𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 [𝐑. 𝐋𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐧]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐗 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃

Song:
My Tears Ricochet (Taylor Swift)
"And you can aim for my heart, go for blood. But you would still miss me in your bones."

NOVEMBER 1980

"There's something going on here."

To say that Callisto had expected Narcissa to bring the situation up at some point, would be an understatement.

It had been two weeks since the mission.

Two entire weeks of nightmares, of paranoia, of everything she thought she'd never fall victim to.

Tobias had been there through it all.

He had been there to change her bandages, to wake her up when she kept screaming in her sleep, to take all of her anger out on when things got a bit too much for her to handle. He had been there to make her laugh, to distract her from the full moon high in the sky as she paced up and down the room nervously.

She hadn't managed to get Remus out of her head for a single second, but it helped having someone to divert her attention on.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that you and Tobias are very touchy." Narcissa explained, taking her eyes momentarily off the road to glance at her. "Are you two dating?"

"No, don't be silly."

"Do you want to date him?"

"No."

"Then?"

"He's sweet."

"No, he isn't." Narcissa snorted. "He's sweet with you. Don't get it twisted."

Callisto didn't reply.

"I think he's kind of into you." Narcissa continued. "And I think it's a horrible idea."

"Excuse me?"

"You're in love with your ex, and he's in love with his dead boyfriend." Narcissa bluntly said. "It gets even more fucked up if you think that his boyfriend was your best friend."

There was not much to argue with. She had thought about all that a million times over, and still she found herself unable to make the right decision. Tobias was in a frail state, perhapes frailer than hers. She was using him, but she couldn't stand the loneliness.

Actually, no, she could stand the loneliness. It was the abandonment that was killing her.

She had been left behind one too many times, it always seemed to end up with her all alone, trying to understand where she had gone wrong.

The first time, she hadn't been the daughter her parents had dreamed of.
The second time, she hadn't been desirable enough to make Monica truly love her.
The third time, she hadn't been enough of anything. Not fun enough, not interesting enough, not loving enough. She was lacking in every compartment, and once Remus had seen through the fancy exterior, he understood that her heart was hollow. There was nothing there to keep him, nothing she could ever give him that would be enough.

"It's complicated."

"Yes, love, that's the point." Narcissa sighed. "If you truly think that this is what you need, I won't stand in your way, but keep in mind that you're both using each other."

"Nobody gets hurt then."

"It's not healthy."

Maybe some people aren't good enough for that. Maybe, I don't deserve it.

"Have fun in school." Narcissa joked as she pulled to the side of the road, Callisto's door opening with a wave of her wand.

"We're all adults."

"I know, but it feels as if I'm dropping you off to school." Narcissa snickered. "Maybe I should get you a lunchbox or something... you can put your failed relationships inside."

"Or, maybe I can put a blonde's head inside." Callisto tugged at Narcissa's hair lightly, before she got out of the car.

"You love me too much for that."

Callisto just waved animatedly at her as she walked away, heading to the Headquarters. She hadn't stepped foot in there since the mission, and Moody had told her not to come until she had recovered. Of course, her arms were still bandaged, but they were healing steadily. Tobias had said that the wound wouldn't scar, but the dark gray tone of her veins would probably not fade with time because of the dark magic. Then again, people lost limbs from enchantments like that, so she didn't complain.

Everyone was looking at her pitifully as she stepped in the Headquarters.

She was regretting this already.

"Callisto!" Lily shouted, engulfing her in a bone-crushing hug. "Are you okay? Remus told us-"

Her expression hardened immediately, cutting Lily off.

"I mean, I just learned what happened, and you didn't reply to any of the letters, so I got worried."

"I'm alright."

"Thank Merlin." She sighed, concern flashing in her eyes as she saw her bandaged arms. "Did you go to St. Mungo's?"

"No, Nott healed them."

"Oh." Lily murmured, trying to sound as nonchalant as ever. "He healed your arms."

"My leg too."

"Your leg too... Wow, that's.... that's new."

Callisto shrugged, "It was a good thing he knew how."

"Yes, that's true." Lily agreed. "Are you two dating?"

"No."

"Do you want to date him?"

