Percy Jackson and the Departm...

By LindinCapps

96K 6.9K 3.3K

Percy Jackson faced his worst summer yet when traversing the Labyrinth, and he's ready for a school year of r... More

0.5) Introduction
1) Buttocks: The Best Way to Start a Book
2) Imagine Writing a Chapter When You're Supposed to be Working
3) Kids, Do Not Toast (Microwave) Forks
4) I'm In Me Friend's Car, Broom Broom
5) Grim and Old Grimmauld Place
6) Capslock is a Godsend
7) I Bet Ears Aren't The Only Things That Are Extendable *Winky Face*
8) I Think There Are 16 'Percy's In This Chapter
9) Walburga, Walburga, On The Wall, Who's The Purest Of Them All?
10) I Screw With Ron, But Not In The Dirty Way
11) Good Soup
12) They Argue Almost As Much As The Author's Parents Before Their Divorce
13) Voldemort Ate My Chocolate Frog Cheesecake
14) I Get Chased by Traffic Cones
15) If I'm Afraid of Walburga, Can I Eat A Walburger to Make Walburga go Away?
16) Percy Jackson's Guide to De-Doxying the Weird Curtains
17) Seriously, Kreacher, You Make Sirius Serious (what an original joke)
18) I Don't Run On Spite, I Run On Sprite
19) BREAKING NEWS: This Chapter Contains Breaking News
20) Snape Comes, Insults Me, Then Leaves
21) Blue Pancakes - That's It, That's The Title
22) You Must Listen To The Disembodied Voice (not the one in your head)
23) Sure, The Statue Is Pretty, But Its Personality Is Trash
24) Infreno: The Story Of Dante's Journey Through The Ministry (AKA Hell)
25) Luigi Is Hot And I Can't Be Convinced Otherwise
26) Allen
27) Taradiddle - Okay, That Really Is A Weird Word
28) ^^^ God Gave Me That Picture And Now I Share His Word With You
29) Good News! Wait, No, Now There's Malfoy
30) He Got Off
31) Guys, Please Take S.P.E.W. Siriusly
32) Harry Potter: Tournament of Champions Is A Disaster
33) Ron Might Be Unloved
34) I Have A Sirius Talk With Harry (But It Has Nothing To Do With Sirius)
35) It Sounds Like Fred and George Are Doing Drugs
36) RIP Ron
37) The Author Remembers Nugget Exists
38) There's A Plot Twist At The End Of The Chapter
39) Cho Talks Porcupines
40) Laughing, and Laughing, and More Laughing, and Probably More Laughing
41) Hermione Is Kind Of Unkind
42) NOTICE: No Loitering Allowed On Or In Front Of These Premises
43) Harry's Horse Headache
44) Luna Scares Ron (Wuss)
45) What A Nice, Happy, Warming Song
46) I'll Need Speech Therapy After This
47) Humuhumunukunukuapua'a
48) I Do Lines - You All Know What That Means
49) I Kidnapped a Chair Once
50) This Coffee Tastes Like Dirt, It Must Have Been Ground This Morning
51) We Call This a Filler Chapter
52)
53) He's Creepy, But He's Nice, I Think
54) R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take Care, TCB (Read In Aretha Franklin Voice)
55) Hermione Gets Defensive About Defense
56) Fifty Shades of Pink
57) Ever Heard Of The Knife Game?
59) I Should Just Vanish From Class
60) Stick Bug :(
61) Rad-ish Earrings
62) Keeper Tryouts - and Seeker Tryouts - Are Boring
63) The Ill Quill - Because It's Sickening
64)
65) The Clamorours Owl, That Nightly Hoots and Wonders. At Out Quaint Spirits
66) Sturgy Gets Caught
67) Dope Worms, Bro
68) Katie Probably Liked The Nose Bleed. Weird Little Masochist
69) <---Nice
69.5) ;)
70) This Girl Is In Fire (Sirius Is The Girl)
71) Sirius Takes On Harry's Daddy Issues
72) This Is A Really Long Article
73) 'T' Stands For Terrific Essay, Right?
74)
75) Umbridge's Confidence Vanishes... Yay
76) I Really Like The Name Grubbly-Plank
