-- ASHI --
"Today is Ashi day!"
I woke up extra early for a productive day. I changed into my workout clothes before I placed on my AirPods and jog around the village. After almost an hour, I went back to the VL house. I got myself a glass of water and found it really weird to see the house empty and quiet.
"I hope the girls are happy in Canada," I whispered to myself as I checked out their posts.
stellapangilinan: I followed my heart and it led me to Vancouver.
giaborja: Hello Vancouver, Gia's finally here!
savannahcastro: I've found my happy place here in Vancouver.
12AMOfficial: When in Canada 🇨🇦 Miss you @ashi
12AMOfficial: Welcome to the world, Vanya Luna Music Group 🌙
My brows furrowed as I saw the picture of my bandmates with Magui's new company. It wasn't Solace anymore. She renamed it to Vanya Luna.
I saved the picture and posted it on my Twitter account.
ashi: Congratulations Vanya Luna Music Group. Congratulations @mfeola
I was still looking at their posts when I saw Magui's latest tweet. It was her OOTD during the opening of Vanya Luna. She looks stunning in her red outfit.
mfeola: Your CEO is back 🌙
4shipr1v: Congratulations, my solace 💛
I hid my phone after checking all my social media accounts. The girls haven't called yet since the day they landed so they're probably enjoying Canada. I didn't bother to call them because I didn't want to ruin their vacation. Besides, it's also Ashi day. I'll spend the whole entire day with myself.
I got myself a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast before I went to the studio to get one of Malia's guitars. I sat on the back porch. I was multitasking eating my breakfast and strumming the guitar while thinking of some sensible lyrics. We have an upcoming concert two months from now and they told me that I have to come up with a new song.
I still haven't produced anything when a yellow butterfly landed on my guitar. I was just staring at it until I remembered a song that I wrote for Magui a year after our breakup. I wasn't able to finish it but maybe I can now.
"O kay sarap sa ilalim ng kalawakan
Kapag kapiling kang tumitig sa kawalan
Saksi ang buwan at bituin sa pagmamahalan
Nating dalawa"
I was reminiscing the day Magui and I first kissed each other. It was the night of her birthday while dancing in the middle of the rain. We weren't together anymore but that kiss proved how much we still loved each other. It was one of the most cherishable memories I have of Magui. It's been a month since we last heard from each other yet it's still her that inspires me to write music.
It feels like I was struggling with writer's block. I couldn't come up with anything so I decided to take a short break. I finished my breakfast before I went to the sink to wash it. I took Malia's guitar and I went to my room. I took a dusty box under the bed and opened it.
"Aking Bahaghari, Ashi Geronimo by Magui Feola."
Words will never be enough for me to express my love for you. But here's an attempt.
Colors.
The first time you laid your eyes on me, I was wearing black. Like I always do. Because I've always been the type of person who prefers neutral colors over bright ones.
But that changed when I met you.
Everything changed when I met you.
I started wearing colors when I met you.
I started seeing colors when I met you.
My world was full of pain and darkness until you.
I was surrounded by black and white before you came.
You came into my life and that, Ashi, changed me.
It changed me for the better.
I'm better because of you.
For you.
You once told me that love met its meaning when we met.
But Ashi, to me, is not the only thing that met its meaning.
Life. My life made sense when you came. You are my lifeline, Ashi. You're the reason why I'm still here. Because you believed in me, in every hour of every day, I would always hope that God would take me so I can be with daddy again.
Maybe that's why we met.
We met so everything around us would make sense.
I met you. And since then, I never thought of letting you go.
Not now, not tomorrow.
Never.
I had to stop reading when I saw drops of tears on the book Magui gave me when we became official. Reading it again made me recall so many memories. Both good and bad. It made me realize that even though I left her, she never stopped loving me. She never let go. Not until I gave her a reason to let me go.
-- FLASHBACK --
"We've waited for hours in front of her house but there is really no sign of her," Gia reported the moment she and Malia got back.
