I leaned my head against the window on the train. My warm breath frosting the cold glass with a layer of fog that slowly dissipated before reforming again with each breath. Outside amongst the ground laid a thin layer of shimmering white snow and a thing layer of frost grew up the trunks of trees.
Snowflakes sprinkled from the sky like a child was pouring glitter on paper. The sun was shining barely through thin white clouds.
The music in my earbuds drowned out any sound from other passengers. It was too early in the morning for me since I had decided to book the first train to Seoul... at 4 am in the morning. Lucky I'd be there by the time Heeseung is normally up and about and has already had caffeine in his system.
And luckily again.. the seats were decently comfortable enough for me to fall asleep and get extra rest on the ride there.
After the first stop on the way, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to me a white blond man staring down at me with a warm smile, dressed in a suit. I removed an earbud.
"Sorry to bother, but mind if I sit here?" I looked around to see all the other seats had already been taken, so it wasn't like we either had much of a choice.
I gestured for him to take a seat, moving my backpack between my legs. He took the seat next to me. Ruffling up his hair and settling his own bag by him and a cup of coffee in a hand he turned to me with a smile. "Thank you. I'm Woojin by the way."
"I'm Hyunjin." I gave him a polite smile. I've never had a seat buddy so willing to share something as personal as a name to a complete stranger. But he was kind, gave of such a warm and accepting aura.
"On your way to Seoul too?" He asked taking a zip of his coffee as he held it in both his hands.
"Yea. It's Christmas break for me." I sat up straight in my seat and snapped my earbuds back into their rightful case. It was only polite, if I was going to be engaging in a conversation.
"Ah. I'm heading back from a business trip early. I'm on my way to Seoul to surprise my girlfriend." He gave a smile.
"That's sweet. Thank you, for your service." I nodded politely to him out of respect.
"Thank you." Another sip of coffee. "You're wearing an academy letter jacket? You go to a school still?"
"Yes. Silverbrook Private Academy." I informed.
"No way! I graduated from there two years ago! It was such a nice school."
"Wow. Small world huh?" I smiled.
"I suppose so. So, Hyunjin. Going home to family for the holidays? Any plans for vacation?" Woojin's smile never strayed from being endearing and I found a comfort in sharing things with a stranger I'd never see again.
"Staying with a friend this year. My parents are out of the country. So I'm probably just gonna try to have as much fun as I can." I shrugged my shoulders. Yea, my parents were out of the country. It reminded me of the call I got from my mother the other day.
Your father and I won't be returning til a mouth after vacation is over darling. But we have something important to share with you. I was hoping if you aren't busy we could discuss it now, unless you'd rather hold the discussion in person like we used to always do.
It seemed so weird, how she seemingly wanting to try to have so sort of communication with me now. It made me thing so many things. Was she going to ship me away to America next? To mars? They wanted rid of me so badly before, and now they don't even have the nerve to see their only son during Christmas.
My own mother didnt seem to care about involving herself in my life much before and half the time, not even now. She still hasn't bother to ask about my well being after being informed of what happened to me at school. You're a grown man, she'd say, you can take care of yourself. Or at least you'll have to learn.
It's what she would always tell me when sometime happened to me. If it affected me emotionally in any way, I was supposed to pretend it didn't happen. Because I'm simply a man, we are unbothered by everything.
So much for family.
I felt my eyes begin to droop and I yawned into the palm of my hand.
"I hope you don't mind sir, but I was hoping to get a nap in before arrival." I asked politely, not wanting to offend my hyung.
"Oh by all means. Don't keep yourself up just because I like to babble. I'll wake you when we reach Seoul if you'd like." Woojin kindly smiled once again. Does this man ever stop smiling?
"Please. And Thank you." I gave him those last words before I placed my earbuds back in, restarting the song I had interrupted and went back to my previous position of resting my head against the window. The slight rocking of the train making it easier for me to drift to sleep.
—
I felt a tap in my shoulder but I didn't wake to it. A second later a hand slightly shook my shoulder and I looked over to see the ever so polite Woojin gracing me with a smile.
"We are five minutes from arrival." He said, marking his spot in the book he held in his hands and removing a pair of reading glasses.
I stretched slightly, but not too much as I didn't want to accidentally hit the man beside me. Even though he didn't seem like the kind of person to get upset about anything at all. He's probably just smile at me and say 'it's alright' in a way too polite way.
"Thank you." I bowed my head respectfully to him in my seat and he waved off the gesture, stopping me half way through my respects. See? Too polite.
I gathered my belongs as the train screeched to a halt. The doors opening wide for passengers to to get off while other waited to board.
I bid farewell to Woojin as he walked the opposite direction I did. I wheeled my suitcase behind me and my backpack was strapped to my shoulder.
