(u guys should watch the video on the side!! They're riot child aka my latest obsession)
Michael
I was lying in bed, my eyes boring into the ceiling. I was so tired of this.
I knew Luke didn't really like me. Whatever happened between us the other night, wasn't real feelings. He doesn't have feelings for me. I don't know why he did it. He probably felt bad for me. But he has a girlfriend.
I'm the one who he comes to for help. For advice on their relationship, which I wasn't qualified to give. It wasn't fair.
I heard my phone go off.
My heart jumped, thinking it may be Luke. He probably opened his gift. I hoped that he liked the coffee I got him. It was just an afterthought.
I sat up, checking my phone in a hurry.
Seeing what it was, I let out a big sigh.
It was my mom, asking if I felt any better.
I didn't bother answering her, I just fell back onto the bed. She thought I was home, sick. That was the only way I could stay home.
After coming out to my family, the last thing I wanted was to go see my aunt. I couldn't stand the stares. Or the knowing looks I would get.
My parents still doesn't fully accept it.
I remembered when my mom first found out. She was so angry at me. At first I thought it was because of my orientation, but it was more at the fact that I didn't tell her. But I couldn't have.
They just didn't get it.
I don't think Luke did either.
He couldn't just kiss me and think I would be alright afterwards. Or, more specifically, he couldn't kiss me and then not say anything afterwards. He didn't even bother to text me.
I couldn't even find the words to describe how I felt.
I spent so long liking Luke. And watching him start dating Autumn. I gave him (bad) advice when needed. I watched all of that happen, which hurt. But it didn't compare to this.
I don't know why I thought I had a chance.
Ten minutes later, and no text from Luke.
I started to regret actually getting him a gift. He probably hated it. He probably thought it was stupid. I couldn't get anything right.
Not even playing Mortal Combat could help me feel any better.
I made my way into the kitchen, meanwhile trying to think of how to sum up my feelings.
I poured myself a cup of lukewarm coffee from the coffee pot, ready to go play my favorite video game.
That was when I realized how I felt.
I felt so helpless.
No amount of advice could help me now.