"Tiis muna ng konti anak ha? Aalis na rin ang Papa mo sa makalawa."
'Yon ang sinabi sa akin ni Mama ng magpasko. Kahit gustuhin ko man makasama silang dalawa ay hindi pwede dahil mainit pa rin ang dugo ni Papa sa akin. Matigas talaga siya dahil ayaw akong makita. My mother even admitted that they sometimes fight, especially when she brings up my name. He hates me so much.
Pero kahit ganon ay nakipag-video call sa akin si Mama at binati niya ako bago magpasko. Since this is the first time I've ever celebrated it without my mother, I must admit that I felt a great deal of sadness. It's also the first year that our family didn't get together to celebrate the holiday outside.
This is the saddest Christmas ever.
Nakipag-celebrate na lamang ako ng pasko at bagong taon kila Razen. Naging masaya naman ako papaano kahit na may gumugulo sa isipan ko. Pinaramdam nila sa akin na parang hindi ako naiiba at parte na rin ng malaking pamilya nila.
"Is this her?" the woman weakly asked.
I held Razen's shirt tightly as I watched at the elderly woman in a wheelchair who was in her late 80s.
"Yes, la." sambit naman ni Razen.
"What a beautiful woman." she lightly whispered.
"She is Ma." pagsang-ayon naman ni Tita. "Kaya nga sinasabihan namin 'tong si Razen na huwag na huwag ng magloko."
"Mom!" pangsasaway ni Razen dahil ayaw makarinig ng mga ganon.
"Razen, sinasabihan ka lang ng mommy mo. Be responsible." his dad came to our direction too.
"I already told you countless of times too dad." Aniya. "Siya na ang wakas. Wala ng iba."
"Treasure her Razen. Don't play anymore." Wika ng Lola niya.
His Lola's eyes were glistening when she looked at me, so I smiled in response. During the holiday season, I was also able to meet both sides of Razen's family. And everyone was nice; they even made me feel at ease and made sure I wasn't left out.
Napakadami pa nilang baon na kwento sa akin. We spent Christmas in their rest house. The vacation was wonderful in every way, and it was a lot of fun as well. There were actually a lot of dishes and activities too. We stayed there for about three days before returning home to spend the new year in their house.
The break went by in the blink of an eye, and before we knew it, it was time to head back to school. On the other hand, it is a relief to know that when we go back to school, the schoolwork will not be waiting for us as we enter the school.
Since the entire month of January will be full with preparations for our foundation day, we'll be participating in a wide variety of activities, and just generally keeping ourselves quite busy. There will be so much time to relax because there will be no classes due to the event.
"Nakadecide ka na kung saan ka mag-aaral next year?" Tanong ni Syd.
She came to visit in my classroom, and while she was here, we were engaged in conversation about the years to come, about what's ahead of us. Nagsisimula na siyang mag-overthink. She worries that she won't be able to make it through the college years because the world has become more complex and the academic part of college is more harder now.
"Hindi pa sure. Gusto ko mag-Manila." I said but I know it will be very hard. Kaya nagdadalawang isip ako.
When that time comes, Razen and I will already have our baby with us. It is going to be really difficult for me to separate myself from her or him. Tsaka walan naman talag akong balak umalis at iwan siya. How could I leave my child behind? Mas gugustuhin ko na lang siyang alagaan.
And on top of that, I'm not just making this decision for myself now; I'm making it for my baby as well. Mas uunahin ko siya kesa sa anuman sa mundo.
"E di mag-Manila ka! Want ko nga din pero makikita ko lang doon 'yung asungot na 'yon!" her emotion quickly changed.
"Sino?" kuryoso ko namang tanong.
"That CF." she played with her hair while talking.
Kumunot ang noo ko. "CF?"
"Chinese fucker." sabi niya.
What? Malakas akong natawa! Kailan pa naging chinese fucker ang CF? Omyghad! Just what the!
"Chinese fucker ba si Tyrone?" tawa pa rin ako ng tawa.
"Gago!" mura niya at bahagyang pumula ang pisngi.
I smirked. "Bakit? Tinanong ko lang naman kung siya ba 'yung chinese fucker ah? Bakit may iba ka bang naiisip?"
"Bobo! Wala! Alis na nga ako!" Agaran na itong tumayo parang ayaw ng pakinggan ang susunod kong sasabihin.
"Hindi mo naman 'yon siguro makikita sa Manila! Except na lang kapag siguro pupunta ka ng BGC!" habol ko pang sigaw.
"Shut up, Aela!" she told me. Napatingin na rin sa amin ang iba 'kong kaklase.
