Percy Jackson and the Departm...

By LindinCapps

95.8K 6.9K 3.3K

Percy Jackson faced his worst summer yet when traversing the Labyrinth, and he's ready for a school year of r... More

0.5) Introduction
1) Buttocks: The Best Way to Start a Book
2) Imagine Writing a Chapter When You're Supposed to be Working
3) Kids, Do Not Toast (Microwave) Forks
4) I'm In Me Friend's Car, Broom Broom
5) Grim and Old Grimmauld Place
6) Capslock is a Godsend
7) I Bet Ears Aren't The Only Things That Are Extendable *Winky Face*
8) I Think There Are 16 'Percy's In This Chapter
9) Walburga, Walburga, On The Wall, Who's The Purest Of Them All?
10) I Screw With Ron, But Not In The Dirty Way
11) Good Soup
12) They Argue Almost As Much As The Author's Parents Before Their Divorce
13) Voldemort Ate My Chocolate Frog Cheesecake
14) I Get Chased by Traffic Cones
15) If I'm Afraid of Walburga, Can I Eat A Walburger to Make Walburga go Away?
16) Percy Jackson's Guide to De-Doxying the Weird Curtains
17) Seriously, Kreacher, You Make Sirius Serious (what an original joke)
18) I Don't Run On Spite, I Run On Sprite
19) BREAKING NEWS: This Chapter Contains Breaking News
20) Snape Comes, Insults Me, Then Leaves
21) Blue Pancakes - That's It, That's The Title
22) You Must Listen To The Disembodied Voice (not the one in your head)
23) Sure, The Statue Is Pretty, But Its Personality Is Trash
24) Infreno: The Story Of Dante's Journey Through The Ministry (AKA Hell)
25) Luigi Is Hot And I Can't Be Convinced Otherwise
26) Allen
27) Taradiddle - Okay, That Really Is A Weird Word
28) ^^^ God Gave Me That Picture And Now I Share His Word With You
29) Good News! Wait, No, Now There's Malfoy
30) He Got Off
31) Guys, Please Take S.P.E.W. Siriusly
32) Harry Potter: Tournament of Champions Is A Disaster
33) Ron Might Be Unloved
34) I Have A Sirius Talk With Harry (But It Has Nothing To Do With Sirius)
35) It Sounds Like Fred and George Are Doing Drugs
36) RIP Ron
37) The Author Remembers Nugget Exists
38) There's A Plot Twist At The End Of The Chapter
39) Cho Talks Porcupines
40) Laughing, and Laughing, and More Laughing, and Probably More Laughing
41) Hermione Is Kind Of Unkind
42) NOTICE: No Loitering Allowed On Or In Front Of These Premises
43) Harry's Horse Headache
44) Luna Scares Ron (Wuss)
45) What A Nice, Happy, Warming Song
46) I'll Need Speech Therapy After This
47) Humuhumunukunukuapua'a
48) I Do Lines - You All Know What That Means
49) I Kidnapped a Chair Once
50) This Coffee Tastes Like Dirt, It Must Have Been Ground This Morning
51) We Call This a Filler Chapter
52)
53) He's Creepy, But He's Nice, I Think
54) R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take Care, TCB (Read In Aretha Franklin Voice)
55) Hermione Gets Defensive About Defense
56) Fifty Shades of Pink
57) Ever Heard Of The Knife Game?
58) We Had A Bonding Moment! I Cradled You In My Arms!
59) I Should Just Vanish From Class
60) Stick Bug :(
61) Rad-ish Earrings
62) Keeper Tryouts - and Seeker Tryouts - Are Boring
63) The Ill Quill - Because It's Sickening
64)
65) The Clamorours Owl, That Nightly Hoots and Wonders. At Out Quaint Spirits
66) Sturgy Gets Caught
67) Dope Worms, Bro
68) Katie Probably Liked The Nose Bleed. Weird Little Masochist
69) <---Nice
69.5) ;)
70) This Girl Is In Fire (Sirius Is The Girl)
71) Sirius Takes On Harry's Daddy Issues
72) This Is A Really Long Article
73) 'T' Stands For Terrific Essay, Right?
74)
75) Umbridge's Confidence Vanishes... Yay
