Remi
"You can talk all you want, but it doesn't change what has already been done."
I looked at my mom as Ezra was close beside him. My eyes settling onto him now in irritation.
"And I don't want an apology from you. I could care less about what you have to say or what you want to say. When I was younger you made it quite clear."
"Remi, please." My mom begged me, seeing him come towards me as he grips my arm. I look over at Micah who looked at me awkwardly since he was holding on to my other arm. "I don't want...this to be a benefactor to anything. Things have been misconstrued, things have been done that can't be undone, and we have gone about things incorrectly as parents-."
"No, you went about things wrong as a parent. Ezra is not my parent, and I'll never see him as one. This isn't about how I can't have you all to myself anymore, who cares about that. That was when I was a kid. Now...I just feel discarded and unwanted by my own mother who once cherished me. I hate the person Ezra has made you into, but I don't hate you mom. I just...have no desire to be here anymore. To be around this 'family'."
I didn't care as I saw tears streaming down his face. Ezra looked like he had something to say but I wasn't interested in hearing it.
Turning away from them, I tried to get away; but my mom was as grabbing my arm again.
"Remi, please, let's fix this. I didn't intentionally try to do all those things, not at all! I maybe, subconsciously, held some kind of resentment and anger towards the fact that I had a child with your father. It is nothing against you, and I didn't even realize I was acting a certain way-."
"And that's the problem. You have your dream family with Ezra, while I'm the nightmare. I wasn't wanted anymore, and you made it abundantly clear. Several times, many times - too many times! Why would I continue to stay here when you've even placed that disdain upon your kids with Ezra?" I question him now.
My mom's lips continued to tremble, and he cried even more. Before this would've bothered me and been enough. I would've wanted to fix things and speak with him on the matter. Except what's to talk about besides the same things that have already been said?
I have no interest in hearing it again.
"Let me go." I pull my arm from him again, and he cried even more.
I walk away with Micah as I ignore his cries, trying not to turn around.
The little kid in me...wanted to help my mom. To keep him from crying and protect him. Have him feel better, but I had to shove that feeling away. Because there came a certain age when I needed him the most...and he wasn't there.
He didn't protect me, he didn't keep me from crying.
Because of his lack of actions alone, I cried more than I needed to. I've never felt so let down.
"I feel kinda...bad for him." Micah says suddenly, and I look down at him curiously. "He was at least acknowledging what he did wrong. That's a step, right?"
"I guess so, but it doesn't change anything. He still let me down, and he still...hah. I don't even want to get into it because it'll frustrate me. It's not even about me being a brat anymore or wanting him to myself, just...be better. I want him to be better, and he won't with Ezra by his side. Especially with the other three, he won't be changing anytime soon. I don't need him to change for me though anymore. It's not necessary at this point. I'm nineteen."
"You still...are in your teen years of age. Just because of everything doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You're still his first born, and despite everything...losing you is not an option." He tried to tell me.
Except it was close to falling on deaf ears. Very close to doing so...
"I can...live with that."
Micah shook his head, chuckling as we walked towards my room.
While we went I saw Elliot make his way towards us. He just so happened to walk the same path I'm pretty sure.
I could tell he probably knew about everything else as he stopped in front of me.
"What? Are you going to say something crazy to me too?"
"Not at all." Elliot shook his head, grinning awkwardly. "I just wanted to apologize...that's it."
"That's it, huh?" I say back, shaking my head as I look away from him too. "I don't want your apologies at this point. What good does that do me? It doesn't change what has happened in the past. You're only wasting your time."
Walking around him, I finally get to my room. Only to be disappointed again to see Finny sitting on my bed. I heard Micah groan behind me because he didn't like Finny at all.
"I hear you're leaving."
"Yep, and now you need to leave my room so that I can pack for said leave." I sneer, going towards him as I grab his arm. Only for him to hold onto the bed and I become irritated. "Why must you be annoying even now? I'm close to leaving, so why do all of this-?"
"You're taking Micah with you?"
I heard Micah groan because this was getting old. The obsession for somebody who doesn't like you back is just insane on his end.
"Yes, I'm going with him. I already turned in my resignation form. I suggest you get over me right now to ease the pain for when I never come back." Micah states, but Finny shook his head.
"Remi...you can have Micah and you can leave, go for it." Finny just says calmly.
I was surprised that he wasn't fighting with us, but I was fine with this. I nod at him...honestly hoping he'd leave now.