She hurriedly placed her hands over her ears and ran as rapidly as she could to get out of the room. I really can't control my laughter at this point! This is the first time I've seen her react in such a situation! She must have a thing for Tyrone, I'm pretty sure of that!
Drazen is still working on something, so I just waited for him in our classroom. May tinatapos yata itong papers. Nakipagkwentuhan na lang rin ako sa mga malalapit sa akin sa room habang naghihintay. After a minute, he was already at the door knocking, so I bade farewell to my students and walked to Drazen.
"Hi!" I move to him closer for a hug.
"You're in a good mood today huh?" I felt him give ma light kiss on the forehead.
"Nainis ko si Sydney e." I said, laughing.
"You did that? Really?" he asked like a proud parent. He really loves pissing Sydney too!
I nodded. "Ininis ko siya gamit si Tyrone! It's so funny!." Lumayo ako sa kaniya at tiningala ito. "You know what, I also have strong feeling that there is something going on between them!"
"Yeah. I think there is too. Just good luck to both of them." he said.
"Good luck? Why?" Tanong ko.
"Baby, Tyrone is a Chinese, they have traditions and so on." he explained.
My mouth formed an 'o'. "Buti na lang hindi ka Chinese!"
He chuckled and tucked my hair behind my ear.
"Kahit naman siguro Chinese ako, ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin ko."
"So cringe!" Napangiwi ako. "Tara na nga lunch na!"
Hinatak ko na nga ito para makakain na kami. Nang mag-hapon naman ay naghiwalay na ulit kami dahil pinapatawag na sila ng prof nila. Dapat nga e hindi na sila nagkaklase pero hindi ko alam sa prof na 'yon at pinapahirapan pa talaga ang mga estudyante niya!
"Ash, ako na lang 'yung last player sa tug of war!"
Lumabas muna ako ng room at nagtungo sa ibang classrooms ng grade 12 para magtanong kung sino-sino ang pwedeng sumali sa batch namin sa intrams. Ako kasi palagi ang naghahanap ng mga participants dahil walang nagvovolunteer. Pinipilit ko pa sila at sinasabihan na may prize at may plus points which is totoo naman.
"Sigurado ka na diyan Benedict ha! Wala ng mag-babackout!" I pointed him with my pen.
"Sure na boss!" kinindatan niya pa ako.
Isinulat ko na nga pangalan niya sa listahan. Although I have found players for the tug-of-war, I still need to find players for soccer and volleyball. Bakit ba kasi walang may gusto?! Alam ko na, kaya ayaw nila dahil hindi sila makasali sa mga booths! What the!
"Sige na. Sumali na kasi kayo o ililista ko na lang mga pangalan niyo?" ang hirap pa lang mamilit!
"Hoy! Sumali na kasi kayo! Napakaano niyo naman!" Tumayo ulit si Benedict at nagpunta sa tabi ko na nakatayo sa table.
May isa pang lalaki na umupo sa table at isa na naman na pinagtatambol ang whiteboard. Tangina! Sumasakit ang ulo ko sa kanila! Lalo na mga lalaki! Gusto ko na lang silang mura-murahin!
Ang gugulo ng mga upuan sa likod. Ang mga babae naman ay nagmamake-up'n. May mga iba na hindi nakikinig sa akin. Iba naman ay malakas na nga tumatawa at ang iba ay nasa may pintuan at sa labas ng classroom, nagpapahangin at nagpapadaan ng mga tao.
"Patingin nga, Ash." Another guy came in front of me and pulled the list from my hand.
There were so many sounds in the room that my head was throbbing. Lahat sila ay gumagawa ng iba't-ibang tunog na parang wala ako sa harapan. Maingay din naman ang mga kaklase ko pero hindi gaya dito na sobra ang ingay. How can teachers put an end to noises in this room?
"Give me that." Inagaw ko ang listahan na hawak ng isa sa kanila at humalukipkip. "Get back to your respective chairs. Ganiyan na ba kayo kabastos?"
Ang kaninang malakas na ingay ay biglang tumahimik. The boys at the back carefully put their chairs back in the right position. At kahit sa pagbalik ng upuan ay walang ingay. Pumasok na rin ang mga nasa labas at umupo na. The others at my side returned to their seats while pointing fingers at one another.
"'Yan kasi. Di kayo tumahimik." Benedict told them.
I coldly stared at them all. "You're wasting so much time."
Ibinaba ko ang listahan at ballpen sa table. Ang strand talaga na ito ang pinakatamad sa lahat ng strand. They don't even participate that much. Palagi rin silang nahuhuli sa lahat ng aktibidad.
