-Eddie's Perspective-
Spring break was closer than ever now. It was only a few days away, and everyone was excited to see it come... but I wasn't. These last few breaks...I've only had more time to think about what I had done. How I snapped.... just like he did. How I probably made him feel the same...I've been faking a smile for...I don't even remember how long anymore.
As much as I hated to admit it, it's been another few months since the incident. We had class together, sure...but when Steve talked, it felt like he was trying to walk on eggshells around me. As if I would snap at any moment...as if he was afraid of me.
It ate at me. The way his looks used to be so...warm...now they were filled with nothing but emptiness. As if he had cut off his emotions from me. There were multiple occasions that I tried to bring up a conversation for the two of us to share...but I as soon as one even was attempted, Robin seemed to step between the two of us.
The voices have only gotten worse over time. They've progressed into my dreams. Whenever I close my eyes to try and sleep, he's there...he's always there. As much as I pleaded for him to finally leave me, it felt like he just got stronger. Started coming up in my peripheral vision.
Started talking to Ms. Kelly about it. She labeled it as visions of stress. It didn't feel right because I was always stressed. Even before the events of a few months ago, I was a stressed out mess...but she said that I must have been extra stressed these past few months. I brushed off my doubts and just went with what she stated to be a fact. There wasn't exactly another explanation to it.
I wished so badly to just...explain to Steve that I wasn't talking with him, that I was going insane...that I was hearing these voices that weren't even mine. That I didn't mean to hurt him...but it was too late. The time period of redeeming myself was over. It was just a matter of moving on.
Steve doesn't have any class periods with me anymore. Whenever I would see him in the hall, it was like the second I blinked, he disappeared from sight. I understood that he didn't want to see me...so even though he felt like a home I once wanted to call mine, I knew it was best that I acted like he didn't exist as long as he did the same for me.
The only relatively nice thing about this whole...losing Steve thing, is that I got to gain back an old friend. Chrissy Cunningham. She was like the brightness in the dark of it all. When she started to tell me about what she was going through, I honestly didn't believe it. The chances that someone like Chrissy would have the same demented stress visions as me...were slim to none.
We let others think that we didn't know each other during this time. Chrissy constantly worried about Jason's reputation if she hung out with one of the "freaks"...it stung a little, but I understood her concerns...so I obliged in keeping it between us two. Especially the reason that we were bonding.
We just wanted to relieve the stress together, and sometimes getting high would help with that. It wasn't exactly a cure all. Of course not. If we fell asleep, our dreams would be extremely vivid of our stressors...but as long as we stayed awake over these long nights, there was never a fumble in the plan. Always taking place after a game so that the others wouldn't notice her coming home late.
Lately, however, She's been trying to get a stronger hit. I realized that I was the one who was the supplier for her, but it just...didn't feel right. So I tried to delay this as much as possible, taking her out to the bench to "discuss" things like old times in middle school.
Eventually, it caught up to me. She learned my tricks and slide of hand and insisted that it was getting worse for her and that she needed a stronger hit more than ever.
So I...told her that after this next game was over...that if she came to my house or trailer or whatever, I'd have the supplies for whatever she wanted to do.
She thanked me, but her smile just...wasn't as bright as it used to be. Sure, it showed what she wanted me to see...but before, it was like if the sun was sitting right next to you.
"Chrissy..." I sighed out, causing her to turn her attention to me instead of her backpack. "I'm sorry that you're going through this shit."
"Don't be" a small laugh escaped her lips "I deserve it, don't I? I mean...come on, I could've been with you this whole time...and I was out chasing god knows what." She shook her head before slinging her backpack over her shoulders.
"For the record, you don't deserve any of it." I started to clear up my space as well. "No one deserves to feel that way. Like they aren't enough."
"Well...after the game will help..." she took a deep breath before wiping a tear with the back of her hand that started to stream down her cheek. "Really though, Eddie...thanks for listening to me."
"Yeah...anytime, Chrissy"
-Steve's Perspective-
After all of these months, I still couldn't get what Eddie had done out of my head. It wasn't much...but it was enough. I realize that I've probably done worse but...he made it so that fear was in play instead of what was there.
I was being delusional. I was blurring the past with the present...but I knew that I wouldn't see that person from my past ever again. Thinking that Eddie could even replace them...was insane.
Eddie's tried to talk, but after the whole scenario at family video, and me explaining to Robin what happened, she's went into full protection mode for me. Whenever he tries, she cuts in, or if he sees me, she'll find a place for me to disappear. One time she even shoved me into her locker...which honestly wasn't the cleanest.
It became a little easier once the new semester started, though. Not a single class with him. It gave me enough time to at least try to clear my mind of him.
But...I couldn't. When he couldn't see me, I'd watch him from the sidelines. He seemed to be happy. He was being more vocal about defending himself than he used to be. Jason hated it, but I...I was just glad he was well.
While one part of me is wanted him to miss me, another part just thought it was better off that he forgot I existed. I cared for him even after everything. My mistakes and his... but I would never let him know.
Spring break was coming up quickly, but the playoffs was what was on everyone's minds. Especially mine. Lucas has been on the bench for the entire season, but I was hopeful that he would at least have one game that he could call his own.
I didn't know whether or not that was embarrassing, but I didn't really care. The others would be there as well.
Like Robin...and Vickie. Who honestly were starting to hit it off from what I could tell. Spending more and more time together after school. Robin never knowing what she could and couldn't say even though neither had made a move, although I encouraged her to. She dismissed me every time.
"Steve!"
My head shot out of the clouds to make eye contact with my favorite curly haired nuisance "What's up, Henderson?"
"So uh, Eddie won't postpone the campaign again and uh... I was wondering if you could play with us again during the championship game"
I felt all the air leave my lungs. As much as I want to say yes, to help Henderson... Eddie will be there... and I wasn't exactly in the mood to play a game of 'who is at fault'
I tried my best to come up with a defense, but quickly settled for the excuse that everyone used. "With Eddie "the freak" Munson? No thanks"
Dustin furrowed his brows in confusion "but you played with him before..."
"I know I just..."
Dustin's face looking more annoyed by the second. "I know what it is... you're jealous I have other older male friends."
"That's not it Dustin..."
Dustin squinted "then what is it, Steve?" He took a deep breath before walking up closer to me. "Suddenly you have a problem with him? Suddenly you ditch him in the woods for god knows what?"
"He...told you that?" My heart started to sink. He actually waited for me...? How long did he sit there until he gave up?
"He waited HOURS, Steve...he even messed up his attendance...and now you're doing it again. Even after he forgave you."
"Henderson...I..."
"No! I've had it. Eddie is a good guy, Steve. Why won't you just give him a chance?"
"It's more complicated than that..." I tried my best to reason with him, but he just wasn't listening.
"Steve. Just come to the D&D game. I'll let it go. Eddie will let it go. Just..."
"I'm planning on supporting Lucas" I quickly blurted out. "And I think you guys should too."
Henderson's eyes widened before faking a smile. "Nice out."
"So are you going to come to the game or not?" I gestured over to the poster on the wall, featuring Lucas's face with the team.
"The party needs me. We can't go without two players" he sighed before leaving. "Have fun at the game. Let me know who wins"
"I will"
I'm sorry... you really might hate me for this...but it's what's best. I know it is. The only way that we can move on...is to not be together.
(A/N: Get to know you: which do you prefer: name brand or store brand?)