Louis' POV
I felt my skin crawling. There was darkness everywhere and I was falling down and down. It was a never-ending fall. I didn't shout or screamed for help. I felt peaceful, for the first time. There was no screaming, shouting, expectations, desires, control, hope, nothing. It was just peaceful. Until.
"Louis, what did you do?" I heard a cry. My eyes were closed, and my mind was numb.
"Louis, open your eyes. Stay with me. Nothing will happen to you." I heard the voice again. I could see a ray of hope, a ray of light through the darkness. I opened my eyes and saw Daisy, my little sister who was all over the place. I closed my eyes as I felt pain. She tied a handkerchief on my wrist to stop the bleeding.
"Lou, it's gonna be fine. I'm here now. Open your eyes." She patted my cheeks. I tried to look up. She took me in her embrace and started rubbing my back. She wiped my tears from one hand. I could feel the shivers running through my spine.
"Lou, you're okay. I'm here now. You're safe." She said wrapping her arms around me. And this is what I needed right now. I hugged her back tightly. Tears were still flowing down my cheeks. It hurt. Being alive, hurt. Being strong, hurt. I could hear her soothing words in my ears as she tried her best to calm me down.
"You're not alone, Lou. We all are here for you. You're going to be fine."
I don't know how much time we sat like this. She stroked my back whilst saying comforting words in my ears. My hiccups had finally stopped and so had my tears, but I was still shivering, and I was still scared.
"Lou, never hurt yourself again. You don't know how many lives depend on you and I'm not just talking about our family. There are millions of people out there who look upto you as their inspiration. You don't have to be strong always, but you can't be weak like this as well."
I don't know why but my vision got blurry again hearing this.
"No, don't cry. You're allowed to be weak and vulnerable, Lou but harming yourself is not going to take away your problems. You've to face and fight them because I know you can do it. And again, you're not alone, Lou. Never think like that."
"I... i...." I tried to speak but nothing came out.
"Shss.... No, don't speak right now. Just try to calm down. You're okay. Just take deep breaths." She said breaking the hug and making me face her. She wiped my tears and helped me breathe. She took my hands in hers and rubbed them to stop the shivering. It felt like ages when I finally stopped shivering and my breathing was back to normal. I was back to normal.
"I'm sorry, D." I whispered. She nodded and took me in her embrace again.
"No, Lou. It's okay. But I really thought that you don't get panic attacks anymore." She said, concerned.
"Yeah, I was fine for a long time. I think there's so much happening right now....." I trailed off.
"No worries, Lou. You need some rest now. Go to bed and I'll change the dressing on your wrist. We'll talk tomorrow." She helped me get up and tucked me in the bed. Cliff lied down beside me, his head on my stomach. Daisy quickly applied medicine on my cuts and covered it with bandage.
"Do you want something to eat or drink?" she asked sitting beside me, stroking my hair. I nodded no.
"You should also go back to sleep, D."
"No, I'm staying here, Lou. I know you won't say but you could use someone right now." She smiled and slipped down beside me. I gave her a weak smile, kissing her forehead.
~~~~~~
"Yes, Payno I'm fine. Have you told the lads?" I asked Liam. It was already afternoon and boys would be here in a few hours.
"Yes, I have told them. I have given your address as well. But what is it you want to talk about and why are you calling from Daisy's phone?" he interrogated. I sighed.
"Oh, my phone broke. I have ordered a new one. It'll be delivered by tomorrow. And it's about band only. There are things which needs to be clear before we take a step ahead. It's important we all are on the same page." I said.
"okay. Louis, can I ask you something?" he asked, hesitated.
"Sure."
"Are you happy?"
"What is this question? Of course, I am."
I don't know why I lied but it just didn't feel right to tell him what I went through yesterday. It was horrible.
"No, I think we kinda pushed you into all this without even asking you." Well, yes you did Liam but now there's no going back. I thought.
