Infatuation (PLL Emison AU)

Monsters in the End

A/N: Seven words to describe this chapter, "You're going to want to kill me." It's intense and thought-provoking. But also...some of my favorite scenes are in it.

Certain topics might be triggering for some , so go forth carefully.

*****

Chapter 42:

Monsters in the End

They thought it was over. They thought they were through the worst of the danger and the heartache, but there was a lingering threat that was bubbling beneath the surface.

It hit them out of nowhere a week after they'd gotten home from the hospital.

They were in the kitchen finishing breakfast. Emily had just scraped what was left of some scrambled eggs into the garbage.

Alison walked up behind her, a concerned frown on her face. She was worried about Emily's appetite. She hadn't been eating much lately.

"Does my cooking offend you in some way?" Alison playfully touched her shoulder. "I know it's no match for your mother's meals, but it's pretty hard to screw up scrambled eggs. And even if I did, we have hot sauce to fix it."

Emily chuckled as she put the dirty plate in the sink. She squirted some dish-washing liquid on it and turned the water on.

"It's not that. Everything you make tastes as delicious as you do." She turned her head and leaned in to give Alison a kiss.

"Ah, well, if I had known you were in the mood for that kind of breakfast..." Alison put her hand against Emily's back and slowly lowered it towards her firm bottom. "I've got the perfect palate cleanser." She purred against Emily's ear.

Emily smiled weakly at her. Alison saw a hint of fatigue behind her eyes.

"Maybe later. I'm kind of tired."

Emily Fields turning down sex?

Alison's heart started racing.

Something is wrong.

"I didn't sleep well last night." Emily ran her hands through the soapy water in the sink, scrubbing her plate with a sponge.

Alison frowned.

"Nightmares? Babe...why didn't you wake me?" They'd both been suffering from night terrors and they'd promised to wake each other if they couldn't sleep.

"No. I've just got a headache from all this stress." Emily moved her neck around, trying to work out the stiff muscles there.

"Is that why you're not eating?" Medical alarm bells started to go off in Alison's mind.

"I don't know. My appetite has just been off. I feel a little nauseous. I think it's my meds..." Before Emily could finish her sentence, Alison was turning her wife to face her.

She reached up and used the tip of her finger to pull the skin beneath Emily's right eye down, then her left.

Her eyes were bloodshot and her pupils were dilated. Alison knew that some of her medications could cause dry eyes and pupil dilation, but she was still concerned.

"Are you in any pain? Any tension in your abdomen? Pain around your eyes? Numbness or weakness? Double vision? Anything like that?" Alison laid her hand with the cast on Emily's waist. She pressed the tips of the fingers on her other hand against Emily's neck, checking her pulse.

"No, but double vision doesn't sound so bad. Seeing two of you would be a dream come true." Emily smiled patiently and wiped her soapy hands on her pajama bottoms.

Emily knew Alison worried. She was used to her overreacting.

"Alison...I'm fine." She gently pulled the blonde into her embrace. "It's just taking some time to readjust."

"Your heart is racing." Alison laid her palm against Emily's chest.

"Because you're copping a feel." Emily teased her.

Alison pulled back and took in her appearance. Something didn't seem right, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

"You're taking all your meds right?" Alison was in no mood to play.

"Yes, Doctor." There was a hint of sarcasm in Emily's tone.

"Why don't you go lay down? I can finish up in here." She reached into the sink.

Emily grabbed a damp rag and swatted at her.

"You're the one that needs to be resting. You've been running around this house cooking and cleaning non-stop." Emily knew Alison was trying to distract herself from feeling the brunt of her emotions, but she was worried about her. "Don't make me call Aria, Hanna, and Spencer to get you in line."

"You'd squeal on me?" Alison pouted, which always shot straight to the core of Emily's heart.

Emily sighed.

"Stop giving me the puppy dog eyes." The brunette frowned.

"Why? Because it works?" Alison smirked.

"Yes." Emily murmured.

"I'm sorry. I'm probably over reacting." But she wasn't. Her instincts were trying to tell her something. "I'm going stir-crazy."

"Well, it's time to lighten up." Emily booped her nose. "It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. We're here together. And we're alive."

"Man, you really took that spiritual walk through limbo to heart." Alison chuckled.

"Didn't you?"

Alison leaned against the counter. The conversation felt familiar. They'd had it before.

Facing her mortality had been different for Alison than it had been for Emily. Alison still didn't understand what it meant. Seeing her family had given her a sense of closure, but she still felt a large open wound in her soul that she knew would never heal. She knew Jason had been right about moving on, but it wasn't easy.

"I don't know." Alison crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hide her insecurity. "Obviously it did mean something to me. But I am still trying to work out how I'm supposed to feel about it."

"There is nothing wrong with anything you feel. Grief is like that. And when you spend decades suppressing it, it can be hard to process everything." Emily caressed her cheek.

Alison loved it when Emily touched her. Because it made everything in the world feel okay for that brief moment.

"I would know." Emily lowered her hand. "I did the same thing. I held on to something that was poisoning me for years."

The brunette reached up and tried to rub the tension out of her neck. She thought she'd just slept on her neck wrong and wrenched it. She didn't know it was more.

"Not just losing Maya and my Dad, but long before that." Emily continued. "I'd never fully dealt with the fact that my mom and I were at war until I thought I was never going to see her again. I was still pushing her away. I only called her because of a promise I'd made to my father."

"But that's changed?" Alison smiled, hope in her eyes.

If Emily could forgive her mother, maybe Alison could find a way to move forward, too.

"It has. I call her now because I want to, not out of a duty to someone else." Her lip twitched as she thought about her father. "We can't go back and change anything. But we can choose how we want to live from here on out. We were granted a second chance at life, Ali. I don't want to waste it." Emily slipped her fingers into Alison's, linking their hands together. "Not one second." She dipped her head down and lightly brushed her lips against the blonde's.

"That's the most beautiful philosophical bullshit I've ever heard." Alison's lips curved into a smile. "You should go into motivational speaking."

"I see you're still siding with my mom in trying to get me to change careers." Emily rolled her eyes with a laugh. "What exactly would I say as a motivational speaker? I fell in love with a serial killer, got tortured a lot by her copycat, died a few times, and lied to the cops to get the case closed."

"We broke so many laws." Alison nodded and let her head fall gently against Emily's shoulder.

Emily reached up and cupped her cheek as she wrenched her neck to kiss the top of Alison's head.

"For the right reasons." Emily added. "You were worth it."

Alison lifted her head and smiled at her wife. She loved hearing Emily's affirmations. She'd been insecure for so long, thinking that Emily would change her mind and leave her. But Emily seemed to fall more in love with her every day.

"We were very...very bad girls." Alison slowly walked her fingers up Emily's arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

She grinned.

"You look like you're up to something." Emily eyed her suspiciously.

"Oh, how well you know me, Detective." Alison reached into the sink and scooped out a bunch of soap bubbles, staring at them.

She didn't associate them with her childhood anymore.

She didn't see a cold bathtub filled with bubbles or a Barbie towel anymore.

She saw a future with her wife.

She blew the bubbles into Emily's face.

"I hope you know this means war." Emily lathered her fingers with bubbles and then swiped them across Alison's nose.

They both burst into laughter, but the brunette's laughter was short-lived.

The smile on her face abruptly dissipated as a swell of lightheaded dizziness came over her. Blood trickled out of her nostrils, dripping on to her shirt.

"Em..." Alison's eyes widened.

Panic surged through the doctor's veins. She'd seen it. She'd known something was wrong, but she'd been distracted by Emily's wise words and her sex appeal.

Emily grunted out a noise like she was caught in a trap in the wild, a moan of pain that only dying animals made. She clutched her head and doubled over, fighting the most intense headache that she'd ever had. Her brain was pounding against her skull. A burning sensation shot through her body. Her face was on fire. Then it was numb.

"Emily, what is it? What's wrong?" Alison leaned down, trying to see her eyes.

"My...head." She reached up and touched the bright red substance that was pouring out of her nose.

Her vision started swaying around her.

"Ali..." What's going on?

Oh, God, this hurts.

Help me.

Please help me.

But the words weren't coming out. She was screaming in her head.

She stumbled back against the counter and then slid on to the floor, her body going limp.

Alison fell to her knees and grabbed Emily's cheeks, her fingers dragging through the blood on her face.

Emily's blood.

On my hands...

The overhead lights flickered and suddenly she was back in the basement staring at Emily's lifeless limp body.

She shook her head and forced her way out of the nightmare.

Her surroundings became familiar again. She gripped Emily's cheeks, trying to rouse her. She lifted her eyelids to search for her pupils and found her eyes rolled back, only the whites visible.

She's having an aneurysm.

Blood was seeping into her brain, and there was nothing Alison could do to stop it.

"No...no..." She felt for her pulse, which was weak and fading.

She desperately pawed around on the counter above her until she found her phone to dial for an ambulance.

When she got the emergency operator on the line she spouted out her name and address and told the woman on the other end of the phone that she was a doctor.

"I need an ambulance right away. My wife is three and a half weeks post-op from a major surgery and I believe she's having an aneurysm. I need someone now."

"Ma'am, ma'am, I'm going to need you to calm down."

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down! Do your goddamn job and get someone here...NOW!"

The operator was in the middle of telling her to stay on the line, but Alison tossed her phone aside and laid Emily flat against the kitchen floor.

Her chest isn't moving.

Oh, goddamn it...she's not breathing.

When she checked her pulse again it was gone.

"Emily, I swear to fucking Christ..." Don't you leave me now.

She started chest compressions, even though it hurt her broken fingers. She focused on her medical training and tried not to concentrate on the fact that she was doing CPR on her wife. She had to treat her like a patient.

Emily's chest caved in and popped right back up as Alison pushed a steady rhythm against the brunette's ribcage. She went to give her breath and ended up getting her blood in her mouth as she tried to resuscitate her.

She could hear the emergency operator trying to call for her attention. She yelled at the phone.

"I'm doing CPR! Get that fucking ambulance here!"

Moments later she heard sirens screaming in the air. Flashes of the night she'd been rescued from The Radley stunted her concentration.

She was dying. Toby was standing over her. She was back in the ambulance in agonizing pain, the siren hurting her head.

