"Let me know when you're ready to send the first one in." Steve says from the doorway.
"Okay, I'm the lovable cool one and you're the mean one that eventually gets redeemed." I tell Hunter.
"Got it. Steve, we're ready!" Hunter calls.
"Sup." The little person walks up to the chair across from us.
"Tinella Nosa?" Hunter speaks up.
"THAT'S WHY THEY CALL HER TINY NOSE?" I ask in shock.
"I'm here to be head witch of life." She tells us.
"This is the interview for head bard. Since when have you been a bard?" I ask.
"And you've been arrested at least twenty times. You shouldn't have been able to apply." Hunter says, totally confused.
"I do whatever I want! Fwee expwession is a demon wight!" She hops up on the table.
"Alright, that's enough." Steve comes up from behind her and picks her up. "I don't know how she even got in the castle, she's not one of the applicants."
"Okay, who's the real first person?" I ask Hunter as he looks through the papers and Steve carries Tiny Nose out.
"Raine Whispers." He reads before setting the paper down.
"Send 'em in, Steve." I call out.
"You got it." He says as he opens the door. "Raine Whispers?"
"That's me, Hi." They say while walking in the room.
"Take a seat." Hunter tells them and they do. I pick up their application in the mean time and look at it.
"It's really nice to meet both of you. Thank you so much for this opportunity." Raine says with a nervous smile.
"No problem. It says here you teach for the bard coven, what school?" I ask.
"Saint Epiderm. I went there for a few years before transferring to Hexside as a kid and then I got hired to teach." They explain.
"Your references check out." Hunter mumbles while looking over my shoulder.
"This question is really important so make sure you think about it. Do you believe in bigfoot?" I ask.
"Why would you ask them that? No one believes in bigfoot anymore, it's just you." Hunter criticizes.
"Fine, god." I scoff and turn back to the paper.
"You don't have to answer that." Hunter tells them.
"Okay, Raine. If you were trapped on a desert island, what three objects would you want to bring with you?" I ask.
"Hm, probably a water filtration system so I can live off of the land. My viola, obviously, so I can use more advanced spells. Lastly, I'd want one of those big packs of Hex-mix." They answer.
"Practical AND fun." I tell Hunter and I can see Raine smile in the corner of my eye.
"Why do you want to be a head witch?" Hunter asks this time.
"I'm really passionate about Bard magic and have been since I was a kid. I think being head witch would be a wonderful opportunity. The Bard community as a whole is very inspiring and I would love to contribute more." They explain.
"Good answer." Hunter nods in approval.
"I like your hair. You look like you give good hugs." I tell Raine.
"Thanks. I've been told I give good hugs before." They laugh.
"Would you rather fight a million duck sized giraffes or one giraffe sized duck?" I ask and Hunter nudges my arm.
"Stop asking dumb questions." He mumbles.
"It's very important." I nudge him back.
"I guess one giraffe sized duck." Raine shrugs.
"That's all we have for today, we'll let you know. And apologies for my fellow Golden Guard." Hunter gives his asshole smile.
"I apologize for MY fellow Golden Guard because he doesn't want to have any fun." I mumble.
"We'll call you if you got it." Steve interrupts.
"Thank you." Raine nods awkwardly as they stand up.
"You're an idiot." Hunter whispers to me.
"I don't want a boring head-bard." I defend. "We don't need to do anymore interviews, Raine's our person."
"How do you know that? You spent all the time asking about Bigfoot and Desert Islands." He scoffs.
"I just do. Let's just finish these up quickly." I shake my head.
We interview about twenty people give or take. It's tiring and Hunter's getting on my last nerve. He keeps trying to take over and criticizes my 'dumb' questions. I'm still dead set on Raine. Just like I said about their answer to one question, they're practical and fun. But either way, I don't really care. Anyone would be better than Scooter Crane in my opinion.
