« Que la fin commence. »
« May the end start.»
~~~~~
"He is not a bad cook at all!" Chris exclaimed as he took another spoon of rice. "He is terrific."
"That's what I am telling you. I don't care if he cheats on me or anything. I will come back crawling for the food and the dick, dead ass." I devoured another chicken thigh.
"I will pretend I didn't hear that."
"I am joking, father." I snickered. "He wouldn't do that. I would kill him."
"And that too."
I snorted.
Sitting on Julian's dorm porch, we were eating his last night's dinner before he left for New York for the weekend. I missed him, but he had a busy life before me. And with taking care of me daily, I couldn't help but feel like a burden. The guy had enough on his plate. I would understand if he took the whole week away from me. He deserved it.
Although, I didn't know how he would feel with Chris eating his food on his porch. They never talked, but this drama was over. I invited him to keep me company and give me his take on preparing Julian's birthday. I still had no money, and the birthday was a few days away. I decided to make debts and pay when I got my accounts back. Businesses loved to make debts with people like me. It was a risky thing to do, but this man deserved every bit of it. Nevertheless, I would pay with Julian's money if I got in trouble. It was a little bit twisted, but it was my last resort.
"So, how are you feeling?" He wiped his hand with a paper towel.
"I am good. It hurts when I make sudden moves, but it's fine. I am coping."
"It's great you are healing, but are you okay?" He persisted with a rugged look.
"I am fine." My response was rather cold and distant.
"No one who goes through such experience is fine. You can't lie to me, Xemina. I can see something has changed in you."
I stopped eating and put down my plate. "What do you want me to say? I was attacked right here behind these walls by the guy I used to think I was in love with. The truth was I wasn't clueless. Weeks before he came, I could feel it. The day he set foot out of that car, I knew, and I was just waiting. I wasn't scared. It was the last thing to be done so I could finally find my peace with him."
"So you're okay with Julian killing him. Is that where your peace came from?"
I turned my head in shock towards him. I didn't tell him anything like that. How did he know? My heart began to beat faster as anxiousness settled in my body.
"You do not deny it. So it's true." He drank some water nonchalantly.
"Did you hear it somewhere?" I swallowed.
"Died of suicide? People are not dumb. They are starting to notice the patterns. People who mess with the Elveros always end up dead, but who will judge them? As far as I know, they are above the law. Julian will never taste prison for his crimes anyways. After all, he had his reasons. He is a protector and a leader. He did his job."
"Yeah, but I never told him to kill for me. This guy... what is between us has gone beyond a simple relationship. He showed me he is willing to put his life at risk for me. I have his blood running down my veins. His hands are soaked with Shawn's blood for me. I have never been close to someone like this. No one ever took care of me like that. It's like more days pass; I am falling more in love with him. It's kinda scary how I am willing to depend my whole life on him. I don't care how much he kills or what he does. He did it for me. I am just so in love with him." I sat my face on my palms and dreamily batted my lashes.
"I know. He covers all the things you lack in your life. That's what you were looking for, and lucky you, you found it." He scoffed. "Are you just going to accept he is a murderer just like that? What was the point of the whole argument of sending to therapy if he would do it again? How is he coping with it this time?"
"He seems fine and calm. Not once did he have a breakdown or try to hurt himself. Not even a nightmare. He goes to therapy and comes back. He works and studies. He sings when he cooks; he acts normally. As if life goes on anyway."
"What do you think?"
"There's a difference between Jake and Shawn." I turned my legs towards him. "Jake was his best friend. They grew up together. When he saw... what he saw, he acted out of pure rage and killed him. Then after it all hit him, it weakened him. He didn't want to grief his sister's aggressor, but he had to. So he went down to a fatal depression and emotional spiral for a year. He didn't regret killing Jake, but it hurt." I explained. "His kind betrayed him. He was still his best friend, and he felt like a monster. I think his efforts to change who he is fucked him the most. The asylum, the stabbing, the everything fucked his head. But he can't change. He is an Elvero, and that's what they do. But with Shawn? He was nothing but a vermin wiped out. No bond, no feelings torched out, nothing. He is fine."
