Breathe.
You peeled your eyes open.
Breathe.
You're alive.
Lunges filling, lunges pushing out.
You're alive.
Your eyes were sticky.
Sticky with a film that only comes after sleep.
Your eyelids were even grimier.
Arm up, hand reaching to rub at the skin on your face.
Sticky.
Red.
Brown.
Dried blood.
You wince, rolling the condensed and mud like blood between your fingers.
You've been out for awhile.
You look to the fireplace.
A very long while.
The fire's out.
...
And you're cold.
..
And tired.
Your head was droggy and your body was feeling worn out even though you still hadn't sat up off the floor.
..
'Fuck Dream.'
Is the first full thought you have. Mind spitting words and letting you sift through the endless onslaught of negative feelings that came with it.
Why would you do that.
Why would you even entertain the thought of making a deal like that.
'Hey! Let me give you the power to crack me open! Sounds like fun.'
Sounds fun my ass.
If he took your blood after axing you, there's no telling how much he took. With how drained you are, you had to have died at least a few times.
If he took your blood after you healed from the axe hit, that would explain why it took so long to wake up. Still in the process of reforming- boom. Axe. Or siphoning blood. Back to bed. Either blunt strength or a cut that drained you.
You notice you're not in the attic anymore. You're instead stranded in the first floor of the house, where the fireplace sits dead, where it appeared as though someone rifled through all the potion supplies.
Who knows what he did.
Who even fucking knows. Because you certainly weren't awake to see it. All you could do was sit here and theorize about what happened in your own self aggravation.
Fuck Dream.
You peel your back off the floor, sitting up and hunching into your own lap and hands. You ran a hand through your tresses, feeling all the dried blood coating your scalp and hair.
What a day to be alive.
The house is frigid.
You're all but shivering.
But something inside you was tired.
Tired in the way that can't be described.
From the dull throb behind your eyes, to the thoughts, and numb limbs.
You come to the conclusion that... you can't find the will to stand up.
Not now.
Maybe later.
But for the love of gods- not now.
Something cold was resting next to your leg.
You didn't have to look to know what it was.
It weighed heavily on your mind.
The compass is laying next to you. Just as cold if even colder then the house itself. Metal and redstone alive with the healthy glow of enchantment.
You probably dropped it after your head got split open.
No way you can keep that held in your grubby hands when your body stops working.
Great.
Fuck Dream.
You let out an aggravated breath, before shakily breathing in. The cold air was lining every breath you took with shivers.
How long were you even sitting here?
Minutes? Hours?
You couldn't focus.
Was encountering Dream... just a nightmare??
Are you hallucinating a compass?
Are you hallucinating the door left open because Dream broke the lock mechanism with his kick?
Are you hallucinating the metal creak as the wind blew the door from open to closed open to closed?
You clutched your hands to your head.
You don't care right now.
You can't.
All you can think about- through all the guilt and regret and negative thoughts about the future- is that this is your chance.
This.
The compass.
This is your moment to see your brother.
Your chance.
Is leaving that traitorous? Or is never coming back?
Never coming back.
Never coming back.
Back.
You scrunch yourself even tighter together.
The crusted blood on your head is itchy.
Your skin feels wrong.
This isn't you.
'Why would you convince yourself that this??'
You pinch at the skin on your wrist.
'Is you.'
You're not one of them.
You won't ever be like Tommy. Or Techno.
Parading about as if you were.
You believed this was home.
Did you not?
You pretended Tommy was your kin- pretended Techno was your equal.
Pretended fair and just Phil wasn't the first to watch death seep into your family.
'Who are you.' You ask yourself. Even though you know the answer.
The crunch of snow breaks your thoughts.
Two sets of footfalls, one heavy, one light. One balanced, the other jittery and wild.
Voices are also there.
One hyper and animate, the other low and rough.
One of the footfalls freeze. The heavy set. They pause just at the bottom of the steps.
The wild and jittery set continues up the steps, skipping and prancing their way in, loudly proclaiming, "Did you see the LOOK on his face??! You jumped at him and HE FLINCHED- GODS AHAHAG-- WE ARE THE BES--" The hyper voice freezes. It had turned towards you. And then it froze.
Which meant it spotted you.