Is this hell? This has to be hell.

Another flash.

Paramedics burst through the door and soon her kitchen was overrun. She kept trying to explain to them that she was a doctor, but they pushed her way from Emily to continue the compressions.

Someone grabbed her arm and tried to physically pull her away.

Alison yanked away from the man and glared daggers at him. She glanced at the knife block on the counter. It took all her self-restraint to not grab the butcher knife and bury it in the man's chest. The fury that had been building up for weeks hit a ceiling. And it was about to burst through.

Don't kill them, Alison. They're trying to help me. Don't kill them.

It was Emily's voice, trying to soothe her. It usually worked, but it wasn't working now. She pushed her way through the growing crowd of people in her kitchen and saw Emily being swiftly wheeled out the door.

Alison wanted to mow down every person in her way. She managed to make it through without killing anyone. She jumped in the ambulance with no hesitation, her head throbbing and her broken fingers aching.

When they got to the hospital they whisked Emily inside. Alison ran by the front desk, a red hot burning sensation clawing away at her.

The young bubbly girl who was sitting where Kathleen used to sit saw her rushing towards her. She stood up, frazzled and confused.

"Get me Spencer Hastings." Alison ordered.

"She's off this morning." The girl looked like she was going to cry. She was used to Alison's kindness. Not seeing the anger in her eyes.

"Then call her. Get her here. Tell her it's Emily."

"Oh, Doctor DiLaurentis. I'm so sorry. I didn't know..."

"Don't be sorry. Be helpful." She motioned to the phone. "Spencer Hastings, now. And call Toby Cavanaugh. His number is in Emily's file."

She knew Spencer would beat him to the hospital because she only lived a few miles away.

She ran after the doctors who were taking her wife into a trauma room.

"We need to get her into surgery." Alison tried to take control.

A younger doctor who was new tried to put himself between Alison and Emily and tell her that she needed to step back since it was her wife on the table. Alison started to reach for a tray of instruments.

A shiny new scalpel...

No. Don't. You're better than this. Emily begged.

Alison screamed in frustration and watched as they tried to rouse her wife. After ten minutes of CPR and using the defibrillator, the doctors stood back watching the monitor.

"No. Why are you stopping? Don't stop!" Alison growled, baring her teeth at them.

"She's been down too long..." He glanced at Alison sympathetically. "I'm going to have to call time of death..."

"I said don't stop!" Alison ran between them and started compressions again. She frantically pounded on Emily's chest, begging her to wake up. Tears started streaming down her face.

"Dr. DiLaurentis..." A soft British voice came from behind her.

Wren Kingston slowly walked into the room.

"Wren...finally. Someone who knows what they're doing..."

"Alison..." He carefully approached her. "It's too late."

"NO IT FUCKING ISN'T!" Alison swung around, aiming to grab something from the tray of instruments.

She missed and knocked it over. Another agonizing scream tore from her lips as she started knocking things over and kicking at the ground.

Not her. Not MY wife. Not after everything...

"Oh my God." Another familiar voice.

But Alison was too far gone to care. She frantically tried to get Emily to wake up. She leaned over to kiss her.

Her lips are still warm.

She felt a gentle pair of arms around her, spinning her around. Her eyes met Spencer's teary gaze. Alison glanced at Spencer's pajamas. She hadn't even changed clothes before hopping in her car to get there.

Alison screamed in her face and tried to twist out of her grasp, desperately reaching out for Emily. When she was free she leaned over and stroked Emily's hair and cupped her cheek. She peppered her face with kisses.

"I won't give up on you." She whispered. "I'll never give up on you..."

She balled her good hand over her cast and put her hands on Emily's chest, but before she could start CPR again Spencer pulled her into another embrace.

"Let me go." Alison growled.

"No." Spencer only held her closer.

It infuriated her. Her eyes shot to a pair of scissors she'd knocked on to the floor.

I will kill everyone in this room if I have to...

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" She screamed as she fought against Spencer's hold.

"I'll do nothing of the sort." Spencer stood her ground, hugging her tight.

Alison felt her knees buckling as the intensity of her pain hit her. She sank to the ground, Spencer holding her the whole way.

Spencer turned to the surprised crowd of doctors and nurses.

"Everyone out." Spencer ordered.

She cared enough about Alison to maintain the privacy of her most intimate moments. She respected her enough to protect her vulnerabilities.

"Now!" Spencer yelled at the two nurses frozen in place.

Wren escorted them out and slid the door shut.

"It's just us, Ali. It's just us..."

Alison fell against Spencer and let out a keening cry that ripped through her fellow surgeon. She angrily pounded against Spencer's chest, but Spencer didn't let her go. She just let her feel her pain.

Alison screamed. She cursed. She threatened her friend. But eventually she stopped struggling and lifted her arms and hugged Spencer back as sobs ripped through her body.

"Why?" She wailed. "Why...why this after everything..."

"Easy." Spencer held her. "We're going to get you something to help settle your nerves and then I'm going to get you up to psych until you've calmed down."

Alison didn't respond. Normally she would have fought her on it. But nothing was worth it anymore. She stared at Spencer.

Spencer touched her cheek. Alison didn't react.

"Alison..." Spencer's voice sounded different. Distorted.

For a moment she sounded like Emily.

Alison...

Alison closed her eyes, screaming into Spencer's shoulder.

"Ali..." It was Emily again.

Ali...wake up...

Her heart clenched in her chest.

When she opened her eyes Spencer was gone.

She startled herself awake.

She was covered in a cold sweat. She was thrashing, but something was holding her down.

Emily gently caressed her cheeks.

Alison still wasn't completely out of the hell her mind had created for her.

"You're okay. It's okay. It was just a nightmare." Emily tried to soothe her.

Alison's entire body trembled.

She relaxed into Emily's arms. It wasn't the first time she'd had that nightmare, but it always felt so damn real.

"Look at me." Emily's voice was so gentle that it nearly made Alison come undone.

No.

Don't.

Don't be gentle with me.

Don't be kind.

Don't save me from myself.

Her nightmares were her way of punishing herself for putting Emily in danger. It wasn't so much that she cared about the people she'd killed. It was that it had gotten Emily and other people she cared about hurt, including Liam...a child.

She'd been dealing with the nightmares for nearly six weeks.

Six weeks of hell...

The nightmares had started the day after they got home from the hospital.

The first two weeks had been the hardest. They'd often both wake up screaming. They suffered from night terrors, but Alison's were more severe. Emily was always there for her when she woke up. And Alison returned the favor when Emily would scream her name in her sleep.

It had been an intense month and a half for them, but the patience they showed one another was unwavering.

"I'm right here." Emily kissed her sweaty forehead. "I'm right here, honey."

Alison clutched Emily's shirt and breathed heavily, gasping to catch her breath. She couldn't get enough air in her lungs. She moved into her arms and bawled her eyes out. Angry tears. A thunderstorm rolling in...turning into a dangerous tornado.

After a while she stopped, her aggravated growling cries turning into soft sniffling noises. Emily stayed quiet as she stroked her hair and let her get it all out.

Emily's arms were the best place in the world.

I could stay here forever.

"Which one was it?" Emily was so close that Alison could feel the vibration of her words.

Alison had several reoccurring nightmares. Sometimes it was the night Jason died. Other times it was Wilden on the houseboat. Lately, it had been Alex torturing her...whipping her as she slipped around in her own blood. Many times it was watching Emily die.

"You." Alison's tongue felt like sandpaper. She shuddered and buried her face in the crook of Emily's neck.

"The knife?" Emily guessed.

Many times Alison woke up screaming about watching Emily get stabbed and being unable to do anything about it.

"No. The other one. Where we're in the kitchen and you just...you die after an aneurysm."

"Ah, yeah. That one is a real bitch." Emily brushed her fingers through Alison's hair. "You're always more vocal and kick more when you have that one."

"It was different this time. This time we made it to the hospital. Spencer was there." Her voice was hoarse from screaming, "You know the worst part of it?" She slowly looked up, meeting Emily's eyes in the dim light. "I watch you die over and over again. It's an endless loop and I know subconsciously that it's not real, but I can't convince myself that it's not."

"Yeah, I get that."

"She got to me." Alison snarled. "She knew that watching you suffer was my worst nightmare. Alex was...perceptive and cruel and she enjoyed poking my scars. And now it's all I think about."

"It's going to take time. I know it sucks right now." Emily kissed her temple. "It's okay to admit that it sucks. I'm not going to bullshit you with some platitudes about how things happen for a reason, because I don't believe that. And I know you don't either. It's okay to tell the truth and to say things like it's fucking stupid and that it sucks."

Alison nodded. She loved Emily for being so down to Earth...for saying exactly what she needed to hear. Somebody who loved her and understood her on every level.

"You know..." Alison pulled back and wiped the sweat away from her cheeks. "I can deal with being wounded, but what I hate is feeling scarred. I feel like she's still here...rubbing salt in my wounds. It's insulting."

Wounds healed. But they left lasting memories. The memories were a lot harder to deal with, especially when her old memories clashed with her new ones. Everything that Emily had said to her in her nightmare had been said in real life. They'd had those conversations. They'd had that wonderful breakfast, minus Emily not feeling well. But deep inside her brain things had gotten so twisted that reality had a darkness seeping into it so seamlessly that it was hard to differentiate between the two worlds.

That bitch broke my brain.

More than that, Alex had broken the inkling of a soul that she had. She'd tried to take Emily away from her...the last link to her humanity.

That had been Alex's end goal. To destroy her.

In some ways, Alex succeeded. In other ways, she hadn't. Alison felt empowered knowing that she and Emily had run through the gauntlet and they'd survived.

Emily had been trying to take it in stride because she knew how difficult it was for Alison. They'd both been through an immense amount of trauma, but Alison had undoubtedly been through the worst of it. On top of that, the blonde was still trying to learn how to balance the intensity of emotions she hadn't felt since she was a child. She was grappling with the complete loss of control and with being victimized.

They'd both been torn apart by life. Both of them had their innocence stolen at young ages. Emily didn't talk about her experiences as a teenager much, but she was still very much haunted by Ben and his sexual assault in the locker room. That door had been opened up in a way that she couldn't ignore now that she was in therapy. It came up a lot more than she'd expected it to. Even more than the trauma of losing Maya.