'It's okay, Payno and anyways, nothing is decided yet. We don't know what we're going to do. Let's see what we can come up with tonight." I said, unsure.
"Yeah, see you tonight, Tommo."
We hung up. I had a terrible headache this morning but with some Yorkshire tea and a heavy breakfast I was back on my feet. I apologized to Daisy again because she had to break the window to enter my room. It was very daredevil of her.
"But where are the spare keys to your room, Lou? I kept searching for them but no luck that's why I had to break the window." She asked.
"In my room." I rubbed the back of my neck, smiling sheepishly.
"Wow! What a great place, Lou. You're an idiot." She said hitting my head. We were having our lunch.
"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked.
"No, maybe not at the moment. But I'll be fine, D. it's just too much to take at once." I sighed.
"Then you should relax and take rest. Why don't you cancel this meeting with the lads?"
"No, I can't it's important. It's better we get this over with. And also, I want him to know that I'm not messing around." I said looking down.
"You know that you don't have to prove him anything, right?"
I know but I stayed silent.
"Lou, stop giving people what they want you to give them. I know it's difficult for you, but you just can't give in everytime."
"I don't want to talk about it, D. I have a meeting with my team. If you get any call for me on your phone, just inform me."
I stood up and went inside my studio leaving her alone at the table. I felt bad but I really don't want to talk about him. It always hurt me to see how our relationship has changed over the years. There was a time when we couldn't keep our hands off each other and now, we can't even look the other person in the eye. It's true that I miss him, I miss being loved by him, but it is what it is. We're no longer together and there's no way in hell that we could even be friends now. I took a deep breath and opened my laptop to meet with my partners and discuss about taking on one direction.
~~~~
"I'm going out." Daisy shouted from her room.
"Why and where are you going? The boys will be here any moment. I thought you were dying to meet Niall." I chuckled. I was preparing some snacks and setting the trays.
"You wish. I'm going to my friend's place. Will be back by 11." She yelled again. I shrugged. I get that she doesn't want to see them, especially him.
"Fine. Just be careful."
"You, you be careful and call me if you need me." She said coming down the stairs. I gave her some crisps to eat while I went to open the door as the bell rang. She frowned.
"Just behave, okay? They're guests."
She rolled her eyes. I opened the door welcoming Zayn and Niall, with a kid in his arms.
"Whose kid have you kidnapped, Nialler?" I asked, chuckling.
"Oh, come on, Tommo. She's Zayn's daughter, Khai." He exclaimed.
"Wow." I was taken aback. I looked at Zayn, he smiled nodding at me and then I looked at the baby girl in Niall's arms. She sure had Zayn's eyes and hair. She was beautiful. I smiled and welcomed them all in.
"She's beautiful." I whispered. Zayn turned back and smiled.
"Thank you."
Niall and Zayn sat on the same couch, Khai still in Niall's arms. I looked at them, it was weird.
"Why... why are you holding her?" I couldn't help myself.
"Oh, don't ask, Louis. He came to pick me and then took Khai from me and sat on the passenger seat. I drove them here." Zayn explained.
"Yeah, so? She loves me and you should be thankful that you got a chance to drive my car." Niall smirked at Zayn and they both ended up laughing. Khai sure was comfortable in Niall's embrace.
"I'm sorry I brought her here but her babysitter was not there and I couldn't leave her alone." Zayn said feeling sorry as I kept staring at the trio.
"Uh... No, don't be sorry. It's okay. She's your daughter. It's good that you brought her." I shrugged.
There was an awkward silence. Zayn and I looked at each other and then looked away. I didn't know how I felt having him at my house, after all these years. Thankfully the bell rang again, and I jumped out of my place and marched towards the door. Cliff followed me, wiggling his tail. Liam and Harry were there. Liam hugged me and moved forward. Cliff bounced on Liam and followed him. Harry stood at the door with flowers and a bottle of wine in his hands.
"Do you need special invitation to come inside?" I asked when he didn't move for a few seconds. He looked up. His eyes were swollen, and his cheeks were red.
