-- MAGUI --
"Are we supposed to just pretend like we don't care about each other anymore?"
Cleo's words got me thinking. I did say that I am willing to do anything just to fix what I broke even if it means my life but I didn't think this through.
What about Solace?
What about the life I built for myself?
The life I had when no one else was there to stay.
Buti sana if it's only my life on the line pero hindi. It's Riley and Lia's life too. A life of hundreds of employees as well. The company will fall if it loses its leader.
"Believe me, Cley. I want to fix this. I really do." I told her. I've been longing for my friends for so long so why would I decline this opportunity?
Aside from Solace... It's just... I don't see Manila as my home anymore.
It's too painful.
My dad died here.
My mom and brother abandoned me here.
My ex-girlfriend, Alya ghosted me here.
Ashi broke up with me here.
Vanya Luna chose Ashi over me, still here in Manila.
Can I stay?
Can I consider Manila my home again?
Cleo's phone suddenly rang. She signaled me that she had to take it so I let her.
"Oh my God. I'll be there immediately!" I looked at Cleo whose acting really worried.
"What's wrong?" I started to panic as well. I felt a sharp pain in my chest like something terrible happened to Ashi.
"Ashi got herself in a car accident. I need to be there." Cleo ran down and I followed after her. "Pick up the girls and take them to St. Lukes immediately. I'll text you the address."
I wanted to come with Cleo. I wanted to be there for Ashi. To make sure that she's alive and safe. But I know that I'm the last person she wants to see once she wakes up.
I received a text from Cleo. Apparently, it was the Vanya Luna's house where they all lived together. I went to my car and drove towards the address Cleo sent me.
I stopped in front of a large house with several cars and a van inside. This must be it.
I rang the doorbell and Savannah opened the gate.
"Wala si Ashi dito." She rolled her eyes at me. "At kahit andito siya, we won't allow you to talk to her, cheater!"
"You have to listen to me," I said worriedly.
They need to listen. They have to.
"Ashi needs all of you."
"Bakit? Ano nangyari kay Ashi?" Stella went out the house and the other girls followed her.
"Ashi got into a car accident. Cleo's already on her way to St. Lukes."
"Kunin niyo yung susi ng van!" Malia yelled and everyone started acting quickly.
Jenna opened the gate while Gia locked the doors. The other girls went inside the van and Malia drove it out of the garage.
I tried to help Jenna with the gate but she gave me a 'back off' look so I stepped backward. Jenna entered the van and Malia drove as fast as she can.
I want to follow them.
I want to be there for them.
I want to be there for Ashi.
But it wouldn't be a good idea.
I sat outside their house as tears started to stream down my face. I am so worried about Ashi right now and I hate myself that I couldn't do anything to save her life. In addition, the girls are still furious at me.
How can I stay?
This isn't my home anymore.
I went to my car and started driving. I didn't know where to go so I just let my hands take me to wherever it will take me. I ended up going to MOA. Pumunta ako sa Manila Bay where I can stare at the dark waters.
I want to jump so bad.
I want to end the pain.
I want to vanish in this world.
But I can't. I have obligations. Responsibilities I can't leave.
It was a full moon. I took a picture of it and posted it on my Instagram story.
mfeola: Please be okay.
I was still staring at the dark waters when my phone beeped.
From: Cleo Natividad
She's stable.
Thank you for telling the girls.
I finally sighed in relief after learning that Ashi's safe. I wouldn't forgive myself if something bad happens to her.
To: Cleo Natividad
Oh thank God
Can you do me a favor?
From: Cleo Natividad
What is it?
To: Cleo Natividad
Can you take care of her for me?
From: Cleo Natividad
I did when you left and I'll continue doing so.
I didn't reply anymore. It was starting to get painful again. But I thank God every day for Cleo and the girls. They stayed with Ashi when she needed them the most and they're continuously doing it until now.
They deserve each other.
And I don't deserve them.
mfeola: All will be well soon, Adi. Two days na lang.