"The scars...they'll always be there." Emily sighed. "But just like the scars we can see..." She looked at a very faint outline on Alison's cheek. The A that had been cut into her skin was barely visible. It faded more each day, "...the ones we feel inside will eventually start to fade, too. But there are going to be times when we fall apart. I know you're not used to that, but that's a part of it."

"I hate feeling things." Alison grumbled. "Sometimes I wish I could go back to feeling nothing at all." She paused, a thoughtful look on her face. "But then I wouldn't have you. I wouldn't have our friends...our family."

She'd been so stubborn about letting people in because she didn't want to lose anyone else she cared about. She'd closed off the possibility years ago. It was easy to isolate herself and interact with people on a superficial level. But she'd just been depriving herself...and protecting her secret. She didn't have to do that anymore.

"I know I'm different. And I know you've told me not to call myself a monster, but that's the one thing I never lied about. I was honest with myself about what I was doing..." She swallowed hard, "...about what I still want to do."

She felt Emily tense up, but the brunette didn't say anything about it. She understood that Alison would always have the desire to kill people. Emily would always have the desire to drink. Millions of other people around the world fought their own demons every day. With Emily, she didn't so much as accept Alison's addiction or encourage it, but she knew that it was different for her. Because it wasn't just about the addiction. It had always been about saving lives and exposing terrible people for who they were.

On more than one occasion Emily had looked at the tipping scale of the justice system. Alison had even talked to her about it after Emily learned the truth. It all went back to seeing Garrett Reynolds in the morgue. That had been the single thing that made Emily question whether the SLK victims deserved to die.

Alison had told her that there wasn't a difference between her killing a pedophile rapist and the state killing one. The blonde believed that death row was just a glorified and bureaucratic way of killing people. It was deemed okay by society because someone was getting a paycheck to do it. During all of Alison's years of killing she had managed to get evil vile people off the streets. She had kept kids safe without the added issue of what would happen if their abuser were to get out into society again. Marco essentially said the same thing.

"I wish I could say it's gone." Alison felt like she was disappointing her wife, but Emily had assured her more than once that she knew what she was going through. "It's just in me. It's in my blood."

"I know." Emily whispered as she kissed Alison's head.

Alison looked at the sincerity on her wife's face, and it crushed her. She'd made Emily fall in love with her. She'd made someone she loved fall in love with a monster.

She's too good for me.

She deserves so much better.

Why does she love me so much?

"I want so bad not to be broken. I always felt like it wouldn't be right to love you, because when you loved me back it meant that I was going to poison you. I knew that the whole time...that I would pull you under." Alison could taste the salt from her sweat as she spoke. "I feel like the moment I met you I started pulling you apart piece by piece and that I left you in a thousand pieces. Just like me. That's the most fucked up thing I've ever done."

Emily paused and cocked her head before responding.

"You didn't break me, Alison. I was already broken. You put me back together."

It was one of the most beautiful and heart-wrenching things that Alison had ever heard her say. It was their first "I love you" all over again. It was the first time they had connected intimately instead of merely sexually. The first time she'd looked in Emily's eyes and felt something.

Emily knew it was too much for Alison to comprehend, so before the blonde had a chance to try and respond Emily pulled her in for a kiss. It was deep and passionate. It was the kind of kiss that stopped the world. Minutes could have passed...hours...days.

When they finally came up for air, Alison relaxed against Emily.

"I have no clue why you love me like you do." Alison pressed her lips against Emily's neck. "You make me want to be a better person, but I'm not sure that I can be."

"You only have to be you. That's all I care about." Emily hugged her.

Alison smiled, but it slowly faded, because she was fighting two entities. Her head and her heart.

"Sometimes I feel like Frankenstein's monster. Mary Shelley captured it so beautifully in her book. I remember reading it in high school and then watching the movie obsessively. Because it's how I felt. I felt ugly...on the inside. And alone. In one movie adaptation there was this line said by Frankenstein's monster. I don't remember it exactly, but I remember immediately connecting to it. 'I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine. And rage you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy one, I will indulge the other' and I just remember thinking 'that's me.' I connected with the creature. And now I'm frustrated, because even though I have you and it's enough...I still can't stop thinking about driving my scalpel into people."

"You know...both things can be true at the same time. You can have that love...which you very much do." Emily nuzzled her nose down until it tickled Alison's cheek, making her smile, "...and you can still have that rage. People have very different outlets. I don't want you out there murdering people, but I understand your need and why you want to do it."

"These nightmares aren't really helping. They just remind me that psychos like Alex Drake are still out there running around." Alison curled her lip up.

"What does help?" Emily gently clutched her fingers.

The cast had come off recently, but Emily knew the bones were still tender.

Alison smiled at her.

"You." She pecked Emily's lips. "Occasionally screaming into a pillow." She started to mentally list off things that helped her from completely losing it. "Watching Aria bouncing off the walls of the morgue on a coffee high and scaring the interns." She laughed. "Bickering with Spencer. I think she gets me on some level." Her tone softened and she smiled. "Hanna and Caleb and their boys. They're such great kids."

Hanna and the boys had come by not long after Emily and Alison had been released from the hospital to give them hugs and presents. Aidan even sang them a "get well soon" song he'd learned. Liam had doodled a little heart on Alison's cast and then kissed it and cuddled with her. It felt right having him in her lap. It was the only thing besides being with Emily that really made her feel at peace.

"Sometimes I think about what might happen if we were to have a family someday." It wasn't the first time Alison had mentioned potentially having a family, but they both knew if that happened...it wasn't going to be for a very long time.

They had to work through a lot of things first.

"You know what I really miss?" Alison yawned, mindlessly tracing a pattern into Emily's shoulder.

Emily contemplated the answer.

"Sex?" Emily guessed.

Alison smiled against her skin and let out a quiet murmur.

Soon. They'd explored each other's bodies, but were taking their sex life slow while they healed.

"That too." Alison stroked Emily's face. She snuggled close to her wife. "Honestly though, I miss Duke's big old dopey face. I miss having those sweet eyes and his nose pressing against me when I was losing it. He is such a good dog."

"Toby will loan him to us again if he needs to." Emily smiled.

"Has anyone gotten back to you all about Gus?" Alison was starting to fear the worst about Louis Palmer's dog.

"Not yet." Emily said. "They had two major homicides that took precedence, but Toby said they were still trying to find out what happened to Gus. He said it was hard to trace because initially the shelter that took him moved him to a rescue...who moved him to another rescue. He ended up at another shelter and they lost track. But he was such a good dog. I can't imagine anything bad happening to him..."

"I wish I had your optimism."

The words that Alison had heard Alex utter about him still plagued her.

"I hope they gas his ass at the pound."

"There are a lot of foster and adoption programs they're looking through. We'll find him." Emily stroked Alison's arm.

Alison inhaled a breath and closed her eyes. She let Emily's warmth envelop her. Not just her physical warmth, but the warmth the brunette had in her heart.

"Em?" She relaxed against her wife. "I'm glad you're here."

A weight of exhaustion held the blonde down. She could barely keep her eyes open. But she heard Emily's reply.

"I'm glad you're here, too."

The last thing she felt before she drifted back to sleep was Emily's soft fingers against her cheek and her warm lips pressing against hers.

o ~ O ~ o

Despite Emily's presence, Alison had tossed and turned and had a hard time getting back to sleep. She always woke up feeling a heated pressure against her skull after she'd suffered an awful night terror. It was like her brain couldn't contain what she was feeling. But Emily pacified it. She served as a calm medium when Alison started thinking about blowing up the world.

Alison woke up agitated and on edge. There was only so much Emily could do to help. Some of Alison's emotional blow-outs were mild. Some were a slippery slope into a darker path. She wanted to physically fix what she was feeling and she was pissed off that she couldn't.

Emily was already up and brushing her teeth. She walked into the bedroom with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth, a crazy case of bed-head, and droopy eyelids. Yet she was still the most beautiful human Alison had ever laid eyes on.

"Ugh." Alison glared at the daylight filtering in through the window. It made Emily glow, which helped quell Alison's sour mood a little bit. Her head fell back against the pillows. "How do you look like that?"

Emily looked down at her ripped night shirt in confusion.

"Like what?" The brunette's mouth was half full. She pulled the toothbrush out.

"Like a fucking Goddess." Alison rolled over on to her side and propped her head up with her hand.

"You're giving me too much credit. I look like a wicked witch in a fairy tale." Emily peered in the mirror over her vanity stand.

Alison snorted out a sarcastic laugh.

"If that's true then I'm a troll under the bridge." Alison buried her head in her pillow and growled.

Emily finished brushing her teeth and climbed next to Alison, scooping the blonde up in her arms.

"What are you over here grumbling about? You're beautiful." Emily cupped her chin and pulled her forward for a kiss.

Alison smiled. Her mouth tasted like cool mint.

"Of course I am." Alison smirked. "I meant I'm literally a troll who wants to bash people in the head with my big troll hammer."

"Ah, I see." Emily brushed Alison's hair aside. "On a scale of one to murderous are you just cranky or are you feeling like setting the Earth on fire?"

She usually hated the question, because most of the time all she felt was a murderous rage. But she didn't have to hide that anymore, so she didn't mind when Emily asked her.

The anger had been building through the night, but Emily's response was enough to bring clarity to what Alison was feeling.

"I feel like stabbing something." Honesty is the best policy.

It was getting harder and harder for her to control the budding inferno that festered when she hadn't cut someone in a while. Someone had cut her off in line at the grocery store and she'd had to fight the urge to strangle the man with her bare hands. She knew she was slowly unraveling. And she didn't want it to get to a point where she snapped over an expired coupon or a driver cutting her off.

"I had a feeling." Emily nodded. She reached for Alison's arm and pulled her towards the edge of the bed. "Come on."

A part of Alison didn't want to leave her warm comfy bed, but the other part of her was excited because she knew where Emily was taking her.

They walked down to the attached garage where a make-shift gym had been customized just for Alison. There was a punching bag, which she hadn't been able to use yet because her fingers were still sore. Unlike normal gyms, this one had two life-sized dummies. A male and a female. Both had detachable appendages. They were mostly used in crime scene labs when the forensics team was recreating a crime.

