November 16th, 2012
Madison's POV
When I woke up from a freaking nightmare and I don't know what I was expecting, but being back in my overly squishy bed, was not it. The last thing I remember was crying my eyes out in Steve and Bucky's arms. I haven't shown any emotions like that in 67 years and it feels strange. It's strange thinking that what you thought was the right side turns out to be your worst nightmare.
For years Hydra taught me that showing emotions was weakness and if I showed even a hint of any emotion I would be brutally punished. But seeing Steve and Bucky and actually remembering who they are brought back those emotions and I need to try and shove them down again, I can't be showing weakness. They were my friends back then, but I have changed. I am not the innocent girl they remember.
I tried to go back to sleep, but I have never been able to fall asleep on my own after a nightmare. The only way I can go back to sleep is if someone is with me and for years that was The Winter Soldier. I couldn't sleep so I grabbed my blanket and slowly crept out of my room. I paused at the doorway making sure no one saw me before sneaking out. I walked down the hall towards Steve's door which was marked in gold letters on the door.
I was about to knock on his door but realized he would be sleeping and I don't want to disturb him. I decided to instead curl up on the floor, that way I could be close to him without disturbing him. I managed to fall asleep quickly, which hasn't happened in many years unless I was injured or knocked out.
I was woken up again in the morning by someone almost tripping over me. I looked up still half asleep to see Steve looking at me confused. "Madison what are you doing out here?" he whispered as he crouched next to me.
"I'm sorry this was a stupid idea," I tried to stand up but my legs have fallen asleep and I nearly fell over but I caught myself on the wall.
"Sweetheart, what are you doing out here?" Steve asked me again, I looked into his concerned eyes. I almost caved in and told him what caused me to come out here, but I can't show weakness.
"I...it's nothing. I shouldn't have disturbed you. I'm just gonna go back to my room," I replied as I turned to walk away but I was stopped by Steve's hand on my arm.
" Hey, you didn't disturb me. Now why are you really out here?" Steve whispered as he walked up to me gently placing his hand on my chin and forcing me to look at him.
"You've already saved me from Hydra, I don't want to burden you with anything else," I responded refusing to look Steve in the eye.
"Madison you are not a burden, you have never been a burden, and you will never be a burden. Now why are you out here?" Steve asked me softly.
Somehow I know he won't let me go until I answered so I caved, "I had a nightmare," I confessed now feeling ashamed that I'm being a burden and weak.
"What was it about?" I looked up at Steve contimplating whether or not I should tell him.
"Hydra. They came back, they took you and Bucky and I couldn't save you in time," I admitted opting to stare at the ground instead of at Steve. I don't need or want to see the annoyance in his eyes for disturbing him over something so trivial. But I can't get the image of Steve lying dead at my feet out of my head and I needed to make sure no one hurt him.
"Oh sweetheart," Steve sighed and the next thing I know I am being hugged tightly. "Hydra isn't coming back. I am right here and Bucky is just down the hall snoring loudly. No one is going to hurt us."
I laid my head on Steve's chest so I could feel his heart beat, confirming he is really here with me. "I just wish Hydra would leave us alone and I could have all my memories," I mumbled into Steve's warm embrace.
"I know Madison, I know," Steve hummed into my hair. "Now how about we go to bed?"
I pulled away from Steve knowing he was kindly asking me to go back to my room. "I'll see you later," I smiled sadly. I really don't want to go to bed but I also know Steve will refuse to leave me alone if I stayed up.
"Madison where are you going?" I turned back to Steve confused.
"Back to my room."
"Nope," Before I could even react my feet were no longer on the ground and I'm now in Steve's arms.
"Steve what are you doing?" I whispered alarmed.
"I'm not letting you sleep alone," he whispered back.
"You don't need to do that. I'm fine," I protested trying to wriggle out of his strong arms.
"Nonsense you're sleeping in here and I promise I'm doing this because I want to." From what I can remember Steve is a stubborn son of a bitch, so I gave up trying to fight as he laid down in bed with me still in his arms. I reluctantly settled into his embrace and laid my head on his shoulder while he held me tight. I tried not to but I could feel the lack of a goodnight's sleep catching up to me.
I actually fell asleep, without nightmares plaguing me, after all these years I forgot how comforting it was to lay in the arms of someone I care about. The next morning I woke up completely alone, I would've thought this morning was just a dream except I was in a different bed and there was a picture of Steve, Bucky, and I on the table next to the bed.
I looked at that picture and I vaguely remember when it was taken. I think we were at an amusement park, we took it right before we made Steve ride something called the Cyclone. I don't know what a Cyclone is, but I remember it made Steve sick.
I sat up confused, the bed was cold meaning Steve has been gone for a while. I swept the covers off me and let my feet dangle off the bed. I was about to go back to my room when I suddenly smelt something I haven't smelt in a very long time.
"Is that bacon?" I murmered to myself. I decided to go investigate the smell and walked out of Steve's room.
I quietly crept towards the smell walking further down the hallway. I got to the end of the hallway and stopped, just in case it was a trap. I peeked around the corner to see something I never thought I would see again. I walked around the corner and quietly walked toward Steve and Bucky who were too busy making breakfast to notice me behind them. "Since when have you boys learned to cook?" I said suddenly speaking up.
Both men spun around clearly startled by my sudden appearance. "My god Madison you nearly gave me a heart attack," Bucky exclaimed as he clutched his heart with one hand with a pan of bacon in the other.
"Sorry, old habits die hard," I apologized, I'm so used to creeping around everywhere but to my surprise instead of being mad Steve started laughing.