"Are you... um, okay?" I asked. He nodded. He forwarded the flowers and bottles.
"For you." He whispered.
"Thanks. Come on in." I said taking the gifts. I closed the door behind and took a deep breath before moving inside. I put the flowers on the nearest vase I could see and went inside the kitchen as the lads made themselves comfortable. Daisy was sitting on the platform munching the crisps. I glared at her.
"What are you doing, D? You ate half of that." I whisper-yelled at her pointing at the half-empty plate of the crisps. She just shrugged.
"It's not that they've never eaten these before."
"Don't be an ass, D. Now come and help me with these trays. You take that one and I'll bring this one."
"No ways, they're your guests you do the service." She said wiping off her hands. I arched my brow and smirked.
"You know my wrist is paining, right and still you want me to pick these heavy trays. Fine, I'll do it. Your love didn't even last a day. I'll remember this forever, D." I wiped my invisible tears and picked one tray with my right hand and was about to pick the other one when her hand held mine.
"You're going to hell for this emotional blackmail." She shot at me, and I smirked.
"Well, living with you isn't heaven anyways." I teased her.
"Fuck off."
"Now come, you'll be surprised to see someone." I smiled as she picked up the trays.
"Enough with the teasing. I'm not drooling over Niall anymore." She protested.
"No, not Niall. But come, you'll see." I pushed her from the back, and we came to the living room where all four of them were chatting about something. Cliff was nowhere to be seen, probably he went back in the backyard.
"Hi guys..." Daisy said placing the trays. She looked at everyone except Harry & Zayn and they noticed it. Harry played with his rings while Zayn just smiled tight lipped at no one particular.
"Oh my God, Niall. Who's she? Do her parents know that she's missing? Did you kidnap her?" she asked, gasping looking at Niall and Khai. Everyone burst out laughing except Niall, who pouted.
"You really are Tommo's sister, Daisy." He said, annoyed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Liam asked, trying to control his laugh.
"Well, he also asked the same thing that I have kidnapped her. And for your information evil brother and sister, no I haven't kidnapped her, and her father is right here." He said pointing towards Zayn. Zayn waved at her.
"Oh my God, she's Khai?" her eyes widen as she sat next to Niall, pinching Khai's cheeks. "She's so cute."
"Thank you." Zayn and Niall said in unison, and we all burst out laughing again. But he was not laughing. He just smiled looking at all of us. I gazed at him hoping to read what he was thinking but I guess, it's not possible now. I looked at Daisy as she suddenly screamed.
"OUCH!"
Khai was holding her hair and Niall was laughing like a maniac. Zayn was trying to make her leave, but Khai's little hands were in a tight grip.
"Lou, help me." She cried. I chuckled and stood up.
"You deserve this, D for making fun of me." Niall chirped. Daisy pinched him hard on his arm making him screech. Zayn took Khai from Niall's arms and I tried to open her wrist, patiently. After a few attempts, she left Daisy's hair. She immediately stood up.
"I'm outta here. Lou, call me if you need something." She grabbed her bag and left the house. Niall demanded Khai back, but Zayn refused.
"You've already spoiled her much, not anymore." He stated and Niall pouted.
"Whatever. Anyways, Tommo, what's up with you? Why you're covered from head to toe? It's not cold." Niall asked me. I was wearing a big beanie which covered my wound on the forehead and my sweater paws hid the wrists. I looked at Liam. He nodded. I felt Harry's gaze on me, I cleared my throat.
"Niall, he always dresses like this. It's nothing new! Well, Tommo did you talked to your team?" Liam asked changing the topic.
"Oh yes, I was in fact talking to them before you guys came." I said sipping my tea. "As I said, we don't have the resources to take up one direction, but they haven't pushed the idea under the mat. We, as the band first must decide what we really want? Have you guys thought about it?"