***
I woke up when my phone started to ring. It was a call from Cleo so I hurriedly answered it.
"What's wrong? Is Ashi okay?" I asked with fingers crossed. I hope she's fine.
"She's okay. I just need you to go here asap."
"Why?" I asked, confused. "She wouldn't want to see me right now."
"Believe me or not but she's looking for you."
I felt excited after what Cleo said. I immediately changed my clothes to look presentable before I grabbed my car keys.
"'Di ka na kakain, Boss Mags?" Lia asked who was currently preparing the table for our breakfast.
"Pass muna ko ngayon, Lia. Thank you though."
I started driving but I got stuck in traffic. I couldn't wait any longer. I want to see her so bad. I want to hug her.
From: Cleo Natividad
Where the hell are you?
To: Cleo Natividad
I'm omw. Just got stuck in traffic.
From: Cleo Natividad
Stop texting while driving! Baka sumunod ka pa sa kaibigan ko eh
My smile vanished after reading her text.
'Kaibigan ko'
Ang sakit pala.
Ang sakit na hindi na ako parte ng pagkakaibigan na 'yon.
To: Cleo Natividad
Malapit na
I arrived at the hospital but I couldn't bring myself in. Every footstep feels so heavy.
"Kanina ka pa niya hinihintay." Cleo appeared before me and she pulled me towards Ashi's room.
I can see my former friend's faces. Some of them were confused, some were mad. I couldn't look them straight in their eyes.
I knocked at Ashi's room before I entered. I saw Ashi staring at the window.
"Cleo said that you were looking for me?"
"Adi..." My eyes widened when she called me with our call sign. I haven't heard that for four years. "I got drunk... i'm sorry." She explained why she got herself into this accident.
Don't apologize, baby.
It was not your fault.
It was all me.
I am to blame for this.
"I saw you and all the pain came back. From the day we met to the day I left. It all came rushing to me." She started sobbing. "Sobrang daming tanong sa isip ko, adi. It's been four years but I still can't understand why you did that. Why you cheated on me. Please help me understand, adi."
"Ash..." I didn't know where to start.
"Paano mo ko nagawang lokohin? How were you able to throw 4 years of our relationship para lang sa isang babae? Was I not enough? Because if I wasn't, you could've easily broken up with me pero hindi. You chose to cheat on me. Tapos babalik ka ngayon na parang walang nangyari?"
I couldn't look her in the eye.
I know I was wrong. From all angles, in all perspectives, I am wrong.
There's no valid reason for what I did.
I cheated on her and that's unforgivable.
But did I really cheat on her?
Did I really betray her the way she's saying that I did?
Because if she only listened...
I know that I didn't cheat on her.
I can never do that to her.
I was faithful.
I always have been.
"Hindi ka nagkulang, Ash..."
"Then why did you do it? Please Magui. Mababaliw na ko. I have been blaming myself for a mistake that I didn't do so please give me answers. Please give my mind a rest." She continued sobbing.
"I didn't cheat on you, Ashi." I finally had the courage to tell her the truth.
"Idedeny mo pa." She faked a smile. "Annika sent proof."
"But all of those were one-sided only. You don't know everything."
"Then tell me everything!"
"The girl in the picture was Alya." I started.
"Putangina, Magui!" She cried loudly. "All this time you had feelings for your ex? Why did you bother loving me when all this time si Alya pa rin pala?"
"No... it's not like that." I started crying too.
How can I tell her the truth if she refuses to let me talk?
"I was alone that time, Ash. I needed company."
"So you called Alya?" She interrupted me once more.
"I didn't call her!"
"Tama na, Magui. Hindi ko na kaya mga kasinungalingan mo. Huling-huli ka na pero you're still denying it."
"Pero Ash..." I tried to reason out. She hasn't even heard my explanation yet.
"Ayoko na. Umalis ka na."
I didn't want to leave. I want her to listen to me. But I didn't want to stress her out. She needs to rest.
I left the room and I looked at the girls one last time before I walked towards the exit.
