(picking up where last chapter left off)
Josh's POV
"Thank you, I love you"
I read the note again and again it felt like. I ended up deciding to keep it, folding it up and opting to place it in my wallet. I wanted to keep it as a reminder, that even in our hardest times we still had our love for each other. When I opened my wallet and placed the paper inside my eyes fell on the polaroid of Rhiannon I had stashed in there. I took it out and a soft smile formed as I admired her. She was beautiful with the most blissful, genuine smile on her face. This gave me a small spark of hope that she would come around. I decided to take a shower and get changed for bed. Showers have always been a comfort thing for me, they always helped me feel like I was washing away any negativity the day left with me. However, there was no washing away the pain I still felt deep in my chest right now. I stood in the shower for at least an hour just letting the water wash over me. The bathroom was full of steam when I finally decided to step out. I wrapped in my towel and was heading towards my room, but I could see the light still on in Rhiannon's room so I decided to tell her goodnight.
"I just wanted to tell you goodnight, and also I wanted to say something else. Neither of us have to go through this alone love, not if you don't want to. I just feel like maybe you are hiding yourself away because you're afraid of how I'll react to seeing you like this, but I will be just fine, I want to be here for you...I just want you to know that I'm here for you, when you're ready." I said softly through the door. No answer. I honestly wasn't expecting one, I just wanted her to hear what I had to say. I walked into my room and put on a t-shirt and shorts before I collapsed onto my bed, exhausted emotionally and physically. I pulled the covers over myself and started to drift to sleep when I heard the noise of Rhiannon's bedroom door opening. I fought the urge to get up and run to her, holding my breath as I tried to listen for her footsteps. I breathed out a sigh of relief when she appeared in my doorway. Her eyes were sad as they locked on mine, I pulled the comforter back, silently welcoming her to come lay with me. She remained silent but slowly walked over to the bed, climbing in next to me. I pulled the comforter over her before wrapping her in my arms as she cuddled up to me. As soon as we settled into the mattress she began to sob. I just held her tight, rubbing my hand on her back, trying to soothe her in any way I could. Her sobs finally slowed to stifled cries as she started to speak,
"I'm so sorry Josh," she said as she gripped my shirt tighter, pulling herself as closely to me as she could, but she wouldn't look at me, "You would have made the best dad, and I took that away from you....I'm sorry that chances are I can never give that to you," She barely got the words out before starting to cry again,
"Hey, you didn't take anything away from me," I said tilting her chin up so she could see me, her lip quivered as she listened, "This is not your fault, and you experienced the loss just as much as me if not more." I felt a knot forming in my throat as tears welled in my eyes as I looked into her tired eyes. "And as far as the future we can explore our options when you are ready, I'm in no rush." The tears started to stream down my face as she rested her head back on my chest after nodding,
"Josh I'm also sorry for leaving you and locking myself away, I just didn't know what to do, and I didn't know how I could handle seeing you upset, and I knew if you saw me in the state I was in it would kill you." she said, and the apology only made me cry more because I needed to hear it. I repositioned myself, laying down on my side so her and I were face to face, still tangled in each others arms I reached up to caress her face. She leaned into my touch and closed her eyes briefly before looking back to me,
"I just wish there was a way I could take all this pain away from you, because I'd do anything to see your beautiful smile again. I know this is a loss and just like any loss we have to give ourselves time to mourn, and time to heal, but I want us to do that together, supporting each other. I love you so much and I don't want you to go through this alone anymore, and I know I don't want to go through it alone." I managed to choke out between sniffling as I tried to slow my tears.
"I love you too," She said start to break down again, "I don't want to go through it alone anymore" I nodded, kissing her on the forehead before pulling her closer.
"I'm here," I said as I held her even tighter, both of us crying together. After a while we had both slowed our tears and were just holding each other. "Do you need anything before we go to sleep?" I asked softly.
"Can you get me a drink of water?" She asked and I obliged,
"Sure, be right back." I got up and walked to the kitchen barely awake at this point. When I returned she was still in the same spot, watching as I walked back over
"Thank you, and thank you for making me food today." She said as she grabbed the glass and took a sip,
"Of course, you needed to eat," I replied as I got into bed pulling her close again,
"Sometimes I hate how perfect and sweet you are, makes me feel like a really shitty person" she said with the smallest hint of a smile,
"Oh hush, you are not a shitty person." I let out a small laugh at her comment as I kissed the top of her head.
"Josh," she said quietly,
"Hm?" I hummed quietly as I ran my fingers through her hair gently
"Thank you for loving me, I know I make it hard sometimes."
"Nonsense, loving you is easy. The one thing I am most confident, most sure about in my life is how much I love you." She didn't reply but I knew she heard me because she pulled me a little closer. We both fell asleep rather quickly after that.
The next morning I woke up before Rhiannon but I didn't budge. She was sleeping peacefully and I just wanted to look at her. I had only been away from her for a day but I missed waking up with her. Our schedule was clear for about a month and a half, so there was no rush to get out of bed. I closed my eyes as I waited for her to wake up. After a while I felt her shift, so I slowly opened my eyes. Her green eyes were still bloodshot from the emotional night before, but a smile crept on her face.
