The two looked at one another, for what felt like an eternity. Hailee was lost in the words that were spoken, her eyes fixated on y/ns bright eyes, glistening a little in the moonlight.
Entranced, Hailee reached for y/n's cheek, wiping away a tear that seemed to have escaped without being noticed by the older girl. She wiped it away, feeling y/ns lips on her palm. Hailee had never seen y/n like this before--vulnerable, but determined nonetheless. How was the trick accomplished?
And even stranger, there was something familiar about her smile. Something about the way the corner of her lip curled upward, reaching her eyes so calmly, beautifully... comforting. Like she had seen it somewhere before.
Then she remembered. It was the same smile she would give her when hailee herself would run away from home. The smile that told her everything was going to be okay now. That she didn't have to worry, anymore. Because there was nothing that would hurt her as long as she was by y/n's side. God how she missed that smile, that feeling.
She was a kid then, not really understanding her feelings. But she knew, even then, and most certainly now how much she loved the girl in front of her.
"I wasn't... but after what happened, I realized I still loved you. Everyday I was falling more and more in love with you, and I was trying to push you away because I was scared. But im not scared anymore. You deserved everything good that happened in your life, and you deserved so much loved, real love. And I wanna be the one to give you that," hailee said in a whisper. Y/n, still lost in thought playing with the young girls fingers.
"Do you not want to see me that much?" y/n asked
Hailee only hummed, her eyes leaving the girl for a second.
"My fans wish to see my face for longer than a minute. If they heard you say this, they'd probably want to kill you" y/n laughed, trying to lighten up the mood. She didn't want to be sad, and think about the dark thoughts in the back of her mind.
"I mean, after all the times you kidnap me. Whos to say you haven't locked me up by now... Speaking off. Your dad said you were stuck somewhere, but you managed to get out"
"Im good... at getting out of situation by simply getting lost. I'll get lost quickly and cleanly without even leaving a trace of dust behind. However not right now."
"What?"
"Minimum, three months. Maximum, after six months."
"Y/n"
"My goal here hailee is to see you happy. It doesnt matter who you like. Niall, Taylor, that kid from the football team sheen or Shawn. I dont even have time to waste by upholding my pride or being jealous."
Hailee looked at y/n, but the older girl just laughed softly. "I only ever wanted you back."
"I wasn't going to tell that I remembered you." y/n said ignoring Hailees confused and hurt expression. She wanted to change the subject but didn't know what else to say, so she continued with her thoughts. "I wanted a clean slate in our relationship. Pretend nothing happened between us. Pretend there was no hurt, being pulled apart by a dumb mistake."
"Dumb mistake... Y/n I could of killed you"
"Sometimes I wished you had... And that you died with me"
"Y/n"
"Maybe then I wouldn't be suffering like this. Unless this is my punishment for sacrificing you to the wolf... Hurting you the way I did." y/n said, her voice getting quieter and quieter until she wasnt sure if she was still talking or thinking.
"You thought you were protecting me by forgetting me... I thought I was protecting you by staying away. We both sacrificed each other... sacrificed our relationship" hailee calmly said.
"You know all those songs I wrote... they were all about you" y/n mumbled. Hailee didn't know if y/n was still conscious enough to actually know what she was saying. Just sitting there, talking as she stared off into space, all while playing with her fingers. Hailee didn't mind it, she knew when y/n played with her fingers she was trying to find comfort. Which she always did. Thats why she refused to pull away.
"What about becky?" hailee asked. Another reason hailee didnt want to know anything about y/n's life was because she didn't want to see her happy with someone else. Why hailee never dated anyone, she wished y/n would one day go back to her. No one was ever able to replace y/n not matter how much she tried. Thats why it hurt her when she saw y/n dating other people.
But now, knowing that y/n actually remembered. It made hailee feel as though she herself was replaceable. Moving on so fast.
"I loved her" y/n said. Hailee felt her heart break a little more. "But I loved her as a friend. I tried to love her more, but I couldn't."
"Why?" hailee shut her eyes, hearing the betrayal of her own voice as it hitched.