The set up worked out in their favor because it looked like it was set up for self-defense, and no one faulted them for wanting to be prepared if they were attacked again.

There was a small black suitcase that had been locked with a number combination. Emily entered their anniversary and handed a bundle of knives and scalpels to Alison.

"Let it out." She nodded towards the dummies. "I'll have breakfast ready when you're finished."

Alison usually liked to let out her rage alone. Emily respected her privacy, so she slowly turned to walk away.

The blonde reached for her arm.

"Wait." She waited for Emily's eyes to meet hers. "Stay. I want you to stay. If you're comfortable with it."

For better or for worse. Emily thought.

"Are you sure?"

"Sometimes I go too dark." Alison picked up a freshly sharpened blade and glanced at it. It would look better covered in blood. "I want to sneak away. I'm afraid I'll slip..."

Alison walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a folder. It was filled with newspaper clippings. She handed it over to Emily. Some nights when she couldn't sleep she scoured the internet for crimes.

Emily looked at the first clipping, detailing how the police in a neighboring community were looking for a suspect in a series of rapes.

"They call him The Professor. He kidnaps underage girls from school...takes them somewhere and rapes them. But instead of killing them...he lets them go, so they'll have to live with it for the rest of their lives. He keeps his identity hidden by keeping a bag over their heads. All of the victims have said the same thing..."

"He lectures them like a teacher before and during..." Emily interrupted her. "Then he tells them class dismissed before he leaves them brutalized and traumatized. I heard about this. It's buzzing at the station. The Villanova PD has been talking to our special units, asking to coordinate efforts and see if there are any similar cases here."

"Are there?" Alison raised a suspicious brow.

"Don't know. It's not my department. And I haven't been at the station enough to know much of anything." Emily flipped through the clippings. "How long have you been following this?"

Alison looked at the knife in her hand and then at the male dummy.

"I saw the story a few days after we got out of the hospital and started researching it." She gently took the file from Emily. "I'm sorry. I was starting to go stir-crazy. And this gave me something to focus on other than..." She paused and licked her lips.

"Other than what Alex did to you?" Emily knew exactly what Alison was going to say.

"Did to us." Alison reminded her.

"It's different. You know I don't remember most of it." It was a gift and a curse. Because she'd lost a period of time after her heart stopped.

She only remembered bits and pieces. Finding Alison. Struggling with Alex over the gun. Then a molten fiery pain. The thing that haunted her the most was the look on Alison's face, begging her to stay with her.

Alison gave the file back to Emily.

"Every day, more and more comes back to me." Alison stared at the female doll. "I'll remember something she said or something she did. How she hurt me."

She slowly walked over to the life-sized mannequin. She traced the knife against the side of its cheek, mimicking how Alex had first started with her...how Alison used to start with her kills. She couldn't do that anymore if she killed again. She had to let the moniker die.

Emily leaned back against a workshop table, her eyes drifting from the folder in her hands to Alison. She watched as Alison methodically followed the pattern of her own injuries that Alex had given her.

"I've imagined what I'd do to her." Alison spoke, her back towards Emily, her focus still on the dummy.

She pressed the tip of the knife against the side of the dummy's neck and put enough pressure on it to puncture it.

"How I'd torture her with thousands of tiny cuts. Nothing more than papercuts to start. Just enough to make her bleed."

Alison had told Emily her thoughts before, so it wasn't shocking to the brunette. She calmly watched as her wife got lost in torturing the doll.

It was only after Alison started wildly yelling and repeatedly stabbing the dummy in the stomach that Emily pushed herself to her feet. Alison reared back and buried the knife into the dummy's chest.

Before she could pull back and stab the dummy again Emily put her hand on Alison's shoulder, startling her from her trance. Alison stood with her back to Emily, panting. She didn't like Emily to see her lose control, but she also knew that she needed her wife to keep her from going too far.

All it took was a single touch or an uttered word.

"Paris." Emily whispered, bringing the blonde crashing back into reality.

Paris.

Paris was their happy place. Their safe space. It was the one word that could get Alison to stop no matter what she was doing.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was back in the Eiffel Tower with Emily. Everything was serene. They were at peace. Sometimes Alison forgot that living was harder than dying.

When Alison opened her eyes she quietly centered herself and then turned around. She reached her sweaty palms up and cupped Emily's cheeks.

My sweet Emily.

She smiled as she stood on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on her wife's lips.

You keep me here.

You keep me grounded.

You are my heart.

Emily's lips moved against Alison's. The blonde let Emily's touch soothe her. When they pulled away Emily wiped away a trail of sweat from underneath her right eye with her thumb.

"Did that help?" Emily questioned.

Not enough.

But don't you worry, my love.

I won't go into the darkness...not without you to bring me back.

"Some." Alison reached up and traced Emily's lips.

Emily's phone chirped, her alarm screaming at them.

"We need to get moving." Emily looked at the time on her phone. "We've got therapy today."

Alison grumbled.

That just makes me want to stab MORE things.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up?" Emily's nose brushed Alison's temple. "I'll go make breakfast. What do you feel like this morning? Bacon and eggs? Pancakes? Waffles?"

"Anything." Alison smiled.

Just the fact that Emily wanted to take care of her was heartwarming. She didn't care what she cooked. In fact, Emily didn't have to cook anything at all to prove her worth. But she wouldn't be Emily if she didn't offer.

Thinking about the brunette in the kitchen made Alison feel a squeamish. Flashes to Emily's nosebleed and watching her collapse and die agitated the blonde.

"Why don't we go by the café instead?" Alison asked. She thought she might feel less anxious away from the kitchen. "I'm sure the girls would love to meet up for coffee."

"I'm not sure we have time." Emily glanced at her phone.

"Come on, Em! I need normal." And to stall going to therapy.

"Alright." Emily pulled up a group chat on her phone.

Alison smiled in victory.

Emily texted Aria, Hanna, and Spencer,

Coffee anyone? Alison and I are going to the café for breakfast. I know it's last minute, but does anyone want to join?

Within seconds she had an eager response from Aria.

You had me at 'coffee'. I'm in.

"Junkie." Emily chuckled. They all had their vices. For some it was coffee. For others...killing criminals.

Spencer chimed in a minute later.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Hanna's response took a few minutes longer because she was wrangling two small Tasmanian devils.

God yes. I'm up to my ears in squabbling tiny humans. Winter break is going to kill me, I swear. Let me just throw the boys at Caleb and run. See you soon.

Emily looked up from her phone with a smile on her face,

"We're on."

They quickly got ready, taking special care to make themselves look presentable to their psychologists after breakfast. They had been seeing different doctors. They also went to marriage counseling once a week just to maintain their unhealthy, yet healthy relationship.

Snowflakes floated down from the sky as they pulled out of their driveway. The sunshine was hiding behind the clouds. It was cold enough that the snow would definitely stick.

As Emily drove down the road, a flash from some idiot with their high beams on blinded her momentarily. And she was back on the street after being hit by the car. Back in the liquor store when that bullet struck her. Back in the basement of The Radley.

She felt a soft touch on her forearm. Her wife, bringing her back to reality the same way Emily did for her.

Emily blinked and then focused on the road again. The whole flash had taken less than a second, but Alison had sensed it right away.

"You okay?"

"I'm good." Emily nodded. "I have you." She took one hand off the steering wheel and clutched Alison's hand.

They were the last to arrive at the café. Everyone else had already been up and dressed for the day, except for Aria...who was still in her scrubs. They put their orders in and a few minutes later they were sitting at a table with coffee and a mini breakfast buffet.

Spencer blew into her plain decaf coffee.

"Decaf? Ugh...who drinks decaf, Spencer?" Alison made a gagging noise.

"Demons. That's who." Aria scrutinized their friend. "I don't trust anyone who drinks decaf."

"You trust me well enough to keep my patients off of your table." Spencer was unfazed by their razzing. She glanced at Alison and Emily. "How have you two been doing?"

"Every now and then we both still get sore." Emily sipped her coffee slowly.

"I think the emotional pain is worse." Alison plucked at a blueberry muffin.

Aria jabbed her knife into some strawberry jelly.

"I so enjoyed stabbing that woman and ripping her face open during the full autopsy." Aria pulled the knife back and spread it across a piece of toast. "And watching her go up in flames in the incinerator was very satisfying."

"Aria!" Spencer harshly cut her eyes at the fiery pathologist.

"What? It's true." Aria showed no hint of remorse. She had no intention of apologizing.

Aria had always intrigued Alison. Over time, Alison had learned to respect her. Out of all of her friends, she felt closest to Aria. They were a lot a like. Aria just had more control.

"Those are the kinds of thoughts that we use our indoor voices for." Spencer scolded her.

She has no children, but is forever the nagging mom. Alison glanced at Spencer.

Like a child, Aria defied her.

"I don't care who knows that I'm glad that A SERIAL KILLER IS DEAD." She raised her voice, turning a few heads. "Her mother didn't even want to claim the body. She was so sickened by what her daughter had done that she told the city to take care of it. So burn, baby, burn."

"Seriously, you're going to end up in mandatory therapy if you can't control yourself." Spencer frowned.

"Okay, mom." Aria scoffed sarcastically.

"Hey, Spence, want a side job as a babysitter?" Hanna nudged the surgeon. "I've got two totally innocent little angels who could really use a bossy sitter..." She trailed off, "And a mommy who needs to be spoiled by her husband on a nice beautiful vacation in Napa, sans children. You're perfect for the job. Got that stiff nanny thing going on." She gestured to Spencer's face.

"Ah, so this is why you invited me. To insult me." Spencer laughed as she poured a small amount of skim milk into her coffee. "And no thanks to the babysitting job. I've seen your kids on a sugar high. I've never used the term gremlins to describe a child, but there's a first time for everything..."

"Oh, look at that...Spencer with the clap back." Emily grinned.

"And it was a shot at children, no less." Aria was impressed.

"I won't even argue. I love my boys. I would die for them. They can be the sweetest little souls in the world. But they can also be little terrors." Hanna waved it off. "But enough about my family. How about you give us the dirt on you and Toby. It seems that you two kids are pret-ty serious. Word on the street is that maybe there's some talks of moving in together?"

Spencer's pale features flushed a bright shade of red.