77) Happy Easter, My Little Reader Eggs
78) Harry Yells Again - That Seems To Be A Recurring Theme
79) Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
80) Highlighter Humpers
81) So Many Subjects, All In One Chapter
82) A Yorkshire Conversation
83) Several Sets Of A Couple Of Students Walk Into A Bar
84) Zacharias Can't Shut His Mouth
85) We Figure Some Stuff Out - Not A Lot Of Stuff Though
86) Almost Forgot A Title Again
87) Sorry, Umbridge
88) I Pray To... Someone?
89) Draco Gets Hit On
90) Your Mom
91) Speaking of Sacrifices
92) Umbridge Gropes
93) I Am Beneath
94) Connor Doesn't Wash His Robes
95) Unorthodox Uses of Jellybeans
96) The Jellybeans Have Arrived
97) I Got Mad Whistling Skills
98) Sword VS. Pants - Who Will Win?
99) Funny Chapter Title
100) Weasley Is My King - Really, I Adore Him
101) Draco Gets Hit On By Two Sports Guys - Lucky
102) Hagrid Got Hit On, Too
103) Hagrid's Journey Of Self Discovery - He Discovered Nothing
104) Hagrid Presented Presents
105) More Giant Talk
106) The Wicked Witch Arrives
107) Umbridge Plays Good Cop, Bad Cop, But Forgets About Good Cop
108) Hagrid's Lesson - Bad Idea, But I Like It
109) Crude Sign Langauge = Bird
110) Umbridge = Hera = Terrible
111) Umbridge Hates Math - The One Thing We Can Agree On
112) The Cho/Harry Kiss Was Wet
113) The AN Is Longer Than The Chapter
114) Dean Finally Has A Moment!
115) Dumbledore Looks At Everyone (Harry Excluded)
116) Some Sirius Stuff Went Down
117) I Finally Get to Sleep
118) 2000s Fashion Trends Haunt Me
119) Doctors Use Lighter Fluid
120) Yay Hermione (:
121) Big Snake Man
122) A Bad Teacher Approaches - He Comes With Autographs
123) Playboy: HEILF Edition
124) Netflix and Kill
125) Daddy-o
126) He Only Resurrected Him a Little Bit
127) Insert Sirius Pun Here
128) Bad News From The Newspaper
129) I Am Percy - Hope You've Figured That Out Five Books In
130) Harry Murders His Love Life, and Draco Nearly Murders A Person
131) I Can't Think Of A Chapter Title, Comment Your Ideas Please
132) Quidditch Is A Quidbitch Sometimes
133) Justin, Oh Justin, How I Yearn To See Your Egg Throwing Skills
134) Watch for Awesome Alliteration
135) Ari978
136) Humans Bad, Centaurs Good
137) Fudge Fell Down A Well - That Rhymed!
138) Dumbledore's A Drachma (;
139) A One-Handed Fight
140) Watered Down Milk
141) Harry Does A Bad Thing (Again)
142) I Get On My Knees For Umbridge
143) I'm Gonna Let Harry Make A Mistake
144) ALMOST FORGOT A TITLE AGAIN
145) This Chapter Was Written Out Of Spite
146) Hagrid, The Kidnapper
147) A Murder of Armadillos
148) Happy Pride!
149) What's Worse, Standardized Testing Or A Stressed Hermione?
150) Hagrid Hits On Some People
151) Harry Yells AGAIN - This Boy Needs Some Anger Management
152) No Prince Would Ever Kiss This Frog
153) https://youtu.be/OGJAUnNzbhE
154) A Corpse, A Centaur, And A Giant Walk Into A Good Burger
155) Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy
156) Yeah She Has Brass Knuckles, What Of It?
157) Do Not Touch Strange Balls, Readers
158) Half-Off Trix In Aisle Ninety-Seven
159) Death In Hot Pink
160) Luigi Likes It Hard
161) The Person We Had Come To Save
162) You're Not You When You're Hungry - Have A Snickers
163) A Maraca Named Hare-Bear
164) Today I Got The Grief World Record (Top Ten Leaderboard) *Emotional* 🤯🤯
165) Sirius Did The Die-alogue
166) Dumbledore Def Rehearsed This
167) Homophones and Homosexuals
168) Fun Facts With Percy Jackson
169) A Final Big Adventure
Epilogue
Sixth Book :)

