Aliya's POV
"Because you're my mate."
His voice lingered in my mind as his lips moved against mine, tenderly sucking on the soft skin. Kissing Damien felt overly familiar at this point, even though we had done it only a few times before. Closing my eyes, I permitted myself to give into the kiss and accept his proximity, holding onto his shirt like I never wanted to let go.
"My soulmate," his whisper filled my ear in between the kisses.
Familiar, but still extravagant. His kiss was bold, and defiant.
As if fighting against his own heart's desires, and defying his mind's every warning.
"My beloved," and then another stolen kiss.
I should be surprised, I told myself.
I should have a million questions running through my mind right now, like I do every time I step foot into this vampire world. Because it was true, nothing here ever made sense. Nothing except what I was feeling at this time.
What he said should've hit me like a brick, it should be the breaking news playing over and over again in my mind. But it wasn't, because I realized somehow I had always known.
It wasn't the shock from his words that left me speechless, or the kiss. It was the relief that calmed my senses and made me enjoy his closeness a thousand times more. As if after this moment, not a single hurdle stood in our way. As if nothing could ever separate us.
The imaginary piece of thread that tangled us together was not imaginary at all. I was right all along, there was something, an unknown force pulling us towards each other this whole time. I blamed myself for getting carried away with it, when it was never once in my control.
Hearing Damien say that I was his mate was simply putting a name to the bond that I already knew existed.
I wasn't just going crazy.
"That's the answer to all your questions. One look at you and I can see why you were made just for me," Damien's lips parted from mine, making me instantly miss the warmth they provided me with.
"To bring out the best in me. To challenge me in ways never thought possible."
"Damien," I was almost out of breath from the kiss that we shared.
"The way my name rolls off your tongue, like I am only alive to hear you say it. Only to hear the beating of your heart and the breath that you take, only to finally feel something every time your skin touches mine. It's the mate bond that makes us feel this way."
"You feel it too?" I asked, curiosity seeping through my veins as his hands rested on my arms. I shuddered and not from the cold, but from the sparks from his touch that went up and down my arms.
"Only a hundred times more," he confessed, holding my gaze so I could see the truth behind them.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked.
Guilt flashed in his eyes, and then disappeared as soon as it appeared. Replaced by irritation, or a mild anger. Not towards me, but towards himself.
"What could I say? How much I wanted, no, craved something that was far beyond my reach? I've lived a very long life, Aliya. I know when something isn't going to last. Nothing ever does for me; the only thing that's permanent is my throne so I just like to focus on that. Everything else is just..."
"So you're saying what we have, this mate bond, it doesn't matter?"
"Of course it matters. Now that I see how much it matters to you it makes me realize how stupid I was to even try and ignore it in the first place. I thought if I pushed it to the back of my mind and made it the least of my worries, I wouldn't have to face it. Yet, here I am having this conversation with you. Why do you always have to question everything, why can't you just let it be?"
His arms dropped back to his side and he averted his eyes to look elsewhere. My hand grabbed onto his wrist, to make him face me once again.
There was no way I was going to let him avoid this topic again.
"Because I just can't. I can't ignore it anymore! I had to know why I feel the way I do. Where you don't have the control over your own emotions, and you ask yourself if it's just all in your head or wonder if you're going crazy!" My voice was higher than normal, but I wanted to get my point across.
That I was tired of fighting this just as much as him.
"You're not going crazy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but it's all very much real. Fate has a fucked up way of showing me the mirror every once in a while, to show me everything that I'm not worthy of. I didn't tell you because deep down I knew. I knew that I didn't deserve you."
His words cut sharp. How much torment and heartache do you have to experience to conclude you are not worthy of an ounce of joy?
"What makes you say that?"
"That I don't deserve you?" He asked as if it was the most obvious fact ever, "I don't know, do you not know who I am? If you had seen the things that I've done you wouldn't be asking me that question. And I'm not even talking about what I've done to you. Don't tell me you forgot all about the misery and the pain I've caused you?"
"No I haven't. Of course I remember, it's the only thing I wanted to remember for the past few months. To remind myself that there is only one person who's responsible for ruining my life. You think I haven't tried to shake off this feeling just like you have? When I even have every reason to."
Not wanting to be close to him anymore, I took a step back and pulled the coat around me, crossing my arms. My vision blurred as I thought about everything that I have lost and everything that he had taken away from me. Then suddenly, he's not the one wondering if he even deserves me.
"To this day, when I close my eyes all I see are the dark, lonely walls of the dungeons. And when I open them, I'm brought back into a reality that's not much different. Except this time, it's loneliness in broad daylight, standing in the middle of a crowded cafe."
My mind drifted to my lifestyle back in the human world. Wake up, sit through lectures, go to work, then come home to an empty apartment.
Nobody to ask me how my day was or if I was hungry, or if I wanted to do something fun for the night.
Just me, alone with my thoughts of him.
"So yes, I remember everything. The pain and the misery. Because even though I'm free, I'm still living with it," I told him, my lips almost trembling and barely able to form the words.