After the final interview, the door shuts and a big wave of relief washes over me. I sigh and lean back in my chair with my eyes shut. We've been stuck in this room for four hours and I want to go see my sister. We both sit in silence for a moment in pure tiredness. This sucks.
"I'm so tired." Hunter says quietly.
"I want to quit." I respond.
"Let's get up. We have to go get our pictures taken." He finally sits up as my eyes open.
"Nah, I'm good. I'll be at the Owl House if you need me." I stand up and grab my staff.
"You can't just ditch! We're in this together now." He complains.
"Dude, we look the exact same when we have our uniforms on. No one will be able to tell who's on what poster anyways." I say while walking to the door.
"Well, what about dance lessons later? I don't want us to embarrass ourselves at the ball." He crosses his arms.
"I'll be back by then. What are you, my boyfriend?" I joke before opening the door.
"You wish!" He laughs.
"Somehow, someway, you'll manage without me." I assure.
"Fine. Maybe there's something I can do today. I think my Uncle said something about capturing the Selkidomus, maybe we can start preparing the ship. What are you gonna do at the Owl House anyways? Help fry up owls?" He asks.
"Visit my sister, duh."
"I'm not a fan of your sister anymore." He grumbles.
"Why? You didn't even talk to her, dude." I laugh.
"She destroyed your only way home and made you panic. You're supposed to be the calm-ish one." He shakes his head.
"Aww, are you getting protective? Or more so than usual, I guess."
"I'm not protective. You're just...annoying and the most heinous person I've ever met." He tries.
"Take it easy, sweetheart." I mess with him again before leaving the room.
"Who goes there? Hoot hoot." Hooty shouts as I land.
"It's just me, as per usual," I answer back before walking over to the door.
"Everyone just got back from the market, you have amazing timing." He yells.
"Yeah, I was interviewing people for head bard and- why am I explaining this to you?" I ask.
"I don't know. Hopefully, you picked a good one!" He wiggles his body and I shiver.
"Okay, I'm going in," I say awkwardly as he retreats into the door. I push to open it to see everyone in the living room. "What's u-"
"Golden Guard!" Lilith shouts as she tackles me to the ground. "You won't take us alive!" She continues clawing at my face.
"Dude, chill out." I push her off and sit up on my hands.
"She's cool, Lilith!" Luz shouts.
"But- but- she's in the coven! Probably here to arrest all of us." Lilith worries.
"She's also my sister and a traitor," Luz says like it's a good thing.
"You should hear how she talks about Belos when it's just us around." Eda snorts.
"It's not my fault he smells bad," I mumble.
"She even tried to help at the petrification ceremony." King nods.
"But I didn't see you and it was your day off." Lilith squints suspiciously.
"I was wearing my hat half of the time because you could've turned me in. Hunter was there too." I defend.
"Who's Hunter?" Luz asks.
"No one." I shrug.
"Anyways, I've gotta go. With King. Totally not bounty-hunting." Luz says awkwardly before sprinting out the door.
"You guys are still bounty-hunting? I told you, I can-" I start.
"We couldn't take your money, kid. You work hard for it. But you can help me with something for money today." Eda smiles.
"Of course, but I'll still give you money, at least for my sister." I smile bigger and finally stand up.
"I'll be back in a minute, we can leave once I'm done." Eda nods and walks away leaving me and Lilith alone.
"Did you miss me?" I ask her but she still looks suspicious.
"How did I not know you were against Belos?" She asks and shakes her head.
"A lot of people in the coven are oblivious. I accidentally called Belos a bitch in front of you once and you didn't even say anything." I shrug.
"I thought you were making fun of Edalyn." She coughs. "Does Hunter know? He already hates you enough as it is."
"Yeah, he knows. But everyone already knows he was jealous of me so even if he says something, no one will believe it." I explain.
"Why don't you leave the coven?" Lilith asks.