"We've waited in tito Manuel's grave too pero hindi naman siya dumating. We asked the caretakers in the cemetery. It's been months since they last saw Magui visit." Savannah told me who just got back from the cemetery with Jenna.
"Wala rin siya sa building ng kuya niya." Stella said worriedly.
"Then where could she be? I asked a lot of her blockmates pero hindi na raw siya pumapasok!" I was trying my best to hold back my tears but I couldn't. I'm really worried about Magui.
"Huwag mo na kasing hanapin ang ayaw magpahanap, Ashi. Sarili mo lang pinapahirapan mo eh." Cleo interrupted our conversation with an annoyed tone.
"Cleo's right, Ashi. Tanggapin mong iniwan na tayo ni Magui. Iniwan ka na niya. She's probably happy in the hands of her new girlfriend. Stop wasting your time looking for someone who clearly doesn't love you." Malia added.
I refused to believe that Magui already left. She waited for me day by day outside my building and my house. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit bigla na lang siyang nawala.
"Malia, you're the last one to talk to Magui before she stopped waiting outside my house. What did you tell her that stopped her from going back here?" I asked Malia.
I saw fear in her eyes but I didn't give much attention to it. She avoided my gaze and it took her a while to answer.
"Wala ba talaga siyang sinabi sa'yo? Wala ba siyang nabanggit kung saan siya pupunta? Please, Malia. I just want to see Magui again." I started begging her.
"She's gone, Ashi. She gave up on you already. She chose to leave us because she's selfish. Sarili niya lang ang iniisip niya. She clearly doesn't have any sympathy for you." Malia told me.
I couldn't really understand. It's impossible that Magui doesn't love me anymore. Ano? Ganun-ganun na lang lahat nang 'yon? Apat na taon na pagsasama itatapon niya para lang sa isang babae? Ilang buwan niya kong hinabol. Nagantay at magmakaawa. Nagsawa na ba talaga siya? Did she really gave up on me already?
I tried searching for her again on different social media paltforms pero wala talaga. Even her number is cannot be reached already.
Where are you, Magui?
I need you. I still need you.
I'm ready to listen now.
Just come back, please.
I'll listen, just come home to me.
I was walking alone in the garden where Magui and I spent a lot of time with each other. I still couldn't believe that I'm walking alone now while staring at the stars. I miss her so much.
"Tanaw pa rin kita sinta
Kay layo ma'y nagniningning mistula kang tala
Sa tuwing nakakasama ka
Lumiliwanag ang daan sa kislap ng 'yong mga mata"
***
"We are Vanya Luna and our first song for tonight is an original composition of our band back in high school. This song is written by our pianist, Jenna Corpuz." I made a short introduction before the girls started playing the instruments.
I looked at Malia who is currently standing on Magui's spot, strumming the guitar she left. It still feels weird performing without her.
"I never should have called
'Cause I knew you would leave me
But I didn't think you could do it so easily
I never should have held your hand
On that cold rainy night
'Cause, further along, it would cause another fight"
"Stranger, that's all I see
When I look into your eyes
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be
Stranger, who knows all my secrets
Can pull me apart and break my heart
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be"
"I never should have kissed
Kissed your hand
I am under your control
I will never understand
I never should have said
"I love you"
You never said it back
So why do I still care for you?"
"Stranger, that's all I see
When I look into your eyes
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be
Stranger, who knows all my secrets
Can pull me apart and break my heart
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be"
"Wish I could go back to the day we met and leave you be
Sit and look pretty
Never should have called
Never should have helped
Never should have kissed
Never should have said"
"Stranger, that's all I see
When I look into your eyes
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be
Stranger, who knows all my secrets
Can pull me apart and break my heart
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be"
I felt a tear drop after singing our first song. I immediately wiped it since the show must go on. After performing two more songs, our time was already up.
We went backstage to fix our things when an unfamiliar man approached me.