"But when I'm with you, I'm not so consumed by that darkness and the loneliness. For once, my mind isn't racing thinking about the past, when I am with you all I care about is the present and what the future holds. When I should be planning my revenge against you; but instead I find myself taking care of you as you lay there, wounded. Wishing that you would just wake up even though you were the reason I spent days and nights doing nothing but sleeping."
Damien stepped closer, his hand reaching out to make sure I was okay, but I took another back. I knew he was able to sympathize with me and felt sorry for putting me through it. But no matter how many times he apologized, his sorry's weren't going to bring back my stolen childhood.
"Where was this concern then? Where was the mate bond then?" I asked him.
He was bewildered by the swarm of my questions.
"I don't have words to describe how sorry I am, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to give you everything that I ever snatched from you, make up for all the pain that I have caused," he promised me.
"There are some things that you just can't return to me, like my family and the lost time. Forget it, you won't get it."
"You know what the most fucked up part of all this was? That I do get it. I know exactly what it feels like, to lose your family and everyone dear to you and yet, I didn't blink when you were put in the same exact situation."
It was selfish of me to pour my grief onto him, when I knew he had experienced the same not too long ago. Perhaps at the same time as me. Although that didn't bring justice to his actions, it made me a little less mad at him.
After all, we had shared similar losses. To the point where I didn't know if it was his sadness that I was feeling or my own.
"I know; I didn't mean it like that," my eyes found his dark ones, "but just because you have lost so much to the past, that doesn't mean you have to lose the hope of ever finding happiness. Look at me, even when I have dark clouds looming over my head I still manage to hope for brighter, sunny days ahead."
Damien shook his head as if that was the most absurd thing he has ever heard, "I don't know how you do it. How you stay optimistic even when life has been so cruel to you, how you are so nice to me when I have been so cruel towards you. We're the opposites, you know that? I don't know who paired us to be mates; it has to be the biggest coincidence in existence."
"I'm starting to think we are much more alike than I thought," this time I was the one to put the distance between us to an end. I reached up to rest my forehead on his, "maybe sharing each other's burdens and pain will help us carry the weight easier."
The barrier that was between us broke, and Damien leaned into my touch while closing his eyes.
"I'd like that. Because I am so fucking burnt out carrying the weight of it all by myself," he finally admitted, as if exhausted with life itself. His shoulders slumped and his head dropped so low that I was afraid he might just fall, so I got even closer and wrapped my arms around him to steady him.
"Damien," I called his name but he didn't respond, just rested his forehead on my shoulder. His hand rested on my back, holding me in place.
In the most comfortable, tight hug.
"Are you okay?" I asked him, because he was acting so strange suddenly.
All he did was nod his head. I tried to look at him but he resisted my movement and whispered, "stay."
And that made me stop moving altogether. Because of the weakness and the desperation in his voice that shocked me, causing me to freeze and this time, not from the cold.
So I let him have his way.
"Just know that you don't have to hide anything from me. It is completely okay to allow yourself to feel."
His hug became a little stiff.
"No matter what your father taught you, emotions don't make you weak. Showing them takes courage and strength, which I know is something you can never lack."
Damien straightened up so he could look into my eyes, which gave me the perfect view of his facial expressions. There were unshed tears in his black eyes, which filled me with the need to look away. Because It hurt immensely seeing him like this, so vulnerable and unable to hide his emotions.
"You're amazing, you know that?" He said through the tears that were still pooling in his eyes.
"So are you, you just don't see it yourself. Never say you are not worthy enough, you are the greatest king this place has ever known, and the most caring brother. But I want to meet the real Damien, not the vampire king or my best friend's brother who invited me to her wedding. I want to meet the real you."
"I'm not sure if even I know the real me, who I had to bury and forget about decades ago. This is who I am now, my duties define me and my roles give me a purpose. I'm not sure there is anything more to me," Damien was deep in thoughts trying to register my words, staring into the distance and blinking a few times.
"Why the fuck am I-" the back of his hand harshly swept across his eye and a tear landed on his cheek.
"Damien, stop. You're going to hurt yourself," I grabbed onto his hand and stopped him.
Wiping the tear on his cheek with my thumb, I kept my hand there.
It felt like someone was squeezing my heart or there was a weight placed on top of it. His current state broke my heart like never before.
"Ow," he was rubbing his chest like his heart was hurting too. His confused eyes met mine, as if looking for the source of the pain.
"What happened?" I asked him.
"It's you. My heart doesn't beat, it's your pain that I am feeling." Seemed like he was complaining.
Damn this whole mate thing.
"Well then, don't cry!"
"My fault. First you tell me to not hide my emotions and now you're telling me not to cry? Fabulous." The glint in his eyes told me he wasn't serious so I went along with it.
"I didn't know you'd start crying, it physically hurts me to see you like this. That's where the pain is coming from. So yes, your fault," I exaggerated to highlight that indeed, it was his fault.
"No, yours for caring too much about me," I was glad to see his face was more relaxed now, but I still wiped the remaining tears off his cheek. My fingers ran through his hair to fix the sexy mess that had fallen over his forehead.