The heavy set was already at the doorway. The brief pause at the bottom of the steps they had was alarm. And the deep voice and words of, "What happened--" was anger.
You knew who they were.
You knew who the two voices and their matching set of footsteps were.
But again.
Something in you was too tired to move and look. Too tired to acknowledge them.
You imagine you look terrible.
Hunched over your own lap, face in hands, blood crusted and dreary and unresponsive.
The heavy set of footsteps makes their way to you, softly setting their hands on either side of your shoulders. Warmth sets into you.
Gods.
Warmth.
"...Tommy start the fire." The rough voice says.
"But-"
"Fire. Now." The rough voice growls.
The skittering of feet is all that happens in response, before the hands on you pull your legs out from under you. One hand slipping under both kneecaps, while the other supports your back.
"Stay with me." The voice vibrates in the chest you're leaned against, "I'll grab you some blankets."
"M'fine." You grumble out, passively trying to wave your hand but failing to muster the energy.
Which... you were fine. You were completely unharmed and physically sound.
Your mind just... needed time to sit by itself and think about what a piece of shit it thought you were.
You hear wood being tossed about, and the clicking of flint and steel. The sound of a fire crackling is quiet, which meant the fire was small, but you could feel it picking up in heat every second it crackled.
When your eyes slowly roll over to said fireplace, you were correct. A small fire that needed kindling, which Tommy was hunched over tossing random things into it, adding to the bright flames mass.
You set your gaze above, taking in the rough face of Techno as he moved you about and started trying to wiggle a blanket over you.
So worried.
Red.
Red eyes meet yours, and you blink calmly at him. To which he bites his tongue and works harder to get the blanket over you.
He thickly swallowed before speaking again, "Tommy- get the door."
No reply, only skittering footsteps and the squeak of doorhinges. Something is drug across the floor, but you keep staring at Techno's face.
He walks you over to the fire, before carefully sitting down and shifting you around.
He tugs the blanket tighter, dedicated to giving you warmth, and you find it easy to sink into the heat of his chest.
Tommy's footsteps come quietly back, light footsteps meeting wood before he paused next to Techno and sat down.
A shaky breath comes from Tommy.
You could feel him staring at you.
"...You okay?" He asks, voice unsteady and quiet. Always so raw sounding.
"Mmm.." You hum. Trying to communicate that you were completely fine. And not having a nervous breakdown. And weren't currently rethinking the social hierarchy between every person you've met.
Techno shifts, a sour grumble of some sort escaping him. Displeased.
He clearly didn't like the implications of you being covered in your own blood.
"What happened?" Techno asked again, pushing your cheek to his chest.
"Just some shtuff." You say, making eyecontact with Tommy.
"...How'd you get your compass back?" Techno asks.
Which makes you still.
'Let's make a deal.'
You thickly swallow.
'I'd like to do that without Techno hunting me down preferably.'
You weigh the options in your mind.
Should you do the honorable thing and uphold your bargain? Uphold your bargain and feel like shit because you probably put everyone in more danger?
Or should you be dishonorable and break the deal, but also come clean about everything and feel vulnerable about the fact that you basically traded everyone's safety so you could see your brother again?
Your brain is short circuiting with all the conflicting thoughts.
If you had gone with them instead of being lazy and sitting inside the house this wouldn't have happened.
Safety in numbers.
Safety in numbers.
Isn't that something mom used to say?
Stick with your kin.
Family.
Techno pats your arm twice, "....Who hurt you....?" He all but growls.
Again.
Come clean? Or keep your lips sealed...?
The dilemma.
Instead of speaking or trying to focus, you nuzzle yourself into his chest.
Warmth.
This is nice.
Feeling Tommy's stare on you, you reach an arm out of the heat of the blanket, wiggling it at him like a wet noodle.
The boy makes a disgruntled noise- he clearly doesn't know how to react to it, to the request to join in whatever amalgamation cuddle pile you and Techno currently were.
Techno harrumps, a deep sigh filling his chest. At least Techno knows what you're asking.
With a huff, Techno throws his arm around Tommy, dragging him into the cuddle pile, which lands the scraggly teenager's head just under Techno's arm, body awkwardly fitting under the blanket.
Good.
