She spent the night crying.
Rosalind had no inclination to leave the cell. She remained on the bed, curled up and bawling her eyes out. A mix of guilt and sadness swirled within her, leaving her with what felt like an unending stream of tears.
The illusion of her father and his words haunted her whenever she tried to sleep. She had no doubt in her mind that if he'd seen the way she'd been acting, he surely would have said all those things to her.
Tyler came by in the morning to bring her breakfast. "Rosie," he said, approaching slowly with a tray of pancakes, orange juice, and a blood bag on the side. "You have to eat something."
She shook her head wearily, turning over to face the other way. "I don't deserve to eat."
"Everybody deserves to eat."
"Not me," she said, her voice breaking. "Not a murderer."
"We've all killed," said Tyler. "Do you see me as unworthy of food because I killed Sarah?"
"That's not the same!" she replied, covering her face. "She was compelled, she wanted you to kill her. And the man my dad killed was compelled, too."
"What about the other people in your life? Damon has killed. Jeremy has killed. Kol and Klaus have killed thousands— maybe even tens of thousands— each. What makes them any different from you?"
"I know better!" whimpered Rosalind into her palm. "I knew better, I should never have let myself get to that point."
"Rosie, you were looking for a way to stop hurting. Once you flipped the switch, nothing could have stopped you."
"I had the plan to be a villain before I flipped it. I wanted to flip it for that reason. I am an awful person, Tyler. I don't deserve food. I deserve to rot in here."
He sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey. I want you to eat, Rosie. My mom wants you to eat, Elena wants you to eat. We want to help you through this, and the only way that can happen is if you eat."
Reluctantly, she sat up and devoured the blood bag first. Then, she took several bites of the pancakes, but didn't finish them. Tyler had the leftovers.
"Oh, god, your mom," said Rosalind, massaging her forehead. "I was awful to her."
"You didn't hurt her," said Tyler. "She's okay, she's just worried about you."
"What about the people I killed?" she asked. "If... if my count is correct, I murdered seventeen people. A smoker. Five innocents Klaus brought for me. A musician. An airport security guard. A restaurant worker. A flight attendant. Three people in a movie theater. Someone in the bathroom. A car thief. A witness. And some random guy I fed on in a car... oh... oh fuck... what did I do? What did I do... why did I do that?"
"Your humanity was off," Tyler told her. "You didn't know—"
"But I did know," she replied. "I knew what was right and wrong and I willingly chose wrong every time. I knew it was bad but I just didn't care anymore. I was selfish and evil and... I'll never know who those people's families were. I'll never be able to apologize to them. I was so careless, I haven't the faintest idea who they are, I can never honor them..."
He put a hand on her shoulder. "You can't change what's already been done. But you can decide to move forward, to heal and to find out who you want to be from now on."
Rosalind shook her head. "I've ruined everything, Tyler. Everything. Any chance Elena had to be human again, any chance there was for vampires like her to get what they wanted... it's gone now."
He frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"The cure," she whispered. "I got the cure. I went to Nova Scotia with Kol and we got it. There was only one dose. And then I shoved it in Katherine Pierce's mouth and made her human."
Tyler didn't know how to respond. "Go on," said Rosalind, waving toward the door. "They should know. I don't have the heart to tell them myself."
"I don't want to leave you alone, Rosie."
"I need to be alone," she pleaded. "I need to leave, Tyler, I can't stay here. I need to take some time and just... go. Be anywhere but here."
"Rosalind, you can't—"
"I need to," she cut in. "Please. You have to understand... I'm not going to be happy here, surrounded by all the people I was cruel to. I can't do my healing here, I just can't. I will come back, one day, but right now, I just have to go."
"And where will you go?" he demanded. "Don't we at least get to know, in case we want to visit, or in case something happens?"
"I'll tell your mom," she replied. "But nobody else. I don't want visitors, Tyler. I just want some time to overcome all this... this pain without hurting anybody."
"Are you really just going to leave without saying goodbye?"
"Goodbyes are too hard. I feel disgusted with myself, I can't face anybody. And you... you have to go, too. You can't stay here. You did what you came to do, you got my humanity back on. Now go, before Klaus finds out you're here."
She sped out of the cell past him, heading straight for the Mikaelson Mansion to gather her things. It appeared to be empty, and she tried to make quick work of packing so she wouldn't have to face Klaus or Kol.
But they found her, about to leave with her bags in hand.
"Rosalind," called Kol. "You doing alright?"