"But-." Of course he has more to say. -"you will end up regretting leaving. I'll never say this again but...our mom does love you. Just because of circumstances and everything doesn't mean he stopped. It may seem...like what I'm about to say is a lie, but if mom loved anybody the most in this family... I'd say it is you-."
"Piss off!" I shout now, becoming angry. "Don't mock me with such words. The person he loves most is Ezra, your crazy...sex-crazy father. You can try to say whatever shit you want, but you're not fooling anybody-."
"I'm not trying to fool anyone damn it!" Finny interrupts me with frustration. "I know I've been mean and annoying, but...seeing our mom like that isn't what I want. You do realize he's acting that way for you right?"
"No, he's acting that way because now they lose the one person they can beat on and neglect. Who will they do it to now?" I question mockingly.
Now Finny looked offended even though I said nothing against him just now.
"You really think so lowly of our mom?"
I just look at him, and he waited for me to say something. That's when I nod.
"He's no longer my everything, he's let me down one too many times. I expect the lowest of the low when it comes to this family; and just when I want to expect something great, it's ruined. I'm down being let down. Especially by my own family. Now, get out." I sneer in his face.
Finny sighs, shoving past me as he left the room.
Once he did I closed the door hard. Only to look over at Micah and he looked...disappointed?
I don't even bother asking why because I already know why. I know he's fallen for Finny's acting like he really cares. I've been around them for their whole lives, and I know what they do to manipulate.
He can manipulate others, but not me anymore.
"Micah...I suggest you realize who just fooled you."
"I don't know...I don't think that was him doing some crazy nonsense. For once...for all the times I've been around Finny, I think that is the first time I've seen him be so genuine. Not even when compared to his feelings for me. That was different...and you're so angry with the past that you're not seeing it." Micah tells me.
That angered me because I suffered enough. I already know I was once a brat and I...was incorrigible sometimes. Except I've grown from wanting our mom to be just mine. I passed that phase so long ago.
Yet somehow even when I want to finally do something good for myself, this stupid family still just...gets in the way of that. They still find a way to ruin my fucking life and plans.
Even got to Micah partially, it seems.
"Remi-?"
"I'm...going for a walk real quick. Need to get some air." I tell him, and I rush away from him now.
As I headed towards the balcony I saw my mom was already out there. He purposely took my spot because he probably knew I'd be coming here.
That was more annoying than I thought it would be. Especially when I feel someone push me from behind and I look to see Ezra.
"What the hell are you doing? Let me go!" I snap, but he kept pushing me towards the doors. Once I was past them he blocked the doors to keep me from leaving.
My mom in front of me, and he was right behind me.
"This...only makes me wanted to leave more." I say to his face. I could see the tear streaks on his face and it bothered me even more. "So...stop."
"Remi...my baby...don't leave like this." He cradled my face, and I tried to pull out of it; but he kept a firm hold. "Talk to me. Don't go like this...without either of us being able to say what needs to be said-."
"What do you possibly have to say to me?!" I shout at him, and he grins solemnly. "You...bother me, so much. I loved you with all of my heart like a child does for their mother; and you...hurt me. Why the fuck would I want to stay? I hate Ezra, my siblings are horrible, and you...I can't even say I love you anymore. You have your dream life, so let the nightmare - me - go."
My mom shook his head, crying more from what I just said. I just looked at him as I felt nothing from his tears. Had me feeling like a psychopath right now.
"Remi you are a part of my dream life. You were a dream come true when you were born-."
"I was? So, in past tense."
"Remi come on!" I hear Ezra snap, and I become pissed. Even my mom shook his head behind to him behind me. "We all want to fix this, but you're making it so hard. What was done, was done. We apologized-."
"Apologies are just words! They don't fucking change your past actions!" I turn around fast, shoving Ezra back from me as he fell back into the doors. "Even as a kid, you began to treat me like shit. You made it abundantly clear...even when I was a child, that you despised me just for being the proof that my mom loved someone else before you. Why put that hatred onto me? You even somehow got him to feel the same... I don't want to be here. Why the fuck would I want to stay?"
I felt my eyes watering, and Ezra looked away from me now. I look back at my mom who was red in the face from crying so much. He even began to hiccup because he seemed to be choking on his own tears.
"R-R-Remi..." My mom whimpered, but I just walked away now. I had to truly leave now.
When I got back into the room, Micah was packing stuff. I was happy to see that because that would make it easier to go a little faster.
The faster I could leave, the better.
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- yolo 🫶