-- JENNA --
"And I am Ashi Geronimo, 12AM's lead singer, now signing off."
Cleo dropped her drumsticks after hearing Ashi's announcement. Malia almost dropped her guitar and I pressed hard on my keys because of so much shock.
The people were starting to make comments. The crowd was making too much noise, probably confused as to what Ashi meant.
What did she mean by signing off?
We all looked at her in hopes that she would say that it was a prank. But it wasn't.
"It is truly an honor to perform for our midnights for the past five years but I think it's already time for me to tackle a new chapter of my life. I love these girls, they are my family." Ashi turned to us and gave us a smile. "They never left my side when my heart was being broken into pieces. The least I want to do is to leave them behind but someone out there sacrificed so much for me and I want to do the same for her."
I realized that Ashi was talking about Magui. She's finally ready and I'm happy for her. I gave her a huge smile and a thumbs up which indicates that I respect and accept her decision. I looked at Cleo and Malia, they were still shocked but I know that they'll understand her eventually. They have to.
"To my solace, I want you to know you are already safe with me." Ashi stated a familiar line from Magui's first song.
The crowd was able to get it right away and they started chanting their names together.
"MaShi! MaShi! MaShi!" The whole crowd cheered. It's as if the whole universe was already pushing them together.
"Thank you, UST Paskuhan! Until we meet again!" Ashi turned off her mic before exiting the stage.
I could feel the tears streaming down my face. They truly love each other and their stars are finally aligning again.
"What was that, Ashi?" Cleo started scolding Ashi when we got home. I immediately stood behind Ashi to support her. "You don't make big decisions like that without consulting us first!"
I can feel Cleo's frustration. Naiintindihan ko naman kung saan siya nanggagaling. Ashi was wrong for announcing that she was leaving without talking to us first. For sure galit na rin ang manager namin and we have to face a lot of media in the next few days.
"Iintindihin naman namin 'yong desisyon mo, Ashi eh. Hindi ka naman namin pipigilan kung talagang gusto mo sundan si Magui. Pero sana man lang sinabihan mo kami." Malia told her. You can feel the betrayal from her tone.
"Sigurado ka na ba talaga diyan, Ashi?" Stella started to worry. "Baka pwede pa nating bawiin."
"Oo nga, girl. Pagisipan mo muna. This is a really big decision!" Gia told her too.
"I've already made up my mind. Matagal ko na 'tong pinagiisipan and I realized that this was the only way to be with Magui. She can't give up her company for me anymore so I have to give up my life here instead." Ashi explained herself.
"I'm leaving in two days." Ashi followed after a short silence. It was another big revelation that stressed us.
"That soon?" Savannah stated in shock.
"Paano naman kami?" Cleo still feels betrayed. "Sobrang impulsive mo, Ashi! Bigla-bigla kang nagdedesisyon tapos ano? Hindi mo nanaman papanindigan? Baka mamaya bigla kang umuwi dito pagdating mo sa Canada."
"I know it sounds so sudden pero sigurado na ko, Cleo. I want to be with Magui. I want her to be with me." Pilit na pinapaintindi ni Ashi ang side niya kay Cleo but she was just too hurt.
Cleo stormed upstairs and Stella followed her. The rest of the girls comforted Ashi while I went after Cleo too.
"She's so selfish! Lagi niya na lang iniisip yung sarili niya!" I heard Cleo crying behind the door. I peeked through the small opening and I saw Stella stroking her back. "She never thought about what we would feel."
"Cleo..." I entered the room and I sat beside her.
Stella left to give us some privacy.
"Kung kukunsintihin mo lang si Ashi, umalis ka na lang." Cleo glared at me.
"Cley, I also find Ashi's actions wrong but she finally found the certainty that she was searching for. Pipigilan ba natin siya? Sigurado na siya, Cley. Sigurado na siya kay Magui." I told Cleo.
Ashi wouldn't do a big decision if she's uncertain. Malaki ang tiwala ko kay Ashi kaya alam kong hindi basta-basta ang desisyon na 'to. She probably thought about this for months.
"But what if she's being impulsive again? Paano kung saktan niya lang ulit si Magui? Jen, hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko kay Ashi."
"You've been a good friend to her, Cley. You though her so many things about love and life. She wouldn't be the Ashi she is today if it wasn't for your lectures." I tried to cheer Cleo up.
She thinks it's her fault kaya nagkakaganyan si Ashi. Pakiramdam niya nagkulang siya when she gave Ashi so much already. She can't hold Ashi's hand forever. Ashi has to explore life on her own. She has to stand on her own feet.
"Bakit ganyan na lang kalaki ang tiwala mo sa kaniya?" She asked again.