"Are you Narcissa?" Callisto murmured, looking at her suspiciously. "I don't want to date him, no."

"Remus was very worried for you."

"I don't give a shit about Remus."

You're such a big liar, Callisto.

Truth was, Lily's words did release the entire zoo in her stomach. She forced herself to remember the fight, just so she wouldn't get carried away. He didn't care about her, he had practically told her himself. Remus was obviously just trying to not seem like even more of a douchebag by ignoring the fact that she got injured in the first place.

"There's something else going on, Callie. I know that he didn't mean anything he said to you, it's just not like him."

"As if that's any less fucked up." Callisto argued. "If he didn't mean it, then why would he say it?"

Lily hesitated to answer, "I don't know..."

Callisto didn't have a chance to reply, because at that moment, Remus entered the room. He seemed to freeze for a moment, contemplating his next move, and he walked up to her and Lily.

"Can we talk?"

Callisto turned to look at him, not really knowing what to say. Lily was looking at her expectantly, practically begging her to go and put an end to this story.

"You have five minutes."

Lily sent her a small smile and walked out of the room, leaving her behind with Remus. He hadn't expected that it would go this far. Actually, he thought she would tell him off and leave the room to find James. She was standing in front of him though, looking as beautiful as ever, and he was at a complete loss for words.

"Why are you ignoring Sirius?"

That's not what you wanted to ask, dumbass.

She seemed taken aback too, but she quickly recomposed herself.

"Because he knows what you said to me, and he's still hanging out with you normally." She replied. "He is a real proper snake, make sure he knows that next time you see him."

"He misses you."

Technically, that's correct. It's just that I'm not talking about him.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Oh, I don't care at all." She replied. "I thought I had made it clear by now."

"He cares for you, Callisto." Remus insisted. "Please, just talk to him."

"What? For you?" She mocked. "I won't talk to him, Lupin, not even for your lovely eyes. Now, leave me alone."

He didn't leave. Instead, the question that was bothering him escaped his lips before he even had time to properly think about it.

"Are you and Nott together?"

She could hear it in his voice that he was hurt, and it angered her. Just like the previous time they had fallen out, he was allowed to be as cruel as he wanted, but then he thought he had a say in what she did. She was nothing to him, unless there was someone else in the picture.

Callisto didn't know what kind of territorial mentality he was all about, but she just craved to see the look on his face when he heard her response.

"Yes."

His expression fell even more, but he quickly recomposed himself, nodding.

"I thought so."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to Moody." She said, heading to the door. She stopped right before she was about to exit the room, turning to glance at him. "Oh, you seem a bit tired from the full moon by the way. Maybe drink some water and exercise a bit. I've heard it does wonders."

~ ~ ~

"Not you, again." Callisto complained as she saw Tobias approach her with a smug smile. "I thought Narcissa would pick me up for dinner."

"No, she had a last minute event to join with Malfoy." Tobias explained. "But, I'm here, and that's just as good."

"I love your confidence."

Tobias chuckled, amusement gleaming in his eyes as he saw two people walking a few meters away from them. Lily looked ridiculously short next to Remus, but from the expression on her face, she was furious and he was on the receiving end.

"What are you looking at?"

"Lupin." Tobias answered. "Ah there he is!"

Callisto's eyes widened as he raised his hand and waved at him animatedly.

"What are you doing?!"

"Waving at him." Tobias responded. "The bastard didn't wave back. But when I say that half-bloods don't have manners, I'm the prick. Make it make sense!"

"He doesn't like you that much."

"Yeah, I gathered that." He sighed, taking a step closer to her. "I think he's jealous."

"He was the one that pushed me away." Callisto scoffed. "You're wrong. He just never liked you."

"Yeah?" He questioned, smirking. "Then he wouldn't mind me doing this..."

"What do y-"

Her words were cut off as he kissed her, one hand holding the back of her neck steadily, while the other rested on her waist. She didn't reciprocate immediately, too shocked by the gesture, until he pulled her closer to him. His lips were cold and slightly chapped, the taste of peppermint lingering on them. It felt different to when Remus was kissing her. He wasn't a big fan of public displays of affection, so any public kisses were usually short and sweet. Tobias, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind. They were practically making out in the middle of the street by now, the kiss getting more heated by the second, before she pulled away slightly.

