Today was our last day in New York. We had no business here anymore. Our flight back to Toronto was tonight. It had been thirteen hours since they put Catalina in custody. The internet was still in shambles and somehow found its way into this mess. I couldn't say I didn't expect that. As much as I hated her, she was still my mother. Her reputation unfortunately affected mine. The comments about me weren't that bad. People were just realizing why I had disappeared for the last four years. They finally understood my life.
This morning we were heading to a lab. I was required to submit a DNA test. Yesterday, they suspended all Catalina's assets, and never found a birth certificate or record for the child. She did indeed give birth to him just to use him. It made me wonder if she got pregnant on purpose as part of her plan. She refused to talk or submit a DNA test.
Worse, the two cousins also claimed they were the kid's fathers. She was sexually active with all three men and possibly with my father during the estimated time she got pregnant. So no one truly knew who was the father. If I submit a DNA, it would determine if he was my half or full brother. The DNA on the glassware matched Sahil. There was no doubt he met my father that night. The other dumb fuck cousin drank the water the officer offered him. They also got his DNA.
Once we arrived, I was anxious. I insisted Julian came with me as some kind of comfort, because when I saw him, I almost burst into tears. He was in a room away from people; he was so tiny on the chair. He was wearing a brown shirt that swallowed his skinny body, with khaki shorts and some dirty white sneakers. When the door opened and he raised his big blue eyes to me, my heart shattered. His body was tensed. He was scared. His cheeks were tainted with tears. I knew he didn't enjoy being here. I didn't move. I didn't want him to run away. I didn't want him to think about me as a threat. The bruises... I could see the bruises on his legs and hands.
Oh, Catalina... What did you do?
Julian was the first to step inside. He approached him with slow steps and crunched at his level, but at a safe distance.
"Hey... Buddy." He whispered with a soft voice. The poor baby was just staring at him. He was alerted. His eyes looked around the room as if he was searching for an escape.
"My name is Julian, and this is Xemina, what's yours?"
When Julian moved his hand, he flinched. That made Julian freeze. I could see he was keeping it calm, so he didn't scare him, but his jaw and fists were clenched. He wasn't ready for us. This was all too sudden. I supposed he had never seen so many people, and I couldn't imagine how scared he was when all those officers came for him. I was standing there at the door, with my hands covering my mouth.
"Give me the candies and the stuff animals," Julian murmured to me.
Oh yes. I did not know how to talk to a child, but Julian had siblings, so I followed his lead. He said we needed him to feel safe and trust us. So we stopped at the store for candies, stuffed animals, and cupcakes. I just knew as a child I loved cupcakes, and honestly, I was so easy target. Just bribe me with cupcakes and donuts. I would be right there in the van.
I put down my bag on the floor and took out a box with four cupcakes, a bag of candies, a rainbow elephant, and Mickey Mouse.
"Are you hungry? We have cupcakes. You never had cupcakes before?"
Julian opened the box and showed it to him.
"Look! There are different colored ones, and they are tasty. You want to try?"
He didn't answer, but his eyes were traveling between the cupcakes and us. He was debating whether he should try it. Julian carefully moved closer to him. He moved further away from him on the chair.
"They are fantastic. It's for you and there's Mr. Mickey. he's a mousse, but it can sing!"
He pressed the button, and Mickey began singing the hot dog song. While Julian amused him with the Mickey, I noticed his body losing up. His small fingers hesitantly reached for Mickey. My heart untied. He took the stuffed animal and examined it. He repressed the button to listen to the doing again. He reached again for the cupcakes, and I wanted to scream. With the stuffed animal and one hand, he put the cupcakes on his lap and dig his finger into them.
"Eyo, papa. Don't put all your fingers in it. You're going to stain your outfit." Julian gently stopped him. "Hold it like this." He took his hand in and placed the cupcake in it. "And take a bite like that."
He seemed more comfortable with Julian. I could see Julian smile once he realized it. I might've been wrong. He was great with children. He had the best example growing up. He would make a brilliant father. He beckoned me to approach. I left the bag by the door and crunched in front of the little guy. Unlike a few minutes ago, he only watched my moves, but his body wasn't reacting to my approach. Up close, his eyes were deep blue and big—just like Mark. No one else had blue eyes other than Mark. I was sure he was the father.
Despite all the hatred and pain, our relationship bloomed. I moved on past them. If he was the father, then I had nothing against the child. I hated the conditions it happened, and I wished he was born under better circumstances, but it already happened, and I couldn't change that. All I could do was move forward and create a better future for the little guy.
