They were driving around the city in his black Mercedes Benz S500 on the Christmas' Eve. Snows had fallen. It was beautiful to see the city covered in white. Jennie glanced to her left side. The shopping malls at East District were dressed in bright colors, especially red and green. A big Christmas tree with its wonderful lights and ornaments was standing in the center with snows covering its branches.
The view was amazing, full of colors. People were walking around with big shopping bags on their hands. Everyone was in a high spirit to welcome Christmas and New Year. Jennie watched a man dressed in a brown long coat running with shopping bags in his hand. He must forget to buy Christmas presents on the last minute. She grinned slightly. She had done her Christmas shopping. She went with Irene last week and they went home with a numerous of big shopping bags. Oh, God, she remembered something. She had to post a Christmas present for Kai tomorrow morning. How could she be so forgetful? Kai would be yelping in joy when he opened it. She bought a navy sweatshirt along with shawl to match it. Even it was summer in Australia now but he could keep it until winter comes in June. She could imagine that Kai would be looking good with those. She grinned again.
Jisoo watched her expression secretly. Jennie kept smiling to herself several times today since they were out. What was she thinking of? He was willing to pay whatever it cost to know what makes her smile. He was dying to see her lovely smile again. He had scolded himself several times for making their relationship worse than before. He tried to ask for her forgiveness but she kept her cold gestures all the time. He groaned in despair secretly. He tightened his gripped on the wheeling steer, as he couldn't concentrate on the road, "Jennie." He called her softly, almost a whispered.
Jennie turned her head to face him. Her big eyes stared at him, asking him mindlessly, "Do you want to stop for shopping?" Her eyes widened.
"Are you crazy?! Do you want the media to catch us liked before?!" She snapped at him. She gave him a fierce looked then turned her head away.
Jisoo's face reddened. He closed his mouth but mumbled weakly, "Sorry."
Without looking back at him, she groaned inwardly. What had she done? Why she always snapped at him? She asked herself desperately. Her heart was tormented looking at his pain expression on his face, but she didn't have any choice to deal with him. They kept silent. No words were spoken.
Jisoo drove along without saying anything. He couldn't find a way to make their relationship better; at least they could talk as friends. This silence had made him frustrated and drove him nuts. When they passed the Church, Jennie said in a sudden, "Stop.Stop." Jisoo stopped the car after giving a signed. He gazed on her face searchingly but didn't dare to ask.
"I want to go to the church for a while. You can stay here." She said, while unbuckling her seatbelt.
"I will come with you." He answered, quickly.
Jennie was in her last month to give birth. She couldn't walk steadily as if she was carrying a drum. Jisoo quickly got out from the car before his short-tempered wife protested. He took out the winter coat from the back seat for her, as he was afraid that Jennie couldn't stand the coldness. By the time he closed the car door; she had already disappeared from his sight. He walked quickly to the church following his wife.
Jennie sat down at the second rows from the back. She looked around and felt a mixed of emotion inside her heart. The church was wonderful with its great Christmas ornaments. Candle-lights flickering all over the church, giving it the beautiful color and feeling of peace. There was a mockup of baby Jesus on the corner along with mother Mary, his father Joseph and the three kings from the East. A beautiful angel was flying over the cave. She knelt down and began to make a holy cross. Before praying, she could feel that Jisoo had made himself sit beside her. They sat next to each other silently without any words spoken. Between her prayers to God, she could hear children's choir singing lovely Christmas songs. They were preparing their performance for Christmas mass tonight. She smiled peacefully. The song was so beautiful.
'O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviors birth;
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices,
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;
Fall on your knees, Oh hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night divine, O holy night, O night divine.
Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming
Here come the wise men from Orient land
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend.
Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
(Taken from O Holy Night)'
Those lyrics made her choked. Fighting her tears, she blinked several times, but she failed. Jennie felt tears flowing down hardly on her cheeks, as she couldn't stop it, 'What am I doing here? I'm praying for my soul and asking for god's forgiveness; on the contrary I couldn't forgive HIM for the rest of my life, hurting and torturing him emotionally.' She said to herself, 'Jesus was born to save the world, to reconcile the sinners with his father, God the almighty. My baby.' She held her stomach with one hand, 'My baby would be born to pay back its father's sin, to reconcile me with its father. Just like Jesus. Oh god, please forgive me, please forgive me.' She prayed, desperately. Her face went paled. She suddenly felt hard to breathe. She wanted to stop crying but the tears couldn't stop flowing down from her eyes. She just couldn't stop herself from crying.
Jisoo was watching her worriedly. He could see her face became pale all of a sudden. Her nose was red and her eyes were swollen with tears that didn't stop flowing down on her cheeks. He felt his heart twisted in pain. He felt a sense of guilt weighing down on his chest badly. His heart was pained to see her crying. He knew he was the one who had hurt her. His eyes were flickering with tears, "Jennie."