"Because she wasn't you. My heart has always belonged to you hailee. Play along, do as you're told, smile, and pretend to be happy. I played the part, I perfected the role... Counted down until my 18th birthday, and was ready to jump ship and find my way back to you. And when I did..." y/n took a pause, taking in a deep breath. "I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I didn't want to waist any more time"
"Is that why you wanted to marry me"
"You and I talked about marriage. I knew... I hoped you'd say yes. Marrying you means you're mine forever and I'm yours. No one can take that away. My bucket list only includes one thing... and that to marry you hailee. And love you until my dying breath."
"Why do you always talk like you're going to die suddenly?"
"Because if I don't have you, I just might"
Hailee got up from her seat and sat on y/n's lap. She wrapped her arms around her, snuggling into her. Y/n's clothes were still damp from her time in the rain, but hailee at that moment didn't care. She wanted to hold onto y/n and this time never let go no matter what.
"Well don't die. I'll be very mad at you if you did after doing all this just to get me back"
"Are you forbidding from dying, Hailee Steinfeld?" Y/n looked at hailee. The young girl leaned in and pecked her lips softly.
"As long as i'm in your life you're not allowed to die" Hailee leaned down kissing y/n on her lips once more this time letting the kiss linger. She really missed kissing her, holding her, and being by her side.
"I love you hailee, with all my heart. Please, believe me" y/n said pulling away.
"I do." hailee whispered pressing one last kiss on y/n's lips. "Now, go take a shower before you get sick. Leave you're clothes out so I can wash and dry them for you" hailee stood up, and pulled y/n up to her feet. Y/n groaned for a moment. "I'll get the water ready"
Y/n watched hailee walk into the hallway before disappearing right when she turned the corner. She noticed her phone on the counter top, and decided to no longer run away. So grabbing her phone she called the person who had been blowing it up from the very start.
Placing the phone to her ear, she heard the ringing on the other line. A part of her wished she would pick up, the other wanting it to go to voice mail. And her wishes were answered.
"Well, are you ready to apologize and get back to work. I booked you a photoshoot in New York in a few hours. I can get you a plane ticket as soon as possible" the voice said on the other line. Y/n took a breath, leaning back on the wall.
"Hailee grew up to be beautiful didn't she? But I wont let hailee go anywhere near you. Unlike you, who is so backwards and thinks about my career and status, and feel small by assuming things and calculating everything. I'm not going to let her end up that way. Whatever you say, I won't let her go. Even if I die, I wont let go of hailee. From now on, I will live however I want to." was the last thing y/n said before removing the phone and hanging up.
She looked out the window, the rain had finally stopped. Everything seemed so peaceful.
"Y/n your bath is ready" Hailee said.
Turning around y/n took a step forward. Her vision growing blurrier and blurrier. Ringing in her ear replaced any other noise that was around. Still she refused to stop walking even if it meant she would lose balance. Her only thought was getting to hailee. And when she was right in front of her, she wrapped her arms tightly around her, gently pushing her into the wall behind her. Both the wall and Hailee became her support.
"y/n are you okay?" hailee asked.
"Yes, I just want to stay like this, even only for a minute" she sighed buring her head into Hailees neck. She kissed it softly. Closing her eyes, waiting for the moment to pass.
You saw me wrong, god. If you thought that for something so insignificant, I would give up and abandon, or that I would yield, you are mistaken. Throw at me however much you want. I will never despair, become sad or surrender.
Y/n shut her eyes tighter, hoping the dizziness passes, her vision still blurry. She just needed a minute, but it felt more like hours. Finally she was able to pull back.
"I'm okay" y/n kissed Hailees forehead and walked past her.
---------------
Y/n closed her eyes taking in a slow deep breath preparing for the monster to show up just after midnight. As they do. As they always do, like it was on constant repeat just tormenting her for their own pleasures.
But she didn't want to sleep. So she continued to stay awake, taking in her breaths slowly and quietly.