Familiarity was making you feel less stressed.
You think back on your family, dog piling on each other and falling asleep knowing you'll be safe.
"Ew." Tommy says, "Techno you smell terrible."
"You smell worse." Techno grumbles.
"Bitch please." Tommy bites back.
A chuckle rises in your throat.
Baboons. Literal monkeys.
They both pause insulting each other to look at you.
"Well someone isn't dead anymore." Techno dryly grumbles at you.
Right. Weren't you supposed to be stressed?
Dream visited, and you made a stupid decision, and now you have to weigh the moral implications of what happened??
Huh.
Kinda hard to think about that when something inside of you enjoyed these suckers so much.
Family.
You peel your head out of Technos chest, addled with tiredness, but genuine in every word you said, "I think I would kill for you guys."
Your words feel like quicksand.
The dread in your gut intensifying for a short few seconds before disappearing completely.
Those are your words.
You will sit with them, whether the sentiment is returned or not.
Your eyes are closed. But when you don't get a response you peel your eyes open to at least gauge how everyone was feeling.
Techno was giving you a cautious look, face flushed, ears burning as he squints at you.
He looks like he really doesn't want to be here, but regardless to his facial expression, a purr bubbles up in his chest.
A soft rumbling, which has you closing your eyes again.
"...I'd kill for you too." Techno grumbles out.
"You guys are fucking crazy." Tommy says, still awkwardly tucked under Techno's arm.
You laugh, "I didn't hear a 'don't kill for me' in that sentence you just spoke, therefore I take it as a 'thank you I'm touched'."
"Whatever you wanna believe." Tommy laughs back.
Techno pats your back twice, which has you opening your eyes to look at him again.
"Are you gonna be stingy about answering questions still?" Techno asks, previous flushed look completely eradicated from his face, only a stern look of concern left.
"No. I've made up my mind."
You'll come clean.
And you'll feel like a piece of shit.
But at least you'll be an honest piece of shit.
"So. Who..." Techno's hand reaches to thumb at the crusted blood on your forehead, the frown on his face deepening as he thought of possibilities to how you got that there, "Antagonized.... you."
"Dream."
Tommy goes completely still.
Techno's eyes narrow.
"How?"
"Axe. Through the head."
"Why'd he do it?"
"He asked to make a deal."
"You wanted the compass." Techno assumes. Which you nod to. To which he squints, "What did he want in return?"
"...My blood."
Techno purses his lips.
Tommy's as still as ever.
"There are a lot of things I can assume based on that. So I'm gonna let you explain why he wanted it." Techno says.
"Well- I don't know for sure why he wanted it. It's not like he told me why."
Techno blinked, "But you definitely have assumptions."
You sigh, and then decide that yeah. Techno's probably on the same track you are, "Well he probably wanted my blood. So he could make potions. Because. Strength three is, while intensly strenuous to the body, very powerful to have."
Techno squinted at you.
You squinted right back.
He wanted more then just the potions. He wanted motive, and he wanted nitty gritty stuff that you really didn't feel like getting into.
You shoot an inquisitive smile up at Techno, "Let's just forget the whole Dream thing happened and go back to sleeping yes?"
"No. Nanananah- you spill, right now while everythings fresh."
You smile at him, a hand lifting to flick dried blood at him, "Fresh??"
He rolled his eyes, "You know what I mean."
"Hey. I can still be all open and honest. I can especially do it later. After sleeping." You're still holding a smile. Like what you just said is known fact.
Techno grunts, fixing you a determined stare. Which you matched instantly.
Two friends just... staring intensly at each other.
One of which looked like he was about to cave under the pressure of being stared at.
Just before Techno relented, a hand tugged your sleeve, making you glance over to Tommy.
The boy had sunken into the makeshift cocoon as far as someone like him could. He had his arm wrapped around himself, and for some reason, he looked small. His face was all sorts of mixed up, confused emotions brewing and bubbling to the front of his eyes and mouth and brows.
He looked scared in a way you weren't sure you knew how to replicate.
"Did Dream... ask about me...?"
His hand that was still hanging onto your sleeve tightened.
"He did." You says, concern setting in as you watched Tommy shakily breath.
His blue eyes were flickered to the floor, not looking at you, preferring to space out on anything but a living being.
