the window.
"She just regained consciousness", Shigure finished.
Audrina pulled her purse further up her arm just to make something to do with herself. She hadn't realize how similar the situation was until it was said back to her. This was exactly how Tohru found her.
"What is she doing here", Rin spit. Ice laced in her voice.
Audrina stepped up and sat on the edge of the bed. Rin pulled her knees in further. "I'm here to see how your doing."
"Like you care.", she turned her head to look out the window.
"I do", Audrina said with no hesitation, "Let me take you to the hospital."
"I'm not going! No... I hate the hospital!", Audrina was up before Rin could move a muscle. So that's why she was quick enough to grab Rin as she struggled to leave the window.
"Rin!", Audrina struggled to place her back in the bed.
"Don't touch me. Stop acting like you care. You never did!", she shouted at the woman. The entire ruckus was interrupted when the sound of a bowl hitting the ground rung. Then her voice came along with it.
"Isuzu, please stop it! Lye back down.", Tohru spoke.
And like so, Rin calmed down in Audrina's grasped, and forcefully removed herself from the woman's grip.
Audrina never would say this. But one thing she truly hated was how much the Zodiac children don't think she cares. Because it's more of a spit on her entire existence. That's what she was born to do. And each time they said that, it makes her question what she was doing with her life at all. She's always cared. Never stopped. But the only time she took into consideration her own well-being by moving away, she was in the wrong. And she knew it. It wasn't her job to take care of herself simply for her own health.
It was her job to take care of herself, to be well enough to care for others.
"Rin", Shigure sung, "If you learned how to take care of yourself, it would simplify things."
Audrina wasn't that happy with the phrasing Shigure was using, showing so as she gave him a sharp glance. Hatori kept quiet, but when she turned to him, nodding her head, he understood.
"We'll be back", Hatori mumbled. Shigure didn't mind following after him. They both helped Tohru clean up the mess, and once the door shut Audrina settled her bag on the floor and sat to criss cross on the bed . Rin remained with her knees tucked in, glancing away from Audrina.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't care", was what set her off.
"Bullshit! When I needed you, we we all needed you..."
"This clearly isn't about anyone else.", Audrina interrupted. Rin's eyes widened. She glanced at the woman before her, now seeing her straight on in daylight. And it shocked her to see that the woman before her was nothing as she expected.
Before she recalled Audrina, her eyse full of life despite all that happened to everyone. Despite the situation they were trapped in.
Now she saw that not only was the life gone, but she looked as if she was far away. As if she wasn't there and only working her body. Seeing through her eyes from another body in general. Rin saw that there was no life she was living outside of the Zodiac. Instead it seems being further from them sucked the life out of her even when she was gone.
But Audrina didn't show it.
"I regret leaving. ", Audrina started. Rin was shocked by her statement but didn't show it. She only continued to listen, "and nothing can change the fact that I did. But can you please....... Just tell me what has been going on."
Rin stared her down, not understanding what was happening. Because just as quick as she was to be mad at her, was just the same amount of time it took for her to look with vulnerability.
"With you I mean", Audrina clarified.
They sat in silence. Audrina not minding it. She was ready when Rin was. And Rin was fighting with herself. She wanted to terribly to ask Audrina if there was a way to break the curse. She needed another resource but she wasn't sure that Audrina knew. Everything beyond the basics, was a mystery. She rarely talks about her job, never even mentioned anyone since they started.
It was soon nightfall, the sun setting along the Horizon. Audrina tried to keep her patience but there was no point if she wasn't going to say anything at all.
"I'll be back later to check on you. You need to eat. I can go out and get you something?"
Again Rin remained, silent. Audrina sighed and got up from the bed. She walked towards the door, not remembering that her bag was still on the other side of the bed. But when she was half way out the door when Rin called out to her.
"Jello....."
Audrina didn't bother looking back she only smiled to herself and took her exit.
When she walked down the stairs, she witnessed the two older Sohma men and Tohru, conversing outside the door. She walked up and overheard the little girls concern.
"Why did Isuzu come here? Was it because she needed help."
Audrina walked up, "Rin has a lot of other.... concerns she is dealing with right now. She is just overwhelmed currently."
"Yes you should also be aware of the fact that Rin and I... are dating."
Tohru inhaled, expressing shock. "Seriously!"
"No not seriously", Audrina gave the man another warning look.
"You really have to consider the situation, before you say these things.", Hatori chimed. After reassuring Tohru, Hatori said his goodbye.