"Bucky you are a trained assassin and super soldier with enhanced hearing, how did she startle you?" Steve chuckled as he nudged Bucky.
"Hey, that's not fair, she scared you too," Bucky whined as he nudged Steve back. This seems so familiar, like something similar has happened before. But no memories came to mind which makes me sad.
"Where did you two learn to cook? From what I remember I did all the cooking," I asked hoping either of them would tell me something more about our past together, a past I barely remember.
"Tony forced Natasha to teach me how to cook after I nearly burnt down the tower trying to make an omelet. And you are right you did all the cooking, back then Bucky and I were horrible cooks and nearly burnt down a cabin once." Steve explained as they both turned back to the stove.
"We had a cabin?" I was confused, I remember us being poor how could we afford a cabin?
"No. We were too broke to afford that. But your friend Howard Stark owned a cabin in upstate New York and let us use it once for vacation," Bucky explained, though I didn't remember exactly it did sound familiar.
"I still don't understand. If I remember correctly I tried to teach you both how to cook, but you were still terrible."
"You were terribly impatient when trying to teach us how to cook. Though Natasha isn't much better, she kept making fun of me when I didn't know what something was."
"And what about you?" I said turning to Bucky.
He looked at me sadly which made me confused. " Do you not remember?" he asked me sadly.
"Remember what? I'm confused." I feel horrible that I made Bucky upset and chastised myself for not remembering something so obviously important.
"You taught me," Bucky told me, "We were on a mission a particularly long one. We had gotten stuck in our safe house and we had been really bored. You decided to teach me to cook, we spent several days doing nothing but cooking," Bucky told me.
As he explained this I felt myself being pulled away and into a flashback
"We are going to be stuck here for several days," The Winter Soldier groaned as he walked away from the window.
"How did they know we were coming?" I asked peering out at the numerous cop cars that kept driving by.
"They must have been tipped off," The Winter Soldier growled.
We had been sent on a mission to kill some kind of ambassador, but right as I was about to pull the trigger the ambassador was pulled away and we were almost caught before we got safely back to our safe house.
"Does that mean, there is a mole in Hydra?" I asked.
"Most likely, but that also means we are stuck here for a while," The Winter Soldier said as he plopped down on the old dirty couch.
"Well since we have plenty of time why don't I teach you something new?" I tried.
"I don't know Rea, we are still on a mission," The Winter Soldier sighed as I plopped down next to him.
"Oh please, our mission failed. We are going to be stuck here for god knows how long. And besides, there are no cameras here a little fun won't harm anyone," I tried again as I nudged his shoulder.
"Fine Rea, what do you want to teach me?" The Winter Soldier finally relented.
"I want to teach you how to cook. Everyone knows the Winter Soldier can't cook worth shit," I laughed as he glared at me.
" I don't know this sounds like a bad idea," the Winter Soldier argued.
"Come on it'll be fun, I won't let you burn the building down," I laughed as I pulled the Winter Soldier to his feet and pulled him over to the small but fully stocked kitchen.
"Ok, ok I'm coming, calm down Rea," the Winter Soldier laughed.
"Let's make pancakes. I think I remember how to make them," I giggled as I continued to yank the Winter soldier behind me.
Suddenly the flashback faded and I felt someone shaking me and calling my name. I was pulled out of the haze to see Bucky calling my name and shaking me. "Madison are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm alright it was just... I was just having a flashback," I said shaking the remnants of the memory out of my head.
"Did you remember anything?" Steve spoke up.
"Yeah, I remember that mission that we got stuck on. The one in Romania where I taught you how to cook, the first thing we made was pancakes," I said with a smile.
"Really? That's amazing doll," Bucky said with a smile pulling me in for a hug.
"Why did you call me Rea? I don't remember why you called me that," I asked, mentally smacking myself for not remembering.
"You didn't like being called the Reaper and I didn't like being called the Winter Soldier so we decided to come up with nicknames for one another. I called you Rea and you called me Winter," Bucky explained once he pulled away.
"Did we really not remember anything?"
Bucky's smile was once again replaced with a sad look and I immediately felt bad. "I don't remember much. But they used to wipe us, take all our memories. If we were kept out of cyro for too long we would start to remember."
" I'm sorry for bringing up bad memories," I apologized looking at my feet.
Bucky grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him, "Doll, you were the best part of Hydra. The only reason I didn't go insane was that you were there beside me," Bucky told me with a sad smile, "Now enough sadness let's eat some pancakes."
Bucky's sad demeanor instantly changed and he got up walking over to Steve who was holding two plates stacked with pancakes. But came back to me handing me one of the plates. "I haven't had pancakes in years," I breathed.
" We figured for your first breakfast here we would make your favorite food," Steve spoke up. It feels wrong that Steve remember's my favorite food when at times I forget my own name.
"Thank you both so much," I said as tears sprung in my eyes.
"Hey no tears, just eat the damn pancakes," Bucky spoke from beside me as he poured a gallon of syrup on his pancakes.
"Bucky your pancakes are not fish, you don't need to drown them," Steve scolded as he sat on the other side of me.
I began to enjoy my pancakes, eating something more than slop for the first time in years. "Madison if you are up for it we would like to give you a tour of the compound and introduce you to the rest of the Avengers," Steve spoke up after he had finished his breakfast.
"Don't you think they will be mad at me for breaking into the compound and attacking them?" I asked skeptically.
"Of course not, they know you weren't yourself," Steve assured me.
"Now why don't you go change while Bucky and I clean up and then we will go on a tour," Steve suggested.
" Ok I will see you soon," I said with a small smile before I got up and moved back to my room.