"It's me. I'm 'word on the street'." Aria lifted her brows and let out a dog whistle.

"God, I can't take you anywhere." Spencer rolled her eyes and muttered, "I'm about to drag you back to your crypt at the hospital." She flushed and immediately turned towards Alison, horrified at mentioning a dark underground bunker...similar to where she'd been tortured. "That was so insensitive. I'm sorry."

Alison fidgeted, not because she was uncomfortable...but because she hated being seen as a victim.

"The morgue doesn't bother me." The blonde shrugged. Emily put her arm around her shoulder. "I would like to see The Radley blown to smithereens though."

She hated that it was still standing. It taunted her.

"I have access to the right chemicals..."

"Aria..." Spencer cut her off again.

"Sorry. I hypothetically and allegedly have access to certain combustible chemicals that could theoretically cause large explosions." Aria grinned. "Just a fun fact."

"She's just kidding. For legal purposes." Hanna winked at Aria.

"You two are literally sitting with a cop." Spencer pointed at Emily.

"Hey, I only do homicides. I'm just sayin'." Emily threw her hands up playfully. And I am married to a killer...who I will cover for until the day I die. Why not add arson to that?

She turned towards Alison and grinned before giving her a kiss.

"Okay, so we're on the same page. Here's where we will not be tonight at 11:00 pm..." Aria leaned forward for dramatic effect. "We will not be at a crime scene that not only nearly cost us two of our friends lives, but a place that was once a facility that mistreated mental patients...directly resulting in their deaths. We will totally not be there."

"Wait...are we...are we actually doing this?" Hanna's brows curved in confusion. "I mean...I'm totally down for it, but I need to make sure I have childcare options available. Caleb is working tonight."

"You all are going to drive me insane." Spencer took a gulp of her coffee.

"At least you won't end up at The Radley when we do." Alison smiled.

Alison had absolutely no doubt in her mind that Aria and Hanna would help her blow the place up, but she knew that the building wouldn't be standing for much longer. It would eventually be torn down for a parking lot. Developers had already started flocking to the land because of the low cost. The price had dropped dramatically because of all the negative press. The owners of the lot knew they had to sell because they'd end up losing money come tax time.

It was only a matter of time before the building was demolished, but she enjoyed fantasizing about setting it ablaze.

But blowing up a building, as cathartic as it might be, would just be one more thing for her to have to lie about in therapy. So instead of encouraging it, she poked and prodded Spencer about moving in with Toby and watched her squirm as she tried to dodge the questions.

o ~ O ~ o

Alison stared out the window. The ground was sprinkled with a fresh coat of snow. It was perfect. Satin. Pristine white that would look beautiful covered with the fresh bright red blood of The Professor.

The blood would look magnificent blooming out and painting a picturesque contrast to the colorless backdrop, complementing the dull shade beneath it with a vibrant and lively splash that revitalized it. The hot sticky substance would turn the snow soft, melting it, creating swirls of color, fanning out in all directions.

Her skin crawled where her cast had been removed. Sometimes she still felt a phantom itch she couldn't reach.

Despite Emily's suggestion about going to therapy, she hadn't forced Alison in to it. Alison had genuinely come around to the idea.

They'd found separate psychologists. Alison had a lot of trauma to work through. So did Emily. And they needed to work through the trauma together and apart.

"Alison?" A smooth female voice cut through the air.

Alison had gone out of her way to pick a woman. All her psychologists had been female. She had been victimized and abused by men. And she didn't trust them.

"How are you feeling today?" A kind Native American face stared back at her.

I hate you for making me come here. I hate Spencer for suggesting it. And I want to be mad at Emily for making me want to do this, but I can't.

Alison wondered how Emily was faring in therapy. She didn't talk much after her sessions. She went to the gym for a light work-out. She still hadn't been cleared for full physical workouts, so she did low impact exercises. Alison wasn't entirely sure what Emily talked about, but she knew it wasn't about her wife being a killer. Emily had already proved she'd take that to the grave with her.

"I'm fine." Alison traced her fingers against the arm of the chair she was sitting in. "I'm working on my anger. And I'm opening up more to Emily about the things that I'm feeling."

"The last time we were here we were talking about making amends for things in your past."

Alison hadn't told her anything about the SLK, but she had modified her story and admitted to making mistakes that had led to a lot of unhealthy behavior...and subsequently hurting others.

I'm not here to apologize for my past. I'm not going to say I'm sorry for killing people who deserved it.

She could sense the therapist sniffing around the outskirts of her mind, like a pig searching for truffles.

Separate the letters of therapist and you'll get 'the rapist'. Add in the 'mind' rapist. That's basically all they are.

Alison had been seeing shrinks all her life. She knew very well what to say...and what not to say...to convince the psychologists that she was totally normal. She didn't need to be honest with the woman in front of her. She had Emily for that.

Because she knew that deep down in the recesses of her mind that normal for her was a lie.

It wasn't something that could be spoken out loud. She walked the road alone, Emily by her side. She had a choice to get through it or not.

"How are the nightmares?"

"I had one last night so bad that I woke up thrashing and screaming. But Emily was there for me." Alison rubbed her arm.

"Would you like to tell me what it was about?"

How about you get the fuck out of my mind?

But she wanted to try. To really try.

"It was about losing Emily. About...about seeing her die." Her mouth went dry and she felt her head spinning. "Those are the worst ones. I'm helpless and I can't do anything."

"Because letting go of control is hard for you."

Duh. Why else do you think I'm here? For the kitten posters with inspirational quotes and sunset photographs?

"Yeah."

"You're certainly monosyllabic today." She folded her arms and leaned back in her chair, her eyes never straying from Alison. "I've noticed that you seem to be more of a listener than a talker. I feel as though when it comes to communicating...it's usually a one way street..."

I only talk to Emily.

"When you do talk, it's...filtered." She scrutinized Alison.

Alison tried not to react.

The ticking of the clock was the only sound in the room.

"Filtered...as in you think I'm lying?" Alison felt the hairs on the back of her neck bristling.

"Of course not." She changed her tone of voice. It was softer. She clearly hadn't meant to set Alison off. "I mean it more as...what you say is carefully formulated."

"So...the politically correct way to say lying." Alison scoffed.

"I don't think you're lying, Alison. But I do think you're holding back. And the only way I can help you is if you start being honest with yourself. This..." She motioned between them, "...doesn't work unless you're open to it working."

Alison knew she had to give the woman something to shut her up.

"It's just that I've talked to psychologists my entire life, and even though I wanted it to help...it didn't." It was partially the truth. She did on some level want to be normal. "It's soured me and made me kind of skeptical of your profession."

The woman smiled. A real smile. Not one that was often plastered on people's faces when they were pretending to be happy.

"I understand that." She nodded. "I think that's the first thing you've said while you're being truly honest with yourself. And telling me that...that's huge. It's good for the soul to talk about things."

Is it? Because I hate talking. Maybe my soul only exists when I'm with Emily.

"I don't like revisiting all the bad shit." Another truth, something else for the woman to glom on to.

Despite her hostility towards her, Alison didn't hate her. In fact, she admired her for being so patient and understanding. But she absolutely despised the process of therapy. She was trying. She wanted to try. In her past she hadn't wanted that. That was the difference this time.

"And the worst of it is your wife dying, correct?"

Stop poking the bear...

"It's worse than everything. My fucked up childhood. My anger issues. Being tortured. Seeing her bleeding out on a fucking cement floor was the worst thing I've ever been through." Alison's stomach twisted in knots thinking about it.

There was a thoughtful pause as the woman took in the severity of what Alison had been through.

"You mentioned that you nearly died as well?"

Yeah, but that doesn't matter. The world wouldn't have lost anything if I had died. Losing Emily would have been catastrophic. Her mother probably would have slit her wrists.

"I did." Alison didn't mean to crumble, but her voice started shaking.

"So, how does your near death experience make you feel about an afterlife? Do you believe in it?"

Alison let the question linger for a moment. She hadn't technically been dead. She'd been in her subconscious, somewhere between the living and the dead. Her mind had showed her exactly what she needed to see.

"No." Alison looked into her soft brown eyes. Her eyes were a lot like Emily's. "I don't."

"What exactly do you believe in?"

I believe that this is worse than Alex torturing me.

"I believe in her." Alison peered at her wedding ring and then looked up again. "I believe in my wife."

She was what kept me going in the darkness.

She kept me sane amidst my insanity.

The woman tapped her pen against her pad and started writing something down.

"You went through something horrific and traumatic. It's not uncommon to latch on to someone you love." She cocked her head. "Are you familiar with the term co-dependence?"

Are you familiar with the phrase 'kiss my ass'?

"I'm aware of what you're getting at. I am a high-class renowned surgeon...top of my field. I've been in medicine since I was eighteen-years-old. I graduated early at the top of my class and went straight to college." Don't fucking patronize me. "What I have with my wife...you'll never be able to understand it."

No one will ever understand it.

"It wasn't an accusation. I just wanted to know a little more about your relationship as it relates to a day to day basis. There is a healthy amount of time to spend with those we love."

"Our days are typical. Before all this we both worked long hours, but we made time for each other." She missed those days. Everything had been less complicated.

But one thing that hadn't changed was their connection.

I get lost in her. She gets lost in me. It's like she's the air that I breathe and I'm the beating of her heart.

"She's getting ready to go back to work and so am I." Alison added.

"Are you ready for that, given all you've been through?"

"Doc..." Alison smiled. "You have no idea."

She had wanted to hold a scalpel again for weeks. To see fresh blood.

The smile on her face was one of pure ecstasy that couldn't be mistaken for anything else.

"You really love your job. I can see it in your eyes." A kind smile.

"I really do." Even when the surgeon wasn't murdering some psychopath...she enjoyed saving lives. "What I do makes a difference."

"It certainly does." She bobbed her head enthusiastically, clearly happy with the way their session was going. "When I say I want open honesty and transparency, this is what I mean. This is how I can help you. I want you to try and envision positive vibes..."

Aaaand, you've lost me. Spin the wheel and try again...

"We can make our own positivity in life, even when we've been dealt a losing hand..."

Oh...fuck this shit.

"We can shut the negative out..."

This is hippie-dippie dumbfuckery. I'll keep my negative vibes, thank you very much.