She had that nightmare again. It wasn't a nightmare of a dream but rather The Nightmare. The one she'd been having a lot lately. The one with the darkness and the wind and the screaming. The one with her in agonizing pain, slowly slipping from the love of her life's grasp, no matter how hard she tried to hold on. The one that always ended with-
"Not yet" y/n whispered into the darkness of her bedroom, trying to push the nightmare back, not let it follow her into the world of waking. "I'm not ready yet."
Y/n suddenly opened her eyes almost gasping for air, looking all around her dark room. But nothing. She was still there, in bed just like she was when she fell asleep in few hours ago.
She let out a sigh, picking up her cellphone and glanced at the time. It took a second for her eyes to adjust to the bright screen but when they did she was able to make out the time. 11:45. It was always 11:45, just 15 before midnight. 15 minutes before the start of a new day.
Deciding to getting up, y/n tossed her covers off her, before swinging her legs towards the edge of the bed and sat for a minute. The nightmare was slipping from her, but there was something she couldn't put her finger on, something different, something.
She turned her head towards the left, where her living room area was located just below.
She listened, straining against the silence, but all she could hear was the quiet house around her, the occasional tick from the empty downstairs.
But there was nothing.
And then something. Something she realized was the thing that had woken her up.
The horrible pain of something trying to drill a hole in her skull all the way to her brain.
Y/n clenched the bedsheets tightly, feeling a rush of panic, her guts twisting. Had it followed her? Had it somehow stepped out of the nightmare and-?
"My medicine" she told herself, standing up. "Did I even take them before I went to bed?"
Getting up she walked towards the bathroom, and grabbed her pill bottles that were in her medicine cabinet. She didn't dare look at herself in the mirror already knowing she didn't look as good as she normally did. She didn't feel as good to begin with.
When she was done she walked back to the bed and laid down, keeping her eyes on the clock until they began to grow heavy. She turned over, her back facing the clock. Though after a moment her eyes opened once again, only this time instead of meeting with her alarm clock, she was face to face with the most beautiful sight.
Hailee peacefully sleeping right next to her, snuggled up into the blankets. The light snores escaping her lips. Slowly, and carefully y/n placed a gently kiss on the younger girls lips letting it linger for a seconds before pulling back.
"You're so cute" y/n whispered. "I'm so jealous"
"You okay?" Hailee mumbled, sleepiness still in her voice. Moving closer to y/n, Hailee wrapped herself into the older girl, pushing her down before laying on top of her. Y/n let out a quiet laugh feeling Hailee's warm breath on her neck.
"Sorry love did I wake you?" Y/n asked.
"If I said yes would you make me a late night snack to make it up to me?" Hailee quickly picked up her head. Though it was dark in the room y/n knew full well that Hailee was looking intensely and lovingly into y/n's eyes.
"If I said yes would you give me another kiss" y/n said holding her breath still lost in Hailee's gaze. Hailee didn't need to answer that question with words as she leaned in catching the older girls lips into hers. Y/n snaked her hands around Hailee waist, up her back.
Before y/n could savor the kiss even more, Hailee pulled away. Y/n groaned tightening her arms around Hailee and turned them around, switching positions.
"Baby, my snacks" Hailee laughed.
"I already have mine" y/n continued to kiss down Hailee's neck until she reached her favorite spot she missed so much.
Hailee gently pushed y/n away, before sitting up herself. Arms crossed and narrowing her eyes, Hailee firmly said, "If I don't get a snack neither do you"
And before Hailee knew it y/n tossed the blankets off of her in one quick swipe, got out of bed and jumped down her 5 steps down to the first level of her room. Then y/n was gone like the wind running past the door. All Hailee could hear besides her own laughters were y/n's quick footsteps down the hall down the stairs and then silence.
Hailee smiled to herself, then got up walking towards the kitchen, seeing y/n looking anywhere and everywhere for... something.
Then she pulled out a chefs coat, along with an apron which she tied along her waist.
"Okay Gordon Ramsey, you good" Hailee laughed taking her seat in the barstool.
"What are you doing?" Y/n raised a brow.