She cursed internally, keeping her back to them. "I need time away from here. I need to leave for a while, to feel better. I can't even look at either of you, I feel so ashamed..."
"Little hybrid," said Klaus, urging her to turn around. After a brief moment of hesitation, she did.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, eyes welling up with tears. "For everything. I don't even know what to say, I just feel so embarrassed. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have said or done any of what I did. Klaus..." she started to cry, shaking her head, "God, I said so many cruel things and I crossed the line... and Kol..." she stifled a sob, "I was so mean to you, and I just... I'm so sorry. I need to go, so please don't try and stop me. I'll come back eventually but I can't be here right now. I need to go."
"I know, love," said Klaus quietly. "I understand."
"Goodbye," she said brokenly. "I wish you both well. Thank you... for helping me."
They nodded cordially and watched her leave the house.
She stopped by the Lockwood Mansion to gather a few more things. Her Aunt Carol watched from the hallway, crying into a tissue when she realized nothing was going to convince Rosalind to stay.
"You can't tell anyone this," said Rosalind once she'd loaded up her car and was ready to head out. She held her aunt's hands tightly. "I'm going back to Florida. Not the same city as before, but one nearby. I'm... I'm gonna take my time, go to therapy, try and study something, work and spar and try to... get to a stable place, physically and financially. I'll come back before August of next year—"
"But that's over six months away," said Carol. "Half a year... do you really think it will take that long?"
"It will if I want to accomplish what I have in mind. I'm going to take your advice, and I'm going to go to college in the Fall, with Tyler and the others. But before I can manage that, I need to get back in the rhythm of studying and all that, so I first need to take a semester at a community college nearby. I'm going to try to be a sports medicine physician. It won't be easy but I'm going to try it."
Carol smiled. "Your father would be so proud of you, Rosalind."
She shook her head. "No, he wouldn't be. Not with the way I am right now. But I am going to make him proud."
"I know it doesn't mean much," said Carol, smoothing a hand down her face, "but your mother really did envision you doing great things. Being just like your dad... hard-working and sweet. And you... despite everything you've been through... are so much better than what she anticipated. I will always feel... angry, to some extent, that she left you behind. But it's her loss, Rosalind. You have thrived and grown and she missed out on watching you become this wonderful person." From her pocket, she extracted the small photo album. "I want you to keep this."
"Thank you," said Rosalind, tucking it into her bag. "I'll be sure to update you as frequently as I can."
"Just be safe, honey," said Carol. "And if your plans change... just know it's okay. Don't overwork yourself for the sake of avoiding your pain. It isn't good for you."
She nodded, pulling her into a hug. "I'll call you when I get settled."
She stopped at The Mystic Grill to get herself some coffee for the road. Neither Matt nor Jeremy was working that day, but she left them envelopes with money, anonymous tips that could help both of them out.
She was just about to drive out of town when someone materialized in front of her car. She slammed on the brakes, and rolled down her window when she saw it was Elena.
"You were really going to leave without saying goodbye?" inquired the doppelgänger, putting her hands on her hips.
Rosalind stepped out of the car, standing in front of her. "Goodbyes suck. They hurt like a bitch and I-I broke things off between us, Elena. In that illusion, I saw you turning your humanity off and it killed me. Just knowing that you must have considered it, that you might have done it... and that I ruined our chance to ever get the cure... I couldn't face you. I couldn't say goodbye to you."
"And am I expected to stay behind, with no information about where you plan to go?" asked Elena. "How is that fair, Rosalind?"
"It isn't. But it's also not fair for me to stay and put you all at risk. We all need some normal in our crazy lives. You need to focus on finishing your last semester of high school and I need to focus on getting back on track. If I stay, you'll constantly be worried about me and checking up on me and it'll set you back. I need this. Badly. To be away from all of this, to heal without having to worry about all the people I love and how they're being affected. With me in a completely different state getting therapy... I just feel I'll make more progress. I need some time alone. I will come back, in time. I promise."
"Well, you listen here, Rosalind Lockwood," said Elena, putting her hands on her shoulders. "I will wait for you. Because no matter what, I meant it when I said I cared about you, I meant it when I said I wanted something with you, and I meant it when I said I wanted to take the risk of falling in love no matter how much it might hurt me to ever lose you. That illusion... the vision of the two of us... it's a testament to the future I see myself having with you. I never plan to give up on you. On us. So please... just keep it in the back of your mind and don't give up on us, either. I will be waiting here for you, and I will gladly welcome any message you think to send just to let me know you're okay. I will give you space, because it's what you want, and you have always done your best to respect my choices. I would never pressure you to stay somewhere that you feel trapped, imprisoned with the memories of those you lost. I just want to know if you're going to be okay."