"Because you practically raised the kid. You were like a mother to her. You always corrected her mistakes and never tolerated it. Everyday, she is improving because of you, Cley. You made her a better person. I know that Ashi knows what she is doing, all thanks to you." I smiled at her before hugging her.
I left Cleo alone so she can think about things. I went to Ashi's room and I saw the girls helping her with her bags.
"Lagi kang tatawag, ha? Kapag ghinost mo kami, hindi na talaga tayo friends." Savannah told Ashi while folding her clothes.
"Pwede ba 'yon? We're family. I would never ghost you, girls." Ashi told Savannah.
"Pero tiango mo sa'min 'tong plano mo?" Malia was still upset about the situation but she was still helping Ashi with her things.
"Sorry na nga." Ashi turned to her. "I just had to sacrifice something for Magui too."
"Kaya kami ang sinakripisyo mo?" Stella raised her brow on Ashi.
"Hindi naman sa ganun, Stel. It's just, Magui was willing to give up Solace just to be with me. The company she had left when everyone else left her alone. If I didn't push her away, she would've stayed here instead."
"Sana nga hindi mo na tinulak. Siya na lang sana ang nag-stay dito para hindi mo na kami sinakripisyo!" Gia commented.
"I'm sorry that you guys have to be affected by my decision. Trust me, it wasn't easy. Kung pwede lang, isasama ko kayong lahat sa Canada but your lives are settled here. I love my job and my fans but my life is getting lonlier every day that i'm alone. Now that I am able to complete myself again, I want to spend it with the love of my life. I hope you guys understand that." Ashi started tearing as she explained herself.
"Go, Ash!" I cheered for her. Mahirap pero naiintindihan ko yung naging choice niya. She's choosing love and i'm not mad about that. Mas magagalit ako kung hahayaan niyang malungkot ang sarili niya. "Habulin mo na si Magui. You've been sacrificing for each other long enough. It's time for the both of you to be happy again."
We finished packing around 2 AM. We wanted to spend every moment with Ashi before she leaves so we slept over to her room. Gia and Savannah hugged Ashi in the bed while Stella, Malia and I laid blankets on the floor.
The following day, Gia made breakfast. It was all of Ashi's favorite silog dishes. We were eating all together when I noticed that Cleo's seat was empty.
"Stella, where's your girlfriend?" I asked her.
"She doesn't want to eat breakfast. She's still upset." Stella answered.
"I'll talk to her, Stel." Ashi held Stella's hand. "Hindi ako matitiis ni Cleo."
After eating breakfast, we prepared ourselves because Ashi wanted to spend the day with her mom. Malia drove the van to the cemetery and Ashi gave tita Anna a bouquet of sunflowers. Ashi also lit up two candles before we all prayed together.
"Mom, i'm leaving." Ashi told her mother. "Susundan ko na po si Magui sa Canada. It's time for me to make the effort and win her back in my life."
I was just staring at Ashi's bracelet while she was talking to her mom. It suddenly started blinking. I was about to ask her about it when I saw her tap the center and it just lit up.
"Ang cool naman niyang bracelet mo." I told Ashi because i've been noticing it for a while. She started wearing it since we got back from Canada 2 months ago.
"Magui gave it to me." Ashi told me. "It lights up whenever we miss each other."
"Kaya naman pala desedido ka na diyan. Two months na pala kayong naglalandian ni Magui!" I teased her.
"Baliw, hindi! I've made a lot of self reflections before I came up with this decision. Magui sacrificed her life in Canada for me once. It's time that I give up my life here for her." Ashi explained.
We watched the sunset together before we made our way home. Ashi needs to be at the airport by 6 AM kaya we decided not to sleep anymore. I ordered pizza while the girls made their own smoothies for Ashi's last-minute Despedida party.
"What are your plans when you go there?" Stella asked her.
"I don't know. Be Magui's girlfriend, I guess?" Ashi answered.
I gently pulled her hair, "'wag kang dumbell, Ashi Geronimo! Magui's working hard there for her future tapos magiging palamunin ka lang doon?"
"I'll look for a job, okay?" She told me while rubbing her head since I just pulled her hair. "Magui started with nothing when she went to Canada. Take note that she didn't graduate from college but she still became a CEO. I know that it wouldn't be easy but i'll work hard to sustain myself!"
"May degree ka nga, music naman. Sa Pilipinas ka pa grumaduate." I reminded her. "It's not easy to look for a job in Canada if you're not a permanent resident. Mas pinahirap pa dahil limited lang ang opportunities sa field ng music."
"Well lucky for me, my love owns a recording company." She grinned at me.
"Sabi ko nga." I scratched the back of my head because I somehow forgot about that detail.