"What do you mean, what am I doing? I don't want to get in your way so I'm sitting down" Hailee answered, also giving her girlfriend a curious look. She really didn't expect to be doing anything. Last time she attempted to make breakfast she messed up the eggs.
"Not in my kitchen. Bucket list teaching my wife how to cook" y/n said tossing an apron to hailee. Hailee didn't even realize what was going on as the fabric hit her face.
"But I don't know how to cook"
"Exactly" y/n stated-matter-of-factly.
"So you already assumed I wouldn't know how to cook by the time we got married?"
"My love, even at age 15 I was making you all your favorite meals while you sat back and watched. Besides when we get married you won't have chefs cooking for you 24/7. You have to learn to cook so you can take care of yourself"
"But you're taking care of me, so why do I have to learn?"
Y/n rested her forearms on the countertop, looking at Hailee with a kind smile. She really didn't mind doing all the cooking, in fact she was almost certain she would do it regardless but there was something y/n loved more then anything. And that was watching her girl struggling in the kitchen.
If y/n had a nickel for every time Hailee almost burned down her house trying to cook, she would have two whole nickels, which isn't a lot but it's funny it happened twice.
"Okay Chef Y/n, I'm ready" Hailee finished tying her apron and playfully saluted the older girl.
"Okay love, what do you want to make." Y/n said handing the young girl her tablet that held hundreds of recipes.
Hailee looked at y/n, placed her finger on the bottom of the tablet before scrolling up rapidly and randomly stopping at a recipe for cookies. Hailee never once broke eye contact.
"Cookie" Hailee said smugly. But when she saw that grin in y/n face, she quickly looked down at the screen. She began scrolling up and down noticing that they were all the same recipes for chocolate chips cookies.
"They're all the same"
"Exactly" y/n pointed at Hailee. "As a connoisseur of taste treats I can assure you chocolate chip cookies are the for real deal. People always ask y/n how do you stay so fit, what's your work out routine. Lotta people think you gotta eat protein and stuff if you wanna strength train, but I'm like pfff. Real badasses eat chocolate chip cookies. Now, ingredients. On ward and up ward... TO VICTORY"
"Are we going to war?"
"We might as well be" y/n turned around going into her second kitchen where the walk in pantry and fridges were. She made sure to grab everything they might need, even going as far as grabbing seconds in case they have to retreat and star over.
"Yay" Hailee said with enthusiasm less than overly.
"Okay my love, first thing about making cookies or well cooking in general is pre heating the oven. Now this might be a bit tricky,"
"How so?" Hailee asked
"Well, sometimes you open a portal to hell, so... make sure to set it at the right temp. Set it to 350" y/n instructed and Hailee did as she was told.
Next y/n grabbed a bowl and placed it in front of Hailee. She slid over the ingredients. One by one y/n told Hailee which ingredients to put in and how much to add. So far everything was going smoothly, and nothing was catching on fire.
But y/n knew better then to speak to soon, and right she was. Since before she knew it a flour bomb had exploded in the kitchen covering her and only her in the white powder.
"I'm so sorry" Hailee said apologetically. Slowly y/n opened her eyes, and before she could say anything she began to sneeze. Hailee couldn't stop laughing, as each time she sneezed it was like the older girl was a dragon releasing a smoke breath of white.
"Oh you think this is funny" y/n said, causing Hailee to quickly stop her laughing fit
She cleared her throat before shaking her head no, but it was to late. The war had already began.
Y/n grabbed a handful of flour, staring Hailee right in the eyes.
"No, baby don't do that." Hailee said slowly backing away "we don't have to have a food fight. I mean look at your beautiful kitchen. Do you really wanna ruin that"
Y/n thought for a minute, only to humor the young girl before throwing the white powder at her, though she made sure not to hit her in her face.
"Why do we always end up in a food fight" Hailee yelled running away from another hand full of flour.
She ran into the second kitchen looking around trying to find something, anything to shield her from the rapid attacks. Then she spotted a lid for a pot, fairly big enough to protect her. Then she grabbed a large wooden spoon. Hailee didn't even have time to turn around and test out her new weapons as a stick of butter hit her on her ass.