Her "breakthrough" had really satisfied both of them. By the end of the session she had the woman eating out of the palm of her hand. It had been no different than conquering the psychologists she'd seen when she was younger. Except she chose to be there. And she wasn't completely closed off to the idea that she might get an inkling of help.

Emily didn't say anything about her session on the ride home, which was completely normal. They chatted about their breakfast with the girls and talked about how happy they were to be returning to a sense of normalcy at work.

The brunette immediately retreated to the little homemade gym in their garage when they got home. Alison let her have some space.

When Emily emerged and walked into their bedroom...sweaty and determined, Alison met her by the door.

"So, how was your mandated psychological evaluation?" Alison asked.

Emily grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat from her brow and chuckled.

"Can we just call it therapy?"

"Call it what you want." Alison walked over to her vanity, "But it's not helping me get in touch with my inner anything. It's just making me want to kill her."

"Ooof, that bad?" Emily cringed.

"She said that broken bones grow back stronger. I told her that was not medically accurate." Alison stared at her reflection in the mirror. The scar on her face was barely noticeable. The deeper scars however...they haunted her mind.

"On good days...it can be true." Emily walked up behind Alison and wrapped her arms around her belly. "The world tried to break us and we became stronger together...a little less breakable." Emily laid her chin against Alison's shoulder and peered at their reflection in the mirror. "I also know that on the bad days we'll always be sort of broken. Parts of us will never be quite right."

"It's hard." Alison slowly turned around, meeting Emily's gaze. "I can't talk to her the way I can talk to you. I can't tell her how good it felt when I first started as the SLK. It felt so satisfying to watch the life drain out of a monster."

She had felt powerful running her gloved finger over the bloodstained knife...how she'd stood over them...her heart racing.

"Most killers have an intimate connection between themselves and their victim. But it wasn't like that for me. It was always about the message. The symbolic meaning. And getting rid of the scum on this planet. But I can't share that with her." Alison lowered her hand and placed it against Emily's hands on her stomach.

She glanced at Emily's eyes in their reflection, and she saw patience in them. Only someone who understood aching needs and desires and rage could understand what went into killing someone else.

Emily's expression was hard to read. Alison tried to delve into what she was hiding behind her eyes. But Emily was very practiced when it came to staying neutral about Alison's illegal activities.

The detective had been very open to hearing Alison's thoughts, but she couldn't connect to it in the same way that Alison did.

But she knew someone who could.

"I invited Marco over." Emily gently swayed Alison until they were facing.

"Why?" Alison peered at her in confusion.

"I think you need to talk to him." She'd seen the way that Alison had been spiraling.

Emily wasn't blind. She knew her wife was struggling. And she thought Marco could help. Marco had told Emily that he would have a chat with Alison in his own time, but he'd been busy with the press wrapping the investigation and integrating back into his position as Chief. And according to Aria he'd been at the hospital flirting with Nurse Anne quite a bit. Aria was convinced they were quietly dating and that he just didn't want the nurse caught up in the press circuit.

Alison hadn't wanted to leave Emily's side since they got home. Emily knew Alison suspected that Marco knew something. But she hadn't had a chance to hear it in his own words yet.

"He'll be here in twenty minutes." Emily smiled.

"Emily, I don't want to talk to him about this. I want to talk to you."

"I know. But I think he can help both of us." The answer was strangely cryptic given how honest they'd been with one another.

"This has something to do with what you two talked about after we gave our statements, doesn't it?" Alison snaked her hand down Emily's arm.

"It's a lot more than that. He'll explain it." Emily kissed her forehead. "I have to run a quick errand, so that'll give you two some space."

"An errand?" Alison looked at her suspiciously.

The stoic look on her face faded and Emily smiled at her.

"It's a good thing. I promise." Emily rubbed her palms against Alison's arms.

"Okay..." Alison nodded. "It's a good thing I trust you, Detective Fields." Alison shot her a cheeky smile.

"Trusting you is the reason I'm still alive, Doctor DiLaurentis." Emily winked.

A few minutes later Emily was tugging on her coat and snow boots and pulling out of the driveway.

Alison watched her car disappear, uncertain of whether she liked this idea. She liked Marco and trusted him, but they'd been mutually secretive for a reason. Their system worked. Alison was nervous to shake it up.

She was able to talk herself down from spiraling when she realized that Emily would never do anything that would hurt her. If anything, Emily would do anything she needed to do to help her. Sometimes Emily was perceptive enough to sense things that Alison couldn't.

When Marco showed up ten minutes later Alison's nerves had dissipated.

Marco limped up the stairs and kicked his boots against the porch to shake the loose snow off of them.

Alison opened the door before he had a chance to knock.

"Marco." She smiled.

"Hey, kiddo." He walked into the house, closing the door as he entered.

"Hey. You look like you're getting around a lot better. I bet Wren is pleased with your PT progress." Alison noticed that the limp was improving.

"Between you and me I make it look worse so I can go in and see that cute nurse of yours." He winked. "Runs around and nags me. It's a good time. She's a good one."

"Anne?" Alison had heard rumors about Anne and Marco making heart-eyes at one another. It could be that she was the only person in the world who could tame crotchety old Marco Furey.

"Yeah. She doesn't let me get way with my bullshit. I respect her for that." He grinned. "She's a tough old broad."

He seemed really happy.

"Just know that if you break her heart..." Alison gave him a playful menacing look.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He waved her off. "You'll something something yada yada yada with a baseball bat and 110 pounds of fury. I already got the speech from Aria."

It was more amusing than it should have been to both of them considering Alison had killed a bunch of people. She suspected he knew something, but he didn't seem afraid of her.

Alison motioned towards the living room. She'd made hot cocoa...mostly because she didn't know what the hell else to do. She offered him a cup and he accepted.

He sat down on the couch and sipped the chocolate, nibbling on a tiny marshmallow.

"Been a while." He put his mug down. "How are you doing?"

They hadn't crossed paths much. Alison knew they had a certain understanding, but she didn't know what it entailed. She hadn't pushed Emily on it, because she didn't want to get her in more trouble at work.

She also hadn't sought Marco out herself, because she couldn't admit to him who she really was or he wouldn't have plausible deniability anymore. She knew that he and Toby had covered up some of the shakier aspects of their story, but she had no idea how deep it ran.

She sat down next to him.

"I'm okay. Still a little muddled and confused. And angry. I've been really angry since I woke up." She clenched a fist.

"Understandable." He glanced at the fist she'd made.

"But there's good there, too..." She quickly unclenched her fingers.

"Always has been." There was a twinkle in his eye. "I'm surprised you didn't want to have this conversation sooner. I know you had questions after I had that closed-door meeting with Emily." He leaned back against the couch.

"I trust her. And I trust you. Besides, being honest and not keeping secrets from one another doesn't mean she can't have her privacy. They're not mutually exclusive." Alison shrugged. "I've actually wanted to talk to you for a while, but I've been...scared."

It was hard for her to admit that she was vulnerable. But Marco had seen her at her lowest point in her life. He'd pulled her out of a pool of her own blood. He'd literally held her childhood in his hands.

"No reason to be scared." He smiled warmly at the young woman sitting next to him.

It didn't matter what she'd done. It didn't matter...because he understood.

"We never got to finish that conversation we started in the hospital." Alison pinched her fingers together nervously.

She'd never been open with anyone except Emily.

"Figured you'd come to me in your own time." Marco leaned back, putting his free arm against the back of the couch. "I know enough about you to know that pushing you only pushes you further away. I know a lot about you." There was a duality in his tone.

"You've protected me my entire life." Alison fidgeted next to him.

"Time well spent." He reached for his cocoa again.

"Exactly how much do you know?" As soon as she asked, Alison felt her heart speed up in her chest.

"Only what you want to tell me. I'm not here to try and get you to talk about your feelings. It's an open door, kid. Always will be. But it needs to be your choice. You had too much taken from you when you were just a baby. I'm not going to add to that."

His sincerity and integrity brought tears to her eyes.

"You know everything, don't you?" Alison's breathing increased, her anxiety hitting her.

There was a pregnant pause. Marco looked at her thoughtfully.

"You were so good at hiding it as a child. I knew I should have suspected, but you were a hell of an actress." He didn't seem horrified or ashamed of her. He seemed intrigued.

But Alison was still angry at herself for pulling so many people she cared about into her dangerous world.

"I never wanted to put anyone I cared about in the middle of this. You and Emily almost died protecting me." She looked down at her feet.

"But we didn't," he said softly.

"I'm afraid it will happen again." She gripped the warm mug in her hands. "Therapy isn't working."

"You've only gone a few times..."

"Macro, it's never worked. My entire life. I just lied to the psychologists. You were the only one I told the truth to about my parents. That day on the playground."

She had grabbed his arm and told him about the bad thing her daddy tried to do to her.

"Your ninth birthday. I remember." There was a mixture of sympathy and anger in his tone. Hearing her talk about it nearly set him off.

"You gave me a stuffed puppy dog and told me they'd never hurt me again." She remembered exactly how she'd felt that day. It was one of the few times she'd let her emotions in.

"I did." He nodded.

"Emily knows why you said that to me, doesn't she?" She furrowed her brow.

Because Emily knew he killed the NAT club.

"She does." He didn't falter at all.

"I'd been wondering for a while. You seemed so confident that they were dead."

"I tried to do it the right way. The legal way." He frowned. "But that doesn't work for rich privileged men with money."

"You took matters into your own hands?" Alison guessed. He nodded. "That's why you were sure they weren't coming back for me."

Deep down, Alison knew it, but hearing him admit it still shocked her.

"You were never going to be safe with them around. A lot of children would never be safe as long as they were around." He clenched his hands into fists, for the first time breaking away from his passive mannerisms. "I talked to Emily about the trolley problem once. She and I had an interesting discussion about killing one person to save the many, especially if it was killing someone evil and saving a bunch of innocent lives. Put that into the equation and I'd kill the one to save the many every time I was presented with that scenario."

Alison listened, fascinated. She'd often used the same logic when she decided someone needed to die.

"We used to talk about it overseas, fantasize about killing people like Hitler and Stalin before they rose to power. But it's not always that simple." His lip twitched and his demeanor changed. "Sometimes you don't want to kill, but you have to in order to survive...or to save others. I had to make that choice overseas and over here. I wouldn't change a thing."

