I can't stay.
This is killing me. Literally, I mean, watching Dina sputter blood, sleep all day, breathing heavily, trying to survive, gulping down orange pills every second.
Straightening out my mini dress, I take a sip of water before leaving the kitchen altogether. Alex is crouched in the basement when I reach there. "Hi, Alex." I smile.
He looks up from his crouch and I realize the basement is like a gym. Machines, treadmills, blue mats, and a tv. There's also table tennis and soccer rounded up in the edge.
"Oh, hi." He nods.
"Working out?" I chuckle.
He seems amused. "Yeah, you don't?"
I give him a sheepish smile. "Not really."
"Surprised you're still skinny. And not as fat as Abby, "
"Who's Abby?" I ask.
"She's.. Ugh. She's really rude and annoying. A girl in my class. She got me in trouble, and she's basically a nerd with no friends. " he shrugs, bending into a push up.
"You're mean," I state.
"You know me well." Alex laughs, and then falls on the mat, which makes me laugh harder. "You made me fall!" He complains.
"Whatever. Anyways, I'm going out. You coming?" I suggest. He changes his face. Serious.
"No." He darkly mutters. I'm about to press some questions on, but I think against it. He wants my trust? I'll give it to him, eyes closed. No annoying, no forcing.
"Okay. See you later, Alex." I sigh, spinning on my heel and walking away on the hard wood floor. then, I feel an arm on my wrist.
I spin around to see Alex, face inches away from mine. I can feel his minty breath on my face, his sky glossy eyes gazing into mine, his lips parted. We breath light breaths, like if we would breath hard and rough, this moment would shatter.
"I'll come." He avoids my gaze now, and I smile. Before I can stop myself, I bring his chin up to face me. "Thank you." And then I leave him there.
We haul into the car, and I let him with the drivers seat.
"Where you wanna go?" He asks.
"Do you want to hang out around the beach or something maybe?" I shrug, and he nods, turning the car that direction. I sense his tension and smile at him, a genuine smile as he parks the car.
He stirs, scratching the back of his neck and avoiding my gaze. I see the blush travel up his cheeks, which makes me blush. It reminds me... Someone actually loves me.
What shit are you talking about?
He can't love me. After everything is done. I'd broken his trust. He was down, depressed, and alone. Words hurt. More than ever.
He simply can't love me.. Anymore.
No one has that much patience.
Keep that in mind, Jenna.
"Jenna?!" I hear Alex scream. I turn towards him. He waves a hand in front of my face. I gape back at him.
"Sorry, let's go." I mutter, my cheeks turning a bright pink colour as I assumed. His face is amused; the first time I've seen his actually amused in these couple of weeks, our fight week.
We sit on the edge of the sand, near the water. I stay silent and then go grab a strawberry smoothie for us, and he slurps it down while I take intimidating sips. "You know, you're good at this."
His compliment makes me choke on my sip.
"W-what?" I ask, quickly covering up.
"You're good at making me trust you again. You're not forcing me into anything; you're giving me my time to think. If there's a possibility of us. " his words sting, causing me to bite my lower lip. They don't make me blush, like any other compliment would. He finally gazes at me. His blue eyes pierce.
"Thank you." I murmur.
The words do sting, but I have to push that thought away, because his eyes are gazing at me and my heart skips a beat before running a marathon.
One of those moments. Arg! They last only for about.. A few seconds. Until something makes the whole magical world shatter into tiny glass pieces, which stab you, indicating that 'snap into reality you dweeb'!
And that glass piece hits me pretty hard.
I smooth out my skirt and sip my smoothie. "Well. Uh, since, you know, you think I am doing a good job in the trust issue, i think it's pretty safe to ask.." I trail off.
"What? Tell me. It's okay." He begs, placing his hands on his lap.
"Fine. Okay, well, the deal we made was I would earn your trust back while you would enlighten me with telling me stories. Real stories, charmer. About the girls." I propose.
He seems stuck in thought and then smiles, nodding. "Sure. I think you deserve it." He sincerely agrees.
"Thank you." I blush.
"Which girl?" He gets to the point.
"Well.. " i gulp. I'm already to stressed for Liana's story, so I shrug. "Michelle."
"Michelle." He nods thoughtfully. Then , he staggers, covering his mouth and breathing deeply.
"Alex!" I ask.
"I'm fine." He wipes his mouth, sighing. "Fine." He repeats.
"Please, don't hesitate if you think you can do it. If you can't, don't. But if you can, you have the potential and you need to trust it. The past is the past. You learn from your mistakes. Everyone does." I convince.
"I can do it." He nods, brushing his lap off.
"No, don't do it if you don't ---"
"Shh. I can. " he starts. I cup my hands around my face, eagerly listening.
"Well, Michelle was a gorgeous brunette. I was attracted to her first, before Liana and Carmen. She.. Her body, the way she moved, the way she attracted me, tempted me, it was all just magic.
We met at the first club I ever attended. Those dark days, they haunt me. Anyway. I was drunk, and the whole stressed issue at home was fading in the back of my brain. As I took more sips and gazed at more sluts, the issue moved further to the back of my mind.
The music blared in my ears, I found Michelle. She was dancing freely in less than a bikini; barely any clothes. We swayed against the music, drunk.
Then, we took it too far.
The dark alley, the way she rummaged into my hair, everything. My first time.
It was too much.
But we didn't stop. She made me forget it completely. The issue was stored at the complete back of my mind, faded, not remembered. "
He buries his face in his hands for a few seconds.
"I wish it was someone I actually loved." He lingers. My heart flutters. The tears aching in my eyes stay there. But hope sparks. What if.. It was me he was wishing for?
Shut the hell up, Jenna. You're stupid. He can't love you.
He can't. He just can't. Not after what you did.
I wrap one arm around his shoulder, and he stays stiff. "You're my friend, Alex." I fight off. Then, he gives in and rests on my shoulder.
"Thank you for being here for me, when I honestly need you." I can feel the diss in the remark, along with the compliment.
His dry and sarcastic voice is half of the remark. The compliment is the other half.
I feel so bad.
It stabs me again, but not the perfect-moment-ending-stab.
The look-what-you-did-to-him-stab.
•••
Ahh sorry for the late update babes
-xoxo Hamna