"Y/n!" Hailee shouted.
"What" the older girl laughed, "just buttering up my snack for later" she shrugged. Quickly y/n ducked down as an egg was thrown at her. It hit the wall behind her, the yoke and egg whites sliding down her marble wall. Then another and another. This time it was y/n's turn to run away.
She ran towards the counter grabbing the bowl with the mixs and began aimlessly tossing it around trying to hit the young brunette, but the pot lid hailee had did its job, blocking all of the older attacks.
"Relax Captain America, you seem a little defensive." y/n said taking a pause. Keeping her hand in the mixing bowl.
"Its been a long night" hailee said out of breath.
"I just want peace" y/n said tossing up the peace sign.
"If thats true then put down the bowl"
"You put down your shit first"
"Okay, okay. At the same time" Hailee slowly spoke, carefully lowering her shield. Y/n doing the same. And once the pot lid hit the floor, y/n picked up her hand and threw a ball of cookie dough. The entire time they were talking, y/n was actually distracting the younger girl so she could mix the dough with her hand. It was an evil plan and both girls knew.
But y/n wasn't ready when Hailee pulled out her spoon from behind her.
Every time y/n threw the cookie mix Hailee would try to use her wooden spoon and try to hit the dough as it was a baseball. It never worked until the last toss. Y/n created the perfect cookie dough ball and tossed it at the girl, and Hailee, ready with her stance hits it directly at y/n, hitting her on the side of the stomach.
"I've been shot" y/n shouted dramatically falling onto the floor. "I've been attacked by the Cookie Monster, someone help" she said. "I see the light, this is the end."
Hailee rushed towards y/n checking to see if she was okay. Y/n held her stomach and when she saw Hailee letting down her guard y/n grabbed the bowl and dumped the remaining mix on top of Hailee head.
"I win" y/n sat up kissing Hailee on her cheek. She pulled back licking her lips tasting the sweet taste of cookie dough. Y/n grabbed Hailee's cheek and licked it too.
"Eww baby" Hailee laugh pushing back. "That's gross"
"Oh so I'm allowed to lick other places but as soon as I lick the cookie dough off your cheek it's gross." Y/n narrowed her eyes, shaking her head, scowling at the girl.
Y/n scooted towards the bottom cabinet resting her back against them, Hailee doing the same. Both looking around at the mess they both knew was going to happen no matter what. It made the two burst into laughter.
"So no cookies" Hailee said sadness in her voice.
"Do you really want cookies all that bad" y/n laughed.
"It's the only reason I got up out of bed"
"So it wasn't to have a food war in the middle of the night. Damn, and here I was living my life long dream of sugar bombing my kitchen while making sugar angels" y/n snapped her fingers in disappointment.
"Okay but, cookies"
"This girl" y/n scoffed. "Losing my girl to cookies"
Y/n got up and walked out of the kitchen before returning shortly with an armful of cookies boxes all different flavors. Oreos, chocolate chip, and sugar cookies, and many other that y/n knew where Hailee's favorite.
Walking out once more, this time she returned, two glasses filled with milk, along with the carton itself in case they wanted more. She set the glasses down before taking her spot right next to her girl.
Y/n was the first to take her favorite chocolate chip cook and drunk it in her milk before eating it.
It took a Hailee, a minute of watching y/n eat her cookie before she felt a smile tugging on the corner of her lips, and a soft laugh escaped her lips.
"What" y/n chuckled "Do I have something in my face" she pointed to her flour covered face making a silly face.
Hailee picked up a chocolate chip cookie and showed it to y/n. "Showing me how to bake, chocolate chip cookies no less."
"Real badasses eat chocolate chip cookies" the older girl shrugged.
