Before you start reading: trigger warning ahead for the mention of drinking.
This chapter doesn't contain anything bad but I know that drinking the way that is mentioned in this chapter and only showing affection when drunk can be a sensitive topic for some, so here's your trigger warning if you need it.
Please don't read this if you're uncomfortable with the description above. Also, please be kind in these comments, as it's personally a bit of a touchy subject for me and I worked extremely hard on this chapter.
I love you all and hope you enjoy this chapter if you're comfortable reading it. 🖤💞
Also, this is over 2K words long, which is the longest thing I've written in a while!
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"There's my beautiful girl!" You grinned as Rosie entered the house where your friends were hosting a party tonight. "I didn't know you were coming."
Rosie wasn't surprised to see you smiling and to hear you calling her such sweet names.
With a glass of alcohol in your hands, one that your friends said was just one of several in the last couple of hours, you, of course, are going to be so loving to her tonight.
She felt a tug at her heart and as much as she wanted to smile so brightly and so genuinely, she just faked a smile because she wished that you'd be this way to her every day.
"Rosie, baby? Everything alright?" You slurred.
She snapped out of her thoughts before walking across the room to you.
"Your friends called and told me that you were getting pretty drunk so they thought it would be a good idea for me to come and pick you up."
"Oh, well, I was planning to stay later than this but if it means getting to spend time with my girl, then I'm happy to go home with you."
That caused butterflies to appear in her chest.
"Okay. Come on, my love. Maybe we can go home and cuddle." She suggested and you quickly nodded your head.
Another one of your friends took the glass from your hands while Rose grabbed your bag and then put her arms around you to help you out of the house and to the car.
"How much have you had to drink tonight?" She asked as she helped you into the car and then got into the driver's seat.
"I don't know. I lost count." You said. "Oh, my head hurts."
"Here comes the start of your hangover." She sighed.
"You'll be there to take care of me though, right?" You asked as she started the car, gazing at her with a look of concern, almost.
"Yeah. I always am, aren't I?"
Always.
Although, sometimes, she feels as though she shouldn't be.
These are the times when she feels the love you have for her. When you drink.
It's a sad situation and sometimes, she wonders how it got to be this way.
Things had been so great at the start of your relationship.
That's not to say things aren't great now but it just feels different.
As time went by and your relationship progressed, the love you once showed her started to feel... faded.
Now, she feels as though you only love her when you're drunk. Not sober.
She knows that's not how it's supposed to be and sometimes she thinks she should leave you but she loves you so much, that it would make her feel as though her world was falling apart if she left.
"Rosie? Are you going to start driving or are we going to just sit here?" You asked with a little laugh and as much as she wished that it wouldn't, the sound caused her heart to swell.
"Sorry. Got caught up in my thoughts. We'll go home now."
She started to drive home and since it was late and soft music was playing in the background, you felt soothed and fell asleep on the way.
But as soon as the car came to a stop, you opened your eyes to find that you had arrived home.
"I'm a little sleepy." You mumbled.
"I figured." She chuckled and helped you out of the car and into the house.
She had you sit on the edge of the bed, where she wiped your makeup off with one of the makeup removers.
Her brown eyes gazed so lovingly into yours but every few seconds, she'd find them wandering to look over your body.
You looked so beautiful, dressed up in a gorgeous red dress that took her breath away.
She looked back into your eyes and saw them sparkling as she wiped the remover across your cheeks.
"You don't even know how beautiful you are." She softly spoke.
"I could say the same about you. You're stunning, Rosie." You replied
She smiled a little before a shaky breath fell from her lips and she looked away from your gaze.
"I wish that you'd tell me that more often." She quietly said. "I love you. Sometimes, it feels as though you don't love me back."
"I do love you." You said and put your fingers under her chin, lifting it up to gaze into her soft brown eyes once more. "So much."
She didn't just hear the words fall from your lips but she also felt it in the way that you kissed her.
And even though she could taste the alcohol on your breath, she still melted and kissed you back.
Because it felt so lovely to feel so loved by you again.
She laid you back onto the bed and you made out until you fell asleep.
Rosie didn't sleep though.
Her mind was wandering away from her and she wondered if this would be the morning that you'd be sober and show her the love you did last night.
She stayed up until the sun began to rise and you opened your eyes, feeling a little sick.
You groaned when the sun hit your eyes and when you moved and the blanket slipped from your shoulders a bit, you realized that you had nothing on.
You sat up and wrapped the blanket around your body before looking at Rose.
"What happened to my clothes?" You mumbled.
"Oh, sorry, baby. We made out last night and your dress ended up on the floor. You fell asleep before I could get you into something else, so I just covered you up." She said with a look of love in her eyes.
"Oh." You said.