"Ill be back, I need to get a couple of things for her", Audrina stated, walking a distance behind Hatori. Tohru gave them a farewell, and soon enough she heard the sound of footsteps echoing behind her.
"Did Akito approve of this. An impromptu house call. From either of you.", Shigure whispered. Audrina rolled her eyes, not bothering to comment.
"I'll make some kind of excuse.", Hatori responded. He then turned to Audrina who was looking out into the woods. She clearly wasn't in a sort of state to answer that question. Since there last moment together, he's been questioning what Akito was doing.
Audrina may have thought she'd forgotten about her staying in the Sohma estate, but it was the opposite. Akito has mentioned countless times that she was 'waiting'. The suspense was made to break her down. Make her uneasy.
"What did she want with you Shigure", Audrina looked over her shoulder.
"Ahh yess. She is on a mission with no persuading her to do otherwise. The girl won't rest until she finds a source to break our curse."
Both Audrina and Hatori wore shock.
"What", Audrina whispered.
"All by herself", he continued forward, "She drops by every so often because she suspects I know of one. I wish I could say I did."
Subtly, Shigure looked up to her and winked. Audrina turned away quickly. She hadn't thought there were other ways to break it. And even so, the whole concept of breaking had been an after thought after everything in her life started going down hill.
But she then thought about the job offer. The only way she'd be able to accept it was if there was no one holding her back. Her life would be normal. The simple fact made her uncomfortable because it'd be odd to one day finally be free. It would be slightly easier for the young children for they got the rest of their lives to live.
But Audrina has already accepted her fate. Came to terms enough that just being released would probably send her more into a spiral than anything.
She instinctively wrapped her arms around herself.
"Audri.... Hatori", he spoke. Audrina shivered as the breeze swept across them. "Do you hear that."
She again didn't answer. Hatori was the one to question his meaning.
Looking up Shigure finished, "The sound of something breaking."
Audrina had no response. But she only had to find a way to distract herself. So getting ready to make her way to her car, she reached to wear she believed her bag was and found that it was not with her. Realizing she left it in the house, Audrina did not say a word as she retreated back. Though her movements were quite so.
Out of hearing range Shigure and Hatori looked up to her.....
"She's quiet."
Shigure shrugged his shoulders, "She has always been. It's just different this time."
Back in the room. Rin had lose the internal battle with herself. She wished to not be nosy but, Audri has been a mystery, and in order for her to trust her. Rin thought that her bag would give everything that she needed.
Immediately finding her phone, she scrolled through and found that she hardly talked to anyone. Her pictures were only that of her with one black-haired boy. And she looked to be in her late teens early twenties when they were taken. After a certain date, not only did the pictures with him stopped, but they started back up no more than 5 months later. Something in between that gap caused a sort of confusion she'd have to figure out.
Soon enough the pictures with him stopped again, and this time for good. After, the only pictures she had were work related. Papers, numbers, all that lost interest to her.
Her next step was looking at her contact list. In which she instantly found a recent pattern. All of her recent calls had been too and from one person, Yuki being the only exception.
"Keiran?", Rin whispered to herself not recognizing the name.
Like she couldn't t control herself, she pressed the button, put it on speaker and was surprised to here the voice on the other end after one ring.
"Hey", his soothing voice came from the other end. It wasn't a 'Hi', but Rin didn't expect it to be so casual.
"Hello?", he said again after Rin kept silent, "Audrina are you okay?"
"Who is this", she stressed.
"Where's Audrina", Kieran instantly recognized the fact that she wasn't on the other end.
"Why do you need her.", Rin spoke. Her voice returning back to that icy state. If anything Tohru was enough to be an outside member brought into the mess, she didn't think out of all the people, Audrina would follow such dangerous acts.
"I-I don't I would just like to know if she is ok. Are you one of the Sohma children."
"And if I am" Rin said fast.
He paused, forming the phrase, "If you are....... Then just tell her to call me back."
"Why?"
"Because I want her too?", Kieran was confused by the question.
Rin sat up straight, taking a deep breath, "I don't know who you are, but just..... leave her alone."
"Rin?", Audrina entered the room. Rin immediately tucked the phone under her pillow. The one trick was she forgot to hang up. On top of that, Keiran refused to hang up as well. So what he heard next was more than he should of.
Audrina walked in and pointed to her bag on the other end of the bed, "Do you mind handing me my bag."
Rin stiffly nodded, reaching for the clearly rushed through bag but Audrinamust not have noticed. She accepted it with a 'thank you' and before turning around she tried again.
"Are you up to talk now. I was going to get your Jello but.... you know."