"I'll ask again, who among you would like to participate in the intramurals?" I asked them with a straight face.
Mabait ako pero huwag lang talaga nila susubukan na guntingin ang pasensya ko dahil talagang bubuga ako ng madilim na awra.
"Kung gusto niyong sumali, pumaharap kayo at isulat niyo ang pangalan niyo sa sports na gusto niyo." I said. "Our batch still needs 3 girls for volleyball, 2 in soccer and 3 boys for soccer also."
Nagsitayuan agad silang lahat. Nagulat pa ako dahil nag-unahan na ang mga ito na pumila sa may table at sinulat na ang mga pangalan. Gusto ko na lang matuwa sa saya dahil hindi na ako maghihirap pang pilitin sila. Sana ginawa ko na lang ito noong pagpasok ko pa lang para madali ko rin itong natapos.
"Thank you for cooperation. You can continue what you are doing now." masaya akong nagpaalam sa kanila.
"Bye Ash! Ingat ka!" rinig ko pang sigaw nila.
Lumipas ang araw at mas naging busy na ang paaralan para sa pagpreprepare ng foundation day. In order to protect myself from the scorching heat, I packed along my coat, my hat, and even my shade. Nakakainis pa dahil mainit lahat ng venue ng pagprapraktisan namin base sa schedule. They stated that as the oldest students in the department, it is our responsibility to make adjustments for the junior high's.
Kaya ang venue sa kanila ay hindi mainit tapos ang sa amin ay napaka-init! The college department also has its own own dedicated space on the main campus where they may conduct their rehearsals. Magkakatabi din kami kaya mapapadalas ang pagkikita namin ni Razen.
"Line up outside class! Walang maingay!" Our adviser said.
"Pahingi nga ng sunscreen." sabi ni Ryu na kaklase ko.
"Ako din." at ayon sunod-sunod na silang naghingian.
"What did I told you class? Kakalabas ko pa lang at ganito na ang bubungad sa akin?!" Napagalitan pa tuloy kami! "Sige na. You can go."
Bumaba na nga kami papunta sa harapan ng school. Doon kasi kami ngayon nakaschedule na magprapractice. Sakto naman nakasalubong namin sila Sydney at kumaway pa ito sa akin. Oo ng pala! Mgakasama kami ngayon maghapon dahil iisang batch lang naman kami! Now, I won't be alone!
Nang makarating na kami sa venue ay agad na lumapit sa akin si Sydney at niyakap ako na parang antagal naming hindi nagkita. Her smile was so radiant that it even made the sun smile back.
"Shuta! Ang init naman dito!" unang reklamo niya sa araw na ito.
"True. Hindi ko yata kakayanin ang araw na ito." I can feel the sun burning me so much na.
Mainit nga talaga kaya naman hinila ko muna si Sydney papunta sa silong. However, because I am a member of the Student Council, I must keep an eye on a few of my fellow batchmates because they are so stubborn and rebellious.
"Unang day pa lang ng practice pero nagsisilong na kayo?" The teacher announce loudly. "Get back to your places!"
Rinig na rinig ko ang mga daing ng iba. Thankful naman kami sa academics na wala ngayon pero sa init ang ikinaiinisan namin at ikinapapagod namin. Pinagline na nila kami at inayos na ang aming pwesto. Magkatabi kami sa gagawin naming sayaw ni Sydney kaya nakakapagchismisan kami.
We continued the practice until the temperature started to rise. I then felt my head spinning around as if I had consumed an alcohol.
"Syd, nahihilo ka ba?" pagtatanong ko sa katabi ko.
"Hindi. Bakit? Nahihilo ka ba?" Tanong niya pabalik.
Hindi ko na napigilan at napahawak na sa ulo ko. "Ang init. Parang mahihimatay na yata ako."
Naglakad na ito paharap sa akin at hinawakan ako na tila'y binibigyan ng suporta. Nahihilo na talaga ako at parang hindi na kaya ng katawan ko.
"Gagi! Seryoso ka?! Wait! Kuha ako ng tubig," aalis na sana ito ngunut bumalik ulit siya. "Huwag ka diyan sa may init, dito ka muna sa silong!"
Nakita naman kami ng mga guro na naka-assign sa grade level namin. Limapit agad ang mga ito sa amin at tinignan kami gamit ang nag-aalala nilang mata.
"What happened? Are you okay?" Bungad na tanong ng adviser ko.
Pinaupo ako ni Sydney sa may gilid. "Ma'am nahihilo po siya. Masyadong mainit." Si Sydney na ang sumagot dahil hindi ko na talagang magawa.