"I'm open for everything, but I really want to go on tours together, again. It's been years. I have been on my solo tour and it's amazing but the kind of experience we had as a band; nothing matches that." Niall exclaimed excitedly. We all smiled at him.
"What about you, Liam and Zayn? You guys have kids now. And Zayn, you haven't toured after the band?" I asked. I felt so weird saying Zayn's name.
"I don't have any problem with touring, Tommo. It's just that I hope it's not hectic like before." Liam said. "Also, Bear stays with his mum most of the time, so it'll be fine with me. And I'll manage my time with him."
"Same with me. I don't mind touring until it's not stressful and long. We've been tours for 8-9 months continuously. I don't want that. Maybe little gaps in between will do, if it's okay with you all. I mean it would be better if we could take in what's happening around us instead of rushing from one place to another." Zayn took a deep breath. He looked unsure but when Liam and Niall smiled at him, he grinned back and relaxed. "And while I'm away, Khai will stay with my family, so it won't be a problem."
I nodded. So, they really want to do this. We all looked at Harry waiting for his response, but he was zoned out. What's going on with him? As Liam was sitting closest to him, he nudged him. Harry shook suddenly and he looked at us.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Umm... I.... What... what are we talking about?" He asked clearing his throat.
"Mate, are you alright?" Niall asked. We all looked at him in confusion. He licked his lips, looking down. He nodded.
"Um... can I .... Can I use the washroom?" He asked me. I nodded and pointed at the guest room across the hall. He quickly got up and almost ran towards the room.
"Did something happen?" I asked the lads. They might know as they've been hanging out together. They all gave confused looks. I couldn't hold myself any longer and went towards the guest room. I knocked on the door before entering.
"Are.. are you alright?" I asked in an uncertain tone. There was no one in the room but there was no noise coming from the washroom even. I put my hand on the door and stayed there for a moment.
"You okay in there?" I asked again. I tried to hear but nothing came from the other side. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. I knocked gently.
"Do you need something? Should I send Niall or Liam here?" I asked. Maybe he didn't want me here. Maybe he didn't want to come here at the first place that's why he was so lost. I waited a few minutes hoping he would come out, but he didn't.
"If you're still in there and if you're listening, I'm going back. Just come back soon." I took a last glance at the door and came out to the living room where Niall and Liam were whispering something to each other but stopped seeing me.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing, where's Harry?" Liam responded while Niall sighed. Niall's face was red as if he had been caught doing something illegal. He was chewing on his fingernails as if he hasn't gotten anything to eat from months.
"He's still in there." I shrugged.
"Anyways, what about you, Tommo... what have you thought about the reunion?" Niall asked.
"I'm not sure, to be honest." All their faces turned white hearing this. "I mean it took me the most time to establish myself as a solo artist and I just had my first tour so I'm still processing that."
No one said a word, but I felt satisfaction for finally telling them the truth. I know it'll hurt them but if I do this when I don't want to then it's not fair for the boys and the fans. The awkwardness around us deepened with only Khai's cooing sound being heard. We all looked towards the guest room as Harry opened the door slowly and came back to sit at his place.
"You okay, Harry?" Zayn asked. He nodded. I looked at him, trying to read his face. He was just sad, I suppose.
"I want to go on tour with you all." Harry suddenly spoke. "Because I missed you and I want us to be reunited again and this time for real."
I looked at him, shocked and everyone looked at me, confused. What the hell was happening?
"Umm, actually Louis......"
"What about your solo career? And you've your movie projects as well." I interrupted Niall. He gave me a weird look.
"It's not like we'll always be on the road. We'll come back and I'll schedule my dates accordingly." Harry said like it was no big deal. I was getting hyper but tried my best to remain calm. I went to kitchen and brought beer for everyone. Probably cold beer would help my mind calm down.
"Have you guys talked to your managements yet? What they've to say about this?" I asked. I had expectations from Harry and Niall that they'll spill the truth about their management.