"Dream asked me where you were. And he also told me you guys talked a lot, and were friends."
Tommy scoffed.
Friends? With that reaction he didn't seem to like Dream at all.
Good. Dream didn't seem like a good friend.
"Would you like to elaborate why Dream was poking around for you?" You ask.
"Not really. He's a big dumb jerk. Who I thought was my friend." Tommy let go of your sleeve, slinking his arm back to cross it against himself.
Everyone stewed in silence. The fire crackling behind you the only thing piercing the silence of your cuddle pile.
A spark lit in Tommy's eyes. You watched him flame up- energy coursing through him-- his arms got thrown into the air, as suddenly as his energy arose, "YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT WE DID TODAY??"
You laugh, "What? What did you guys do today??"
"WELL. We didn't really DO anything. BUT TECHNO MUDERED SOMEONE JUST FOR ME. HE WAS LOOKIN AT ME FUNNY, AND I HAVE SO MUCH SOCIAL SWAY THAT WHEN I ASKED HIM TO TECHNO JUST WENT UP AND SMACKED HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS PICKAXE."
"Oh.... that's great...??" You say, before Techno cut in as fast as possible.
"Bro. Tommy. That is so inaccurate. All I did was kill a bunny- and it was because you wouldnt stop complaining about how hungry you were."
Tommy had a little cheeky smile on his face. Like Techno admitting it out loud made him feel more comfortable sticking around.
"But you totally got me a snack." Tommy grins
"I guess." Techno dryly replies.
Tommy, although still shaky looking, lit up at that. Happy at the most basic form of caring about someone.
"You're not a complete dick afterall." Tommy snarks.
To which you interrupt and say, "A snack?"
"Yeah." Techno nods.
"Did you guys set up an entire campfire just to cook a bunny???"
"I mean- it didn't take that long." Techno grunts, pulling the fur of a bunny out of his satchel, "Sides, I got another pelt."
"???" You stare at the pelt as Techno throws it over your face.
You think on it a moment more, face covered, Tommy snickering quietly at your impassive reaction.
You reach a hand up pulling the bunny pelt off your face.
Techno went out of his way to catch a bunny, cook it, feed Tommy, and then bring a pelt home for you.
You're immediately taken aback. You know for a fact that he has to care about Tommy. Techno a man of progress, stopping for that long for something as minuscule as a snack is... progress halting for someone like him.
But he did it, and Tommy's happy, and he made Tommy happy by doing it.
There's not much that Techno cares about. Even less that he's willing to fight for. But it feels like he would fight for Tommy.
The smile you're sending him softens. Knowing he has Tommy's back just as well as yours is making you feel all gooey and disgusting on the inside.
"Don't give me that look." Techno grumbles.
"What look?" You cheekily reply, "I'm giving you no looks."
He squints at you.
You squint back.
Tommy scooches closer so that his cheeky grin enters both of your peripherals.
Techno huffs, shoving Tommy's head away while the blonde cackles.
Techno grunts, "So what'd dream want with your blood? Better yet, how'd he know your blood could do stuff like that?"
You huff, plopping your head back onto his chest, burying it in there before saying something unintelligible into his shirt. Back on a topic you don't like. Great.
"One more time Achilles- you're kinda hard to hear."
"What's that name mean?" You ask, popping your head off his chest.
"You're deflecting." Techno dryly says.
"Deflecting? I hardly know her?" You say, looking into the air and poignantly avoiding eye contact.
"You've never heard the phrase Achilles heel?"
"Nuh."
Techno rolls his eyes, and pulls his hand off your back to drag it down his face, "Well you're not figuring it out then. Does Dream know what you are?"
Tommy pops in to place his immediate thought into the conversation, "Does Techno know what you are?? Before me???"
You laugh to Tommy, "Like hell. I tell no one." A second after you speak, you turn to Techno, "But Dream does know. Somehow. Or he's lying about how much he knows."
"That's great news." Techno sarcastically grumbles.
"Very great news. In fact..." You throw you arms in the air, "That's almost as great news as this other piece of news, that I will now deliver to everyone in this room..."
You pull your hand back under the covers, settling them near your chest and turning away from any direct eye contact, "Remeber when I said I can only really die when I switch forms?"
