-- ASHI --
"I won another diamond, look," I told Magui as I showed her a thick amount of tickets in my hand. "I'm good na, pwede na natin 'to papalitan."
I was about to walk toward the counter when Magui held my hand and pulled me closer to her.
"Are you having fun?" She asked with an emotionless face.
My smile started to vanish slowly as I looked at her. Something is wrong.
"Yeah, I am," I answered her question. "Papalitan na natin 'to."
I went to the counter and exchanged the tickets for 2 cute magnetic dogs. One is a poodle while the other one is a pomeranian. It reminds me so much of Tala and Sky.
Magui was so cold and quiet on our way to our car. I wanted to approach her but no words are coming out of my mouth. When we rode her car, Magui started it but she refused to drive.
"Alam ko na, Ashi." Magui started which made my whole body shiver.
"You do?" My voice was shaking.
"We'll talk at home." She tried her best to remain calm but I know that she was mad.
The whole car ride was quiet. I was looking at the window while thinking about what could happen today. One thing is for sure, Magui's mad. Really mad.
When we got home, I immediately went inside and waited for Magui at the living room. She only parks her car outside the house since wala nang space sa garage. The other girls are in their respective rooms so I sat down in the coach. I was fidgeting, nervous at what Magui would say to me.
"Magui," I called for her the moment she entered the house. "Let me explain, please." I pleaded.
"Explain what, Ashi?" Anger was already evident in her voice. "Paano mo nagawa 'yon? You know how important that project is to me para sa Solace. Why would you freaking use your connections to cancel it?" She wasn't able to control her anger anymore.
"Sorry, Magui. I'm so sorry." I couldn't look at her.
"Akala ko ba okay na tayo, Ash? Hindi pa ba? Galit ka pa rin ba? Are all of these a facade just so you can plot your revenge on me? Ashi, I didn't cheat on you. Ilang beses ko ba dapat ipaliwanag ang sarili ko?"
"It's not revenge, Magui."
"Then what was that? Gusto ko lang naman sumaya. Bakit ba ayaw niyo ibigay sa'kin 'yon?" Magui started breaking down.
I went near her to comfort her but she pushed me away.
"Magui!"
Magui and I looked at Cleo who was walking down the stairs. The other girls follow behind her.
"What's happening here? Bakit kayo nagaaway?" Jenna asked, worried.
"I just found out that Ashi's the reason why my solo concert just got canceled. She pulled some strings to prevent it from happening." Magui told them.
"Nagawa mo 'yon, Ashi?" Anger was also evident in Cleo's tone.
"Ashi, I thought napatawad mo na si Magui? Bakit rumerevenge ka nanaman diyan?" Savannah joined the conversation too.
"No, hindi ako gumaganti kay Magui. Nagawa ko lang 'yon kasi natatakot ako..." I started breaking down as well. Stella was comforting me.
"Natatakot saan?" Magui couldn't look at me without the anger in her eyes.
"For four years, I was hurting. Kahit ang nasa isip ko noon ay sinaktan mo ako, mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, handa akong kalimutan lahat ng sakit, makasama lang ulit kita. When I saw you again after four years, I was mad at you pero nanaig yung pagmamahal sa puso ko. You're presence made me happy. Happiness that I haven't felt for a long time. You keep me sane, you keep me inspired and I don't want my happiness to fly back in Canada."
"Natatakot akong maiwan, Magui. I keep on hearing that Solace is almost back on its feet. I know na malapit ka nang umalis and ayoko pa. I did that not because I want to ruin your life even more. I did that because I want you to stay. This is your home, Magui. Kami ang pamilya mo. Kami dapat ang kasama mo." I explained my side of the story.
"How can you be so selfish, Ashi?" Magui yelled with so much frustration. Her voice began to tremble. She's mad and hurting at the same time. "Baka nakakalimutan mo, you pushed me away. You guys were the only family I have left but you all turned your backs on me. Solace is the only thing I have left but you took that away from me, Ashi! Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit hirap na hirap kami ngayon tapos sisirain mo ulit?"