76) I Really Like The Name Grubbly-Plank
77) Happy Easter, My Little Reader Eggs
78) Harry Yells Again - That Seems To Be A Recurring Theme
79) Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
80) Highlighter Humpers
81) So Many Subjects, All In One Chapter
82) A Yorkshire Conversation
83) Several Sets Of A Couple Of Students Walk Into A Bar
84) Zacharias Can't Shut His Mouth
85) We Figure Some Stuff Out - Not A Lot Of Stuff Though
86) Almost Forgot A Title Again
87) Sorry, Umbridge
88) I Pray To... Someone?
89) Draco Gets Hit On
90) Your Mom
91) Speaking of Sacrifices
92) Umbridge Gropes
93) I Am Beneath
94) Connor Doesn't Wash His Robes
96) The Jellybeans Have Arrived
97) I Got Mad Whistling Skills
98) Sword VS. Pants - Who Will Win?
99) Funny Chapter Title
100) Weasley Is My King - Really, I Adore Him
101) Draco Gets Hit On By Two Sports Guys - Lucky
102) Hagrid Got Hit On, Too
103) Hagrid's Journey Of Self Discovery - He Discovered Nothing
104) Hagrid Presented Presents
105) More Giant Talk
106) The Wicked Witch Arrives
107) Umbridge Plays Good Cop, Bad Cop, But Forgets About Good Cop
108) Hagrid's Lesson - Bad Idea, But I Like It
109) Crude Sign Langauge = Bird
110) Umbridge = Hera = Terrible
111) Umbridge Hates Math - The One Thing We Can Agree On
112) The Cho/Harry Kiss Was Wet
113) The AN Is Longer Than The Chapter
114) Dean Finally Has A Moment!
115) Dumbledore Looks At Everyone (Harry Excluded)
116) Some Sirius Stuff Went Down
117) I Finally Get to Sleep
118) 2000s Fashion Trends Haunt Me
119) Doctors Use Lighter Fluid
120) Yay Hermione (:
121) Big Snake Man
122) A Bad Teacher Approaches - He Comes With Autographs
123) Playboy: HEILF Edition
124) Netflix and Kill
125) Daddy-o
126) He Only Resurrected Him a Little Bit
127) Insert Sirius Pun Here
128) Bad News From The Newspaper
129) I Am Percy - Hope You've Figured That Out Five Books In
130) Harry Murders His Love Life, and Draco Nearly Murders A Person
131) I Can't Think Of A Chapter Title, Comment Your Ideas Please
132) Quidditch Is A Quidbitch Sometimes
133) Justin, Oh Justin, How I Yearn To See Your Egg Throwing Skills
134) Watch for Awesome Alliteration
135) Ari978
136) Humans Bad, Centaurs Good
137) Fudge Fell Down A Well - That Rhymed!
138) Dumbledore's A Drachma (;
139) A One-Handed Fight
140) Watered Down Milk
141) Harry Does A Bad Thing (Again)
142) I Get On My Knees For Umbridge
143) I'm Gonna Let Harry Make A Mistake
144) ALMOST FORGOT A TITLE AGAIN
145) This Chapter Was Written Out Of Spite
146) Hagrid, The Kidnapper
147) A Murder of Armadillos
148) Happy Pride!
149) What's Worse, Standardized Testing Or A Stressed Hermione?
150) Hagrid Hits On Some People
151) Harry Yells AGAIN - This Boy Needs Some Anger Management
152) No Prince Would Ever Kiss This Frog
153) https://youtu.be/OGJAUnNzbhE
154) A Corpse, A Centaur, And A Giant Walk Into A Good Burger
155) Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy
156) Yeah She Has Brass Knuckles, What Of It?
157) Do Not Touch Strange Balls, Readers
158) Half-Off Trix In Aisle Ninety-Seven
159) Death In Hot Pink
160) Luigi Likes It Hard
161) The Person We Had Come To Save
162) You're Not You When You're Hungry - Have A Snickers
163) A Maraca Named Hare-Bear
164) Today I Got The Grief World Record (Top Ten Leaderboard) *Emotional* 🤯🤯
165) Sirius Did The Die-alogue
166) Dumbledore Def Rehearsed This
167) Homophones and Homosexuals
168) Fun Facts With Percy Jackson
169) A Final Big Adventure
Epilogue
Sixth Book :)

