contrition - the state of feeling remorseful and penitent.
It was night. It was cloudy, no stars or the moon could be seen. No light except for the faint glow of the distant city could be seen from Y/N L/N's apartment. No light.
.
It was 2:00 A.M. Y/N was sleeping. She slept restlessly, tossing and turning in her bed most of the night as usual. She's always had trouble sleeping, but nobody listened. Constantly blaming it on delinquency. She was 23 now. So much for that theory. No sleep.
.
Faint flashes of the past popped into her mind. Dreaming of the time when that so-called delinquency could've been a valid argument. The time where she used to laugh. The time where she used to run around and smile. The time when she could actually feel something other than the emptiness she felt in her heart. Dreaming.
.
The faint flashes became more clear. Remembering things from the past that were also upsetting. Not even her mind would let her feel that bliss for more than 5 minutes. The time when she cried herself to sleep. The time when she had to run away from a smile. The time when she felt true horror for the first time. The time when her world was flipped on it's head. Remembering.
.
The clear images began to feel real. Nightmares were a constant thing for Y/N. Ever since that night, and that day, it's been something she couldn't really escape. There never really felt like one. No escape.
.
"Stop, this is too far this time!" The girl yelled, almost begging her friends to stop.
"Why? Maybe now he'll toughen up. I'm tired of having to deal with his shit. It's time to grow up."
The girl continued to scream at her friends to stop. She had a gut feeling this would end in the worst way possible. She always had a good gut instinct, but it was a blessing and a curse. She hated when nobody but herself listened to it.
She began to weep uncontrollably before she fainted. When she woke up, a strange man was standing over her. She could tell he had been crying too, but why? She never understood why. It wasn't for her to understand. She had no idea, so there was no way for her to understand. But why? She wanted to know why. She asked but received no response. Just a menacing smile. One that stuck with her forever. Like an evil stunt-double had just been in front of her. It all felt fake.
The man could tell she was concerned, horrified, and overall just extremely scared and confused. It was written all over her face. He knew she wanted to know why. Why this happened. Why he had been crying. Why he was smiling. However, he'd never tell her. He'd just continue to ruin her life, more than she realized he would.
He approached her calmly, flashing a brief smile before leaning down, resting his head on her shoulder. "Don't worry about it Y/N...Just be....Hap-"
I shot up out of my sleep in a cold sweat. "Another fucking nightmare, when do I get numb to this too?" I slammed my head face first into my pillow. "Pfft. As if." I wasn't that dense. I sighed into my pillow. "Life is just a cycle of hollow joy for things that can be taken away from you with the snap of a finger, and vicious self-hatred for the things you blame yourself for not changing, knowing there was no changing it in the first place." I rested my head back down on my pillow, taking a deep breath.
I was so tired of thinking of the past. I could never move on. Not from what happened, not from who I had met, not from the emotions of that time, or from just simply the smell in the air. I could never forget him either. It was all too much again.
I ran to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I was trying to do my best to calm my ever-so anxiety inducing mind. I turned on some of my favorite music while drinking my cold water. Music that made me feel the present moment. Music that made me realize where I currently was in this reality. That helped calm me in the moment, but it never helped me accept reality for what it was. I knew I'd never get the closure I wanted to receive, no matter how hard I tried to get it.
I finished my water and rested my head back down, fighting my mind to allow me to sleep. I tried my best to focus on all of my good memories again, maybe in hopes I could drift off to a peaceful dream for once. My old friends....where I used to live and how I used live....him...how we lived.
Those thoughts comforted me but also brought pain in my heart. I had a gut feeling I'd never get any of those things back, so all I can do anymore is dwell. I hated myself for that, but at least it got me some form of rest. After dwelling for a bit, I finally started to feel myself drift, hoping another nightmare wouldn't wake me. I fell back asleep while thinking about how things used to be, even if they still weren't necessarily good. Nightmares.
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A/N - Here it is! The beginning of "coldblood." I've brainstormed this, and I'm finally in the writing stage. Finishing this first chapter felt really good. I'm super excited for everyone to see how this story plays out. This is only the beginning though, but I hope it already has you hooked, has you questioning, and has your attention. Enjoy~!