Alison breathed a sigh of relief. They were two sides of the same coin. But there was one major difference. Marco wasn't a serial killer. He was an assassin of sorts. They were different scenarios with the same outcome.

"Why didn't you say anything when you found out the truth about me?" Alison asked.

"It was a combination of things." Marco flicked an invisible piece of lint off of his pants.

"Was it the continuation of the NAT club that led you to me?"

"Actually...no. It made a stronger case after the fact, but I was too blinded by how much I care for you..." He wrestled with something and then shook his head. "Ah, to hell with it. I more than care about you. I love you. I love you like you were my own kid, and I couldn't see the truth."

It was the same reason Emily had been blind to it. Alison took a few seconds to appreciate the moment.

Marco Furey had been there for her over the years, but he was never overly-pushy. He respected her boundaries.

"I don't say those three words to many people." Marco didn't want her to take it lightly. "Only family."

Family.

It was something she had more of than she realized.

"You know, I always looked up to you. You were the only man I trusted after my brother died." When she looked at him he saw the little girl on her aunt's couch, shivering, sad blue eyes. Alison reached for his arm and gently touched it. "I love you, too, Marco."

He smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a quick side hug.

Neither one of them knew what to say next. It was Alison who broke the silence.

"Does this mean I have to call you on Father's Day?"

He let out a boisterous laugh.

"Only if you want to." He reached for his cocoa. The cup looked so tiny in his large hands. "If you're into gifts I like soccer. Haven't been to a game in ages."

"Noted."

There was a comfortable silence in the air. Alison reached for her cup.

"So if it wasn't the NAT club, how did you know? Did I slip up?" She'd been so careful.

"It wasn't your slip up. It was Alex Drake's. Those fingerprints she left on Tim Roland indicated a change in the pattern. Then when she started killing women who looked like you it hit me. I did a few follow-ups and I realized you fit the pattern for the SLK. But if it hadn't been for Alex I don't think I would have ever known."

So Alex had succeeded in exposing her, but it hadn't gone the way the bitch had intended for it to go. Alison got the last laugh

"Can I ask you something personal?" Alison faced him curiously.

She'd never been able to relate or talk to anyone on the level that she was talking to Marco. It was new territory.

"Alison, we're sitting here talking about the fact that I'm a killer and you're a serial killer. We're past personal." He laughed.

"What was your first kill like?" She shifted on the sofa, thirsty for the details. Knowing about Marco made her feel less alone. "Not like...not like in the heat of battle. I mean...when you first killed for vengeance."

Marco rolled his tongue over his front teeth.

"I made friends with some of the locals overseas. Wayne and I both did. Really hit it off with this family that owned a food cart. We'd go every day. Play a little soccer with the kids, chat with the dad. Everything he did...he did for his children. He had a little girl and a little boy. The boy was twelve, a scrawny little thing, but he could beat my ass at soccer. And the girl was thirteen. Very quiet. Polite."

He stiffened, his posture tightening. He balled his hands into fists. He had to fight going back to that day.

"We went over there to protect people like them. But there were some really fucked up guys in our unit. There was this one arrogant prick. Reminded me of a high school bully. Had two men always flanking him. They liked to push others around. They were racist pieces of trash. Had no problems hurling insults my way and Wayne's way. Anyone who wasn't white was dogshit to them." He growled under his breath. "One day...I was doing my circle to the food stand, but the family wasn't there. So I went to check out their place. It wasn't far away. When I got there I heard the screams..."

For a moment, the hard look on his face twisted into pain. Alison felt like she should reach out and take his hand, but she couldn't make herself do it. She wasn't there yet.

"That motherfucker and his two boys had beat the father and mother to a bloody pulp and had snatched the little girl. They'd ripped off her clothes and they were taking turns with her." His face turned red in fury. "That child was thirteen years old..."

That's how old Alison had been when Darren Wilden pulled her into his sick twisted world.

"I pulled them off of her and started beating the shit out of one of them while the other two fled. By the time I was finished he was unconscious and I was alone with the little girl. I could hear the little boy screaming from a closet that they'd locked him in. I told her she was safe, but when I started to go near her she let out this blood-curdling scream." He lowered his head and shook it, emotion in his tone, "She was afraid I was going to hurt her, too...because I was wearing the same uniform as the others. That poor child had this look on her face..." He sighed and slowly faced Alison. "I saw that same look in your eyes years later. I saw that little girl in you."

"What happened to her?" Alison leaned forward, her stomach churning. It hit too close to home.

"I managed to calm her down. Got medical aid for the family. Then..." He cracked his knuckles. "I took my fellow soldier somewhere secluded. Tied him up and killed him."

He said it so freely that Alison couldn't help but marvel at him.

"Hunted the other two down. Killed them, too. It was chalked up to war casualties. Never told Wayne. Didn't want him to bear the burden. He'd done some questionable things to save lives, but never took the life of anyone on our side...not our brothers. But those men...they weren't my brothers."

"And no one ever found out?" Alison asked.

"There were a few people who knew the truth. But they didn't want to punish me for it. They wanted to use me for other purposes. Do some shady shit. And I did." He was unapologetic. "Everything I did was to protect innocent lives."

Just like me.

Though it had been different for Marco. He hadn't done it out of a sense of urgency. He'd done it for justice. He'd done it out of a sense of duty. For him, it wasn't a calling. It was just a job. There was nothing ritualistic about it.

"Was Wilden your first or are there others?" Marco shocked her out of her thoughts, the question jolting her.

"He was my first." She fought back the memory of the boathouse.

He looked disappointed, but not at her. He looked frustrated at himself.

"I'm going to guess what you told us about Alex Drake and Darren Wilden wasn't something that surprised you?" He asked.

Alison looked at the floor.

"I never wanted you and Mary to know. Because you both tried so hard to protect me from it. But...I walked right into his hands." She sighed, her body involuntarily trembling.

He put his hand on her shoulder. Over the years she'd grown somewhat accustomed to his presence and she trusted him, so she didn't pull away.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. I should have done a better job of looking out for you."

"It's not your fault. I was already lost before that. He just pushed me over the edge." She felt the fury returning. "I have so much anger in me. Are you angry a lot, too?"

"Kid, you have no idea how much rage I have in me." He laughed darkly.

"How do you deal with it?" Alison asked. "How do you stop yourself from killing people over and over again?"

"After the NAT club, I stopped. It was never an urge for me. But I know it's different for you." He peered at her quizzically.

"Why didn't you ever intervene or turn me in?"

"By the time I found out, you already had Emily in your life. I trusted her to get through to you in ways that I never could." He smiled.

"She did...in some ways. I actually..." She bit her lip. "I feel things now that I didn't feel before, but that urge...it's still there. I need help. I don't know what to do to make these desires go away. I...I don't want them to go away. But in a sense...I do."

"So, the dummies and the gym are not enough?" He'd been the one who suggested it to Emily.

"No." She was angry at herself for not being strong enough like Emily, who fought her urges to drink every day. "I need more. But I want to channel it in the right way. I just don't...I don't know if I can stop, Marco. It's eating away at me. Emily said we had options. I'm guessing that means you?"

He rubbed the scruff on his chin and nodded.

"Yeah. I'm not into that kind of stuff anymore. I'm too old for that shit. But I have contacts...with extremely high security clearance. If...and I'm not telling you to do anything," He made his intentions perfectly clear, "...but if something happens I want you to contact them. No matter where you are. I'll pass you their information and I'll let them know about you."

He wasn't actively encouraging her, but he understood that the cravings would only get worse. She'd stopped for periods of time before, but she always went back to it.

"There are a few ground rules we need to put in place in case you can't hold it at bay." He shot her a serious look. "The first is that you can't do it here in Rosewood anymore. It's too risky. There is only so much Emily and I can do to protect you."

"Okay." Alison swallowed hard, but then had to fight back a laugh at the absurdity of setting rules for a serial killer to follow, like she was a kindergartner.

Marco Furey's school for the deranged psychopath.

"The second is you can not use the same method. If anything comes up in the database with that A moniker this entire case will be reopened and it will fall apart."

"Definitely don't want that." Alison shook her head.

"You can't display the bodies anymore, especially cut up and posed. You either make them disappear or make it look natural."

It was so strange to her that he could be so cavalier talking about dead people, but then she remembered his military training had probably taught him that discipline.

Alison was irritated that she was losing a part of her SLK identity, but she knew it was necessary to survive and to keep herself and Emily out of jail.

"The third is that I want you to keep seeing your psychologist..."

Alison groaned.

"I'm serious." He waved off her moaning and groaning. "That's part of the deal. You keep working on this. It might not cure you, but you might be surprised at how much it could help you in the long run."

"What if I stab my therapist in a fit of rage after she tells me to meditate my troubles away?" She shot him a cheeky grin. He didn't seem amused. "Sorry, that was in poor taste."

"That actually ties into the fourth rule. You have to watch what you say around others. Your friends would find that funny. I understand it and so does Emily. But there are skeptical minds out there who would read into it. You're in the public eye now...thanks to Alex Drake. And I'm sorry about that. You're a household name. The only living victim of the 'Scarlet Letter Killer'." He seemed agitated. Alison knew it was because he felt he couldn't protect her from it.

Fortunately, the press had died down two weeks after they were released from the hospital when Toby and Aria chased them off. Duke had helped by standing there and growling and looking scary in general.

"The fifth rule is one you've already got down pretty well. Blending in is crucial. People trust you because you're a surgeon. You have friends at that hospital. Friends that would quite literally kill for you..."

"Aria said something, didn't she?" Alison smiled.

"Oh, Montgomery gave me an earful." A smile broke through the seriousness of his tone. "Went into very vivid detail about Alex Drake's autopsy. I honestly think that if she didn't work on dead people she'd probably be killing live ones, too."

"I really love her." Alison laughed.

"As you should. She's a great asset and ally. That brings me to the next rule. Be as mindful as you can about putting others at risk. I know you already do that, but you have got to keep an eye on your six."

Watch your back. An army term. She could imagine Wayne telling him, "watch your six, Furey."

"You're also very well-versed in killing extremely guilty people. Don't change that." He counted off the rule by tapping the tip of his finger.