"No, Magui. I didn't want to destroy Solace again. I just want to delay it."
"Well you got what you wanted, don't you? Masaya ka na? Matatagalan pa bago ako umalis dahil ang hirap kumita ng pera!"
"Magui, believe me. I only did that because I love you."
"That's not love, Ashi. That's selfishness. And if that really is love, I wish you never loved me. I wish I never met you at all!" Magui stormed out of the living room and went to her room. Cleo, Jenna, and Malia followed after her.
I felt so weak that I fell to my knees. Stella, Gia, and Savannah helped me sit on the couch. I couldn't believe how another mistake of mine escalated to this.
Alam ko namang mali ako eh. I know that this is one of the consequences of my actions. I wanted Magui to stay longer but I think I just gave her a reason to leave me.
"Bakit mo naman kasi ginawa 'yon?" Savannah asked while Gia was handing me a glass of water.
"Gets na niya na mali siya, 'wag mo nang sermunan!" I heard Stella tell Savannah.
I still couldn't believe Magui's last words. It felt like knives in my heart.
I wish you never loved me.
I wish I never met you all.
Tama naman siya eh. I was making her life miserable. I was dragging her down. For years, I always thought that I was the victim because Magui cheated on me. Turn's out that Magui's the real victim and I'm the one causing her pain. If she didn't meet me, her life probably wouldn't be this chaotic.
"But tell as, Ashi," Stella faced me. "Why did you do this?"
"You told me to give her a reason to stay. I made her stay." I answered Stella's question.
"Loka-loka!" She playfully pulled my hair. "Ako pa ang sinisi mo? At 'yan ba talaga ang pagkakaintindi mo sa sinabi ko? I told you to give her a reason to stay. To make her realize that she loves you more than Solace. Hindi ko sinabi na harangan mo yung achievements niya!"
"I know. I was desperate okay? That day, sila lang ni Riley ang nagkakaintindihan. I saw how much she misses Canada at handa siyang talikuran ang buhay niya dito para sa Solace. I also saw how she sang with Riley. Nagselos ako kaya 'yon. Nagpadala nanaman ako sa nararamdaman ko." I explained myself.
"That is why we don't make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions, Ash." Gia told me. "Dapat natuto na tayo sa pagkakamali natin noon. We let our emotionas get to us kaya nagsuffer ng ganun si Magui. Pinairal mo nanaman yung emotions mo at si Magui nanaman ang naapektuhan."
The girls sat beside me and we were silent. Nakayakap lang ako kay Stella while letting my emotions die down. Sobrang bigat ng puso ko ngayon. Nanghihina ako.
"Hindi ko naman ginustong masira siya. I just really wanted to extend her stay here." I started talking again the moment I calmed down. "I hope she understands."
"Shhh, Ash." Stella stroked her hair. "Let Magui process things first. This is not easy for her."
"Magui, huwag naman ganito!"
The girls and I looked at Magui's room when Magui stormed out carrying her luggage.
"No, Cley. It's no longer healthy for me to stay here. Nagkakasakitan lang kami ni Ashi." Magui told her as she made her way out of the house.
I immediately followed after her.
"Magui, please don't leave," I begged her but I couldn't stop her from putting her luggage in her car.
She didn't look at me and rode in the driver's seat instead. The girls were pulling me from the side but I escaped their grip and ran in front of Magui's car just as she was about to drive away. I fell from the ground and started crying.
"Tangina!" Magui went out of her car and rushed over to me.
She looked at me from head to toe searching for wounds. She didn't have to. Hindi naman niya ko natamaan, I just fell down on my own dahil naout of balance ako.
"Don't do that!" Magui started crying as she was scolding me. "Ashi, 'wag mo na uulitin 'yon. Hindi ko mapapatawad sarili ko kapag may nangyari sa'yo."
"Huwag mo kong iwan, Magui, please?" I continued to sob in front of her. "Tutulungan kitang bumawi, huwag ka lang umalis. Mahal na mahal kita eh."
"Look at yourself, Ash. This isn't you anymore." Magui continued to scold me. "We're already destroying each other. This isn't healthy for us anymore."