Jennie turned her head slowly to face him. Their eyes met. They could see each other's eyes, telling they were in pain. Why he was so nice to her even though she always hurt him? What did she do to him? Why she always let her angered out on him? Yes, it's true that he destroyed her life, but she had ruined his life too during these 9 months. She gave him a hard life, bullied him all the time. Her heart cried out. His face pounded in a looked of sorrow. Tears were blurring her eyes so that she could hardly see. Jennie couldn't hold her emotion anymore. She threw herself to his embrace, sobbing hard.
Jisoo's jaw dropped when Jennie was crying on his chest. He was shocked, "Are you ok, Jennie?" He whispered, worriedly.
Jennie couldn't utter any words. Her tears choked her throat. She shivered slightly, "Jisoo Oppa." She whispered his name, gently. Her voice was trembling.
Jisoo felt his pullover was wet of her tears. Not really knowing what to do, he just patted her back lovingly and enveloped her in his embrace. He caressed her hair gently, feeling her sadness. He didn't say anything but looked at her intently, with full of emotions. They were hugging for a moment without saying anything. There was no need for words uttered, "Tell me what's wrong?" He asked gently, while stroking her back after a few minutes.
Jennie shook her head weakly in his embrace. She pulled out from his chest and lifted her eyes to meet Jisoo's stare. Her nose was red; her eyes were puffy and swollen, full of tears; her face was pale white as she was trying hard to sob silently, but her whole body was shaking with sobs.
He saw tears on her beautiful lashes. He wiped her tears with his thumb lovingly. He looked at her sadness in her eyes with a broken heart. He knew he was the cause of her misery. Jisoo felt hot tears burning the underside of his eyelids, "I'm sorry, Jennie. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He uttered the words a few times without his consciousness. His voice was thick and husky. He pulled her gently to his embrace again, and hugged her tightly as if it was his last chance to have her in his arms. Tears dropped on his cheeks. Hearing his touching and gentle words of regrets, Jennie couldn't stop the tears that were already flowing on her cheeks. She buried her head in his embrace again.
By the time they came back home, the night had fallen. Jisoo parked his car in front of Jennie's house. He got out from the driver seat and walked over to help Jennie. He opened the passenger door and reached out his hand to help her out. Jennie smiled gratefully. She took his hand and then, watches him as he locked the car door automatically with a remote. He quickly covered her with a winter coat and put the shawl gently around her neck.
Jennie watched him with teary eyes, 'Oh god, what is he doing?!' Her heart cried out, "There. It should cover you from the wind. Let's go before you get cold." He took her hand and squeezed it gently. Jennie nodded weakly and they walked hand in hand to go inside the house. The lights from the Christmas tree brightly lightened the living room.
Jisoo and Jennie stood on the opposite of each other, scrutinizing each other closely. The warmed from the heater running in the room had added the warmest atmosphere between them that already created from the church, "You looked marvelous." He said, his dark brown eyes gentle and sincere, "Very." He paused, searching for the right word. His face was full of a silly grin.
"Fat like a pig?" She helped him to find the right word cheekily. Jennie tried to hide her blushing face, "I'm terrible. I have put on more than 15 pounds."
"Nope. You are sophisticated." He said firmly, his eyes searching her eyes.
"Thank you." She smiled shyly. She blushed prettily.
"I'm glad that I finally came back again, to Seoul. These past few days without you made me crazy, Jennie."
"Are you?" She muttered softly. Her heart was bouncing frantically against her chest. Her heart melted because of his words and his expression. What was he trying to tell her?
"Yes." He reached across her face and caressed her cheeks lovingly, "I have always thought of you first thing in the morning and the last minute before I close my eyes at night." He paused, as he saw her big eyes gleamed with worries. Jisoo groaned secretly. He shouldn't have said those words. It was too early for her. It would make her afraid of him, 'Stupid, Jisoo! You had ruined your chance! Just be patient!' His mind told him, "And...and I have always thought that you have incredibly enchanting and sexy eyes." He wiggled his eyebrows comically. He changed the words that he wanted to utter previously
She laughed breathlessly at the absurdity of that remark, "How can anyone have sexy eyes, Jisoo? You are silly." She raised her hand, hitting him playfully.
"I don't know." He frowned, "But you have." He said stubbornly,and then both of them engaged in laughing. Suddenly, they stopped laughing. They just stared at each other eyes. Time froze.
His gazed moved from her face to her hand, "Jennie." He said, taking her hand gently in his. She smiled, looking at him light heartedly, "Merry Christmas." He said gently. He opened his mouth but couldn't voice the next words out. His dark eyes were shimmering with bright lights. He wanted so much to kiss her, at least her cheeks but he didn't dare.