"I see. People like Shawn and your mother will always lure in your shadow for the rest of your life. How many more will he wipe out? Like you said, he is an Elvero, and the world is fully aware of who they are. This is not his last strike, and would you be okay with that?"
"He can wipe out as much as he wants. I don't care. I am tired of letting people walk over me, use me, and treat me like shit. All I ever offered this world was my goodness and innocence. What did they give me back? Nothing. They just stripped it off me. Not even my mother showed me love. Things have changed; it's an eye for an eye from now on. I dare someone to fuck with me. Over my peace and happiness, I will carve them myself. I am fucking exhausted, and it's fucking time I breathe!" My word raged out of my throat. They were from my heart. I meant every last one. "Now tell me, does that make me a bad person? Will I burn in hell, or will God torture me himself? Cause I am ready to risk it all for a goddamn decent life on this perishable earth!"
"If a lion kills another lion, what do they say? It's science, nature; it's life. Not once were they condemned to go to hell. It's forbidden by the scripture to murder. But what do you expect from a human? We're just apes with a conscience and intelligence. Even with those abilities, our morals are wrong. Either way, we slaughter. War, death penalty, extinction. We forged our peace around death. Who am I to judge you for wanting the same. We recognize God. Thus, we tend to act like him because of our arrogance." He sarcastically laughed. A laugh that sent pure goosebumps down my spine.
"No one is a Saint. Humanity is doomed to hell, anyways. What seems important is our heart and our relationship with him. Are you willing to get on your knees and confess to him? Are you willing to beg for mercy and forgiveness? My point is, I can't answer your questions and I can't tell you how to live your life. The world outside of these walls is cruel and disgusting. Maybe it is the best your heart turned cold, and your innocence is gone because you wouldn't survive."
"That is not the answer I was expecting from a Christian." I swallowed and stuttered.
"I am not a Christian. I don't follow a religion. I study God himself. I am tired of portraying him as a sixty-year-old strict dad with alcoholic problems. He is a God. He is a flexible divine being. There is so much more to learn about him than what religion portrays. He works in mysterious ways, and I am not content with that as an answer. I want to understand what those mysterious ways are."
"What other choice do I have, Chris? My mom's reputation had already cut my throat. Even when I shared just a selfie, they dehumanized me. The comments were so cruel I cried. How did my mom being a horrible person define me? Yet I can't even argue that. Listen to me talking... I mean, it's tough. Still, I'm not like her. She is an ugly soul, and I expect more like her to be in my path. I will eliminate anyone who stands before me or try to hurt me. My time to live is close. I can let someone else take it away from me. I don't care if I am a good person or not anymore."
I brought my knees to my chest and circled them with my arms.
"A good person is a label we give to people who are convenient to our needs. It's subjective. Your perspective has changed; I think it's your inner rage talking. Either way, you're going to be who you are supposed to be. I imagine your name will be bigger in ten years, and you'll make good in this imperfect world. I don't doubt the decision you'll make will be either good or bad. It will depend on your judgment, but people will strip the crap out of you. You can't be good with that amount of money and power. What I wish for you is that you never slip away from God's hand. Only him is your punisher and savior. Otherwise, Xemina, your life will be nothing but a void full of useless pain and blood."
"I know I will slip away, but I want you to promise me one thing."
"Do say."
"Will you be here to grab me and remind me of who I am? Remind me of those walls and how many times I've cried on your shoulders. Promise me, you will always be here for me."
"I promise you."
_______
The next afternoon, I joined Xavier so we could discuss the party. Agea and he did a great for my birthday party. I wanted to keep the party as minimal as possible with our friends and a few invites. I found the car! Turn out it would cost me 70k, including the custom wrap and the other shot he told me. God, I didn't think I remembered half of what he said. For the third gift, I decided to go with a bracelet. Not any bracelet, a diamond one. He loved diamonds. At least he would wear them.