Techno hums. Tommy stays quiet.
"Well- Hah Hah- HAH. Guess what gives people enough strength to kill me-- in my regular form- HAH." You drum your fingers against Technos chest, "Today is just a bag of surprises isn't it?"
The unspoken words of 'the potion' are heavy in the air.
"You didn't tell me about that." Techno states. Coming to the realization instantly and speaking it.
You couldn't read his tone of voice. You couldn't tell if he was upset. Or angry. Or disappointed.
When you glance to his face, its a similar situation.
You can't for the life of you read anything through the impassive stare and grumbly voice.
Did he even care that you withheld information? Went against some of the trust that was being tossed both ways??
It was information you didn't think would ever need to be spoken. You didn't think you'd let anyone get your blood. Therefore... it wasn't a threat to you.
"I didn't." You begin. Agreeing with him. You didn't tell him, "It wasn't a threat, so I figured it was better to just... not say anything about it."
"Ah." Techno says. Again.
Unreadable.
You bit your tongue and wring your fingers into his shirt.
Information.
When you give one piece of information, whoever hears it wants another piece.
Which is why you don't want to speak- but how else can you prove you trust Techno. Because you do.
You trust him more then you want to.
"When I switch, I'm only susceptible to dying because the in between stage doesn't have protection. Which is why people can fly swat me. My... skin.... isn't there to take the hits... under the skin I'm just as squashable as the in between."
Techno's face doesn't change.
"If that makes sense..." You mutter, "Yeah, forget I spoke about it..." You grumble even quieter.
You feel like you just stepped on all of Techno's toes and then laughed after he fell over.
"Alright." Techno says, "All this confirmed was that Dream is someone to look out for."
Your thoughts freeze.
He sounded like he just took it as fact and didn't at all question your trust in him.
Which is weird.
Cause that felt like a trust breaking moment for him.
"You're not... mad?" You say.
"Mad? Why?" Techno raises a brow.
"I withheld very important information from you- after you trusted me to tell you things- when I probably should have came clean about all of it to you then, when we were having a moment of equal trust and communication-- which clearly I---"
Techno's is swift to move his hand, pushing your head back into his chest, smothering your farther frantic attempts to explain why you would assume he'd be angry.
"I'm your... friend..." Techno starts with, the voice in his throat low, "I have no reason to be angry, I know for a fact that you don't like telling people about yourself."
Techno's hand was still on your head. And in the pause of words, he ruffles your hair, "I accept that you don't like speaking about yourself. And I appreciate you even trusted me with what you did." Each word he said was stilted. Like he didn't like speaking it, but was speaking it anyway. The words were dragged out of him, but regardless they all felt genuine.
You're glad your head is buried right now.
You really are.
Because something about the soft low tone of voice, and the reassurance, and the gentle scratching of his nails in your hair-
Because something about that fact that he wasn't angry, and wasn't disappointed- and wasn't pressuring you to say more, do more--
He didn't expect you to confide in him- and yet appreciated---
You.
Appreciated that you did confide in him--
Appreciated you as a person--
..
...
A hiccup.
Just a small one.
Silent.
Your arms tightened around his torso, squeezing as hard as you could-- and again, he had no resistance to your hug.
His shirt was wet.
You couldn't tell why.
There was no reason for his shirt to be wet.
Until you nuzzle your head and find that the dampness was coming from you and your own eye sockets.
You were crying.
Not sadly.
More happy then anything.
Because you appreciate Techno as a person too.
And you're glad you both... appreciate each other?? And respect each other's boundaries???
Another hiccuping breath came from you, hot tears seeping into the fabric you were buried in.
He didn't stop petting your head.
"How does her blood relate to potions?" Tommy asks, very out of the loop, and very clearly curious.
You don't bother replying.
Just taking as slow breaths as you can and focusing on the heat and warmth of Techno.
You can hear Technos voice through his chest as he takes up the mantle of explaining things to Tommy.
Soft rumbles were inching through every word he said. Soft rumbles only you could pick out because of how close to his chest you were.
..
...
.
.
..
...
Is leaving that traitorous?
...
..
Or is never coming back?
..
The cold metal of the compass had never burned more.