"I'm coven-head now for one. But the real reason is that I'm scared. Belos is already weird with me as it is. He talks to me like I can relate to him like we're the same. And I don't want him to hurt Luz. Or you, King and Eda for that matter." I admit before joining her on the couch. "There's enough attention on you guys already. But it's not so bad."
"Have you picked a new head bard yet?" Lilith asks.
"Yeah, actually. Raine Whispers. Or maybe it was Ren, I have no idea." I laugh.
"Oh my titan, don't tell Eda." Lilith gasps.
"What? Why?" I ask.
"That's her ex-partner. They used to date for a long time." Lilith explains.
"Woah, I had no idea," I say quietly.
"I'm gonna miss being head of a coven," Lilith mumbles before picking up a scorched piece of paper. I can see that it's her old recruitment poster for the coven.
"Hey, Lily! How do I look?" Eda sneaks
up on us and shows off a bunch of
potions.
"Uh..."
"Getting scammed at the market was such a bummer, but it gave me an idea on how to earn a little more cash. You wanna come with me and Scoob? I may not be at full power, but I can still make potions" She hops on the couch and dangles a potion over Lilith's head.
"I am quite fine. Thank you." She pushes Eda away.
"Alright. Come on, kid." She walks to the door and I follow her. "Have fun wallowing in self-pity and feeling bad for cursing me. Byeeeeeee!" She shuts the door once I walk out.
"So, we're just gonna sell these? I thought it would be something more...illegal." I ask as we start walking.
"Nah, I can't risk getting caught for an hour. That's when the scouts are switching shifts so, after that, I'm gonna go rob an emperor's ship on a bounty hunt." She snorts.
"That's great. But I can't help you with robbing the ship." I laugh.
"Your boyfriend is probably on it, right?" She nudges my arm.
"Not my boyfriend. But yeah, probably." I shake my head with a wide grin.
"Well, you knew who I was talking about, doesn't that say something?" She pushes.
"Are we not trying to get rid of Belos? He's planning something, Eda." I tell her.
"We are but once Goldie's on our side, there's no problem. Oh, look! They're loading the Emperor's ship." She points to the dock. "Let's sell these I have in my bag and then I need your help getting my boat on the water." She says as we reach her stand.
"We're just gonna stand here and wait?" I ask while helping her with the bag.
"Well yeah. Unless you wanna pickpocket people instead." Eda shrugs.
"Eda, no, no, no. If we want to make sales, we need the E.E.S." I start.
"I lost you, what is the E.E.S?" She asks.
"Entertainment, exclusivity, and spectacle. We need to make them think these potions are unlike any other. Tell me, what is it that each of these potions is for?" I ask.
"Magic amplifiers and a few hair growth potions." She shrugs.
"Okay, I'm about to make us some
sales. Watch and learn." I smirk as I stand up on the counter and get my staff out. "Attention citizens of Bonesborough! Are you losing more and more hair as the days go on? Do you wish for a little more volume? Take a look at this!" People begin crowding around and I gesture to Eda's hair.
"What are you doing?" She whispers.
"Selling the product," I whisper back before turning to the crowd and making big visuals pop up with my words. "Take Eda the Owl Lady. At one point, her hair was thinner than a piece of string and now look at her! All she had to do was drink one of these potions every single morning. It's a hearty mix of vitamins and minerals that'll extend your life and your hair. Now, take this magic amplifier. Eda has been crafting this for years and years. In fact, it's more powerful than any galderstone!"
"By how much will my life expand?" Someone in the crowd asks.
"One sip of this potion and you may very well live forever!" I shout and they all begin to cheer.
"I'll give you a hundred snails for twenty!"
"Six hundred snails for thirty!"
"Titan, Kid! These offers are insane." Eda whispers.
"It'll make your kids talk back less. It'll erase all the regrets that keep you up at night!" I continue as more offers come in. Eda starts collecting and handing out the potions.
"You've got a knack for this! When I die, you can have Hooty." Eda snorts.