BLAKELY:
How long does it take for a realization to settle in? Even Google doesn’t have this answer. But if there is a survey form and they are intending to find it, I will voluntarily fill the form.
Because people like me are not just academically challenged but they are also challenged in realizing things.
Blakely Frank Rosenheim is an absolute idiot.
There’s always that one moment in your life where realization dawns upon you and in that one moment you understand everything. I had my moment where I understood my feelings. Not just my feelings, everything. The mess in my mind and heart vanished like it never was there. Instead of a frown, I had a smile on my face.
Everything set into its place. In that one moment I knew what answer I had to give to Kev. I had tried for a week straight, thinking and thinking, coming to a decision but I couldn’t understand. But as my father said, I’ll know and realization will come itself. It did. Weirdly, realization dawned upon me at exact three thirty three in the morning. After that I hadn’t slept. My mind kept repeating about only one person…
Kevin
Although I was met with disappointment when I knocked on his house door at eight in the morning and found out that he wasn’t at home, I had decided I wasn't going to wait.
Why is this idiot not at home at eight in the morning? Or where is he at eight in the morning?
My rational mind neurons would always tell me to wait for him to return but right now my irrational mind neurons had taken over so I was in no mood to wait for him. Fishing out my phone from my hoodie pocket, I quickly dialled his number. The first and second call went unanswered but he did pick up on the third one.
“Where are you?” I sounded desperate and maybe loud. One week. One whole week of not conversing. One whole week of not seeing each other. How did I even get through the week without my best friend? I hope he did pick up from my tone that I wanted to talk about serious things. He took a long deep breath from the other side before I heard his voice.
“Geez girl. Why are you so loud in the morning?” He didn’t answer my question, something I really didn’t appreciate while I stood outside the warmness of my home in the cold while only wearing a hoodie and food printed pyjamas. “I’m at our usual hideout. Why?”
“Stay there. Don’t go anywhere. Okay?” I hung up the call in a hurry, not giving him a chance to ask another question. I slapped my cheeks a couple of times, passing some heat through my hands and I set off.
I was running through the streets. The secret place was twenty minutes away if I walked but since I was running I might reach there in fifteen. However, my plan of reaching there faster by five minutes was set back when I tripped over my own shoelaces and fell face first into the ground.
One day, you will fall super hard Ly.
Kev’s voice rang in my ears. Either metaphorically or physically, I did fall super hard.
I had protected my face from any potential injuries by covering it with my hands. Hence, there were scraps on the upper side and side of both of my palms and my left knee. The pain didn’t hinder my plans to run since I was high on adrenaline. Tying my shoelaces somehow which I bet are going to come loose in a couple of minutes I stood up dusting my clothes, hurting my open wounds in the process. And I ran again.
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I saw Kevin on the other side of the stairs from afar. My lungs were burning and my throat felt parched but I didn't stop. I was not going to walk in the end. Bad decision, I tell you because as soon as I reached near, I jumped over the brick tunnel as the stones were also built on the ground as well, and ran over the stairs, I stumbled forward. These darn shoelaces.
This time though, I was glad that I didn’t meet the cold hard ground but my face did slam into Kevin’s chest as he wrapped his hand around my waist. It would have been a cute moment with him holding me and catching me before I fell but it was me. I had thrown all of my weight over him and he lost his footing so we both ended up falling to the ground. Actually, it was him falling on the ground as he had cushioned my fall. I heard a slight groan slip past his lips both from the fall and my head butt but other than that I assume he was fine.
“I told you that you will fall superhard,” He said, pushing himself up into a sitting position as I detached myself from him. We were now sitting in front of each other. He was normal but I was still breathing heavily.
“I already did,” The words came out as a breathless pant but I was glad that he understood. His eyes widened in concern and I felt that his words came out at a hurried pace.
“Where?” He was about to search my hands for injuries when I spoke up. Yeah, I’m going to worry Kev about them later.
