After the incident Jess would just stare blankly no matter what was happening in the room, she woke up and worked, and all she did was keep breathing. It wasn't so much of a cold stare, but a vacant one. It was like she'd passed on, but her body hadn't realized. The next few days turned into a massive scandal from left to right, she was accused of what Bennie and Alexander predicted, they called her names, but they had a common theme. A conniving schemer, blinded by reasons of personal vendetta, avenging her father against Rick. She became a sensation overnight. It exploded on all different levels.
The image they painted of her was beyond her imagination, some were her sympathizers, but the majority were all hatred. Her mind was clouded not because of the noises from the malicious gossip but more of the pain she was bearing on what transpired in the villa with Rick.
She received multiple death threats and nonstop trolling on social media, but even though her career turned into a circus, her heartache was even more unbearable. Behind her icy stare was a mountain of pain yet extracting it would bring scar and instability. Either it would be born and her soul reborn, or she would lash out and it would be forever over. She repeated the words "Come what may" over and over and even that didn't bring assurance to her bleak soul.
She heard a knock on her door and Jess went in and opened it. She knows that it could be an imminent danger and that she needs to be more cautious, but she just doesn't care anymore.
"Jessie..." Shaun's face prompted and he embraced her tightly. He looks at her.
Jess's eyes convey, hurt and buried, vulnerable and raw, she's slowly losing it he can tell.
Guilt was written all over Shaun's face. He did this to her, he was the sole culprit, because of his selfishness and narrowed sight he made her go through this hell. He paved the way to let them attack Jess in all different directions. Guilt has been like a heavy bag that he can't seem to put down, because of his greed someone innocent is suffering. Jess is the one suffering.
"Oh hey..." she tried to smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"When was the last time you have eaten?" Shaun asked as he touched her warmly.
"Shaun..." she burst into tears unable to contain it anymore. The furnace of her pain can't be extinguished yet. She wanted to erase all of Rick's memories from her mind, she wanted to attain her old self again, when all these seemed distant.
She felt Shaun's arms wrapped around her again whispering words of comfort. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Jess" he repeated the words over and over.
Her cry of desperation keeps slicing deeper and deeper into Shaun's heart, how he wishes healing could be summoned through magic. They say pain is there as part of the education of how to recover, so as challenging as it is, listening to what it has to say is necessary but being the sinner that led Jess into this mess is a whole different thing.
"I am such a sour loser" she uttered laughing at her own expense.
Jess wishes that she could console herself. She knows that emotional pain has a biological purpose, to teach her, to educate her the unhealthy patterns and relationships. She has been pushing back against pain for so long, unsettled emotions on her mother, with Shaun and trying to medicate with friendship and music, and now with a new romantic notion with Rick, yet when she's breaking and returns in her weaker moments, devastating her mind, she's unable to cope. To keep repeating this pattern will only prolong it, she needs to face this head-on and not stray away. But how would she start doing it?
Her mind was frenzied when Shaun kissed her, at that moment Jess felt that she was in a protective cocoon, it was making her feel safe. His lip in their casual sweet way conveys that it's going to be alright. Jess realized that Shaun's mouth was heaven to touch, to kiss, yet she longed for someone else, the sound of Rick's voice whispering words of praise, resonated in her. His dark hazel eyes connected to her soul. His laughter elevates her gloom to greatness. It's no use. Rick is haunting her night and day.
She moved away a little, breaking the kiss as she wiped away her tears.
"Shaun, we should stop" she whispered.
Shaun felt rejected but nodded anyway, he guided her back to the living room and let her sit there.
'Don't move, I'll cook something for you" he stated and went in to create his mojo in the kitchen.
Jess didn't stay put and walked to where Shaun was. "I remember how you used to not allow me in this kitchen" she suddenly stated.
Shaun laughed. "You used to burn all our food; how can I trust you before?" he replied.
"But I got better and learned new dishes and you liked my cooking eventually..." she said sounding weak.
Shaun smiled at her and caressed her face. "Yes, you did, that's just the kind of person you are Jess, you don't give up and you get better at things," he said trying to comfort her.
She exhaled loudly. "I am moving away from the music industry Shaun; I need to heal myself first. I can't go on continuously feeling this way."
Shaun wanted to appease her, to tell her that she doesn't need to go but the damage is too much, what he created as a direct jab for Rick has bounced back and crippled Jess instead.
"I have no words; I am saddened by this news Jess." He finally started sounding defeated.
She shrugs her shoulders and bites her lips. "Well, when it rains it pours," she exclaimed and embraced Shaun once again.
"I'll probably see you someday," she noted with a hint of uncertainty.
He nodded but was unable to utter any more words.
Today I made a new choice, to let it teach me what it must. I am weak now, but I'll be stronger afterward. Though Rick's name is like a silver blade, I must endure it. They say only the strongest of warriors choose their battles, this is mine, let me earn it. Jess thought as a promise of hope seeped in, for now, this is sufficient, the first step is the hardest, but she knows she'll be well in the future.
She prayed quietly.
*******************************************
Her final goodbye to the recording label was unexpectedly emotional, for a short while she never thought she'd be given a chance to experience all those beautiful things. She has no regrets about pushing herself to take chances and be bold.
Sad faces greeted her as Bennie, Sussie, Marlin, and Alexander were there with her.
"We are so sorry for all this chaos happening in your life" Sussie offered empathy. She smiled at her.
"You don't have to go; you know that right?" Alexander consoled her.
She smiled. "Too much damage has been done and I don't want to drag the label's reputation to the mud. That's not fair for all the people here." She explained.
"Where will you go?" Alexander asked again.