"Magui..." I didn't know what to say anymore. "I'll wait for you to come back. Ashi's always here."
***
"Asia's Cutie Popstar, Magui Feola hits the top chart after releasing her new single, Luna."
4shipr1v: Proud of you, my Solace. Always ☀️
mfeola: Thank you for supporting Luna 🌙 Love you from here, all the way to the moon and make my way back home to you
4shipr1v: Ashi's always here. [Quote tweet mfeola's tweet]
12AMOfficial: Happy birthday to our jolly lead singer, @ashi 🤍 We love you, walang dulo!
"Happy Birthday to you... Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday dear Ashi... Happy Birthday to you..." The whole group sang as Cleo brought the cake nearer to me.
"Make a wish, Ashi!" Gia said with so much enthusiasm.
"I wish you're happy," I whispered to myself before blowing up my birthday candle.
"What did you wish for?" Savannah asked.
"Mahal, hindi pwede sabihin ni Ashi sa'tin kasi hindi na matutupad." Jenna told her.
"Thank you, guys." I gave them a soft smile.
I was about to walk towards my room when Malia pulled me.
"Saan ka pupunta? Birthday na birthday mo pero magmumukmok ka? No no no, Geronimo. For once, kalimutan mo muna ang pighati at tayo'y sama-samang ngumiti!" Malia tried to cheer me up with her goofy words but it wasn't helpful.
Stella placed a birthday crown on my head while Savannah gave me a sash that says 'birthday girl.'
"Picture?" Gia offered but I declined.
"Dali na, Ashi! Bagay sa'yo yung sad girl birthday shoot. Ang aesthetic n'on, uso ngayon!" Malia suggested pero siniko siya ni Cleo.
"I appreciate the gesture guys but I'm not really in the mood to celebrate my birthday. Sorry." I told them before walking out.
I took my car keys and drove to mom's grave. I placed a blanket on top of her before I sat down while staring at her name.
I remembered Magui again. Ito kaya yung nararamdaman niya tuwing birthday niya? She would spend it beside her dad who she can't be with anymore. Sobrang lungkot.
"Hi mom, it's my birthday!" I told her after hours of silence. "Hindi ko po kasama si Magui ngayon. She's busy making a name for herself. But be proud, ma! Sikat na sikat na 'yong anak mong 'yon."
I tried my best to smile but a tear fell from her eye.
I miss Magui so much.
"Ashi..." I turned around when I heard someone call my name.
It was Magui.
"Happy birthday," She said before handing me a bouquet of sunflowers. My favorite.
"Thank you, Magui." I wasn't able to stop myself from hugging her.
It's been 2 weeks since she left the VL house and I missed her so much.
"I only came here to greet you. I hope you enjoy your birthday." She told me before turning away.
"Magui, wait." I stopped her from leaving.
"I know you're still mad at me pero kahit ngayon lang, can we just forget about everything that is happening between us? Can you stay with me?" I pleaded.
Magui sat down on the blanket and I lay on her lap. We weren't holding hands, she was also not stroking my hair but I wish she did.
I just wanted to be with her even if this is already the last time.
"Sa pagkumpas ng 'yong kamay
Ang aking landas, ginagabay
Nag-iisang tiyak sa isang libong duda
Silong sa iyak, at pagluluksa"
"Kung puso ko ay imamapa
Ikaw ang dulo, gitna't simula
Nahanap din kita."
I started to tear up as I sang that song in my mind. I can't stop overthinking again. I made another mistake towards Magui and I'm no longer sure if she would forgive me.
"I'm leaving for Canada, Ash." Magui broke the silence which made me sit down.
"What? When?" I asked her.
"I'm just finishing my contract. After shooting the music video for Luna, I'm leaving." She explained while avoiding my gaze.
"I'm happy for you, Magui." I gave her a genuine smile.
"You won't stop me from leaving?" She asked, confused.
"The last thing that I would want right now is to stop you from chasing your dreams. Aim high, my Solace. I'll always be proud of you."