Rin looked down at her hands, the one closest to the pillow had the phone sticking out slightly, she pushed it back under out of view and faced Audrina again., "You never came to see me when I was in the hospital."
Audrina held on tightly to her bag as she sat down on the bed, "I didn't know.."
"Yes you did! Stop lying..... since you've returned all you've done is lie. You don't regret leaving."
"You can't possibly understand, how much I wish I could've been here for all of you", she stressed. Rin was already shaking her head, not listening to a word that was coming from her. What she hadn't realized was the tears forming on her waterline. "Rin I.... I wasn't well."
"Because of that boy.", she clapped. Audrina's eyes widened, "You knew the troubles of bringing a non-Sohma member, into this mess and yet you did it! Then your excuse is because of the consequences of your own actions! And your doing it again. Who's Kieran?"
Audrina's heart picked up in rythm. Not only did Rin bring up Amrin, but somehow Kieran got involved in the conversation too.
"That's not important.... Wait how do you know who-.", she instantly started rummaging throug h her bag to see that her phone was missing. "Rin where is my phone."
"You go around finding other people to care for when I'm right here!", she ignored Audrina, this time the tear slid down her eyes, as she recalled her first time being put in the hospital. "I needed you. So badly. And you were nowhere."
Audrina caught the tears trickling down her face, completely forgetting her phone still being missing, she inched closer, her eyes narrowed, she tried to keep herself from breaking down.
"Rin...... I'm sorry.", she reached out her hand to pull her into an embrace. And as much as Rin wanted to she flinched away.
"No!"
"I can't change the past", Audrina started, "I can not change anything that happened. But I'm here right now. Look at me."
Rin was holding back her sob as she stared out the window. She couldn't look because as soon as she did shed breakdown, the wall gates would flood open.
Audrina got up from the bed, and walked over to the side in which she was staring out, and Rin didn't mean to but, she met her eyes,
"I'm here now.", Audrina thought about the job offer she desperately wanted to take. How she had just told Yuki weeks ago that he could do whatever he wanted. All those thoughts were clashing with her next phrase.
"And I'm never leaving again. Whatever you need, a should to cry on, a place to stay never forget that I'll be here."
And that's what did it. Rin held her hands up to her face and released it. Audrina walked up and softly wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her in closer. And soon, Rin wrapped her arms around Audrina, sobbing like a child.
"Please don't go again", she whispered. Audrina was slowly moving further and further from her own body. She couldn't stand that fact that she wanted to say yes. She just wanted everything to stop. This entire back and forth on her emotional state was more than draining. It was exhausting.
She wished to just sleep. Sleep the pain away. Because it's clear that's the only thing she was allowed to do to sooth herself. Amrin was someone who brought that sense of purpose outside of the Zodiac clan. And now she's fallen back to settling with her one main concept of life.
Another dreaded sob escaped Rins lips as she squeezed on tighter to Audrina. Scared the woman would rebuke her promise and fly away.
But once again... she was stuck. And Akito was still lying in wait. Finding the right time to strike the final blow.
————————————————————-
After Audrina dealt with Rin, she got her phone back, not bothering to look at her recent calls. Retrieved jello for Tohru and Rin and now she was back at Shigure's place, staying over.
"Audri?", Shigure hummed as if he was joking.
"What", she called tucked under the cover of his bed. She was facing the wall, hair tied up and in nothing but a bra and sleep pants.
"Docs noticed you've been acting peculiar."
"I can sneeze and Hatori would say I'm acting peculiar.", she mumbled. Making the male on the other side of his office laugh.
"Aya mentioned you look different as well. "
"I haven't seen him in almost 8 years.", she answered, boredom in her tone.
"That's all I needed to hear", Audrina heard him turn off the light.
Audrina and Shigure were the closest amongst the Zodiac members. They were inseparable. He was the trouble maker and she was the wise owl. Hatori noticed there scheme when Shigure first became ware that Akito and Kureno became inseparable for some strange reason. Once Audrina returned he tried to prevent Shigure from realing her back in. But nonetheless, Kureno has been the determiner of their relationship since.
Audrina felt the bed shift to accommodate his body weight. She didn't move, only waited till she felt the place of his hand on her waist.
"I'm not in the mood. Akito isn't here either. There's no point.", Audrina snatched his hand.
Shigure sighed and shrugged his shoulders, "Suit yourself.", and just like that he fell asleep next to her . But she wasn't able to. So for another night in th dark Audrina stared at the wall in silence for the remainder of the night.
Another restless night.