"Saan ka pupunta?" Cleo prevented me from leaving.
"Cleo, please promise me that you'll take care of her. 'Wag na 'wag mo siyang iiwan."
"I thought you wanted to fix what you broke?"
"I tried, Cley. But I guess I only made it worst. "
"She's probably confused."
"I want to end her pain already. Hangga't andito ako, hindi mawawala 'yon. I'll just be a constant reminder of the pain I caused her."
"Pero mahal mo pa si Ashi 'di ba?"
"Palagi."
Was that even a question? I love Ashi. I always have. She is my everlasting love.
"Patunayan mo. Alam kong mahirap pero you have to understand her. Ikaw naman yung nagkamali in the first place eh. Stop being a coward at ipaglaban mo si Ashi." She scolded me.
"Not like this, Cley. She doesn't deserve this." I muttered.
I left Cleo as her friends arrived to be with her. I ran towards my car and I started hitting the stirring wheel as hard as I can.
Bakit si Ashi yung nagsusuffer ng ganito?
Sana ako na lang.
Sana ako na lang yung naaksidente.
Sana ako yung nakalatay doon sa hospital bed.
I was crying when my phone beeped. It was a text from Malia.
From: Malia Villanueva
Maglilimang taon na 'kong hindi natutuwa sayo pero alam kong mahal ka pa rin ng kaibigan ko kahit ang gago mo sakaniya.
Apat na taon, Magui
Aapat na taon kang nawala pero sa loob ng mga taon na yun, ikaw pa rin hinahanap niya.
You hurt her, big time.
I think that gives her the right to be angry at you.
You can miss someone and still not want to see them.
You can be angry at someone and still love them like there's no one else in the world.
She always says that about you.
I didn't know what to reply. I know that I have hurt all of them big time. As much as I want to fix things and bring them back to the way it was before, it's impossible. Even if they forgive me, I have already destroyed their trust. I still caused them pain.
My apology couldn't bring back all that was lost. It couldn't make the pain vanish. It couldn't restore what was already damaged.
stellapangilinan: the irony of pain is wanting to be comforted by the one who hurt you.
savannahcastro: we say you don't deserve her, but only she determines who's deserving of her love and who isn't.
giaborja: after all this time, you're still the only girl in her eyes.
Their tweets feel like torture. I can handle them being rude to me. I can handle being alone but I can't handle seeing Ashi hurting herself physically and emotionally.
She loved me a lot. She gave me her everything and she lost herself in the process.
If only she can unlove me asap.
If only she can let go like I didn't mean to her.
If only she can.
I'll let her.
I tossed my phone at the back of the car when it started to ring. I didn't want to answer it but I felt it was something important. I got down from the driver's seat and took my phone from the back. It was Riley whose calling.
"What do you want?" I tried to sound normal like I am not hurting.
"There's a problem at Solace right now." She said worriedly.
My heart skipped a beat. Not, Solace.
"What problem?"
"Our company is being sued for sexual assault."
"What? How did that happen? I never had any complaints of anyone being sexually assaulted at our company." I told Riley.
"Apparently, our former boss did. A lot." She responded nervously.
"Fuck!" I couldn't help myself anymore. Is this my karma? Bakit kailangan yung Solace pa? "I have to go home now."
"I already have your ticket. I'll meet you at the airport. Ako na rin bahala sa kotse mo."
I drove as fast as I could to the airport. I saw Riley waiting for me there. She has my ticket, passport, and my luggage.
"I hope you fix this. It means everything to us."
"I will." I gave her a hug. "I'll see you in Canada."
I checked in and was able to pass the immigration quickly. My private jet isn't scheduled to fly today so I had to ride in a public airplane. Riley booked me an economy ticket since it was the only one available. I didn't complain anymore, I needed to get home quick.
I was staring out the window when the plane took off.
"Goodbye, my Ashi."
Sila Cleo na ang bahala sa'yo.
You don't ever have to see me again.
You don't have to feel the pain again.