"Sitting under a tree in the main courtyard, I listened to Xavier rambling about the whole process. I would never know why he was complicating it when I asked for the simplest thing.
"So okay, I got the location down!" Xavier exclaimed with his pencil in the corner of his mouth. "DJ check, you said not to invite any artists? Which I think is stupid. It's Julian's birthday we're talking about. Food check, alcohol check. Guests... Hunh... 200?"
"What the fuck?" I yelled. "NO! It's only our friends and the school. No one else. No paparazzi!"
"Yeah, yeah..." He mumbled under his breath. "Strippers? We gotta make that party interesting at least."
"Okay, get two or three of those. I don't mind."
"Fuck yeah! Titties!" He shouted before writing down something. "I'm going to find myself some whores downtown." He concentrated on his writing with his tongue sticking out.
"So, how much is my debt?" I rested my chin in my palm.
"Oh, girl, we shouldn't talk about that cause you gonna go to jail for keeping your man happy."
"How bad is it?"
"Agea is keeping count of that. But we still need to start paying cause my scrawny ass cannot take pressure and that don't look good on you. You're supposed to be Roñi Royale's daughter."
"I know. It's just- what the hell?"
My sentence was cut off by my phone randomly starting to go off. My notifications were being bombarded to the point I couldn't even read them, and it froze.
"What's happening?" Asked Xavier.
"I don't know I- I think I am being hacked." I immediately headed to the library. Julian was tutoring a group of students there. With Xavier on my side, I burst through the glass doors.
"Julian!"
My scream turned a lot of head. I didn't wait for an answer, grabbed his wrist, and dragged him outside.
"Yo yo yo!!! I'm wearing my brand new J's! Slow down!" He shouted.
"Someone hacked my social media and All of them! My shit is blowing up!" I shoved my phone in his face. "And look! They keep calling me and texting me, shit!"
"You're a celebrity, babe. Someone probably hacked you and leaked your number. Welcome to the club, mamí."
"What?" I screamed while hitting my phone. "That's just fucking normal? It won't stop! I can't turn it off!"
"Yep, you have to be aware of that." He sat down on a bench. "Relax."
"What do you mean not panic? Did that ever happen to you before?" I stuttered and sweat.
"All the time. I can't even count how many times they leaked my nudes."
"I saw them." Xavier giggled on the side, causing glare from me.
"Our social manager probably knows about it already, in the meantime-."
Julian's phone started to ring. He took it out of his pocket and frowned his brows.
"It's Davis. Weird."
"Answer!"
It was strange Mr. Davis called Julian. Whenever he had something to say, he would send an email, and we would meet in his office in New York. I noticed the eyes around me were staring. Why everyone passing was looking at me strangely?
"Look! I don't have time to talk but listen." Mr. Davis spoke. "We are aware that your social accounts are being hacked. Horrible gore images are being posted on your pages right now. Elvero's social media management team is trying to get rid of them. We don't know if it is the work of your mother or not. But there is good news: A warrant has been permitted to search all your mother's properties. Mark will be arrested for fraud. That's all the charge for now. They haven't found evidence he was an accomplice in your father's murder. He stroked a deal. He will confess if he gets a lesser sentence which is stupid. They haven't charged him for murder yet. The bastard should keep his mouth shut."
"No, let him talk so we can finish this for once." Julian rejected.
"You're right. Xemina, the judge has ruled in your favor. You are no longer under Mark's conservatorship. By tonight all your assets will be restored in your name. However, you can't come to New York to sign the paperwork. It is too dangerous. We don't know your mother's whereabouts yet and what she is planning on doing. You should stay safe in Toronto. Welcome back, Xemina Shan Royale."
Tch! Yeah, it was safe inside these walls.
"Understood." I cocked a smile.
Finally, I was free. And the air felt good. After all these years, I was my self-owner. I couldn't be prouder to jump and my boyfriend and best friend's arms. I did it, dad! I gained control so your works would not go in vain. It wasn't a complete victory yet, but it was a damn good one.
At least I could pay my debts now.
~~~~~~