"Yeah until you realize they are oatmeal raisin, and y/n y/ln's villain origin story began." Hailee laugh
"Wha-no you are remembering wrong"
"On the contrary my Cookie Monster. If I remember correctly and I do, you had me destroy all the cookies. You said and I quote 'Wipe the raisin abomination of the face of the earth,' and then you cried on my shoulder saying how you just wanted chocolate chip cookies"
"And I had every right to be mad. Why do bad things happen to good people."
"Baby you do know there are different kinds of food, you can't live off of cookies forever"
"I... do not understand the question"
"Babe you are 18 years old, you should consider eating something other then cookies, here" Hailee got up and raced towards the back kitchen. Y/n took a sip of her milk, spitting it out as soon as she saw Hailee with a bowl filled with green stuff.
"OH GOD WHAT IS THAT?!" Y/n practically jumped up to her feet.
"I-it's a salad"
"Why is it green. it looks like the devil... Wait I heard of this, it's called the devils lettuce. Now I understand" y/n said eyeing the food suspiciously.
"What no, baby wrong type of lettuce."
Y/n smiled, watching as Hailee finally understood y/n was only joking. Hailee playfully rolled her eyes, gently pushing y/n back.
"Okay, okay." Y/n walked towards hailee, and picked her up from her thighs sitting her down on the counter before taking her favorite place between her legs. She took out her phone opened the notes app.
Cook/ Food war with my wife ✅
Hailee placed a kiss on top of y/n head.
"I have a lot more things I want to do for this bucket list but I can only do them with you" y/n said.
"What are they?" Hailee asked
"Secret. But I promise, these are things you can also cross of your list"
"You're really taking this assignment seriously"
"Well it is worth a lot of points, so"
"You've done so many things already and you're only 18. I mean what haven't you done that you still have left to cross out"
"I mean-" y/n took a deep breath.
"Can I ask you a genuine question"
"You can always ask me anything" y/n said wrapping her arms around Hailee.
"Is there a difference between you doing something on set, while acting and you doing them in real life. Like is it the same thing or no?"
Y/n looked at Hailee for a moment. Hailee had a point. If y/n added things she did in movies and shows her bucket list would be filled with hundreds of things everyone wished to cross off. Not only did she act out scenes in movies she only drempt about, but she actually got to have multiple careers.
She played a doctors, a spy, a superhero, a school girl just trying to get by, a mafia heir, a wizard. She was basically Barbie with how many fake occupations she had. But there was something that was different.
"You know when I first joined your school, the only thing I thought about was trying to win you heart again. Do whatever I could to make you mine that I didn't think about anything else." Y/n began to explain. "Everything on my bucket list are things I was already planning on doing with you in mind. This assignment is just an add bounce to living a life as a normal teenager."
"I see"
"But I wanna know your bucket list. I wanna do things you want to do." Y/n took a step back opening the drawer in front of her. Taking out a pen and paper she handed it to Hailee. "Make your list. A real list. Something that you only ever wished for, and I will do everything in my power to make your wish come true"
"What if I said my only wish is just to be with you forever"
"Then you wish is my command" y/n said, a small smile one that might of been missed if Hailee wasn't looking directly at her. "But until that forever, I need your list on my desk by tomorrow morning."
Hailee nodded her head, leaning in to take y/n lips into hers. Y/n pulled away, looking down onto the floor. The head ache had returned.
"Y/n/n are you okay?" Hailee asked worryingly as she saw y/n sway just a bit. She got down from the counter wrapping her around around y/n trying to hold her still scared she might fall any minute,
"I'm fine, I just got light headed. I haven't gotten much sleep these past few day."
"Go get clean, I'll take care of this mess" Hailee said.
"I uh" y/n held her head. "Yeah"
Was all she said before carefully walking away. But every step felt painfully heavy, feeling like the floor underneath her was ready to be pulled from under her. She couldn't make it up stairs so instead she walked to the living room only to collapse the second she was in front of the couch. Her body refusing to listen to her, feeling paralyzed as a sharp pain stabbed her skull
She wanted to cry, wanted to scream but she couldn't. She wouldn't. Not while Hailee was there. She refused to let her see her like that. So she'll continue to hang on, until her nightmare became reality and she would finally be forced to let go.