"Do you remember what you said last night?" She asked as you got out of bed, putting on one of your longer shirts.
"No."
"Oh. Well.. you were drunk... again." She chuckled quietly. "And I pickd you up and brought you home and before we made out, you told me that you love me."
"Oh. Okay."
The smile that tugged at her lips quickly fell.
"That's it? Okay?"
"What do you want me to say?" You asked as you put your hands on your hips.
And after a few seconds of silence, she spoke again.
"That you meant it."
You ran your fingers through your hair with a sigh, thinking about how to answer her.
"You know, last night, was one of the best nights I've had in so long. I was so happy when you told me that you love me and when we made out, I felt butterflies in my stomach the whole time because I could feel the love you had for me."
She hung her head before swallowing thickly.
"I know it's there. I know you love me and you just struggle to express it sometimes. The thing is you don't know how to love me when you're sober though. Only when you're drunk. I've stuck this out for the longest time, I've been by your side through everything, only to realize that you don't love me the way that I love you unless you've got alcohol flowing through your veins. It hurts, Y/N! If you don't love me, say so! Just say it already!"
You saw tears in her eyes.
"I can't do this anymore."
She could barely hear the words fall from her lips, so she was surprised to hear that you did.
But the shakiness in your voice and your response back to her told her that you did hear her.
Loud and clear.
"What do you mean?"
She looked up at you as a tear slipped down her cheek and her lower lip trembled.
"If this doesn't change, I'm leaving."
That's when it set in for you.
You've lost your way.
You've messed up so badly and you've struggled so much that your own girlfriend thinks that you don't love her.
"Please don't go." You said as she slowly started to get up from the bed. "Please, can we talk before you make any choices?"
For the first time in so long, you looked vulnerable and tearful.
And, although you looked a little hungover, you were sober.
So, she sat down and decided to listen to you speak.
"Fine." She said.
You walked to the bed and sat down beside her with a heavy sigh.
Your teeth sank into your lip and your mind was racing with so many thoughts that you didn't even know where to start speaking to Rose about them.
"I know I have a problem. I know, if there was a contest, I'd be crowned the worst girlfriend ever."
Those words weren't easy to say but, to you, they felt true.
"I know I've lost my way and I know I've been so awful to you by not showing you love when I'm sober. I've known for a while now that I need some help with not just my drinking habits but also being able to express my love to people when I don't drink. I don't know what happened. I don't know where it all went wrong. But I know things can't stay like this."
Rosie took a deep breath before putting her hand on your thigh.
She watched as you turned your head to lock eyes with her and when she saw the tears in them, she felt a pang in her chest.
"You're not the worst girlfriend ever, Y/N. Somewhere, someone out there is going through worse. But, at the same time, I wouldn't say you're the best, either... because I feel like you don't love me anymore."
She sniffled and the sight of a tear falling down her cheek once again made your heart shatter.
"I do." You said. "I suck at not just saying it but showing it and making sure that you know it and I'm sorry for that. I know I'm a bitch sometimes,"
"Yeah, you can be sometimes," Rose interrupted.
You both laughed through your tears before you gently took hold of her hand.
"I've always struggled to show my emotions and my love for people, including you. It just seems that I'm better at it when I drink. I don't know why."
"I think we should get some help." She said and you sniffled before nodding your head. "Not just for that but, if I stay, for us too. I can't go on with our relationship if I don't feel loved by you."
"I'll fix it." You said as you squeezed her hand. "For us."
"You better. Because if you only continue to show me love when you're drunk, I will walk out that door and I will not return."
"I wouldn't blame you." You chuckled sadly. "But I hope that you'll give me a chance because hearing you say all of this and knowing that I love you but never show it to you when I'm sober hurts me. I need to do better. I need you to know how much you mean to me. I'm sorry for everything, Rosie. I know it's been hard but I love you lots, I swear it to you."
"Shh." She shushed softly as she put her forehead on yours. "Calm down. Take a deep breath."
You did as she said.
Closing your eyes, you inhaled deeply and felt her lips brush against your neck softly.
"How do I show you that I love you and appreciate you?"
"You stop only loving me when you're drunk and start showing it to me when you're sober too."
"Okay. I'll do it. I'll go to therapy with you so we can talk and fix our relationship and I'll stop drinking and I'll love you every minute of every day. I'll tell you every chance I get because I love you so much."
"I love you too, baby." She whispered as she brushed her thumbs across your cheeks. "This starts today. This promise you're making me starts right now."
"Okay." You agreed before hugging her tightly.
You've learned your lesson.
It's all sunk in now.
You have to do and be better.
Because you love Rosie, you truly do, and you need her to know that.
You might struggle to show it but, at the end of the day, she is your entire world.