How to Date an Asshole

By AlanisKorali

466K 20.4K 2K

Like most people, Lauren had a big crush on a celebrity when she was a teenager. Unlike most people, she met... More

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Epilogue

Chapter 60

4.2K 200 5
By AlanisKorali

Chapter 60

"Noelle!" I ran to her. An audible thud emanated from our clashing bodies as we fell into a hug.

"Aw, I missed you, bud!" She ruffled my hair as she beamed her wide eyes and big smile. Axel came into view, rolling his suitcase, "And who might this be?" Her brows wiggled teasingly.

"Hi," he approached her with a smile. "You must be Noelle. I've heard lots of things about you."

"Oh, really?" she raised a brow at me.

"Hey," I defended. "It was all good things."

"Mm-hm, I hope so. Or else, go find a taxi to take you home."

"Ugh, alright. Axel, let's walk." I began to walk away from her then went back immediately, "I'm just kidding. Come on! Is there anything bad I can say about you? You're my favorite sister."

"I'm your only sister."

"Oh, really? I didn't realize."

She rolled her eyes and then grabbed my suitcase as she has always done whenever we were traveling, "Where's Hailey anyway? I thought you were coming in from the same flight."

"We all were, but Josh was going to take her somewhere. Part of the proposal plan, I think."

"Yeah," Axel snorted. "We had to make up an excuse to be away from them."

"And what excuse did you make?"

"Oh, you don't want to know," Axel commented behind me.

I turned and gave him a questioning look. He shrugged.

Noelle's mouth parted and I can practically see the wheels turning inside her head. She glanced at my horrified expression then she pursed her lips nodding slowly.

"Oh, no, it's not what you think-"

She held a hand out stopping me, "It's alright. I knew you were doing it; I mean you're a grown-ass woman, I just... I don't think I need to-"

"Stop. Please?"

She blinked rapidly, "Yeah, yeah, of course."

"It's not that-"

"I get it. Let's drop it, please? I want peace of mind." She inhaled deeply and pulled her hand down near her face as if she was changing a mask trying to be zen. "Innocence is bliss."

I rolled my eyes, "God, you're so dramatic, Noelle. Let's go home."

She tied her arm with mine. "You missed me."

"Who said that? Stop assuming."

She laughed, "Always sarcastic."

"That's our Lauren," Axel commented.

I turned and gave him the death glare. His smile faded, replaced by an apologetic shrug.

*       *       *

As soon as we got to Noelle's house, my niece came running, "Auntie Lauren, Auntie Lauren!"

I dropped to my knees and welcomed her hug. "Oh," we almost fell from the impact. "I missed you, buddy. You've grown so much."

"Look," she raised her hand too close to my eyes. "My first tooth came out."

I guided her arm a little farther so I could see it better, "Oh, wow, can I see your teeth?"

She smiled as wide as she can.

"My, my, my, it's the front tooth!"

"Yes, and I can move my tongue past it, see," she moved her tongue back and forth in the space where the tooth has been.

"Wow, the front tooth is special. The tooth fairy will give you a lot." Axel spoke from behind.

Xanthippe moved closer to me and whispered, "What's a tooth fairy? Who is he?"

Axel squatted in front of us, "Hi, I'm Uncle Axel, I'm your Aunt's boyfriend."

I bulged my eyes at him but he didn't seem to notice as he was too focused on Xan.

Xan turned to me, her head almost whiplashed in at the speed, "You have a boyfriend?"

"Apparently, yeah."

"What does apparently mean?" 

"Um," I thought for a second. "It seems?"

"It seems? Why? Are you not sure?"

Axel spoke, "She is sure."

"I'm not talking to you!" she snapped.

"Xanthippe Eloise," Noelle called out from the kitchen.  "What did I say about your words?"

"Always be careful," she recited as if she has said it a hundred times.

"Right. Now say sorry to Uncle Axel."

"Sorry, Uncle Axel," she said but her eyes were everywhere but at him.

Axel smiled, "It's alright, Xanthippe. Can I call you that?"

Xan's met his eyes like she can't believe he forgave her easily. Her mouth twists in deep thought, "Hm, you can. But I'll like it better if you call me Eloise."

My eyes widened, "Since when do people call you Eloise?" 

"Since today," she said pleased then walked to the kitchen.

I stood and followed her to where Noelle was, "You heard that, right?"

"Yeah..." She turned to Xan, "What has gotten into you today, missy?"

I felt Axel sit by the barstool next to me.

"I already lost a tooth, I'm not a kid anymore." She held her head high, determined with her statement.

Noelle and I exchanged glances. I chuckled, "Would you look at that. It seems like I've been away for way too long. My niece isn't a kid anymore."

"I'm a big girl now, Auntie Lauren," she said decidedly then walked to her room.

I tried to stifle my laugh as Noelle was shaking her hand with one hand on her hip. "She is just like you, Noelle."

"I don't think so. I think she got it from Harry."

"Oh, speaking of Harry," I sat next to Axel. "When is he getting home?"

"Maybe after 7:00? You know how doctors are."

"Yeah, I know. Wait, how long has it been since he became an Attending?"

"About two years now," her voice was very casual but there's no hiding how proud she is of her husband. "How about you?"

"Me? I'm not a doctor."