He ate the cupcake quickly, leaving crumbs on his cheeks. Yep, I didn't need a DNA test to prove it. He was truly my brother. He reached to touch a string of my hair with his fingers full of icing. Julian and I chuckled.
A few minutes later, a nurse came to tell me they were ready. With reluctance, I followed her. Julian proposed to stay with the little guy. It didn't take long to swab my cheek and a blood sample. The result might take two or three days. During this time, they would take him away and place him in the foster care system until the judge made his choice.
I won't lie. It sucked. It seemed he was getting along perfectly with us, and now they were taking him away from us again. With a sorrowful heart, we left New York and flew back to Toronto.
Laying next to the window, rolled up in my baby blue blanket, gazing at the clouds slither from the sun. I had work to do, but I didn't feel like it. I preferred to slack off until we landed. After the graduation, we will be back in New York. I thought I should focus on the exam, Julian's birthday, for which I was grateful for getting back two days earlier.
With the help of Frenchie and Juan, I found the car on this short notice. I found it extremely stupid that he wanted that car. One, he already had enough cars. Two, he didn't even watch the show. He probably saw it while I was watching Supernatural and decided he wanted it. There was no reason for him to make me buy this car, except for his pleasure. I swore if he let it sit somewhere and never drove it, I would pluck his eyes out.
I turned to look at him, snoring next to me. His sunglasses are still over his eyes. His mouth was half open, his hair messy on his face, an arm under his head while the left rest on his stomach. The plane's engine growling seemed to not bother him. I should record him looking like that. You know what? I might post it too. Everybody thought he was this sexy ass model, looking fine all the time. The world should see him like that. And that would also be payback for the other day for making me beg for sex. I carefully pulled out my phone. As I was going to press the record button, he snatched my phone. I let out a surprised screech.
"What the fuck?" I exclaimed.
"Xemina!!!" He groaned with a raspy voice. "What are you trying to do?"
"I thought you were sleeping?" I innocently gasped.
"I was. You disturbed me. Did you try to record me?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. Give me my phone back, dude." I reached for my phone, but he moved his arm further away.
"You're such a terrible liar. Didn't I ever tell you that? You got away with vandalism because I wanted to."
"Vandalism? Once again, I don't know what you are talking about." I crossed my arms.
"Oh, you forgot? When you brought a ton of shit and vandalized my dorm? You don't remember that? Oh, what's the other guy that was with you? The French security you got to do it? Who is he again? Oh Yes, Thomas Leblanc."
I was shocked. I was staring at him in disbelief.
"How did you know about that?" I swallowed.
"I told you. You got away with it because I wanted to." He smirked. "Either way, I had no evidence, right?"
"Or you said nothing because you had other plans, aka send me to the hospital." I sat up and rotated my body towards him.
"Oh my God, it was a mistake, and I apologized." He rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, you apologized by threatening me."
"My bad, I was just too good of an asshole. I think I had the right to seek revenge for what you did. You should blame your fake ass ex-friend for lying and siding with me. If I knew you were that allergic to scorpions, I wouldn't go my way to buy them."
"No, I think I had the right to get revenge for cutting and BLEACHING my clothes."
"Didn't I pay for that back already?" He lifted his glasses and eye-sided me.
"That was after you stopped being a cold-hearted son of a bitch and admitted your feelings to me."
He paused, then huffed.
"Yeah, that was unexpected, huh?" He smiled.
"Yeah..." I blushed.
"I always believed in love because of my parents, but I never thought it was always you."
"It was the opposite for me. I never believed. Unlike you, I didn't have a great example and experience. I mean, if I had to go back and tell my old self I would date you, she would have laughed and spit on me."
We chuckled.
"Yeah... we went pretty far. Hating each other for a blindsided and ignorant reason just to feed our ego. I am sorry I was such an asshole to you. It's one of the most regrettable things I did in my life. If only my eyes were open earlier, we could have avoided a lot of bad choices."
"No, it's cool. It wasn't only your fault. I was one hell of a bitch, too. No one could have gone head to head with you other than me."
"Yeah, for sure. I mean, you seriously got on my nerves like, damn, you made me rage. I would spend the night thinking of a way to end you without killing you."
"So you were thinking and making plans about me?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Of course. How do you think I was so creative?" We laughed. I laid down again, my head on his arm.
"Can I ask you a question?" He whispered.
"Sure."