"This is getting to be a pretty long list. I'd write them down, but...well...that would break the rule of watching myself around others." She tried to lighten the tension.

"Another one for your list...if you can, channel your urges. Go to the gym with Emily. Work the dummies. Concentrate on your surgeries."

"More time with Emily? Always a plus." Alison loved that rule.

"The rest is pretty basic. You are already good at not leaving a trace behind. We literally have nothing on you. After sixteen years. Whatever you're doing, keep that evidence trail hidden. Other than that...the only thing I ask of you is that you don't make things personal." He kicked a foot out and tried to get in a more comfortable position because his back was starting to hurt.

"That's how I ended up in Alex's clutches." Alison didn't need that one explained.

"It wasn't your fault. But that's the kind of thing that happens when things get personal. If you want to keep the people you love safe you have to leave the baggage at the door." He took a sip of his cocoa. He pulled a few marshmallows into his mouth and chewed on them. "It's okay to show your emotions. If you're angry or upset you can be angry or upset. That's human nature. But make sure not to go too far." He put the cup down.

"I think I can do that." Alison smiled.

Alison delved into Marco's mind, asking questions and getting all the answers she needed to hear.

After a while she got a call from Emily telling her that she was on her way home. There was an edge of excitement in her voice, which excited Alison.

When she looked at Marco she saw a smile on his face.

"You know what she's up to, don't you?" Alison nudged him.

"You'll never get it out of me." He made a zipper-like motion across his lips.

Alison had to keep herself busy by cleaning up the dishes. Marco helped. She fussed at him for helping because he was her guest, and even though she was a killer she still took her etiquette seriously.

They had just settled back on the couch when Emily walked in. She shook some snow off of her jacket and walked over to them.

"Alison." Emily was practically beaming ear to ear.

"And where have you been, young lady?" Alison coolly played like she hadn't been dying for her to get home.

"I have a surprise for you. Come with me." The brunette yanked her off of the couch.

Marco followed, grinning. Alison slipped her boots on when they got to the front door.

"Close your eyes." Emily covered the top half of her face.

Emily led her to the front door. She heard the door open. When they got out on to the porch she heard something sloshing in the snow...followed by overlapping barks.

No. Fucking. Way.

"Okay." Emily pulled her hand away.

When Alison opened her eyes she saw Duke and Gus running around in the snow, kicking up dust and playing. Toby was standing by his SUV, leaning against the door and watching the dogs play. He waved to them.

"You found him!" Alison exclaimed, bolting down the steps.

Emily and Marco followed her, their feet crunching against the snow.

As soon as Gus heard her voice he stopped. He circled around and came sprinting towards her. Alison fell to her knees and was there to meet him with a huge hug. He licked her face in excitement. Duke was right behind him, circling and barking. Emily reached down to pet Duke so he wouldn't feel left out. She moved to scratch Gus's head.

"Got a call while you were in the shower this morning." Emily kneeled next to Alison. "I guess talking about him sent the universe a signal. Toby heard back from the officer trying to find him."

She stroked Gus's head and pushed herself back up to her feet. Alison stood next to her. Gus raced off in the snow again, Duke chasing him.

"The people who were taking care of him reached out after the PD started following his trail. He wasn't adjusting well because the couple fostering him had long work hours. They didn't know his history since he'd been shuffled around so much from animal control to rescues to foster programs. They tried to be with him as often as they could, but they didn't realize he had such bad separation anxiety..."

Because he was used to being with his person. He was used to being with Louis.

"Toby drove up to get him." She wrapped her arms around Alison as they watched Gus frolic in the snow with Duke. "He's ours, Ali. I finalized the paperwork. He's home."

"Really?" Alison exclaimed in delight.

Maybe all the therapy she needed was having a dog again.

"Yep. I figured when we work he can have play dates with Duke so he won't be lonely. My mom also said it might be nice to have him around her place. She gets lonely sometimes." Emily peered at the ground sadly. The void left by her dad's death hit her from out of nowhere sometimes.

"The pristine Pam Fields wouldn't have a heart attack over dog hairs in her house?" It shocked Alison.

"I was surprised, too." Emily laughed. "Hanna has a flexible schedule, so she said she can bring him over to play with the boys and Scout. I might even be able to sweet talk my boss into bringing him to the station every now and then." Emily grinned at Marco. "Just until his separation anxiety gets a little better."

Alison could barely contain her excitement. Now instead of a dorky Shepherd poking his nose into her face it would be a dorky Chocolate Labrador.

They watched the dogs play for a few minutes and then invited the guys inside to hang out. Duke bolted into the house. Gus stopped and sniffed every corner, inspecting his new surroundings before walking in.

Emily glanced at Alison and then shot an appreciative look at Marco as they were walking up the porch steps. He nodded to acknowledge her.

Everyone sat around the living room while Duke helped Gus explore the house.

After a few hours they ordered food and sat around the dinner table. Alison was appreciative of her newfound family. Emily watched the joy on her wife's face and it made her heart melt. Alison was at her best when her walls were down and she was living in the moment.

Emily leaned over during dinner while Toby and Marco were in a heated discussion about something sports related.

"How do you like our new family?" Emily squeezed Alison's side, making the blonde giggle. "A regular band of vigilantes and outlaws."

Alison answered with a kiss, to which Toby had teased them about,

"Ugh, get a room."

Emily balled up her napkin and threw it at him.

After dinner Marco and Alison took Gus and Duke back out to play in the snow while Emily and Toby cleaned up. Emily peered out the window.

"Thank you for finding him for us." Emily watched Alison toss a tennis ball. Toby had brought a bunch of toys for Gus.

"I'll just add it to your tab." He splashed her with dish soap.

She chuckled.

"So, what's this I hear about you and Spencer moving in together?" Emily playfully jabbed her partner.

Toby's face turned red and he fumbled over his words, acting as bashful as Spencer had acted hours earlier.

"She told you?" His jaw went slack.

"Indirectly." Emily shrugged.

"Oh, so Hanna told you." He laughed.

Emily laughed with him. It felt so good to laugh again without being in pain.

"Hanna told an entire café full of unsuspecting patrons just trying to enjoy their breakfast in peace." Emily turned the water off and shook her hands dry.

"That means Aria told her. I should know better by now not to tell her anything." Toby clucked his tongue. "Ah, well, I was going to talk to Hanna myself soon anyway. Spence and I want to hire her and her business partner Mona. They've done interior design together..."

"Yeah, I know. I've been to her dance studio." Emily smirked.

She and Alison had gotten to know it very intimately.

"You and Alison totally hooked up there." He nudged her shoulder. "Did the tango and the horizontal bop."

"You always know." Emily shook her head with a laugh.

"To be fair there probably isn't one square inch in this town you two haven't defiled." He squinted his nose at her. Emily let out another belly laugh. "I'm glad you two are happy."

"Me too. And I'm glad you and Spencer are finally taking the next step. Never thought I'd see the day. You're like two little shy high schoolers. Have you two even kissed yet?" She teased him.

"I was a horny little shit in high school." He scoffed.

"Ohh, so you were a bad boy." She smacked him with a dish rag.

"Yeah, but look at me now...getting ready to hire interior decorators so my girlfriend and I can make my house our house." He batted his eyes like a schoolgirl.

"Let me guess...Spencer said that."

"Yeah." He dropped the playful act. "But it's true. We both want our home to reflect who we are and who we want to be without losing our individuality."

"Spencer definitely said that." Emily put the dishrag down.

"Nope. That was all me." Toby grinned at her.

"Well, damn! Look at you, all grown up. Go forth my son. Be a man." She pat his shoulder with a firm look on her face like a father might give his son.

"I'm five years older than you." He rolled his eyes.

"You're right. You're ancient." Emily nodded.

"Give me a hug, young Padawan." He opened his arms.

"Love you Toby-Wan-Kenobi." She embraced him.

After they finished cleaning they joined Marco and Alison outside. The dogs were starting to tire themselves out. Once they were done playing, they all said their goodbyes.

When the guys left and the house settled and it was just the girls and Gus, Emily and Alison snuggled on the couch. Emily had been dying to talk to Alison about how things had gone with Marco.

"So, did you and Marco have a good talk?" Emily yawned.

"We did. Thank you for calling him." Alison curled up against Emily's side.

"I'll do whatever I need to do." She cupped Alison's cheek. "To keep you safe and to keep you in my life."

There was a beat and then,

"Em...you'll still love me if I can't stop?" Alison already knew the answer, but she liked the reassurance.

"We're in this together now. There is absolutely nothing that I won't do for you. Just...follow Marco's lead, okay?"

Alison pressed her lips against Emily's and smiled into their kiss.

"Okay."

They felt the couch move and when they looked over they saw Gus making himself at home. He carefully crawled towards Alison until his head was within scratching distance.

She laughed and stroked his fur.

"It's okay, buddy. You're home now. And you're safe." And you are loved. You are SO loved.

She barely knew Gus. She'd only spent a few hours with him, but she looked into his eyes and she knew that he belonged with them. She knew he was innocent and sweet and perfect. It was terrible that Louis had died, but Alison believed that the best way to honor the memory of the man who broke the copycat case wide open was to pamper the hell out of the dog he'd left behind.

Alison had quite literally been left alone when her family died. She knew how Gus felt, which is perhaps why the perceptive pup had latched on to her. It's like he knew her grief on a deeper level. He knew her pain. And together, they could heal.

Gus laid his head down in Alison's lap. He knew he belonged. Dogs sensed things. Alison knew that Gus would settle right into their lives. She knew that he was home. Because she was home.

And even monsters needed a home.

*****

A/N: Whew, this chapter was quite the ride. Alison's night terrors are INTENSE. Good thing she has such a great support system. Sorry I had to terrify the shit out of you.

Aria being ride or die is *chef's kiss*. Really loved writing all the girls together again.

The back and forth with the psychologist was also humorous to me, because I can only imagine what a serial killer would think about going to therapy.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the sit-down between Marco and Alison (peep the Anne/Marco reference!). It was sorely needed. Long overdue.

And GUS! So much going on. Where do we go from here? Will they get their (sort of) happily ever after? Thoughts? Comments? You can even yell at me for scaring you in the beginning of the chapter.