"So, let me get this straight," I snapped sarcastically, following my boyfriend through the halls of our school. "You're just done? Did these last four years mean nothing to you?" I asked angrily, huffing as I jogged up the stairs behind him. "Look at me!" I shouted, stopping halfway up as I got a stitch in my side.
He turned to face me, his face pained for just a moment as he saw how I was struggling. His face hardened again as he composed himself.
"Yes, Jones. I'm sorry to have wasted your time, but we're done." I scoffed and crossed my arms. "Can you at least give me a reason why?"
James clenched his jaw and looked away from me. He seemed to be searching the hallway for an answer. He finally sighed and met my eyes again with a look of indifference that made my stomach turn. "I just... don't love you anymore," he replied coldly. I held my head high and fought off the tears that threatened to spill.
"Thank you for your honesty. Sorry I didn't turn out to be good enough for you," I spat, turning quickly on my heel and rushing downstairs. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
*
"You've got to be kidding me." I groaned as I stared at the positive result in front of me. Madam Pomfrey rubbed my back comfortingly. "It'll be okay, dear. Remember, you do have options." I looked up at the older witch and shook my head sadly. "I do want this child, but it's just an issue of the father." I paused and added, "And the fact that I haven't graduated yet."
Madam Pomfrey laughed gently and gave me a kind smile. "Well, at least you graduate next week. I'm sorry to hear that you're having troubles, but I'm sure things will work out." She sighed and said, "But everything looks normal, so you're free to go. If you need anything, just drop by and I'll see what I can do."
I smiled slightly and slid off of the table. "Thank you, Madam Pomfrey. For everything." She nodded and went off to help another student in need.
The panic didn't really set in until I was wandering the halls heading toward my House. How could this have happened? Of all times for this to happen... of all the circumstances... I didn't want my child to have to deal with the same thing that I did growing up. Yet here we are.
I slammed into something hard and lost my balance. Before I could fall, someone stopped me. I looked up to thank the person but stopped short when I saw it was Sirius. I stood up straight and stepped out of his hold. "Thank you," I muttered briskly and continued walking. "Jones!" he shouted, crying out again when I ignored him.
I couldn't turn back. He's just going to talk to me about James and I just can't handle that right now. "Jones!" he repeated stubbornly, his voice much closer this time. "Go away Black!" I shouted through clenched teeth. "This isn't a good time."
He grabbed my arm gently and I stopped suddenly. "Let go, Sirius. Please." He did, but the wounded look on his face caught me by surprise. "Did I do something?" I frowned and raised an eyebrow. "No?"
Sirius frowned too. "Then why are you ignoring me?" I shrugged. "I figured since I wasn't good enough for him anymore that I wouldn't be good enough for his friends either." His eyes widened in surprise before he frowned darkly. "What're you on about?"
"Did he not tell you?" I asked, surprise erasing any anger I'd felt previously. Sirius' expression lightened slightly. "Tell me what?" I groaned and ran my hands over my face. "Just... ask him. I've got to go."
"Wait!" Sirius called out, his voice drowned out by the flood of students that just got out of class. I've never been so grateful for a crowd like this.
However, I could've sworn that I heard Sirius shout, "You did WHAT?!" in the distance. Probably just hearing things.
*
Graduation came and went without any drama. James and I didn't speak - no, we didn't even breathe in each other's direction. It hurt, but it was his decision to leave and I'm not going to force him to be a part of our child's life if he doesn't even want to be a part of mine. It's too much to ask of someone who doesn't love me anymore.
However, I will say... he's been looking rather glum lately. Probably just because he has to leave his school behind, as well as his little groups of fangirls.
I was finally able to move into my own place. It gets quite lonely, but it's a home. It beats living with my mum, who practically disowned me and called me some very nasty names for getting pregnant. I know it was a dumb thing to do, but I thought we'd been careful.
Either way, I'm going to do my best to be the best mother I can be. I'm going to make this place nice and give my child a loving environment. It's going to be hard, no doubt, but someone has to do it. And that's a challenge I'm willing to accept.
***
"Rise and shine, darling!" I flung the curtains open in my son's room, grinning when he groaned in protest. "Mummy, please let me sleep a bit longer," he mumbled sleepily. I sat on the edge of his bed and smoothed his hair back as best as I could. He definitely inherited his father's messy hair. Well, he pretty much is a tiny version of his father.
I shook my head and smiled down at him. "Oh come now, lovey, don't you want to go out today?" His hazel eyes widened excitedly at the mention of going out. "Yes!" he cried, sitting up in bed. I laughed softly and said, "Okay then. Let me pick out some clothes for you so you can get dressed, and then we'll go." He nodded happily and got out of bed to make a mad dash for the bathroom.
A small smile formed on my face as I shook my head. Everyone says that when you have a child, you'll love them more than you ever thought you could love anyone. I was not prepared for how true that would be. As I grabbed a shirt and some pants from his closet, he dashed out of the bathroom. "Did you wash your hands?" I asked, narrowing my eyes when he nodded quickly.