"I will be," promised Rosalind. "To the best of my abilities. I won't get into trouble, I just need therapy somewhere else. I will come back, I swear to you. I will come back to you, Elena Gilbert. I just need some time to myself before I'm ready to return and to... give it all another shot, if you're willing. I want that vision to be real. I want us both to be cool, hotshot, and hot doctors who can afford to take time off and do sappy romance-y things with each other. I want us to have the perfect house and even kids if it's what we desire. For months already I've felt... so much for you. There is something special between us and I think we can be in it for the long run. But the only way that'll work is if I'm feeling stable and happy. Which I will be after some months away from this town."
Elena smiled, bringing a hand up and tracing her finger over her jaw. "You are right about one thing, Rosalind. Goodbyes do suck. So, instead of saying goodbye, I will say... drive safe. Don't let hitchhikers into your car. Send some sort of text when you've found the place where you want to live for the next several weeks or months. Maybe get a cat or a dog..." she bit her lip. "I won't say goodbye. But I will ask if I can kiss you. Just once."
Rosalind's face felt like it was on fire. "A goodbye kiss?"
"More like an... 'I'll see you soon' kiss. Or an 'until we meet again' kiss. To have hope to hold onto."
She nodded. "Then yes. A kiss would be nice." She held onto Elena's face, closing her eyes and leaning forward to press their lips together. She kept them connected for a second, then pulled away. Elena stood in the road, watching until the car disappeared from view.
Rosalind only stopped for gas. She arrived in Fort Lauderdale at around two in the morning. She slept in her car that first night, and when the sun rose, she went to compel herself an apartment to live in.
She spent that day unpacking and arranging things to her liking. There was only a small kitchen, and hardly a living room, but it was enough for her with just a bathroom and a shared laundry room for the complex. She even had a parking spot right by her door.
She got herself a job at a carpentry shop, building cabinets and restyling old furniture. She ran at the nearest high school track every morning, and trained in a kickboxing gym down the road on weekdays. She enrolled at a community college to freshen up on her Biology and Chemistry. On weekends, she went as far from civilization as she could and worked tirelessly to turn over and over, until it could be painless. She'd accomplished that after a couple of weeks, which caused the weekend sessions to become about her controlling her wolf form fully and learning to fight with it. And, of course, the most important thing was that she was going to therapy three times a week to help manage her emotions better.
She had been two months into her stay there when Klaus messaged, saying he desperately needed to talk.
"What is it?" she asked once he answered the phone. "Everything alright?"
"I'm in New Orleans," he said. "Katerina sent me a letter."
"Um, about what? I haven't even tried to check on her, I honestly didn't know she was still alive..."
"That one is hard to kill. She ah... she sent a letter to say a witch in New Orleans was plotting against me. Information to benefit me, likely to try and make sure I wouldn't send someone to murder her. I came and... I learned Hayley is pregnant."
"Hayley, the one that tricked Tyler?"
"Yes. She's pregnant with my child."
Rosalind burst out laughing. "Your child?"
"I didn't want to believe it either. But it would appear that following the ritual to unlock my hybrid side... I was able to procreate. She was a werewolf when we slept together. Mortal, and she remained so. She's carrying my child. Elijah has convinced me to... accept it. And I've decided... I want it. Elijah and Kol have joined me in New Orleans. Rebekah is staying in Mystic Falls awhile longer." There was a sound as if he was picking up a glass from a table. "Cheers to you, and congratulations on the bullet you dodged. We would have been awful parents."
"Klaus," she said calmly, "I don't think you'll be an awful dad. You know what it's like to have a crappy dad. Is that what you want for your kid?"
"No."
"Then you already know you have to be better. Be involved... go with Hayley to any appointments. Support her. Take care of her. Watch that little one grow in her tummy and when it comes out... just know that you've been through worse shit. You can do fatherhood, I believe in you. Be respectful. Kind. Sweet. You know how to do that, Klaus. I've seen it. When you love, you love fiercely and fully. The minute you look into that baby's eyes, some part of you might fill with this inexplicable joy and you'll know you want to protect it... at all costs. Your siblings will gladly help you, I'm sure of it. And if you need anything... just let me know."