"Not sure yet I'll see where this newfound freedom will take me," she replied.
She paused for a moment and wanted to ask about Rick. She had no more news of him since that day. She was tempted to pry and confirm, but she knows there's no point doing that now.
"You are always welcome here, come back if ever you will change your mind in the future." Bennie finally said and she nodded. She hugs the four people who changed her life warmly and thanks them for all the opportunities they have given her.
She sniffed trying to calm her nerves as she walked away from the building. This is it, a new chapter of her life away from the spotlight. She was never good at the spotlight too anyway, she has nothing to worry about now, she just needs to move forward and not look back.
Jess decided to go to Fred's Diner and inform them of her settlement to move away for a while. She felt Fred's eyes as he calculated what prompted the decision but as always, the typical Fred who highly respects his employee's privacy decided to let it go and just gave her the warmest embrace and wish her good luck. Jose and Leny were there too as the four of them shared probably their last meal together for a long time.
The next day, Jess went to the hospital and made the final transfer request for her mother. The media hustling escalated and harassed Kris at some point. It was stressful for her and her recovery, she wanted to protect her mom as much as possible, so moving away was the best logical solution for them.
"Are you okay to leave everything behind?" Kris asked.
She smiled trying to mask her sadness. "Of course, I'm not blinded by fame Mom. Besides, I didn't get to a point to say I'm losing big time if I flee now" she laughed.
"Come here Jess" Kris opened her arms and invited her to snuggle.
"You don't have to pretend with me, I know you are hurting, and if this is the best way to help you heal. Let's do this together. In a way, I know that I have contributed to what you are going through right now, so I am here for you as your mother and as a friend." she assured her.
Jess smiled genuinely this time. "Thank you, Mom, I appreciate that."
She tapped Jess's head and asked. "So where do we up to?"
Jess winked at her and whispered. "It's a surprise..."
********************************************
Kris was sleeping in the car as Jess was contented, staring at the window overlooking the countryside trees. She has no idea yet if she wanted this move to be permanent but having done her research about this town made her want to explore it even more. It was an old country town, a town in a single building, a tiny footprint in all regards, and human-appropriate housing and play spaces within. All are designed for the good health of the brain and body. Around it are the wild spaces where they can enjoy nature, it's a place where the community is free to roam and enjoy.
"Are you new here?" the cab driver asked as her thoughts went in.
She smiled shyly. "Yes, my mom and I wanted to see if this is a good place to settle," she replied.
"It's a steady old town, I think you will like it here. The harbor supplies fresh fish and seafood early morning, I know all this because my wife usually drags me here, I live in the next town. It was such a coincidence when you hired my cab and gave me this address. I know this town well. he gave some context.
Jess stared at the driver. What are the odds? She thought.
"I think that helps to hear your recommendation, thank you." she politely replied.
When they arrived, Jess thanked the cab driver and unloaded their things. She smiled. The place was exactly what she imagined. The house that she rented was a few feet away from the shoreline. She dreamed of living near the beach, now she got to live that dream.
The doorway opened to the house and entering it for the first time felt the same as coming home after a long absence. She loves it.
"How do you like our new view?" Jess asked Kris.
Kris smiled and kissed her cheek. "This is perfect." She replied.
Jess breathed in. Peaceful. That's the first word that prompted her mind as she watched the scenery in front of her.
Jess was lost in her thoughts when a knock was heard from outside the door. She turned at Kris and threw a questioning look.
"Who is it?" she asked loudly.
She walked towards the door and burst it open when she suddenly stopped her step. Some folks wear a smile, this guy thought was the smile. Everything about him was a soft and understated joy as he greeted her warmly.
"Hi, I'm Liam. I'm the son's owner of this beach house and I just want to check in if you're settling fine." He explained.
His accent was such a playful tune as if he were the star of his movie. Jess was contemplating just sitting there all day simply to listen and smile at this guy.
"Thank you, Liam, I am Jess, and this is my mother Kris" Kris peeked behind the door and exchanged pleasantries.
"Nice to meet you" They shook hands and Jess felt the strong grip of his palm as he touched her.
"I am glad someone pretty decided to grace our lonely old town" Liam laughed. He has one of the nicest teeth out there, Jess noticed, her mind then trailed to someone, stunning smile indeed next to Rick Reed. She grunted and tried to whisk away the thought.
We are not doing this anymore. We are moving on, remember? She reminded herself.
"You're flattering me, but yes, we are all good. Thank you, Liam. We are just trying to unpack our stuff." She replied cutting her monologue.
"Hey listen, Jess. I want to officially offer myself to be your tour guide in town. We have a pub nearby, chill bands playing, and you can have a good time. Do you want to hang out?" He asked her directly.
She was taken a little aback, but she turned around and communicated silently with Kris. Her mother smiled and urged her to go.
You're supposed to stop me, mom. Comes her non-verbalized plea.
She smiled at Liam again and nodded.
"Sure, I'd love to see what we have here in town," she agreed.
Liam smiled and said "Great! I'll pick you up at 7?"
Jess nodded and bid goodbye to Liam who stared at her for a quick second then halted away.
"That boy is flirting with you openly" Kris commented, she then heard a rasping cough from her mother.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
Kris nodded. "Yes, I'm fine, just a little tired from the car trip. You go ahead and prepare for your date"
She grimaced, not used to this kind of relationship with her mother.
She shrugged her shoulders and ignored Kris.
Is it too soon to be out there and meet new people? She hesitated.
Oh, what the hell, she's exercising her freedom, and there's nothing wrong with that. She justified. Cheers to uncertainties. She smirked.