As I stood on the escalator that rose me to ground level, my eyes began immediately searching for my best friend. Who I instantly found as he held a huge sign. Accompanied by Sunni, who held just as big of a smile on her face as Heeseung did. I couldn't help but laugh at their homemade sign.
Welcome Home, Loser!
I walked up to them shaking my head and swallowed Heeseung in a hug, and even Sunni, who has never bothered for any sort of affection from me, welcomed me home with a hug.
"How is private school, preppy boy?" She joked and I instantly knew Heeseung was rubbing off on her. Too much.
"It's something else, I'll tell you that much." I nervously laugh and Heeseung threw his arm around me as I grabbed ahold of my suitcase again. He walked between me and Sunni, an arm around each of us as we walked out of the station towards his car in the parking lot.
My eyes foraged the area between the station and his car as he put my things in the trunk. I could have sworn, I saw a familiar head of blond and a face full of freckles passing by with a crowd. But then it disappeared and I chalked it up to my own imagination wanting to see him so desperately.
Sunni practically forced me into the passenger seat, so I could sit up front with my best friend. She sat in the middle of the back row, her head occasionally popping up between the two of us as we all endorsed ourselves with pleasant conversation and amateur jokes. The ride to Heeseung's wasn't anywhere near the deafening silence I thought it would be. It was warm and welcoming. It was so comforting to know that home hasn't changed amongst my absence. I praised that nothing had changed. That there was still such a clear solid connection and view between the three of us. That the phone calls weren't the just a facade and we weren't growing apart like I previously imagined we would.
As we pulled into the driveway, I noticed Ms. Lee sitting on the front porch, waiting for us. She stood and walked briskly towards the car when it was fully parked, completely engulfing me in a hug as I stepped out of the vehicle.
"It's good to have you here, Jinnie. On proper circumstances this time." She secretly pointed out the last time I was here, it was spontaneous and unwarranted.
"I'm glad to be here." I smiled at her as she pulled away.
"We have the guest room set up for you, make yourself at home. You already know the rules of the house so I won't bother with that." Ms. Lee walked inside with us as I lunged my suitcase through the house and down the stairs to the guest room in the basement area. Walking through what Heeseung calls his 'Man cave' was a bit of a hassle as I had to step over a bunch of trash that clearly needed to be thrown out.
"Dude, you really need to clean in here." I said, pushing open the guest bedroom. Heeseung was on my tail as we walked through. His separation anxiety clearly hadn't been doing to well considering he was probably attaching himself like a koala to my body now, forcing us to fall into the bed.
I tried to wiggle out of he grasp but to no avail as he still clung to me. Sunni watching from the doorway at the mess the two of us began on the bed with a heartfelt laugh. I pushed on Heeseung chest and yelled for him to get of me, but he only screamed back 'never' with every failed shove. It quickly turned into playful wrestling and eventually we felt off the bed. Sunni only laughed at our idiocy even more.
"What is going.. oh dear god." Ms. Lee barged into the room and began her own fit of laughter at the two of us as I currently had Heeseung in a headlock and ruffled his hair into a frizzy mess.
"Okay boys. Knock it off." Ms. Lee walked up to me and ruffled up both of our hair. Heeseung and I stood from the floor with wide smiles.
"You two are chaotic together." Sunni said with a small shake of her head. The two ladies eventually left us alone in the room. There was a comfortable silence as we both laid on the bed.
The warm was filled with a warmth so soft that it almost made me forget why the heater would be on. It also tried to pull me under into the world of dreams again.
"You said you were going to see Felix today, right?" Heeseung said, interrupting my peace with such a random thought. Not entirely random, just as of this moment.
"Yea. I don't know when. I think he's honestly waiting for me to text him." I pushed myself into sitting position and pulled my phone from the side pocket of my backpack.
"Can I meet him when you go?" I looked at him with a raised eyebrow at this question. Of course, Heeseung would want to meet Felix, but would Felix want to meet Heeseung? They were friendly over the phone to each other of course, but Heeseung can get wildly hyperactive. The exact opposite of Lee Felix.
"I'll ask him." I gave my best friend a small smile as I unlocked my phone and called Felix.
It rang and he didn't answer, sending me to voicemail. I locked down at my phone. This bitch. Seconds later he was calling me back. Oh, never mind.
"Hey sorry, I'm at the gym. What's up?" Felix's face was flushed with pink and his lips were parted breathing in air heavily.
"You go to the gym?" I asked, I didn't even know he worked out.
"Yea? How do you think I maintain a fit build?"
"I don't know. I guess I just assumed you were born with abs made of marble." Felix rolled his eyes at my teasing, fingers raking through his sweat-dampened hair and I felt Heeseung lay his chin on my shoulder.