Everyone of them was concerned. They even came up close to me and approached me with a fan to alleviate the heat that I was experiencing, but the heat was simply too intense, and I couldn't get my head to stop spinning.
"Get some water. God!" hindi na sila lahat mapakali.
"I believe it would be best if we take her to the clinic, Ma'am. Mas malamig doon ngayon." rinig kong suhestiyon ng iba.
Unti-unti nila akong inalalayan patayo at dinala sa clinic. Agad naman akong sinalubong ng school nurse. They placed me on the bed and increased the level of the air conditioning.
"Syd, dito ka muna. Bantayan mo muna siya. Hindi bale nandito naman si Nurse Ali." Nakapikit na ako kaya hindi ko na alam kung sino ang nagsasalita.
The heat really did drain me. Kung kayo ba naman kasi ang pagpraktisin sa malawak na field tapos ang init pa, siguradong mahihimatay na lang kayo bigla. The past years, hindi naman ako madaling nahihilo kahit na nakababad ako sa init ng ilang oras.
Ibang-iba ngayon. Siguro dahil na rin 'yon sa pagbubuntis ko. Damn, I really need to be careful next time. If I pass out again, I really hope that people can catch me before I feel so that I won't end up hitting the floor.
"Hey, anong nangyari?"After a minute, I heard the worried voice of Razen inside the room.
Napamulat ako ng wala sa oras. The very first time I looked at him, his eyes appeared to be staring directly into mine. He was also sweating. He moved closer to me and sat on the side of my bed, ignoring the fact that Sydney had not yet responded to his question.
"Is your head still aching? Anong masakit?May masakit pa ba?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong.
I shook my head. "I'm good now. Hindi ka na sana nag-abala pang pumunta dito."
"Damn, girl. When I heard you nearly pass out, I almost lost my mind. At ngayon sinasabi mo na sana hindi na lang ako nagpunta dito?"
I pursed my lips. "Baka kasi mapagalitan ka pa."
"I don't care." he pushed some of the strands of my hair that were on my face away with his finger. "It will always be you above all."
"Makaalis na nga lang dito." malakas na sabi ni Sydney kaya natawa na lang kami habang lumalabas na ito.
Razen took my hand and put a kiss on the back of my hand. I even told him it's fine if he leaves me behind so he can continue with his practice. But he rejected the idea of mine and instead stood by my side the entire time in the clinic.
Even though he wants to go get some food, he is still a little concerned about leaving me. Kung hindi ko lang ito napilit ay na ayos lang ay hindi pa siya aalis para bumili. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay gutom na ito at gusto ng mainom. If I could just get up and walk to the canteen, I'd go there and get him some food right away.
"A, u-uh, while I was making my way back here, I couldn't help but think...." he paused. "What if..."
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "What if?"
"Naisip ko lang... kung huwag ka na sanang sumali sa field demo?"
"Ha?!" napahiyaw agad ako.
"I mean! In the dance! But you can still participate in the field demo by joining in the props making." he immediately cut me what my mind is thinking.
Bigla akong napaisip doon. Will that be okay?
"Bakit? Pwede pa naman akong sumali." sabi ko.
"I'm just worried.. sooner or later, this might happen again." aniya. "Lalo na at dere-deretso na ang practice. Pwede nating pakiusapan ang teacher mo."
May point rin naman siya. Lalo na at hindi talaga ako nakakapagtanggal sa init. It's burning my body and all. Sa huli ay napagdesisyonan ko din na huwag na lang sumali sa sayaw at gumawa na lang ng props kasama ang iba. I stopped participating in the dance because it was approved by the teachers as well.
Tumutulong na nga lang ako sa props making. Mas gusto ko na din 'to dahil hindi talaga ako napapagod. Umuupo lang ako at nag-gugunting o nagluglue minsan! Razen was more than happy with my decision. Pero kahit nasa lilim na ako ay pinupuntahan pa rin ako oras-oras. Minsan nga may teachers pa kapag pumupunta siya pero wala naman itong pakialam!
The rehearsals went by really quickly, and before we knew it, the foundation day had arrived. The foundation day lasts for three days, and each day features a different set of activities; the first of them was our field demonstration.
"Magkikita lang kami ni Mama saglit. Bibili na rin kasi ako ng damit. Wala akong kulay red e." I told Razen.
"Okay, l'll just pick you up then." Lumuhod ito kaya napatingin bigla ako sa paligid. "Take care of Mommy alright? Daddy will just take the practice and then we can be together again later."