We continued bonding together as time quickly pass by. We cherished every moment we have with Ashi before she leaves us for good.
"Don't worry, Ash. Kami na bahala sa media at kay Ms. Martha." I assured her as we rode in the van.
Syempre lahat kami sumama sa paghatid. We would miss our bunso even if she's the oldest among us all.
Malia stopped the van when we saw Cleo outside. I transferred in the back so Cleo could sit beside Ashi.
"I wouldn't allow you to leave without saying goodbye to me." Cleo told her as the both of them hugged each other tightly.
"I'm glad that you changed your mind." Stella tapped her girlfriend's shoulder.
"Hindi ko kayang tiisin si Ashi." Cleo said while holding back her tears.
We were quiet during the whole ride. It was starting to feel lonely thinking that another one of us is leaving.
"Akala ko ba walo walang dulo?" Malia broke the silence and I could see from the rearview mirror that she was already crying.
"Just because I'm going to live in Canada with Magui doesn't mean that we're already breaking apart. We're still family, Malia. Uso na rin ang video call." Ashi told her.
"Sus! Sa umpisa lang 'yan but eventually magiging busy rin tayo. Our schedules would be hectic and we would miss each other's free time. Yung every day na call magiging twice a year na lang!" Gia complained because she had a lot of experience with long-distance friendships.
"Gia, hindi naman porket minsan na lang magusap ay friendship over na. Besides, lagi kaming dadalaw ni Magui kapag may ganap dito, promise!" Ashi continued to cheer us but we couldn't stop ourselves from crying.
For four years, we all lived together. Akala ko nga tatanda kami nang kami-kami ang magkakasama. I never imagined one of us leaving this soon.
"Paano yung 12AM? Tatlo na lang sila." Savannah pouted.
"Jenna could be the lead singer again! Just like the good old days." Ashi told us.
"But performing without you would never be the same again," I told her. "It was never the same when Magui left. Now that you're leaving too, tuluyan nang nalungkot yung band."
"Maybe it's time that we take a rest from music too." Cleo broke her silence. "Since high school, we've limited ourselves to performing. Maybe it's time to explore new hobbies and opportunities."
"I agree!" Malia told us even if she was busy with driving. "I always wanted to be a teacher kaya nga educ ang kinuha ko sa college eh. Kaya lang, sobra akong naging invested sa band na hindi na natuloy yung pangarap na 'yon."
"Same. I graduated with a music degree but I it's been my dream to start my own business. A small coffee shop maybe?" I told the girls.
"I'll support you with that, mahal!" Savannah hugged me. "We're going to be CEOs too!"
"Tama si Cleo. It's time to move on to the next chapter of our lives. Hindi naman aalis ang music eh. If we ever missed performing, we can always reunite and sing again. After all, Magui owns a recording company. We can sign a contract with them!" Ashi told all of us in which we all agreed. "Basta walo walang dulo, ha?"
"Walo, walang dulo!" We all cheered in the van.
Later on, we arrived at the airport. Ashi went down as she had a heart-to-heart talk with Cleo. The girls and I helped her with her bags. She brought a lot since she would be staying their for a while.
"Sigurado ka na ba talaga sa desisyon mo?" I heard Cleo asked Ashi.
"I've forgiven myself, Cleo. I woke up one day and realized that I was so eager to move on from the past. I finally accepted that I couldn't change what happened. I was able to let go of the fears and sadness surrounding me. As well as the anger I have for myself. Then I thought about Magui. Now that I've forgiven myself, it's time to end our pain. It's time to take the risk and chase her. It's time to give her the love and happiness that was deprived from her for a very long time. Sigurado na ako, Cleo. I want to spend the rest of my life with Magui."
"I'm happy for you, Ashi!" Cleo smiled at her. "You've finally learned something from all of this."
"All thanks to you, mother." Ashi joked around.
"I'm glad that you finally pieced yourself together, Ashi." I interrupted their moment. "It isn't easy. How were you able to do it in just two months?"
"Someone told me that the first step in self-forgiveness is wanting to forgive yourself even if you don't know how to. The rest would follow." Ashi told us.
Cleo and I looked at each other. It was familiar advice. It probably came from kuya Miko. He would constantly tell us the same advice sa tuwing nagkakaroon kami ng mga away-bata nila Magui back in grade school. Sa kaniya nga namana ni Cleo ang pagiging wise.
"Bon voyage, Ashi!" Cleo told her one last time.
We waved our hands to say goodbye to her as we watched her enter the airport.
After 5 years, 1 month, and 20 days, Ashi finally let go of her anger and sadness.
She finally found herself.
She was finally certain.
She is finally worthy of Magui's love again.