58) We Had A Bonding Moment! I Cradled You In My Arms!

608 53 22
By LindinCapps

Once class was finished, I stayed in my seat, fiddling with my bag.

When everyone had left, I stared at Umbridge, "You told me to stay here?"

"When I tell you to do something, Mr. Jackson, you do it," Umbridge said.

"No means no, Umbridge," I said. "I will not spend detention with you, I will not say good afternoon, and I will not respect you."

"I am your teacher, Mr. Jackson," Umbridge took in a breath, about to continue.

"I have the feeling that you aren't going to teach me anything I don't already know," I tilted my head. "I know you hate us demigods, but you should know, the theory behind defense is the first thing we learn at camp. Run if you can, defend if you can, attack if you can, and if you can't do any of those, you're dead." I pursed my lips. "You have nothing to offer me but annoyance. And I know teachers test you, but all you're going to do is test my patience."

Umbridge scowled, "I do not wish to teach what you already know, Mr. Jackson, but I believe you need to learn some respect."

"I'll learn respect if you learn it, too," I said, standing.

Umbridge frowned, "Perseus, why should I respect you? What have you done to deserve my respect?"

"Dolores, why should I respect you?" I raised my eyebrows. "What have you done to earn my respect?"

"Students should respect their teachers," Umbridge said, as if that was a good enough reason.

"Teachers should also respect their students," I said lowly.

Umbridge glared at me, "I want you to spend another detention with me, Perseus, for it seems you need some more, ah, hands-on learning when it comes to respect."

"I will write more lines if you want, but I won't write lines with you," I told Umbridge, and found that I meant it. At what point did it become apparent I'd rather face pain than face Umbridge? I don't know, but that belief still hasn't changed, even years later.

Umbridge seemed to ponder it for a moment (I think she didn't want to spend much time with me, either), "Fine. If you write double the amount of lines as last time, and I want you to change the wording. I must always respect my superiors."

A single word changed, but everything changed. It went from a simple fact of I will to a necessity. I must.

"That's nice, because I do respect my superiors," I said, and I meant that, too. I respected Luke, who was the better fighter. I respected Chiron, who knew just about everything. I even respected Voldemort, who fought to survive. They were my superiors in many ways, and I respected them for that.

"But you said you didn't respect me," Umbridge raised her eyebrows.

"Exactly."

I gave Umbridge a disrespectful nod, turned, and left before she figured it out and yelled at me.

***

I didn't feel like going to my room, where it would ultimately feel too stuffy. I instead fled to the safety of the lake, where I could watch the water, and could maybe stop my hand from hurting so much.

I sat down at the base of a tree (the nymph, Ashley, had been dormant for a while at this point. She wouldn't come out again until after my sixth year), and stared out at the water for a moment. Then, I slipped out some parchment and the cursed quill, and began to write.

I must always respect my superiors.
I must always respect my superiors.
I must always respe —

"Hey."

I flinched, the quill dashing across the parchment. I cursed and dropped the parchment, grabbing my hand instead.

"Crap, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Draco said, crouching in front of me, his eyes wide as he saw the quill on the grass. He glanced at the paper, saw the mark from my near heart attack, and frowned.

"How many do you have to write?" Draco stared at the parchment.

"Double the amount as the detention, but I don't have to sit with her," I said, glancing at my hand, watching the big white mark disappear.

Draco looked at me in concern, "That's... that's gonna last, Percy. And... and there'll probably be more."

"Yeah," I said. "But I really don't want to be stuck with her. I don't like her."

"I don't, either," Draco said.

We sat in silence for a moment, and I stared at my hand. After the many lines I've written, the back of my hand was still bright red, and the lines were standing out slightly.

"How am I gonna stop people from seeing the mark?" I wondered aloud, holding my hand out in front of me.

Draco pondered it for a moment, pulled out his wand and a quill, then tapped the quill and muttered something beneath his breath. The quill transfigured into a fingerless black glove (the black the same shade as his quill) and handed it to me.

I stared at the glove, "I'm gonna look emo."

"It's what some campers wear when they use swords," Draco supplied. "You can say you've been training a lot, and that you didn't want to get blisters. People will believe that. Also, you're too colorful to look emo. You wear blue undershirts."

"I want to look emo though," I complained. "I want to be the hottie Keith Kogane!"

Draco blanked, "Who's Keith Kogane."

My jaw dropped, and I gaped at my boyfriend, "You haven't seen Voltron?"

"What's Voltron?"

I grabbed Draco's hand and pulled him up, "Come on, we're gonna watch it in my room while I finish my lines."

You guys remember that camp I went to last summer? Well, the same sort of thing might happen again. I'm gonna apply for another camp, this one two weeks long and in July, and it's much the same thing, just less caves and more nature (as if caves aren't nature). It'll be really cool. The same friend who went with me last time plans on applying this time as well. I didn't think he'd be able to because he has a job, but he said he'd request time off, and if they didn't give it to him, he'd quit. Best part is, I think he was being serious. But nah, it looks really cool, it also looks like it might be air conditioned. That's just amazing to me. Air conditioning. I love it. Sometimes it's really hot in my room in spite of the air conditioning, so I hope it's better there. But if I do get selected, I will warn now, there won't be updates for two weeks. Even if we do have reliable service at this location (it's at an actual research station, not some weird cabins down a barely beaten dirt road in the middle of Nowhere, Missouri), I won't have the time to keep up with chapters, and we may not be allowed to bring our phones. But I'd learn about fish and birds and bats and maybe grass I really don't know what it's about but it's nature.

Anyway, I hope you guys have had a delightful Tuesday, and I'll see you on Thursday CT. Love ya!

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