“On the way to your heart,” His eyes rounded in confusion before a bubble of laughter left his mouth and I felt a shock of current passing through me. It was weird how his laugh was causing such reactions after I came to terms that I liked him. I would be lying if I didn't say that I didn't find his laugh beautiful before as well but it's still weird. Whenever you start loving someone you start to see them in a different light.
“Is this what it feels like to hear such things from me,” I snapped out of my daze. Kev had fallen on the ground somewhere in between my deep thinking. There was a smile gracing his lips and did I see him wipe a tear from the corner of his eye? Am I seriously this funny?
“Kev, I really did fall for you. I was confused between you and Owen but-” I started to explain it to him. It was only fair that he knew everything. I didn't say I love you, just because. There was a reason. No, There were uncountable reasons.
“How me?” He interrupted me. The smile from before was still there but it had lessened. People shock the other with their confession while here was me who made the boy laugh then serious.
“-How you?” I repeated his words. How Kev? “Because Kev you don't make my heart race” His smile grew again, his eyes crinkling.
“You do the opposite. You make me feel calm. With you I and my heart are both at peace. Kevin Wilder, you are my home. When I looked back in my past, I found myself always returning to you and even when I think of the future I see myself doing the same,”
“You might be the first one to confess but I was the first one to fall for you,”
I tried to read his face but for the first time in years of our friendship I didn't know what he was thinking. His expressions were soft yet serious.
“Kev I have always loved you in ways that even I don't know. We both kept burying our feelings by the label of friendship. We called each other friends a lot of times that we forgot that friends could be lovers as well. You know there were times when I thought if I could only get someone like you for the rest of my life. And now I thought why was it someone like you but not you? Kev, I compared every single boy to you. Before I didn't know why I did that but now I have the answer to it,”
“I tried to see if there was another one like you but I forgot that there's always one of anyone. You asked me how it was you. Kev, you know me like the back of your palm, don't you? You have seen me through my worst, you have supported me. You tried to become my friend at that time. You loved me after seeing the most vulnerable me so how could I not love the one person who's always been with me... It's you who were there for me when I cried. You made me laugh. You annoyed me. I wanted to share all the good and bad news with you. Kevin, I had always admired you.”
“So you might be the first one to confess but I was the first one to fall for you because I have loved you from the start. From the moment I could think. My heart never races with you. It’s always slowly thumping. Slow and at comfort. I never have to be someone else. And isn’t love about this Kevin? To express yourself and to be you. No barriers of any sort. Where the other person understands you and loves you in whatever state or situation you are in,”
Kevin's hands clasped around mine in a soft gentle grip. He hadn't looked down over my hands yet. The soft smile was on his lips again. I think I was seeing stars in his eyes. I loved it. I loved seeing stars during the daytime in his eyes. I should have tried my best to not let the cry of pain slip past my mouth but I let it. Hahaha! Time to worry him!
“Ouch,” I cried and his eyes instantly widened again. He casted his eyes downwards and his gaze fell over my bloodied hands.
“Ly, you should have told me before,” He exclaimed in concern, letting his eyes roam all over me. “There is one on your knee as well,”
“I wasn't lying when I said I fell super hard on the way to your heart. Kev,” I paused, realizing something. “It rhymes,” I noticed that my words were rhyming. Is it just me or does everyone get happy when their words sometimes rhyme?
The look I received from Kevin made me smile. He had an incredulous look all over his face like he couldn't believe me.
“Even after you fell you ran here? Can't you have hauled a cab or something?”
“I came without a penny,” It was half truth. The not rational mind of mine forced me to run which is why I had no money.
“And now I just realized that all you are wearing is a hoodie,” He started to remove his jacket. He was wearing a white hoodie underneath it. Wouldn't he be exposed to the cold if he gave me this? “Why didn’t you wear anything more warm and didn’t tell me that you are hurt? Ly you are…”
He draped his jacket around me, putting my arms inside the sleeves and buttoning it from the front. I am not going to lie, it made me feel warm. The jacket smelled like Kev…. And just this thing had my cold melting.