"Are you Ashi Geronimo?" He asked me. "You can call me Mr. Antonio. I am currently looking for talents who are interested to make a name in the music industry. I was really mesmerized by your voice and I think you have the potential to be a recording artist." He said while handing me his card.
It was an exciting opportunity but I can't feel the excitement. I looked at the girls who are staring at us before I looked back to Mr. Antonio.
"Sorry, but the girls and I are a package. If you want me, you have to get them too." I told him in a monotone.
He looked at the girls first before looking back at me, "it's a deal."
Mr. Antonio helped me and the girls partner up with a recording company. We started making song covers until we were given the chance to release our first single.
"Do you really want to change Vanya Luna?" I asked Cleo.
We still haven't come up with a band name and It was already delaying the release of our first song. They have to advertise our name first before the release of our song.
"Oo nga, Cley. Maganda naman ang Vanya Luna ah?" Jenna told her.
"Vanya Luna will only be a constant reminder of Magui. We wouldn't thrive in our music careers if we would let Magui hold us back." Cleo explained why she didn't want that name.
"Hanggang dito ba naman, nangugulo pa rin 'yong Magui na 'yan?" Malia rolled her eyes.
I let the three come up with possible band names. I still wasn't feeling myself despite the good opportunities coming to me and my girls. Losing Magui felt like I lost a big part of me. Something that I can never get back.
"Ikaw, Ashi? Any suggestions?" Jenna turned to me.
"How about 12AM?" I suggested.
I reminisced so many memories with Magui while mentioning 12 AM. It's really memorable to me because Magui and I celebrated a lot of our firsts during this time. For instance, we waited for Magui's birthday at 12 AM and celebrated it together for the first time in years. It's also the time that I broke up with Magui.
But the girls don't have to know about that.
"Bakit 12 AM?" Cleo asked with brows furrowed.
"Because it's the start of a new day which means we get to let go of the past and start a blank day to fill with new memories. 12 AM can be the start of a new chapter in our lives." I explained. I was actually quite impressed with myself for thinking of another reason.
"I like that idea!" Jenna told me.
"Ako rin! Bet ko yung paninagong chapter in our lives!" Malia added.
"Correct. A new chapter where we could make new happy memories without Magui. We don't have to stay in the past anymore. From now on, we're moving forward." Cleo stated as she held my hand.
"We're officially 12 AM!" Jenna cheered.
"Nation's newest OPM band, 12AM, releases its first single entitled A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant to Be."
"This is for you, my sky. Wherever you are, I hope you're happy now." I whispered to myself as I watched the sunset alone.
-- END OF FLASHBACK --
All the years of longing, aching, hurting.
All of my heartbreaks were made worth it when you came into my life.
I never thought I'd ever love someone again.
Until you.
And the most beautiful part is;
I wasn't even looking when I found you.
I love you.
I always will.
With certainty.
Walang dulo.
Yours, Magui.
I couldn't stop crying as I remembered how one picture ruined Magui and I's happy relationship. It wasn't perfect, we weren't perfect. We're flawed but being together brought out the best in us.
We love each other but we were preventing ourselves because of our past and its consequences. Our pain made us destroy each other, Magui being the most affected. I know that I made so many wrong decisions and I don't know if I'm still deserving of Magui's love but I know in my heart that I still want her. I still love her.
If Magui chooses to take the risk again with me...
I promise.
I wouldn't do anything that could hurt her ever again.
I want her to feel safe with me.
"Simoy ng hangin na kay lamig sa katawan
Daig pa rin ng liyab na 'king nararamdaman
Sa tuwing tayo'y magkabilang mundo
Isang tingin ko lang sa buwan napalapit na rin sa iyo
Langit ay nakangiti nag-aabang sa sandali
Buong paligid ay nasasabik sa ating halik
O kay sarap sa ilalim ng kalawakan
Kapag kapiling kang tumitig sa kawalan
Saksi ang buwan at bituin sa pagmamahalan
Nating dalawa"
I stared at the song that I finally finished after a long day, "if it's meant to be, it will be."