"Not that, you fool. How long has this been going on?" her finger pointed back and forth from me to Axel.

"Oh, well," Axel adjusted from his seat.

"Just recent," I shrugged.

Noelle's brow raised, "Really?" then she moved towards Axel, "Where'd you take her on your first date?"

"Noelle!" I reprimanded.

"What?"

"Don't quiz him."

Axel chuckled, "It's alright, babe," he patted my hand twice. "I got this." Then faced Noelle again. "We went to an apple-picking orchard," he glanced at me nodding, I nodded back. "It was a nice sunny day," he smiled. "Well, at first."

I laughed to myself remembering how disastrous it was that we got soaked in the rain. My smile faded when I remembered the paparazzi situation and how it was all a ruse. Axel seemed to notice my resign that he stopped telling the story.

"You know what," he cleared his throat and faced my sister. "I'll show you the pictures later."

"You have the photos?"

"Yeah, I always keep them with me."

"That's creepy... Can I see them?"

"You telling me I'm creepy doesn't help your case."

Noelle coughed intentionally to remind us we're not alone. "What's with the photos?"

"Well," I leaned on the counter towards her. "This guy here," I squeezed Axel's shoulder. He winced. "Was taking a bunch of photos while we were out on our date and I haven't seen them yet."

Noelle cocked a brow, "What were you planning with them, Axel?" 

"Nothing. I just happen to love photography."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I wanted to be a photographer when I was a kid."

"Really?" My voice went from mocking to complete curiosity. "I didn't know that."

"Mommy!" Xanthippe called from her bedroom which caught all of our attention.

"Alright, I'm gonna go check out the not-a-kid-anymore-Miss-Eloise who calls out Mommy."

We chuckled until we realized we were left in the kitchen, just the two of us.

Axel cleared his throat, "You never mentioned you and your sister don't look alike."

"Yeah, well, it'll make more sense when you see our parents. She takes a lot from our dad; I take a lot from our mom. Family reunions are pretty chaotic for us growing up. When it's dad's side of the family, I stick out and when it's mom's side of the family, Noelle sticks out. It's kind of-" I zoned out. "It's not particularly hard, but I think- I think the right term would be challenging? Yeah. I think that's it. I guess it was kind of challenging to grow up mixed because you don't really belong to a particular group. You get it?"

He only nodded, intent on listening to me.

"I mean for me, I'm too Asian for the white kids, but I'm too white for the Asian kids. Something like that."

"Yeah, I get it. Even though I've no experience. But yeah, I can understand."

We fell silent for a while until I was about to bring up the pictures but Noelle appeared, coming out of Xan's room, "So dramatic that one."

I raised my brows at her, "I wonder where she gets it from?"

"Stop," she laughed. She now stood behind the kitchen counter, "Hey, by the way, are you staying at Mom and Dad's?"

"No, we're staying at a hotel."

"Why? If you don't want to stay at Mom and Dad's, I perfectly understand, but you can stay here. We have plenty of space. I don't even think the guest bedroom's ever been used."

"No, it's alright, Noelle. We don't want to intrude." And it's easier than explaining why we wouldn't want to stay in the same bedroom.

"Oh, come on, Laurie. You're my sister, you could never intrude. For all I care, you can stay here for as long as you like."

"Awe," I pouted then rushed to hug her from behind. Axel was smiling at us. "You're too sweet. But the hotel was already paid for. It'll be a waste not to use the rooms."

"The rooms?" her forehead creased.

I backed away from the hug to face her.

"Did I say rooms? I meant room."

Axel laughed nervously, "Don't mind her. It's probably just jet lag."

My eyes widened at him. The fuck is he saying?

"Jet lag? We're the same time."

Before any of it goes further, I clapped my hand catching their attention, "You know what, we're both tired. We don't know what we're talking about. We barely even slept last night."

"Yeah, not a wink," Axel nodded.

"Oh my God," she sprinted to the living room disgruntled.

"Can't you just shut up?" I whispered to Axel.

"What did I do?" he whispered back.

I followed Noelle, "Noelle, you have to get your mind out of the gutter. Again, it's not what you think."

"Whatever, Lauren. I'm gonna tell it to you straight right now: I do not need to know anything about your sex life."

"What sex life?" 

She paused, "Wait," he looked at me then at Axel. "You haven't had sex yet?"

I looked over to Axel and he looks just about like he doesn't know what to do. There was a second of silence then he chuckled nervously, "Of course, we have. A bunch."

"Oh my God!" I almost screamed exasperated. "That's it," I went over to Axel, grabbed him by the wrist, and dragged him along with me. "Get our bags. We need to go."

Holy crap, what just happened?

"Noelle, I'll see you tonight." We were headed for the door but Noelle stood grounded in the living room. "We just have to go get our heads clear. Get some actual, regular, normal sleep, okay? Don't think about it too much." I walked over to her and stood face to face. "I love you, Noelle. We just have to go, okay?" 

She nodded slowly, but her head was still in space. I can only imagine the monologue going on inside her head. I would've probably reacted the same way if I had a little sister - whom I've known from day zero, cradled and practically raised.

I exhaled and walked to the main door. There's nothing I can do now.

We were about to leave when she suddenly spoke, "Use protection!"

"Oh my God, let's go," I pushed Axel out the door and hailed a cab as soon as we were on the street.

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