"Morning" she said, running her fingers in my hair and caressing my face,
"Morning," I replied, turning my face and kissing the palm of her hand. She guided my face to hers and placed a soft kiss on my lips. I sighed, savoring it as she pulled away. "Do you need anything, are you hungry?" I asked
"I could eat, but I want to shower first." She replied, "Join me?" I knew she didn't mean it in a sexual way. If she was feeling what I was feeling then I knew she just didn't want to be away from me, not even for a moment. I nodded, getting up from the bed and giving her my hand as she too stood. Our fingers interlaced as we walked down the hall, I turned to go to my bathroom when she stopped me,
"Let's shower in mine, its huge and it has two shower heads" She suggested,
"Does it really?" I asked surprised,
"Yes," She laughed softly at my surprise, "Come on," She said now leading me. We walked into her bathroom and I realized she was right, this bathroom was much bigger and it did in fact have 2 shower heads. We simultaneously got undressed and I turned the water on, getting it to a comfortable temperature. We both stepped in and started to shower. We would steal small touches and gentle kisses when we'd reach past each other for shampoo or to adjust the water. Once we were both content and ready to get out we both got dressed in comfy clothes, planning on just lounging around the house.
"What would you like for breakfast?" I asked as I walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist as she combed through her wet hair.
"Hmm, do we have stuff for omelets?" she said after some consideration
"I believe so, what all would you like in yours?"
"Bell peppers and spinach?" She asked sweetly,
"I think I can make that happen," I said as I headed back towards the kitchen. I took out all of the ingredients and began chopping a bell pepper into small pieces. I turned to see Rhiannon walking around the corner, coming over and sitting on the counter beside me.
"Oh my gosh Josh, you unpacked everything by yourself?" She asked as she peered over into the living room,
"I did," I paused, "I just needed to keep myself busy. Honestly I'm worried about us keeping busy the next 2 months before we start work," I said as I continued to cook.
"I'm sure we will figure some things once we feel like it and have the energy." She said as she scooted off the counter and got out the bacon, "Do you want some too?" She asked taking down the frying pan,
"Yes please," I replied with a soft smile. We cooked breakfast together before settling on the couch to eat. Rhiannon draped her legs over my lap as I turned on the tv. After sitting there for a couple hours the boredom was already getting to me, and by the way Rhiannon was fidgeting around I could tell it was getting to her too. I looked around the room as I thought, my eyes landing on the photo album I had looked through the day prior and I was suddenly hit with an idea. I pulled out my phone and did some googling before I spoke,
"Do you feel up for a walk?" I asked,
"I guess," She shrugged, "Let me change into warmer clothes and then we can go." She walked off into her room to change as I walked into mine also changing. We slipped on our shoes and stepped out the door, both going different ways,
"Wait, lets go this way," I said as I pointed in the direction I had chose,
"Does it matter?" She laughed, "We are just going for a walk."
"I guess not but I want to look at the architecture on some of those buildings over there," I lied, She obliged and took my hand as we walked down the street. After walking for a while the more turns I made the more Rhiannon started to suspect
"Josh, this is not just a walk, where are we going?" She stopped and asked, crossing her arms
"Just trust me babe, it's right up here" I pointed just ahead, she gave me an annoyed look, "I promise you will love it," I said as I reached my hand back to her.
"Josh I just want to go home," She said as we continued walking,
"Just, look in the window and if you want to go home we can." I said kindly, she nodded as we continued down the sidewalk. We approached the building and I stopped turning to face her, she looked in the window, her eyes going wide as she saw the animals inside. She looked back to me in question, "I saw pictures of you with your cat when you were younger, and I just thought maybe you-" She cut me off and wrapped me in a hug,
"Can we really?" She said as she pulled away, looking intently in the window
"I'm not really a cat guy...but I think I can get used to one." Her eyes lit up as I opened the door and motioned her in, "And this place is a rescue, they were all strays at one point." She was long gone, already swooning over the kittens she was looking at. I grinned at the loving smile on her face, and the excitement in her eyes as she talked to them in a 'baby talk' voice.
"Can I help you guys with anything?" A volunteer asked,
"I think we are going to adopt a cat," I said with a giggle as I watched Rhiannon go from one kennel to the next, looking at and speaking to the resident of each one.
"Do you have any that might need a little extra love?" Rhiannon asked as she turned to the volunteer.
"We do, here if you step in this room I will bring her to meet you." she replied, leading me and Rhiannon into a room that had kitten toys all over the floor. We both sat on the floor as we waited for the volunteer to return. The door opened and Rhiannon's eyes lit up, within seconds she was handed an orange stripped kitten with a white patch oh it's chest. She nuzzled it up to her face and I laughed softly as it almost disappeared amongst her hair,
"Oh, I think thats the one, she looks just like you, the resemblance is uncanny," I joked referring to Rhiannon's red hair matching the orange tone of the cat. She playfully rolled her eyes, to distracted to make a sarcastic comment back.
"Her name is Billie, she was the runt of her litter. She will need a few supplemental bottle feeds a day for a month or so to get some extra calories in her along with her normal wet food. Is that something you are willing to take on?" She asked, looking between me and Rhiannon.
"Absolutely," Rhiannon answered immediately,
"Perfect, I will go get the paperwork and I'll be back with some formula for you to take home for her." The woman said before leaving the room.
"Josh are you sure you're ok with this?" She asked, placing the kitten down.
"Yes, you should see the smile on your face right now. I'm sure." I replied, her cheeks blushing as she leaned forward and kissed me. As we pulled away we watched as the kitten swatted at a toy, chasing after it and running smack into the wall,
"Looks like me and acts like you," She laughed, "Joshy I think we made the right choice."
My mouth curled into a smile as she picked the kitten up, kissing the top of its head. I was so glad to see her happy.