"Ethan, you better not be lying to me," I warned, raising an eyebrow as he ducked his head guiltily and returned to the bathroom. I heard the water running and nodded in satisfaction. "All done Mummy!" he cried happily, holding his hands out in front of him. He grinned up at me and my heart melted.
"Good job lovey. Hey, are you missing another tooth?" I knelt down and inspected his adorable little smile. He watched me curiously, the light in his eyes reminding me so much of his father. "You sure did," I murmured, pinpointing exactly which tooth it was. "Where's your tooth?"
Ethan pointed to his pillow and said, "In the stories you read me, they always put it under their pillow for the tooth fairy!" I nodded and said, "They sure do." I stood and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Get dressed and we'll go get some ice cream, okay?" His eyes lit up excitedly and he nodded.
I closed his door behind me and wandered down the hall to my room. I slid on my best pair of shoes and made sure my hair looked okay. Since He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was supposedly defeated by the Longbottom boy, I'd been taking Ethan out more often. It used to be a rare treat, but since we're "safe" now, we've had little mother-son dates. I'm quite skeptical about You-Know-Who being dead, but I can't keep living in fear. Besides, it does Ethan and I some good to get out sometimes.
"Mummy, Mummy, I'm ready to go!" he shouted as he ran down the hall. He barreled into my room and leapt into my arms. "Woah!" I cried, laughing as I perched him on my hip. "You're almost too big to be doing that now," I remarked sadly. Ethan pouted and crossed his arms. I blinked, dazed by how much that simple action reminded me of James. You would think that after six years I'd be used to how similar my son is to him, but it still takes my breath every time.
"You'll always be my little boy, but one day you're gonna outgrow Mummy," I explained, gently putting him on the ground. He's already above waist-height on me, which means he's going to be tall when he gets older. Ethan took my hand and waited patiently for me to Apparate us to Diagon Alley.
The twisting sensation still makes me sick at my stomach, but Ethan's grip on my hand keeps me grounded. When we opened our eyes, we were standing on the sidewalk outside of the ice cream parlour.
Ethan's eyes widened as he took everything in. The last time we were here was for his birthday back in March, which was a few months ago. "Okay E, let's go in and get some ice cream," I murmured, tapping the back of his hand with my finger to get his attention. "Oh, right. Sorry." He grinned up at me and I smiled back. I held the door open for him and he darted inside, running into the back of another customer.
"Ethan James!" I hissed, rushing over and helping him off the ground. "I'm so sorry sir, he's just exci-" I stopped mid-sentence as I realised who the man was. He looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see him.
"Hello Jones, it's been a while," the man said kindly. "Hello Remus," I replied, grabbing Ethan's hand as he hid behind my legs. The action caught Remus' attention and his eyes landed on my son's figure. His eyes widened as he looked back up at me. "Is he yours?" he asked, smiling slightly at my unusually shy child. I nodded and patted his back gently. "It's okay, E. He's a friend." He nodded and stepped out from behind me.
Remus gasped softly as he fully saw my son. I hesitantly looked up at him. He stared at me in disbelief. "Is he...?" I nodded, motioning for him to move forward as a different customer left. "Does he know?"
I shook my head shamefully. Remus frowned. "Jones..."
"Look, I know, okay? But by the time I found out, he'd already left me. It was complicated," I murmured, glancing down at my son. He was blissfully unaware of our conversation. Remus nodded and moved up again as the line shortened. "What's his name?"
"Ethan James," I replied, ruffling his hair as he looked up at me. He smiled at me, then at Remus. "He looks just like him," he said under his breath as he smiled back. "I know," I replied quietly. Remus then turned to place his order and I internally sighed with relief.
"Mummy, can I get chocolate this time?" he asked excitedly, pointing at the menu. "Of course darling," I replied, stepping up as Remus got out of line. He went outside and I thought that was the end of it.
"Can I get two cones of chocolate ice cream please?"
The cashier nodded, smiling politely at the two of us. "Of course. That'll be three Knuts," he replied, his gaze lingering on my face. I ignored it and handed him the correct amount of money. Moments later, he reappeared with our ice cream. "There you go, miss."
"Thank you," I said politely, passing Ethan his ice cream. "Have a nice day," I added, flashing a fake smile as we turned to leave. "You too! Hope to see you in here again." I nodded, knowing we wouldn't be back for a little while.
Ethan and I took a seat at one of the outdoor tables. "Here," I said, handing him some napkins. He'd already managed to spill some chocolate on his shirt. "Thanks Mummy," he giggled, wrapping the napkin around the ice cream cone like I'd shown him. I smiled and shook my head slightly. "You're a mess," I murmured affectionately. "No I'm not!" he protested, looking down as a drop of ice cream fell onto his shirt. He sighed and started to eat his ice cream before it melted.