"This isn't right."

He caught her lips in a kiss again, smiling slightly as she reciprocated. Tobias opened his eyes momentarily, only to be the one to break the kiss finally. Remus was looking at them with an unreadable expression on his face, Lily next to him seemingly shocked.

"You're a good kisser." He complimented, pecking her lips. She seemed conflicted as she looked up at him, refusing to glance at Remus or Lily behind them. "Want to get out of here?"

"I..." She hesitated for a moment, before she nodded. "Fuck it."

He didn't need to be told again, taking her hand and apparating both of them away.

Her breath got caught in her throat when he pressed her against the door of their apartment, connecting their lips again as he looked for his keys. He trailed kisses down her neck, biting and sucking, her fingers tugging in his hair.

Tobias messily jammed the key in the lock, opening the door, and they both got inside, Callisto's back coming in contact with yet another wall.

"Much better..." He murmured, kissing her again. Her lips tasted like smoke and cinnamon, just as he had expected, and they felt warm against his as they moved in sync. He let out a groan as she tugged at his hair again, his fingers digging into her hips.

She hissed in pain and he loosened his grip, murmuring a sorry in the kiss.

"This isn't right." She repeated, as he kissed her exposed collarbones. Her head was leaned back on the wall, eyes fluttered close as she tried to catch her breath.

"No, it isn't." He agreed, lowering her chin so she would be forced to look at him. "Narcissa gave me the talk too."

"And?"

He chuckled as he peppered kisses on her neck, up to her chin, and her lips.

"I'd kill you right this instant, if it meant I could have my life back." He murmured, looking deep into her eyes. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yes."

"You'd do the same."

"I would."

He just smirked and sank on his knees, his eyes full of lust as she nodded.

In the sound of her moans, he found his distraction.

~ ~ ~

Her head hurt as her eyes fluttered open, sunlight filtering through the curtains.

For a moment, she seemed to have forgotten all about what had happened the previous night. It probably was one of her delusions, or at the very least, a peculiar fantasy.

But his body next to her didn't lie, his chest rising and falling softly with every breath. The marks she had left were visible against the pale skin, trailing from down his neck, to his chest. She slowly stood up, waiting for the dizziness to subside as she tiptoed out of the room.

"I didn't peg you for the kind of girl to leave."

She smirked, stopping right on her tracks.

"Were you expecting breakfast in bed, while I tell you just how much you 'rocked my world'?"

"No, your moans did that for me." He replied. "Music to my ears."

"Yes, you made that quite clear."

"Don't leave just yet." Tobias sighed, patting the space next to him. Callisto rolled her eyes, but went and laid down next to him nonetheless, pulling the covers over her.

"We look so domestic right now." He whispered in her ear, bursting into laughter as she looked at him outraged.

"Fuck off."

"No, we do." He insisted. "I think you've set my life back on track, Claire. I might actually stop hating my job now, and have fifteen kids. My parents will be very grateful, so thank you for your service."

He snickered, poking her back.

"Actually, thank you for your cervix."

"Merlin, you're a pig..."

"Okay, let me try again." He cleared his throat, resting a hand on her waist as he leaned over her ear. Her back was still turned on him, but he didn't seem to mind. "You looked beautiful, while I was fucking you... all flushed and cute and shit."

"You're so eloquent."

"Truth be told, you left me speechless."

She finally turned to look at him, smiling slightly. His hair was messed up from the night before, curls wildly sticking out, and he was looking at her, his fingers tracing the marks he had left on her neck.

She couldn't stay.
The only person she had stayed for was Remus. No matter how much she was hurt, she couldn't do it.

"Look, I think it's best if I don't stay."

"You're already here."

"I mean, I think it's best if I don't spend the morning in your bed." She explained. "We're not dating, Tobias."

"Yes, that would be awkward." He agreed. "Okay, I'll just change your bandages and you can go to your bed, and pretend you woke up there."