"Mine is fine with it till I don't compromise on my other projects." Liam said. Of course, apart from music he has been associated with various modelling campaigns and other stuff.
"Mine were actually happy that I was thinking about this." Zayn chirped with Khai playing with his beard.
"Niall, what about you? You're with Modest, right?" I asked. His ears turned red.
"Yes, I am but I don't think they'll create problem for us." He said in an unsure tone.
"Are you sure about that, Niall?" Liam spat at him. I glared at him which he ignored.
"What do you mean by that? I'm the co-owner of Modest Golf and they're really nice people."
"I'll not be that confident on that, mate."
"Liam. Stop." I yelled. Everyone looked at me. I sighed.
"Niall, are you having some troubles with your management?" I asked.
"How do you know?" he questioned back. Why these boys just can't say the truth. I was getting irritated, and I didn't realize that I had removed my beanie in the process exposing the bandage on my forehead.
"What happened to your forehead? How did you get hurt?" Zayn questioned and that's when I realized what I did.
"It's nothing, I fell from the stairs." I lied. They didn't need to know the truth. "Anyways, Niall tell us the truth what's going on?" I changed the topic.
"My golf team is really good and supportive. They don't interfere in my private life, it's all good. Even the ones who manage my music are okay, they let me do what I want but recently they've been bugging me to have a girlfriend. And that too for publicity. When I got to know that my last girlfriend Anna was actually a set up, I broke up with her even though it hurt me. And that's why they're pushing me to get in a relationship." He almost cried while explaining. Zayn squeezed his shoulder as he was sitting next to him.
"Now I know how you must feel when you were forced to have a girlfriend just for public. I mean we knew you guys were together still you had to go out with other girls. I mean it's just so frustrating to date just for the sake of publicity. I hate it." He covered his face with his hands. Liam sat beside him and rubbed his back.
I looked at Harry. He was already looking at me. There was just pain and hurt in our eyes. His eyes turned glassy, and he looked down. I too looked up to roll back my tears.
"I'm sorry, Niall you had to go through this. I wish I could do something to change this." I said, regretfully.
"You know you can do something, right?" He asked leaving me speechless.
I sighed and thought. A few years ago, I chose his happiness over mine, can't I do it again? How can I let him go through the same stuff which I had to go through? I know how much it hurts to act like you're in love with someone when in reality you don't even know that person. I looked into his glassy blue eyes and nodded slightly. And anyways, Simon has said that Modest won't create problem for Niall if he gets what he wants.
"Niall, I understand you. I got your point, and you don't worry, I'll not let you suffer from the pain from which I suffered. I promise you." I know how difficult it'll be to live upto this promise but I had to do this. He got up and hugged me tightly. He went back to his chair not before kissing my wound. I smiled at him. Zayn gave him Khai to lighten his mood. He was a happy baby again as soon as he held her.
"What about you, Harry?" I asked after a few minutes as we all finished our first bottle of beer.
"Umm.... I think they'll be fine. I just have to live up to my work commitments." He spoke. What about no dating clause, Harry?
"Are they fine with you and I working together, again?" I asked coz he won't tell otherwise. As expected, he stayed silent. I looked at Liam and nodded my head in disbelief.
"Harry, did they say something to you about Louis?" Liam asked.
"No." Harry mumbled. So, the history was repeating itself. I sighed.
"Well, Simon called me yesterday and he said that we'll be under his label only as all our songs are under his label, so he said he'll sue us if we'll sing without his permission." I blurted out. Shock and disbelief were written all over their places.
"So, this means that we're again moving towards hell?" Zayn asked. I shrugged.
~~~~~~~
Okay. So, idk whether the story is not upto the mark or simply, it's not able to reach wider audience becaus eof lack of followeres and reach..... but it really hurts me to see that there's basically nil response to my story.
IDK what to do :(
But anyways, i would love to thank those people who're taking sometime out to read and vote. really means a lot..... <3
Please help me reach out to more people...
Love
~Ri~