"What are you doing?" I grab Arabella, she's trying to sneak out of my bed.
"Going to check on Roman." She whispers.
"It's four in the morning, princess." I groan, turning to look at her, the moonlight letting the tiniest amount of natural light into the bedroom.
She looks at me, "I'll be back, i promise. Just, just gonna check on him. I wanna see if his medication is working."
"Be back." I slap her ass lightly.
I can see the slight roll in her eyes as she gets up off the bed, pulling my shirt over her naked body.
Then i hear her little footsteps tap off of the hardwood floor, the door creak open.
I close my eyes, only to open them straight away when i hear her shout 'Roman.'
I get out of the bed immediately, walking to the room beside me.
Jesus fucking christ.
My eyes land directly on a bleeding Roman, a knife in his hands, fresh scars around his arms.
What the fuck is he doing?
She attempts to run to him but i push her backwards, she doesn't need to see this. "Go... go wake Asher up, princess. Now."
"But he's-"
"Now Arabella." I shout. I never shout at her but i can't let her see him like this.
She looks at me with tears in her eyes and i push her gently again. I wait until she's out of the room and walk to Roman slowly.
I don't even know if he's awake or not.
It used to happen when he was younger, teenage years, sleepwalking but he would hurt himself in his sleep.
Though this was completely different, his eyes were watering.
"Hey man, put the knife down." I extend my arm slowly.
He drops it, brings his head to his hands and pulls at his hair a little bit. He's awake, which i don't know if it's good or not. Why the fuck is he doing this shit again?
The door opens and i look behind me to a very tired looking Asher walking in. "Where's Arabella?" I ask.
"I told her to go and run a bath." He looks at Roman, "What... what happened?"
"Don't know." I pick the knife up, "Make sure she doesn't come in here."
He takes the knife off of me, "Just call me if you need me." He takes a small, worried look at Roman before walking away.
I slowly approach Roman, crouching in front of him. His head was still in his hands with slits down his wrists.
I hate seeing him like this.
He slowly looks up, blinks, and a tear rolls down his cheek.
That was like the breaking point for me.
Because Roman doesn't cry, ever.
I sit in front of him and he just gives me this knowing look. The looks when he's scared.
"Wanna tell me about it man?"
Him looking down was the indicator that he'd really rather do anything other than talk about it, "I'm going to go away."
"Like hell you are." I keep my voice quiet and calm. "You can't run."
"I can't stay." His voice cracks. "I cannot let her see me do this shit to myself."
There was two knocks on the door before it opens and i could tell Arabella walked in, "So stop."
Roman smiles, running his tongue across his teeth. "Not that easy, love."
She walks over and i could feel her breathing increase. "Arabella, you don't wanna be in here." I look up at her but she shakes me off.
"I'm... Roman i'm never going to judge you for doing this to yourself." She sits beside me, eyes wide as she looks at him. A docile look.
He looks at her, waiting for her to say something else but she doesn't. She just looks at him. They stare at each other for a while and for once in my life, i see Roman defeated as he looks down.
She just won without even saying anything.
"Come on, let me bathe you."
He shakes his head no, "I can clean up-"
"Roman." She looks at him, "Come on."
He looks at her, "I cannot stand at the moment, my love."
She looks at me and i understood without even asking.
Did it make it easier trying to help Roman walk to the bathroom? No. The fucker is stubborn as hell, and heavy.
As soon as we're in the bathroom, Asher looks away from Roman. It's not nice seeing anybody in this state, especially not him. He's been through too much that when he gets in moods like this, it's terrifying. He'd rather hurt himself then face the truth.
He gets in the bath with all his clothes on and Arabella does the same thing, sitting opposite him.
Knowing better, Asher and I stand and watch them.
"Can i ask why?" She lifts a flannel up, dunking it in the bath water.
Roman extends his arm, "I'd be so lost if you left me alone." He mumbles, at least that's one indicator. He's scared. But it's never the full explanation.
She daps his arm with the wet flannel, "That's why you-?"
"Sometimes..." He says lowly, "I cannot cope with the emotions. You cause a lot of them." He looks in her eyes, "And i need a release."
"There are other ways-"
"My love." He smiles, a real Roman smile, dimples and all, "When i felt things as a child, i got hurt. Not self-inflicted but i still got hurt and those feelings allowed me a release from how i was feeling. It's my way of coping. How i was taught to cope."
She looks at his scars, "I hid in a wardrobe when it all got a little too much for me."
Asher and I both smile at that, she looks up at him, "Now i annoy you guys."
Roman smiles again, "You would prefer me to annoy you?"
"I would prefer you to do anything else than this. Go on a killing spree for all i care but don't." She lifts his forearms to her lips, "Don't do this." And then she kisses the scars on his arm.
I've never seen Roman look more in love.
He leans back slightly, letting her tend to his wounds as they share secret glances with each other and soft looks.
Once she's cleaned his scars, she drains the water from the bathtub and they both just sit there.
"You'll get sick." Roman says quietly.
"You will too." She leans back too.