"When did you realize you wanted me? Like... I know you did for a long time, but you were resisting until you exploded on me in the forest. But when was the first time you realized?"
The day I realized... everything happened so fast, but slowly. Pinning down at an exact moment was difficult. Our relationship was so complicated and had so many difficulties. My feelings were clouded, and it was hard to manage them. I drank and sided with them. But the moment I realized I was craving him, I was embarrassed by myself and hated it. I went through a phase where I hated my feelings and my body. My heart and my mind were fighting, and they essentially split into two reasoning until I cleared up everything. That was when I exploded into the forest.
"Uh- right after Christmas." I timidly told him. "After Christmas, you were completely a different person and... you were so direct, but also no. I hated it because it made me question things. It was like you knew what you wanted, but you were toying with me. And then by the gym I-huh."
Oh God, no. Just remember that night set my cheeks on fire. It was so embarrassing I couldn't tell him. This was too much.
"Oh yeah, I remember that night. How could I forget? That was the night I asked you to choose whether you wanted me around you. It was the first time I ever touched you. You didn't push me back."
"Yeah..."
Please! I was begging in my heart he didn't push that conversation further. I didn't want to confess what I did.
"I turned you on that night, didn't I?"
Oops- he did.
"Doesn't matter." I cleared my throat and looked away. I could feel his smirk.
"So much you avoided me for an entire week. I wonder why now?"
Jesus no!
I shrugged. My cheeks were flaming. "I- just, huh- I didn't want to see you."
"Why? Did you feel ashamed of something?"
Oh.
I froze with my eyes agape. Oh, God. No. No matter how close we were, this was the worse thing to admit. That was a secret I was ready to take with me to the grave.
He got on top of me. One elbow was next to my head, his breathing crashing onto my cheek. I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side. I refused to look him in the eyes.
"Tell me, what did you do that night to be ashamed of?" He whispered in my ears.
"N-nothing." I squeaked.
"You sure about that?" His second hand slid under the cover to inside my pants. "Cause to me, it seemed like you were doing more than nothing."
"It's the past, anyway." I breathed and stuttered.
"But I am a curious soul. Tell me, Xemina."
"I declare forfeit, please."
"How many times did you masturbate and orgasmed on my name?"
"Am I required to answer these questions?" I whimpered.
"Honestly, it depends if you can handle this pressure again? Remember how you begged the other day?" He kissed my neck.
I fucking hated this guy!
"Alright! Fuck! A lot of time! I- I did it almost every night after the gym night." I screamed and admitted. I hid my face with my hand because I was so ashamed. I wanted to dig a hole and die. I knew it was such a silly thing, but who would like to admit such a thing, no matter how intimate their relationship was.
He chuckled and got off me.
"Oh God, you're so amusing when you are embarrassed."
"Oh, shut up." I hid under the covers as he chortled.
One of the flight attendants came with our dinner. This was such a perfect moment to save me from this embarrassing conversation. We moved to the dining cabin. Teriyaki salmon and shrimp fried rice. It all seemed so delicious, but I couldn't bring myself to take a bite. The flushed cheeks turned pale, and any livid expression dropped off the surface of my face.
"What's wrong?" Julian asked when he noticed I was just staring at my food.
"I wonder if he got a name?" I murmured. "I never asked."
He knew I was talking about my baby brother.
"Legally he doesn't." He sought. "You need to eat and stop putting too much weight on this. He is safe. He might stay in the system for a while, but it is safer than the dump he was."
"After meeting him today, I don't want him to leave. I know Mark's sister will be a better option for the judge, but he is my baby brother. I just got him. I can't give him back. To be honest, I don't trust Mark's family. I don't want him to go."
"I understand how hard it is to see your sibling suffering, but you need to think about this hard before you make any rational decision. Let's wait for the DNA results, and from there, we will move forward, understood?"
"You're right, I understand."
The results won't take long. I needed to focus on my studies and worry about the future later. Catalina was in custody, and she couldn't hurt us anymore. I needed to stay focused, so I didn't get knocked off my grind. Taking care of a child would be a lot of responsibilities, and I wasn't doing the best myself. I had a lot to work on, and so was Julian. I needed to think this through. My emotions were clouding my reasoning, and as much as I wanted to take my baby brother and raise him myself, I needed to understand that I wasn't much of an adult myself. Sure, I had been by myself since I was thirteen. I held on there and barely made it. My life still turned out as a shitty mess. I didn't want that for him. So patience and calmness were my virtue of making things right for him. To give him the life he deserved.
~~~~~