Felix nodded his head upwards. " 'Sup Heeseung?"
"Nothing. Still waiting for Hyunjin to ask." I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my head as he said it and I sighed.
"He wants to know if he can come with to meet you when I come see you today." I blurted, fully pointed the blame of the question on Heeseung like it deserves to be.
"Depends. What time are we meeting up today?"
"I already told you I thought lunch would be nice. But whenever you are free?"
"Then yea. He can come with." Felix smiled widely as his eyes looked at Seung resting on my shoulder for a second.
"Hell yea!" Heeseung fist bumped the hair as he fell back against the bed again. Felix gave me a look, one that clearly read 'dear god.'
"Okay, well I'll let you get back to the gym. Text me when you're out?"
"Yea. I will, but I'll go home and shower before we decide where we want to get lunch from." Felix smiled and waved by to us before I disconnected the call.
"Wait! Ohmygod! We should do a double date sometime during break!" Heeseung was all excited and jumpy, his usual hyper self.
"Felix and I aren't dating." I rolled my eyes. "So we would just be a third and fourth wheel with you and Sunni."
"A third and fourth wheel that are sexually attracted to each other." He wiggled his eyes brows and poked me. God I haven't missed that part of his teasing. The poking always ended up tickling.
"I will hit you." I held up a hand as a threat and he backed off with a sly smile.
"Come onnnn! You like him and you know it!" He continued his teasing from the doorway and I plucked a pillow of the bed and chucked it at him. It completely missed, hitting the doorframe instead.
He laughed at my attempt and instead of retaliating against his further teases, I laid back and sulked with my arms over my chest. I didn't like that Heeseung knew all of this before even I was willing to accept it. When I first got there he would tease all the time that I liked at least one of them. He was rooting for Chan until he met Felix that one day. The one day that started everything.
I got lost in thought as my mind brought me back to that day, months ago. Wondering off school ground during hours. Trepassing on city property, siting down by the abandoned pool filling with rain water that cascaded down from the giant hole in the roof. That was our moment of peace together.. until the police officer came anyway. The only we had gotten since that day was at night, locked away in my room and then that was even stolen from us.
My phone buzzed repeatedly and I looked to see Felix calling me again. I answered, playing the phone up to my ear. "Yes?"
"Wow, you seem so happy to hear from me." I could hear he sarcasm in his voice and it made me smile. "I'm ready when you guys are, where do we want to get lunch?"
"Let me ask Heeseung." I sat up and threw another pillow at him as he sat on the end of the bed. I didn't miss this time. He turned to glare at me but I pointed at the phone on my ear as I put Felix on speaker. "What's for lunch seung?"
"Umm.. I don't know? There's outdoor food market downtown on Chestnut, you can get sample from every booth for free. We can try that and then decide what we want maybe?" Heeseung said and I heard Felix whisper a 'what the fuck' as his answer.
"Okay, 1, it almost sound like you premediated that answer and 2, it's winter meaning it's cold as hell." Felix complained and Heeseung and I shared a look with a smirk.
"I guess you should be wearing something warm then." I said as I hung up my phone and dressed into some warmer clothes. I layered a sky blue v-neck collared shirt over a white turtleneck, tucking the two into chocolate colored trousers and boots. Of course, I finished the look with a black leather belt and pulled out my trenchcoat the same color as my pants.
I fixed my hair in the guest bathroom mirror, spraying on my good cologne. I strapped my satchel back over my shoulder and walked up the stairs to the ground floor of the house.
Ms. Lee was in the kitchen, engulfed in a conversation with a man I assumed to be her new lover. she noticed my walk by and called my name. "You guys going somewhere?" She asked in a polite but curious tone.
"Yea, we are meeting up with a friend for lunch. I assume that's okay?" It wasn't really a wuestion since it was obvious plans had already been made.
"Oh that's perfectly alright. You looked a little too well dressed for just lunch though, dear." She teased me, that's where Heeseung gets his behaviors.
"It's Hyunjin mom, what do you expect?" Heeseung came trotting down the stairs. He always had such a casual taste in fashion. Baggy jeans with wholes ripped through the knees and chunky tennis shoes, casual baggy t-shirt covered by a black letterman jacket. A beanie that wasn't the same color of anything he was wearing, covered his fluffy and unkept hair. "Let's go."
"Be safe boys! Please!" Ms. Lee called after us.
"We will!" I shouted back through the front door as I grabbed the door handle and pulled the door shut.
Heeseung and I climbed into his car, he instantly switched his radio from channel to bluetooth and connected his phone. He tossed his phone to me to pick from the list of billions of songs on his Apple Music and I honestly just hit shuffle three different times until a song finally played. Moonlight by Gaulin starting blasting and bumping through his speakers with a bone-vibrating bass. I bounced my leg to the beat and Heeseung tapped his fingers against the wheel, his head bopping back and forth as he mouthed the words.