95) Unorthodox Uses of Jellybeans

478 44 10
By LindinCapps

"OUCH!"

Harry had the towel he was using pressed against his face, and I could barely make out a grimace.

"What's up?" Several people piped up, halting their cleaning up for a moment. Angelina's face was concerned. She hadn't yet had to deal with an injured teammate as captain.

"Nothing," Harry said, emerging from behind his towel, eyes narrowed as he tried to focus on people without the help of his glasses, "I — poked myself in the eye, that's all..." But he sent me a look, and I knew it was more than a towel touching his eye.

"What happened?" I asked as soon as everyone else had left the changing room. "Was it your scar?" Harry nodded.

"But..." Ron looked around in fear, "he can't be near us now, can he?"

"No," Harry sat hard on a bench, rubbing his forehead. "He's probably miles away. It hurt because... he's... angry."

I think that was scarier than Voldemort being close — I didn't like Harry knowing what Voldemort was feeling.

"Did you see him?" Ron questioned, horror written across his face. "Did you... get a vision, or something?"

Harry didn't answer, instead saying, "He wants something done, and it's not happening fast enough."

"But... how do you know?"

Harry shook his head and pressed his palms against his eyes. I slowly sat down beside him, "Is this what it was about last time? When your scar hurt in Umbridge's office? Voldemort was angry?" He shook his head again. "What is it, then?"

Harry thought about it for a moment, "Last time, it was because he was pleased. Really pleased. He thought... something good was going to happen. And the night before we came back to Hogwarts..." He paused, pulling away from his hands. "He was furious."

Ron was gaping, "You could take over from Trelawney, mate."

"I'm not making prophecies," Harry frowned.

"No, you know what you're doing?" Ron said, eyes wide with fear, yet still he seemed impressed. "Harry, your reading You-Know-Who's mind...."

"No," Harry said heavily. "It's more like... his mood, I suppose. I'm just getting flashes of what mood he's in.... Dumbledore said something like this was happening last year.... He said that when Voldemort was near me, or when he was feeling hatred, I could tell. Well, now I'm feeling it when he's pleased, too..."

We didn't say anything for a moment, then I let out a sigh, "You've got to tell someone."

"I told Sirius last time," Harry shrugged.

"Well, tell him about it this time!" Ron input.

"Can't, can I?" Harry said darkly. "Umbridge is watching the owls and the fires, remember?"

"Well then, Dumbledore —"

"I've just told you, he already knows," Harry quickly got to his feet, taking his cloak off its hook and pulling it around himself. "There's no point in telling him again."

"Dumbledore'd want to know," Ron said slowly, pulling on his own cloak, looking distant. "He should know."

Harry just shrugged, "C'mon... we've still got Silencing Charms to practice..."

We didn't talk as we made our way back to the castle, all lost within our own thoughts. I was worried — the whole scar burning things was growing more frequent, and to see into Voldy's feelings? Not very good. I couldn't judge though, I had a connection with a half-goat.

At least the half-goat wasn't trying to kill me.

I decided not to join the Gryffindors for their pitiful attempt at catching up on work — I had too much to think about.

***

The next morning at breakfast, Harry told me he had found a place for the defense meetings. Or, really, Dobby had found it. The Room of Requirement, better known to the house-elves as the Come and Go Room.

Magic was impressive, and was capable of many things, but the idea of the Room of Requirement seemed far fetched. A room that would become whatever the user wanted? Crazy.