"Merry Christmas to you, too." She leaned forward and touched her lips against his cheek in a brief contact. She felt awkward and embarrassed as she pulled away from him. She didn't know why she did it. She felt a sudden impact from her heart to kiss him. She couldn't look at him in the eye now. How she misses him badly, miss his handsome face, his silly grin and his sweetness, 'Oh god, what happened to me?' She asked herself in disbelief.
~
Jisoo stared at her with love and tenderness in his dark brown eyes. He was stunned, couldn't believe his eyes that Jennie kissed him. He placed his arm around her thickening waist carefully. He leaned forward. Gently, softly, he kissed her smooth cheeks, her forehead and then, brushed his lips on hers lightly. Her lips were soft, full of sweetness. He groaned inside.
Jennie felt her heartbeat getting faster. Without her awareness, Jennie closed her eyes and circled her hands around his neck. Feeling her reaction, he deepened the kiss. They kissed passionately as they indulged into a pool of emotion. Jisoo had forgotten that he didn't plan to kiss her passionately like they are doing now. Suddenly, she gasped. They broke away from the kiss immediately.
"What? What is it? Tell me." He knelt down beside her on the floor in panic as he saw her holding her big stomach in pain.
"It's ok." She said, apologetically "It's the baby kicking; he does it a lot lately."
"Since when? You have never told me."
Jennie downed her eyes to look at him. Her eyes met his, and for a moment, she could see an expression there that took her breath away. Jisoo's eyes sparkled with tears. She saw that in the depths of his there was a look of sadness, hope and a rising emotion of joy, "He's been doing it to torture me." She said lightly to ease his pain on his eyes. She pouted prettily. She took his left hand and pressed it gently against her stomach. "He is such a naughty baby, Jisoo."
Jisoo choked, couldn't voice out a word since emotions were taking all his breaths. He stared at her eyes with a silly grin. He didn't speak. After a few moments, the baby struck out again, "Oh my god. I felt it." An amazing look came into his eyes. Jisoo was totally fascinated for a moment, his hand pressing more firmly against her stomach as the baby did it again.
Jennie stared at him with teary eyes, not sure how she felt. She blinked several times, trying hard not to let her emotion out.
"I think we have got a football player, Jennie."
"You are joking! You know it hurts!" Jennie said loudly, as the baby did it again.
"Do you think he's trying to tell us something?" Jisoo asked with a grin, a proud grin of a happy soon-to-be father.
"What? Like,'don't laugh at me' or 'hey, you two out there, don't make any noise 'cause I'm trying to sleep.'" She joked, while Jisoo burst out in laughter.
"Or maybe he's saying, 'that's my daddy out there.' Maybe he missed me." Jennie stopped laughing suddenly. She looked up at him with wide beautiful eyes. Her eyes were gleaming with tears again.
"You ok?" Jisoo asked softly, with a frown. She nodded weakly. Jennie turned red and breathless at their somehow first romantic action together after those horrible months.
Jisoo smiled at her affectionately. He wished he could say I love you without making her scared of him. He looked at her with a loving gazed, each tender caressed that she was his life, his love. There was a lump in his throat as he looked at her face.
Jennie looked intently into his eyes. She couldn't find her breathe to say anything. Her heart was pumping unevenly against her chest. There was a deep love in those dark brown eyes that made her shivered, 'Please don't let it happen! Please don't! We don't belong in each other's arm; we don't have a life to share!' Her heart cried out. Tears welled up again, in her eyes.
"You are crying." He whispered, and pulled her into his embrace again. He buried his face onto her head, smelling her fragrant hair affectionately. Jennie hugged him back and closed her eyes.
She couldn't think clearly as her heart was taking over her mind. She just felt warmed and secured in his embrace. Slowly, Jisoo broke away from their hug, lowered his head and their eyes met. They stared, frozen in a moment of waiting, a moment of full emotions.
Time froze as if the world stopped moving, "Please don't cry. My heart is hurting." He told her softly, gently. His voice was thick, full of emotions. He felt her body trembling in his arms. His heart was in pain. He kissed her tears gently then looked at her intensely. Their gazed locked together for a moment. They were so close that they could feel each other's breathe and hear their irregular heartbeats. He gave her his dashing smile. Jennie smiled back at him lovingly, drowning into the passion of his dark brown eyes.
He took her smile as consent. He rolled his eyes, looking lovingly into her eyes for a brief moment, delighting in her beautiful big eyes. He lifted her chin, held her lovely face gently and then, bent down to put his lips slowly on hers. He kissed her gently and yet, passionately. His hands caressed her gently as if they ached to know every inch of her.
She was beautiful, so fragile and so soft. Closing her eyes, Jennie felt the heat of his touch on her skin and in her blood, deep within her soul and her heart, 'Oh god!' Her heart screamed out, "Jennie, give me a chance." He whispered, passionately between their kisses, holding her waist close to him, as if he would never let her go.
"What chance?"