I knew what he meant about caring too much as soon as I did that. FML.
"Yours for being a little baby," I narrowed my eyes at him.
"What in the human fuck-"
"Language," I scolded him, as if he was actually a child.
"-ery did you just call me?" He still finished his sentence.
"You heard me. Have you ever seen the Boss Baby? You remind me of him," I said, letting out a laugh because I could actually picture it in my head.
"No I don't know who that is but by the way you're laughing, I don't want to know," his eyes shot a warning in my direction,"now shut up before I give you a pink eye."
I gasped at his threat. He couldn't be serious?
"See, angry baby."
"Yeah? Wanna see what this 'little baby' can do?" Damien held my gaze as he bent down to pick up a handful of what seemed like snow.
Realizing what he was about to do, I immediately took a step back.
This time he was the one who let out a chuckle at my scared stance.
"You were saying?" he fisted the snow in both his hand while forming a perfectly circular shape.
"Haha, you're actually quite the opposite of Boss Baby," I watched as his face changed and a triumphant smile appeared on his lip.
That is, before I finished with, "you're a baby stuck in a big dude's body."
And just like that ladies and gentleman, I signed my own death contract. Right on cue, the snowball came flying towards me and my body shifted into motion, trying to dodge it but it ended up hitting my arm anyway.
Thankfully, the fur coat cushioned the throw so my arm wasn't in much pain.
Oh, it was so on.
Not wasting a second more to give him any more advantage, I fell to my knees and start to gather the snow in my hands. Ignoring the chilled, numb feeling in my hands I made a sphere as big as my small hands would allow me to.
Pushing my hair back, I looked up to see Damien standing a few feet away from me, as if watching me struggle was his favorite hobby to pass time with.
Standing up, I mustered as much strength as I could and threw the snowball straight towards him. I wasn't really aiming for any parts of his body, but it ended up colliding with his chest, which was still very much exposed.
He didn't try to dodge it because he knew it wouldn't have the slightest effect on him. But his surprised look told me the throw wasn't completely useless, "what the...? It's probably my blood in your system. Oh, this is just perfect. Even more fun now."
He started to make his way over to me, as if marking his prey. I squealed and ran towards the other side, feeling the resistance of the snow under my ankle boots. Bad idea, there wasn't enough friction between my boots and the ground so I ended up slipping and started to fall. My eyes widened for a second before I shut them tightly, I shielded my face expecting to hit the cold ground any second now...
Except I didn't.
I felt someone grab my arm and pull me towards them forcefully. My body crashed into his hard one, making him lose his balance too. His arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me close as we both fell onto the white sheet of snow. His body hit the ground first, with mine covering his as my head collided with his forehead, both of us letting out an ouch as it did.
"Are you okay?" We asked at the same time, inspecting each other for any signs of injury. And then sighed when we didn't find any.
But what was up with him copying my every move?
"If it wasn't for the snow, I think my head would've ripped open," he claimed, massaging the back of his head which made the slightest contact with the floor.
"But you can't die," I stated the obvious.
"You right. I would still manage to walk around without a head."
Sarcasm.
I wouldn't be surprised if he could, since he was immortal and all. Which made me wonder what happens if he gets seriously hurt?
Would he just somehow grow another body part?
This whole supernatural thing was confusing as heck.
I could barely feel my legs which were now buried in snow, but I still managed to sit up and Damien did the same.
Out of nowhere, more snow started to rain down right above my head and I realized it was his hand sprinkling it all over me. I looked back at him with a straight face and he just grinned and replied with, "payback."
I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head to get rid of the material, leaning my head over to drop the contents onto his lap. Some pieces landed on the crotch of his dark jeans. As if that wasn't enough, I grabbed a handful of snow from behind me and rubbed it over the side of his neck, down to his chest. And before he could have another one of his "paybacks", I tried to stand up on my feet and walk away from him.
Key word, tried. But I couldn't do so because he instantly pulled me back. But this time, I was sitting in an awkward position on his lap. Wait no, between his legs. With my back facing him while his arm wrapped around my waist, keeping me glued to his chest.
I gasped as I felt something cold slide horizontally across my chest, right above my breasts, knocking the breath straight out of me. Maybe it was the sudden coolness against my warm skin. Or the intoxicating touch of his hand that sent shivers down my body, shaking me to the core.
His body practically glued to mine didn't help my case. He knew the effect that he had on me, and he was using it to his advantage. To hold me in a perfectly still position.
"Gotchu," his cool breath tickled the back of my ear, and I swear his voice sounded like the sexiest thing I've ever heard.
"Now let's go in before you catch a cold, for reals this time," as if we didn't just share a moment, he jumped up to his feet and held a hand out for me.
Not wanting any more adventures tonight, I grabbed onto it and allowed him to pull me up.
Right on cue, I let out a sneeze.
Oh dear lord.
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A/N
NOT YET EDITED. I will probably edit it later tonight but I just couldn't wait any longer to share this with you guys.
Hope you liked this chapter as much as I did!
Please vote/comment if you did. Thank you so much for reading!!
-J.S