"I can't stand to shower yet." He admits.
"No shit." She jokes, "I'll wait."
"Arabella, baby you will get sick." Asher says.
She shrugs, "More attention from you guys."
We all let out a small laugh.
She does sit with him in the bathtub, talking about random stuff quietly until he's able to stand again.
And then she even helps shower him while Asher and i clean his room.
"You think he'll stop?" Ash asks, wiping some blood off of the floor.
"I'm betting he'll do anything to make Arabella happy, even if it is facing his biggest fear."
"She kissed his scars." He says out of disbelief. "You see his face when she did?"
"You ever stop and think about how she's literally the only thing that gives him hope? You know, i bet if she didn't do that he would have left." It's fucked up but it's true. Romans never had anyone fight for him, Arabella just did.
The door opens and Roman, a limp Roman, walks in with Arabella supporting him. He's so pale, eye bags heavy.
"Did you take the sleeping pills?" I ask.
He nods his head, "Didn't work."
"It's okay, i'm going to sleep with him." She looks at me as if she's asking for approval.
"No, love." Roman sighs.
"Don't." She helps him into the bed, "Even if we don't sleep, let me just be with you."
He takes a second, nods his head. The scars left a faint red mark across his forearms.
"I'm gonna make you a drink, okay. I'll be right back." She kisses his head and walks out of the room.
Quickly.
Asher gives me a look and i walk after her, down the stairs to the kitchen light on.
She was leaning against the counter, head looking down.
I didn't need to say anything, and neither did she.
I pulled her into me and as soon as i do, she breaks down crying.
Bless her poor soul.
I rub her back, kissing her head. "He's okay." I say, but wonder if i even believe it myself.
"He won't tell me why he was doing it." She sobs, hiccuping slightly. "How can i help him?"
I hold her a little closer to me. I don't even know. We usually just remove all the sharp objects but Romans, Roman. He used to find stones in the yard, break them with other stones and use them as weapons. He's a creative bitch.
A lot of this i think is the sleeping medication, because he's been different since he started taking it. I'm thinking it's helping him sleep a lot more but then because he's actually sleeping, his nightmares are returning worse and he can't cope with them.
And when Roman can't cope, Roman hurts himself.
"Can i tell you a secret?" I pull Arabella away.
Her eyes were so puffy, bloodshot and faint mascara running down her cheeks. "Is it bad?"
"No." I smile, wiping her cheeks. "Don't tell Roman i told you this but he's insecure about his scars. Why he sleeps with shirts on, or hardly lets people touch them. He hates his scars. You sat there and kissed his scars."
She looks at me a little confused.
"Romans scars give him a reminder of what his family put him through, you kissed them. Kissed them, Arabella. No one has ever did that before, people revolt when they see his scars and you kissed them."
"How is that going to help him?" She frowns.
"Princess, you don't understand but that's like... big. And the way he looked at you? God, Arabella. You are doing enough. Just keep doing what you're doing and i swear to you he's gonna get better."
She looked like she didn't believe me but i stayed with her while she fixed herself up and made a cup of tea for Roman, fruit tea. We're both obsessed with it but Ash and Roman hate it.
Then she grabs a granola bar and i walk with her back upstairs.
Roman and Asher were talking when we walked in and stopped when they seen Arabella, "Here." She sets tea on the bedside table and opened the granola bar for him.
She literally climbs over him and gets under the covers.
Roman sniffs the air like a dog and smiles, "Peach tea."
"Yeah it's hot wait for it to cool down." She lifts his arm up and places herself under it. "I love you blondie."
Roman smiles, turning his head and kissing her on her temple, "I love you too, please rest my love."
Asher and i wink at Roman, leaving but keeping the bedroom door open slightly. And then we just stand outside.
We all do this to each other because we're nosy as fuck.
"Can we go to the park tomorrow?" Arabella asks.
"I may not-"
"You're coming to the park tomorrow." She demands, "And we're going to feed the ducks, go for food, you're going to take me book shopping and it will be a cute little date."
Roman was hesitant but still said, "I will take you out tomorrow."
"Good." She says, "Now eat and drink a little please because you need to get energy back."
"Energy for what? Roman says, but i hear the crunch of the granola bar.
"We're gonna go swimming-"
"No."
"Yes." Arabella says, making me smile. She's determined.
"No, i don't swim-"
"Too bad-"
"May i ask why?"
"Swimming like hurts a lot."
Roman chuckles, "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, so like... it'll be like an alternative."
I could practically hear his smile as he said, "I'll figure out a way for that on my own, love."
"I want to help you." She sighs.
"You are. More than you know." And i hear the little smooch he gives her and walk away with Asher.
"Should i call Roma?"
"No. She's gone through enough. Just... We need to keep an eye out on him and hide the knives."
"And other sharp shit." He adds, sighing.
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when i was sad i wanted to project my sadness onto other people and that's why i wrote this lol
anyways for my next book it's either
Brothers best friend
or
Ciro & Keilani (Assassin & Mafia boss)
Pls vote and let me know which one you guys would like.
word count: 2143