I probably wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't had my own encounter with the room on the seventh floor. I'd been pacing back in... second year, maybe? I'd needed a place to think, and when I turned, there was a door. It had led to a small room that was mostly taken up by a very deep pool. I'd spent probably two hours under the water. I'd just assumed it was Hogwarts being Hogwarts — doors appearing was normal, and the pool didn't seem that strange. I should've looked into it more.

We spent the day looking out for everyone who needed to know about the meeting, since we'd decided to hold it that day. Probably should have waited a little bit, confirmed the room existed, but nah, that's not how we roll.

By the end of hour last class we were certain everyone had found out about the location of our first meeting.

At half-past seven the four of us made our way to the hallway the Room of Requirement was supposed to be in. Even though we were fifth years and were allowed to be out until nine, we still looked around anxiously, as if we were in trouble.

At the top of the last staircase leading to the seventh floor hallway, Harry said, "Hold it." He unfolded the Marauder's Map and tapped it with his wand. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Ink floated across the parchment, revealing hallways and little moving dots. "Filch is on the second floor," Harry peered closely at the paper, "and Mrs. Norris is on the fourth."

"And Umbridge?" I asked.

"In her office," Harry scanned the paper. "Okay, let's go."

We hurried along the corridor to a stretch of blank wall across from one of my favorite tapestries — Barnabas the Barmy's witless attempt to train trolls for the ballet.

"It was a valiant effort on Barnabas's part," I said sadly. "If only he hadn't been involved in sort of inappropriate conduct for a morgue."

Harry stared at me in terror, then quickly looked away, "Dobby said to walk past this bit of wall three times, concentrating hard on what we need."

We did so, my friends concentrating very hard. Harry's fists were clenched, Hermione was muttering beneath her breath, and Ron's eyes were narrowed.

I stuck my hands in my pocket and thought like a normal person, I wonder what I'll teach first. Probably basic hand to hand. Punching people without your thumb in your fist. Some first aid, regular and magical. I'll ask Will for advice. Definitely survival skills, these people couldn't survive a minute in a forest. They would get eaten alive by the nymphs. Probably crying "The trees are attacking!" While the nymphs are shouting, "You have awakened the gazebo!" I know how much that sucks. I'll also show them some unorthodox uses of jelly beans.

Next thing I know, a polished door had appeared on the wall, bronze handles gleaming invitingly.

"I'm gonna be mad if there aren't any jelly beans," I informed my friends seriously, stepping forward and opening the door.

Ahahsjhrkwhelebjevwjsbhs. Haven't done anything. Worked more on my other book yesterday, it's going nicely. I wrote the first chapter without finishing the plot in any way (in fact, I have only the plot for the first two chapters) to try and find out what kind of voice I would use for the first narrator. I like it, I guess. The problem is setting the stage. I want to start already in the Darkside, because of personal reasons??? I don't know, I want them seeing the sun or the moon to not be a thing until the very end, so main character is already on his way to the prison city at the beginning of the book, in an elevator with some other people. But that means he has to explain the world as he goes — the real problem? He doesn't know much about this world. It's also hard to describe the background whenever it's pitch black. It'll have to come in later chapters, I suppose. The first chapter was also shorter than I would have liked, but that's okay for the first chapter. The second one will be longer, hopefully. I'm not going to work on it though, even though I want to figure out what kind of voice I use for the other narrator. Idk. I should figure out the plot first. I know the ending, and I know how they'll achieve that ending. I know there is a person antagonist, and who this person is and what her goal is, but not how I want her to act. I know how I want part of the story to be, and since if I just went off that it would be a very short story, I've introduced another plot device — basically one plot pertaining to each character, in a way. Each will get their emotional damage. Ooh. Had an idea. Won't share it. Haha. Also, the gazebo thing and the jellybean thing and the morgue thing were all stolen from funny tags. I don't know who made the tags, but good job, I really liked them.

Anyway, I hope you guys have had a happy Sunday, and I'll see you on Tuesday CT. Love ya!

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