"What if I ruin it?" he inquired. "What if, despite all that you said, what if I still hurt it the way Mikael hurt me? What if I turn it into a monster, like myself?"
"You are many things, Klaus Mikaelson, but I don't believe you capable of being a monster to your child. Be open-minded, try to learn more about parenting and about how to raise a kid in this day and age. Protect their innocence for as long as you can. And no matter what..." she smiled, "Be there to check under the bed and in the closet for scary things. There is a lot we can't control about the world, but you are in control of this. Of the way your child will grow up. Klaus, I think you will be an amazing father so long as you want to be one."
"I will miss seeing you every day, little hybrid," he murmured. "If you ever wish to come to New Orleans... there will always be a room available for you in my home."
"Thank you, Klaus. I'm always here to listen. Always. If you just need to rant or need advice... I'm here for you. You're not alone in this journey."
He was silent for a few seconds. "And how are you? Do you feel... better?"
"Somewhat. But I still need more time. So, I'll expect frequent updates about the situation in New Orleans. All the gossip, I want to know it. It'll help distract me."
The gossip might have helped her more than the therapy. Though she still saw a psychologist frequently, it always interested her to hear about Klaus's drama with Marcel, a boy he'd adopted who was apparently still alive despite him having thought Mikael killed him in 1919.
It was especially helpful when her father's death date passed, marking a year since he'd been killed. She spent the day alone, hugging her pillow and crying. At this point, crying felt very good to her, and allowed her to release all the pain without hurting anyone. As annoying as it was, she felt better each time she burst into tears.
A few days later, Tyler contacted her. Word had already begun to spread about Klaus and his miracle child, including information about who the mother was.
"I dislike her, too," said Rosalind in a call with him. "But we just have to let them be, Tyler."
"I have a theory," said Tyler. "About the baby."
"What about it?"
"I think its blood can be used to sire hybrids. I mean, think about it, it'll have Klaus's vampire blood running through its veins. I want to test the theory."
"And how are you going to do that? Stick a needle in Hayley's stomach and hope she doesn't miscarry? Why does it matter?"
"He killed the last group of hybrids he had! I'm in fucking Tennessee for safety. You're who-knows-where and Klaus is happy in New Orleans. I don't want him to have access to another way to sire hybrids and make another army."
"Tyler, if he knew that the baby's blood could be used for that, he would have told me. Because you and I are the only other hybrids in the world, and if he had a way to make hybrids, it would... it would be a way for him to convince me to live with him in New Orleans. He would have told me, I swear."
"But he might not have. He killed the hybrids and caused you to shut off your humanity. Maybe he wants sole control this time."
"And what will you do, Tyler, if the theory is true? What will happen to Hayley, and to that baby?"
"I... I haven't thought of that yet."
"Tyler... don't go anywhere near Klaus. Don't risk it. Please. Just keep this theory to yourself. Don't pursue it, don't... anything. Just let it be. Trust me when I tell you I don't think Klaus would ever do such a thing. Using his own kid for that... he wouldn't. I know he wouldn't."
She didn't mention the theory to Klaus. She didn't feel like she had to. She had a strong feeling that he didn't know anything about it. And even if he did, he wouldn't do anything to exploit his own child. His daughter, actually. Rosalind had recently learned that Hayley and Klaus were going to have a little girl. It seemed that was what finally made Rebekah abandon Mystic Falls to head to New Orleans.
New Orleans sounded like it was just as problematic as Mystic Falls. Klaus was complaining about Kol taking a young witch under his wing to teach her magic. He complained about the pesky New Orleans Coven witches who were terrified of the baby and what her birth would bring about. He and Marcel were having what Damon might've called a 'supernatural pissing contest,' and Hayley was apparently wolf royalty. Rosalind felt it best to listen, and give advice where she could, but made no move to go into Louisiana. Florida was safer.
Her birthday was just as lonely as the anniversary of her father's death. She marked off the day she turned twenty on her calendar, knowing she was just stuck in her nineteen-year-old body forever. She had a cupcake and watched three movies back to back. Nothing felt different. But, at that point, she'd been in Florida for four months, and she certainly was getting better.
When early August arrived, she packed up to head back to Mystic Falls. She had enrolled herself in Whitmore College, and had purchased a two-bedroom apartment after convincing Tyler to come with her to study there.
She'd gone into Mystic Falls only to stay hello to her aunt. She messaged Elena, arranging for them to see each other again on the first day of the fall semester at Whitmore.
Things were looking up for her. But she should have known it wouldn't last long.