“Tell you before and lose my chance of confessing in this pretty place? Hell no,” I exclaimed. If I had gotten a chance to confess at this place, in this beautiful weather, how could I have let it go? I saw Kev’s lips twitching for a smile. “Oh I see that smile on your lips,”
I pointed out. He was trying to be angry when actually he felt like smiling.
“Well I don’t know what I should exactly feel right now. I feel happy, shocked, concerned and a lot more but I don’t know because this adorable idiot of a girl of mine both metaphorically and literally fell...”
I reached out and circled my hands around his neck. Kevin was so warm. Holding him right now was exactly like holding a hot cup of coffee in the midst of winter. He reciprocated the hug holding me in his arms. The whole journey till here in the cold was nothing compared to this... “There you go with a hug from the adorable idiot girl of yours,”
His hands were resting over my now open hairs. My hair was tied in the loose bun before I exited my house but now my hair was everywhere. The tie was resting on my neck holding a very few hairs in the bun. I don’t even know how I looked. Maybe like a winter monster.
“Would you ever take care of your laces?” he asked after a little while. My eyes instantly went over my shoes. One of the shoelaces was somewhat in place but the other one was not… like every time.
“Did I ever care in the past? No. Do I care in the present? No. Would I care about it in the future? No. Why?” I paused leaning back enough so I could look at Kev. “Because I had my father beside me in the past. In the present I have both my father and you and in the future, I will have you, right?”
Kevin tilted his head a little and dropped a kiss over my forehead. It was his way to reply to my question. It was enough. Enough for me to know that he will be with me. He leaned back and stared into my eyes.
“I love you Rosenheim,” he surprised me by saying those words. There were many times we both have uttered those same words to each other but this time the emotion was different. The emotion that made my heart race. The emotion that made me smile so wide.
“Me too Wilder,” I reached forward and ruffled his hair. He narrowed his eyes and mumbled something along the lines of ‘that means you love yourself’. After childhood, for the first time in ages I found him cute. That remark elicited a short laugh from me.
“I love you Wilder,” It was his turn to ruffle my hair. He seemed quite happy now that I clearly stated those words. The happiness was short lived because his eyes glanced over my hands and he remembered that I was hurt.
“Let's go and get you treated,” He suddenly picked me up and I flailed my arms and legs in surprise.
“I can walk. Put me down,” I warned him. A mischievous smile grew on his lips.
“And lose the chance to hold you close? Hell No,” He mimicked me and instead of getting angry I laughed.
“Turn back to the Kev I knew. I want to hear more of those,” Now that he had decided to carry me I held onto him tightly.
“More of what?” He pretended to not know and I rolled my eyes. He is the biggest drama queen.
“More of your flirting lines,”
I tried to rest my head over his chest but groaned when he looked down at me and I hid my face in shoulder. I felt the rumble of his body as he laughed, mumbling how weird it is for friends to be lovers.
I agree. Friends when they become lovers is a relationship which is weird but does anyone realize that it’s the best. We always hunt and try to find a best friend in our partner. A person who is able to understand you, who doesn’t want you to change and loves you the way you are. You are not scared to show any side of yours to them because they never judge. You have fights but you know how to handle them.
Best friends don't always turn into lovers but when they do it’s the most precious relationship. Though it’s complicated at times to understand…
At times you don’t realize that you love your best friend but you prefer them and their company over anyone, your crush, the person you like… you feel that there is no one better than your best friend and their company. And if you feel like this you need to climb over the wall of ‘best-friend’ label and look beyond it. You’ll see that your heart has always been attracted to them and has gotten attached to them.
Kevin Wilder was always the one for me. It was just me who hadn’t bothered to see beyond the wall but once I did… I found the best companion of my life.