I smiled and began to eat my ice cream as well. It's perfect for a day like today. Nice, warm, sunny... maybe I should take Ethan to the park later. I'll just have to warn him not to let his emotions get the better of him so he doesn't have bursts of accidental magic in front of the muggles.
"Jones?!"
My head snapped up at the sound of the familiar voice. My heart dropped as I saw his face, so similar to the one across from me. Except this one has glasses. His eyes fell on the child across from me and he stopped suddenly.
"What're you doing here, James?" I asked quietly, shaking my head slightly at Ethan so he wouldn't turn around. "I... Remus said..." he panted heavily from running halfway over here. He looked wounded as he looked at Ethan. "Is he yours?" he mouthed, trying not to let Ethan overhear. I glanced at him to make sure he wasn't paying attention and nodded. James closed his eyes tightly, a pained expression on his face.
Remus turned the corner sharply and shook his head disappointedly as he saw James. "I'm so sorry," he mouthed as he got closer. "Remus, do you mind sitting with E for a moment?" I asked politely. Ethan turned to look at Remus and James froze, his eyes widening. His eyes snapped up to meet mine, blazing with questions and accusations. I rolled my eyes and allowed Remus to take my place. "It shouldn't take too long," I said, tossing my ice cream in the bin. There wasn't much left anyway.
James and I walked off to a secluded part of the area. No one else was around, but I could still keep an eye on Ethan. Not that I don't trust Remus, but I don't trust other people.
"That child is mine." It was more of a statement than a question. I looked away and nodded. James sighed, sounding both relieved and frustrated. "How old is he?"
I met his eyes again, the same ones that I'd been seeing for the last six years on our son. "He just turned six in March." James closed his eyes and the hurt expression returned. "That would mean that you knew before we even graduated," he mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, meeting my eyes with such an intensity that it made my knees weak.
"Because you left me before I even found out," I replied quietly, wincing as his face crumpled sadly.
"You don't know how badly I regretted that," he muttered as he stared at the ground. "It was for your own good." I rolled my eyes. "Right. I'm sure it was."
His head snapped up suddenly. "No, really. The Order had plans to send me on an undercover mission after we graduated and if things went badly, You-Know-Who's side could've found you and done terrible things. I was protecting you." I frowned and shook my head again. "James, don't lie."
"I'm not!" he cried. "Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm lying." I did as he asked and listened as he continued on. "I was gone for two years and it nearly cost me my life. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was to save you. I swear. And then, I tried to find you after I returned to apologise but you were gone." The sincerity in his expression really threw me off. It's rare to see James Potter so serious about anything.
I studied him for a long time, weighing my options. There's no need for him to lie about that, and it does sound like something he would do. It makes more sense than him just suddenly falling out of love with me, too. James isn't the type to do that.
"I believe you," I murmured. He looked up at me hopefully. "Are you serious?" I nodded, resisting the urge to make the obvious pun. "Deadly so. But let's take it slow, okay?"
"Anything," he breathed, grinning happily. "Can I hug you?" I nodded and laughed as he practically tackled me in a hug. He held on tight, almost like he's afraid I'm going to disappear again. "I've missed you," he mumbled into my shoulder. "I missed you too." I chuckled and added, "Though, it's kind of hard not to when there's a mini version of you in my house."
James laughed and pulled away, looking over at Ethan and Remus. "What's his name?" he asked excitedly. "Ethan James." He looked back at me in surprise. "You named him after me?"
"Well, yeah. Even though I was mad at you, you're still his father." A proud smile slid onto his lips as I called him Ethan's father. "Thank you. And thank you for giving me another chance."
I shrugged. "There's no reason for you to lie about why you left. Besides, I want Ethan to have a loving home with both of his parents. I never got to have that, and I want him to have that." James nodded, then raised an eyebrow. "It has nothing to do with you wanting me around?" I rolled my eyes and shoved him as we started walking back. "Shove off, Potter." He laughed and bumped into me in response, just like old times.
We reached our table and Remus looked at us cautiously. "Everything okay?" he asked quietly. I nodded and subtly grabbed James' hand. Remus grinned and stood from the table. "Okay then. I'll see you guys later." We all waved goodbye and James and I sat across from Ethan.
Our son eyed James curiously, obviously noticing how similar they look. James stared back in awe, a small smile on his face.
"Ethan," I said softly, grabbing his attention. "This is your father." His eyes widened and he looked at James again. "Really?" he breathed, awestruck at the fact that he's finally meeting him. "Yes," James replied kindly, flashing our son a crooked smile. Ethan clumsily stood from his seat and dashed over to James and threw himself into his arms.
James hugged him tightly and closed his eyes contently. He ran a hand through our son's hair, looking happier than ever before. Though Ethan is facing away from me, I can still see his huge grin from where I'm sitting. My heart skipped a beat at the sight in front of me. My two boys, finally together. The three of us are finally going to be a family.
**