He turned and parked casually on a side road spot, placing it in park and shutting of the car. We both got out of the car and looked around at the already flooding outdoor market. Even in winter the city never dies down.
"We are at the east side if you want to tell Felix that." Heeseung said, pulling his beanie tighter around his head. Though I saw no point to that, because I already managed to find him in this crowd. He was standing near the picnic table areas, eyes dead ahead at the ocean of people. He was wearing a wool sweater with a pair of slim blue jeans. A striped knit scarf wrapped around his neck.
"No need." i pointed him out to Heeseung and we began out walk towards him. I called out his name and his spun around in all directions at the sound of my voice his eyes wide with excitement. It made my soul happy to see that look in his face. I was about to tap his shoulder when he spun around. we stood there with smiles on our faces as we just took in each other. Seeing each other for the first time in two months.
"If you two don't hug or kiss or something so we can go get food, I might pas out from hunger." Heeseung said and I elbowed him in the side, making Felix laugh. Such a beautiful laugh.
"Hey." I said latching onto the blonde boy in front of me and he did the same. He smelled like peppermint and green tea. Heeseung dragged both of us to as many booth as he could. Each of us getting a small taste of what the food might seem like. I think we were all a little too hungry though because everything tasted super amazing. From meats to vegan style foods, noodles and soup cups, fried or grilled. I could choose what I wanted. There were little gift stalls station around, selling a variety of knickknacks.
"We have to pick one, the samplers aren't gonn ahold me off forever!" Heeseung began complainging as I stopped at gift stall, looking through the items. I shushed him as I noticed keychains with mini canvases, tiny paintings.
There was an older man behind the counter who noticed me. "My wife made those herself a long time ago."
My smile must've grown wider because he continued as he wobbled around to my side. "Are you an artist too son?"
"He is." Heeseung and Felix said in unison.
"Would you like one?" He asked me as I searched through every last one.
"I would but I didn't bring any extra money today." I had a slight frown on my face and Felix stepped up beside me.
"How much?" The blonde asked our elder, who simply smiled at the two of us. I stared at Felix for a second before I was brought back to the topic at hand.
"No cost. Just take one." He smiled and watched me pick one out. I picked one that looked like a little field of daisies. "That was my wife's favorite."
"I'm sorry to ask sir, but you keep speaking about her in past tense." Heeseung asked politely.
"Oh, she is no longer with us." Even with something so sad, he still held a smile. "She passed last year. You know I actually met her when I was about your age."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yea. She was a quiet little thing. I was kind of a jerk." He laughed nervously. "She hated me for the longest time. But young love, it turned into our forever, if only it was longer." He smiled brightly and I couldn't help but smile brightly with him.
"Don't waste the time you have." He pointed at me and Felix. "Cherish each other."
"Sir I think you've got the.." Felix started and he was immediately hushed.
"Don't kid me. I know love when I see it." He spoke and we didn't retaliate. "Now get yourselves moving. It's too cold to be standing still."
We walked around and I hooked my new key chain onto my bag.
"Can we get food now?" Heeseung asked, his stomach growling loudly over the noise of the crowd.
"Yes we can get food now." I said as we walked back towards some of the food booths. When we were able to decided, we all walked back to the seating area.
Heeseung sat at my side as Felix sat in front of me as we ate our meal quietly amongst the three of us. The people around us just simply background noise.
The cold faded away for a little while as the warm substances heated up my body from the inside. It didn't last long though, as my food didn't last much longer.
The winter sun was cascading rays of gold over the city, the little flurries of snow falling from the sky once again. It reminded my of the train ride this morning. The man in the train. I hope him and his girlfriend are doing well.
I must've been smiling as I looked at the sky because Heeseung elbowed me. "You see heaven up there or something?"
"No." I didn't see heaven. No, but it felt heavenly to finally be home. "It's just good to be home." Felix returned from throwing out our trash and I didn't realize he left until he sat down.
"Hyunjin, can I take you somewhere after this?" Felix asked, avoiding eye contact with Heeseung who was staring him down with curiosity.
"Yea, of course. Sunni wanted to see Heeseung today anyway, right?" I knew my excuse to get Heeseung out was a lie, but he quickly picked up on it with a smirk.
"Oh yea. I should probably head out now then. Thank you for letting me join you two for lunch." He smiled widely and waved us goodbye as he jogged back to his car.
"So where are we going?" I stood from the table and tightened my coat around my body. He stood and began walking, grabbing my arm to drag me along with him.
"My house."
——
[A/N]
Another chapter!! Would you believe me if I said we are only halfway through this story? There's still a whole lot more to unpack here.
I love y'all! Til next update!