staring up at the ceiling, changbin sighed.
another tedious day separated from happiness.
strangely, he has been learning to cope without seungmin; in contrast to the first couple of days back with jisung his heart didn't ache as much knowing that he and seungmin were divided, and changbin didn't know why. he is in love with seungmin- shouldn't he be in despair over the fact he cannot see him?
jisung then walked in.
''changbin,'' he smiled, sparkles in his eyes.
''where- where were you?..'' changbin asked reluctantly, awkwardly fiddling with his fingers.
making his way over to changbin, jisung replied, ''i left to go a walk before you awoke..''
jisung was now much closer to changbin, towering down over the latter who still lay on the bed. he had his hands behind his back, but changbin didn't think too much of it.
then, jisung lowered himself so he and changbin could be face to face. his pupils were enhanced in size and a blush, so soft that you could only make it out if you were close, dusted his cheeks.
''i saw some flowers.. i found them beautiful- like you,'' jisung spoke quietly, clearly shy. he then let his hands come away from behind his back, revealing maybe a dozen of flowers, half of them consisting of magnificent pale roses and the rest being some type of flower changbin couldn't recognize. his eyes slightly widened, heart race picking up at the unexpected gift he clutched into his hand. the sweet scent from the flowers relaxed changbins tense body, and he closed his eyes as he took in as much of it as possible.
''do you like it?'' jisung questioned, his cheeks flushing more.
''i-i...'' changbin hesitated, his grip on the large quantity of stems strengthening, ''i do.''
jisungs face brightened up even more, showing off his charming gummy smile.
''i also made you a butterfly out of some card,'' jisung reached into his pocket, then pulled out a rather small in size yet very detailed paper butterfly.
gingerly, changbin took it in his palm, quietly admiring it before enclosing it in his hand.
''thanks.''
''i saw plenty today and i thought that you remind me of a butterfly; you're so pretty and nice to look at yet so small and fragile.''
changbin listened in, staring at jisung. inside, he felt baffled at the strange comment; small and fragile? did jisung believe that would compliment him, or something? pfft. nevertheless changbin took it as a praise.
''i just want to protect you..'' jisung went on, suddenly conjoining one of his and changbin's hands together. ''..and that means i'll kill anything that could be a hazard to you.'' jisung then lifted up changbins hand to his mouth, kissing the top of it.
changbin shuddered.
''i love you, changbin.''
...
''i could never love you,'' changbin said coldly.
jisungs happy and calm expression contorted into one of shock, then anger.
''what?''
changbin didn't reply, blankly staring at jisung.
the latter repeated himself, ''changbin, what?''
''no one would ever fucking love you, es--especially not me,'' changbin gulped, clutching his fists together in an attempt to keep his composure, ''i-- i h-hope you die.''
jisungs expression changed once again, now revealing sadness and betrayal.
changbin braced himself for a beating or harsh insults, however nothing of that sort came- jisung didn't even say anything, instead he began to cry uncontrollably.
changbin winced at the unexpected reaction, a slight feeling of guilt building up in him- however he wouldn't let it get the better of him. he shouldn't feel bad.
''y-you're right.. who would ever love me?..'' jisung said, ''i'm j-just delusional f-for thinking you would, aren't i?''
changbin watched in utter shock, unable to do anything. has what he said triggered jisung this much?
''i-- i just wanna be loved.. why can't someone love me? am i that bad of a person?'' jisung grasped at his hair with shaky hands, his breathing ragged.
he then furiously looked up at changbin, his eyes wild as he spat, ''no one would ever love you as much as i do, j-just take my love!''
but, seungmin..
''ch-changbin, if you leave i'll fucking kill myself,'' jisung threatened, fisting the neck of frightened changbins shirt.
changbin screamed, punching jisungs arm, causing the latter to let go.
jisung hissed, ''do you want that, huh?! how would you feel if you were responsible for my death?''
''i-i'll be good for you.. i-- i'll be good..'' jisung then whimpered as he crawled on top of the other man, pathetically hiding his wet face in the crook of his neck.
''let me love you.. love me, don't leave me.. love me, changbin, please.''
the bearable guilt changbin had from before became way too much to handle. his stomach churned with culpability- why did he have to say that? jisung was being so kind, too. how could he be so heartless? now he's caused the previously happy and bubbly boy to have a full on breakdown.
changbin bit his lip, watching jisung helplessly cling onto him as he sobbed. the sight gave him a sudden feeling of protection and pity towards the younger, and without thinking changbin wrapped his arms around jisung, squeezing him closer. the latter flinched, confused and swollen eyes staring up at changbin. tears still ran down his face as he softly whimpered.
awkwardly, changbin spoke, ''hey.. uh.''
he couldn't find the right words to say- what was he meant to say? just a simple 'sorry' after causing someone an entire mental breakdown certainly wouldn't do much. he'd just seem like even more of a complete heartless douche.
the two stared at each other in silence. jisungs crying came to a halt, leaving the room completely tranquil apart from the occasional sniffles.
jisung then broke that silence, plaintively speaking up, ''i'm sorry..''
changbin sighed, bringing his hand up to stroke jisungs hair. the other hand embraced him tighter.
''no, i'm sorry.''
jisungs eyes darted down, seemingly trying to avoid eye contact.
''you know..'' changbin hesitated, ''i--- i won't leave you.''
after receiving no response, changbin kissed his teeth. his hands then made their way up to jisungs face, cupping his cheeks. the latters eyes widened as changbin began to massage the soft, squishy skin. he let out a shaky sigh as he relaxed into the touch, nuzzling against changbins palm.
''i'm.. i'm very sorry for what i said.. i feel so guilty,'' changbin said.
''so why'd you say it,'' jisung murmured, sniffling.
''i-- i don't know,'' changbin shakily muttered, embarrassed.
''i.. i just miss seungmi-''
''fuck seungmin!''
changbin flinched at the sudden rise in volume from jisung.
''he never truly cared about you, he'll never love you like i do.. if he did, he'd have found you by now; if he loved you he'd be determined to get you back,'' jisung growled, ''but he hasn't- it's been almost 3 weeks, changbin.''
wait, 3weeks? changbin couldn't utter anything else but a quiet 'oh'.
the room was silent again as jisung lay his head down on changbins chest.
''i don't know what to say.. please don't cry anymore, please don't be upset..'' changbin pleaded, hands travelling to jisungs back, gripping the fabric of his shirt.
''it's fine.. who'd love me anyways? i'll just die all alone.''
the culpability came back even stronger, and changbin couldn't take it anymore. fuck it- what jisung said may as well be true; if he won't get seungmin back then why should he not find new love?
he grabbed jisungs face and kissed him, thumb stroking his cheekbone.
jisung whimpered, desperately kissing back, latching his hands on the older males shoulders.
changbin pulled away to catch his breath, before kissing jisung once more.
when they broke the kiss, but like actually, changbin admired the blush settling on jisungs cheeks.
''hyung,'' jisung gasped.
''i would.''