She chuckled at that, as he opened the drawer of his nightstand and took out a fresh set of bandages and the healing cream. He quickly removed the bandages, frowning as he saw her arms.

"I don't think they'll ever fade away." He murmured, tracing the dark veins with his finger. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. It looks kind of cool actually."

"So, you don't know." He concluded, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "People say that when someone's veins turn dark, they've dabbled in dark magic. They used to throw people in Azkaban for that until a few years ago."

"I just-"

"I know." He interjected. "That's why they stopped. It wasn't possible to tell who was practicing dark magic and who had just been in an accident. Some people still believe in that though."

"And you? Do you have any?"

"No, but, I do have this bad boy." He pointed at the Dark Mark on his forearm. "Let me tell you, princess, don't ever get it. I'm pretty sure a cruciatus is better than that."

"Doubt it. The cruciatus hurts more, but the mark is worse."

"How would you know how the cruciatus feels?"

"Carrow hit me with one." She replied. "Besides, it's an unforgivable curse for a reason."

"Well, I've never casted it." Tobias commented, applying the paste on her arms. "I've casted the other two though."

"They're not collectibles, you know."

"You just have to ruin this for me, don't you?" He shook his head, wrapping the bandages. "But alright, I will keep it in mind."

None of them spoke as he finished bandaging her arms. It was like all the other times he had done it, his touch soft on her skin, his cold fingertips soothing her burning arms. She had never thought that she'd get as close to him as she had, but life worked in mysterious ways. She hadn't expected to lose Regulus so soon, to lose Sirius even if he was alive, and to lose Remus above all. The people she thought would just disappear from her life were now her rock, while the ones she had relied on were progressively furthering their distance from her.

Was that how life was supposed to be?

She guessed it made sense. For every door that closed, a window opened. For every loved one she lost, another came in. It was like a cycle, a vicious, unending cycle, of her trusting, and losing.

"For the record," He said, letting go of her arm. "I don't want you gone."

"Well, I don't like being anyone's second choice." She sighed. "And I'm alright with being your distraction, but please, don't pretend that you want me for anything other than sex."

He didn't say anything, but she could tell he was embarrassed.

"Tobias, I know who you pretend I am."

If he looked embarrassed before, he seemed downright ashamed at that moment. He opened and closed his mouth, struggling to find the words that would justify his actions, or his feelings. He was glad he couldn't hear them at that moment, because he wouldn't have been able to bear the shame, knowing that he had stooped as low.

"I don't blame you." She reassured him. "I can't judge you for this, Tobias. You lost the person you loved."

"Love." He corrected. "The person I love. Don't say it like it's in the past, because it isn't. Not for me. It will never be in the past, okay, Callisto? Never."

He hated himself for the tears stinging in his eyes, and how there was nothing that could stop them. They had stayed true to their promises and no booze or drugs were allowed in the house, leaving him defenseless to his own grief and the fear caused by it. The fear that he would never move on, because he simply didn't want to. He didn't want to be in a world where Regulus Black belonged in the past, in a world where they hadn't even been given a proper chance.

"You can talk to Remus. You can forgive him and be with him even if it's not right. I can't do any of that, because he's dead. Who am I going to be with, Callisto? There's nobody to talk to, or-or fucking forgive and fight with. I have nothing." He choked out, tears blurring his vision. "I can't love anyone fully, and certainly not you, because it would go to waste. I can't devote any of this to you, because it's all for him, but it can't be for him anymore. So, yes, I'm using you, and-and I pretend it's not you I'm kissing, and I-"

Her arms wrapped around him tightly, to the point that they were both in pain. It didn't feel like a hug exchanged between two people that had given themselves to each other fully, rather than an embrace to numb from the ache of abandonment by indulging in the pain of the body, of the physical being. Her chest hurt, her arms burned and he was sobbing until his breathing came out labored and choked, bordering on a scream, but neither let go. They stayed like that for what seemed to be hours, until Tobias' head rested in the crook of her neck, as if he was too exhausted to hold it up. And even then, they didn't let go, not wanting to interrupt the therapeutic feeling of it and interrupt its magic.

They only broke away hours later, their hands interlocking to transport them in the place they needed to be the most:
Just a grave by the sea.