"Fucking up my mental when I think about you
In my room plotting how to start reaching out to you
Cause at first the situation had me deep in doubt
But the beauty evened out the beast and I can't be without
Your love
It's by far the most dangerous subject to touch
Yet we actin' like its lust, yeah right
Will lust have you up at 5 writing a text
Trying to get a thought up off of your chest
And her all on your chest gotta work so you calling to rest
For a second then you call her for sex
And she there in a second and her parents are stressing
Cause she missed a whole semester fucking round with this peasant..."
Blue and Exile – "No Greater Love"
A week after celebrating her birthday, Disa was struck with period pains so intense that she had to stay home for three days curled up in her bed with a hot water bottle smashed into her belly and a bottle of extra-strength Tylenol on hand every six hours. Heavy bleeding had her feeling too ill to eat solid food, so she sipped herbal teas and forced down chicken broth. The rain outside wouldn't let up, and the overcast sky matched the overcast mood as she toughed it out. She had uterine fibroids and her flow had gotten heavier over the last three years.
Her doctor had her on high iron supplements to prevent anemia from all the extraneous blood loss every month. Her periods lasted longer than five days, and with the heavier blood flow, she worried about cancerous tumors. Especially with her father suffering from throat cancer. Her mind whirled with thoughts of heredity. Her mother suffered from fibroids for years and passed it down to her. She feared having uterine cancer if she hit the wrong genetic lottery. So far, the worst she experienced was lower back pain, the overabundance of blood loss, and having to change her menstrual pads up to three times a day away from home on her crappy days. Her last doctor's visit had her caretaker recommending dietary changes. More fruit and vegetables. Weight loss. Disa loved her size and lamented the thought of having to shrink her goddess body. She was not interested in looking unlike herself just to live pain-free seven days each month. Of course, she would do it if she had to, but so far, crying in bed with a rubber bladder pressed into her stomach and smoking weed to ease the pain was enough. The symptoms that debilitated her only occurred three or four times a year. She could handle that. For now.
Disa heard Erik moving around in the kitchen. It was time for her to eat something again. She didn't want to bother Erik and share her burden, but she didn't feel like moving around either.
"Erik?"
He didn't answer. Her bedroom door was closed. She lifted her cell from her side and texted him. It took a few minutes for him to go to his phone and see her message. A knock at the door alerted her to the message received.
"Come in," she said.
Erik padded in barefoot and dressed in loose jeans and an undershirt.
"Rough night with Paul?"
She grimaced as she shifted her body his way.
"My period is killing me. Could you do me a big favor and heat up the bowl of soup I have in the fridge? It's inside the round green Tupperware bowl. Just stick it in the microwave for two minutes. My body is trash right now."
She grimaced again and rubbed one side of her stomach.
"I'll hook you up," he said.
His forehead creased with concern before he left her room. Pressing her forehead into her pillow, she felt a rush of blood release and gritted her teeth at the annoyance. She hated having periods. Sometimes it sucked having a vagina.
Erik returned with the soup bowl on a plate. Giant egg noodles floated in a savory chicken and mushroom broth.
"Thanks," she said.
"Here."
Erik handed her some premium weed. She sat the joint on her side and ate her meal. There wasn't much left in the plastic bowl, so it didn't take long to finish. He watched her eat, then lit up her joint and shared it with her. A fed belly and top-shelf herb made her feel mellow. She licked her dry lips and stared at Erik. He'd cut his hair short to prepare for military service. It looked nice. He'd have to stop wearing his slugs soon, so she enjoyed looking at his teeth when she could see the gold flashes in his mouth.
"This hit the spot," she said, passing him the joint.
He nodded and puffed.
"My graduation robe came in today. I also turned in my thesis early," he said.
"Hey now. What's the first thing you'll do once you graduate?"
He tilted his head back and sighed.
"Visit family. See my grandfather. Head down to Sao Paulo for the baptisado. I'm staying there for a month to train with my Uncle Besouro and Marisol."
"How is she? She sent me a birthday card. Did you see it on the fridge?"
"Yeah. She's good. Check it..."
He pulled out his cell and swiped a video folder.
"She was chosen queen of her samba school."
They watched a clip of Marisol dripping in gold glitter, a canary yellow feather headdress, and the tiniest bikini studded with gold and fake diamond rhinestones. She danced to samba music, twisting her feet and hips while holding her arms out in front of a line of drummers. Her smile was so bright that it nearly eclipsed the shine of her costume.
"That's Marisol?" Disa gasped.
Erik looked so proud watching the video.
"She's been wanting to be a drum queen since we were little."
"That bikini is not leaving much to the imagination."
"That's normal down there."
"Omnigod she's got the perfect butt. Look at her legs move... and in those high ass heels. I would break my ankles just trying to walk in them, let alone shake like that, too. She's beautiful."
The clip ended and Erik showed her another one, with an entire group of people moving with Marisol past a crowd of people.
"That was back in February. I didn't get a chance to go because of my TA duties. Wish I could've been there to see it live."
He put the phone away.
"How are you feeling now?"
He took the empty bowl away from her and dropped the unsmoked bit of weed that was left inside of it.
"Better. I'm floating now."
Erik rubbed her feet that were still under the covers.
"I'm going to cook some meatloaf later. Think you'll want to eat something heavier?" he asked.
"Maybe. Thanks for offering."
He lifted himself away from the bed.
"Text me if you need anything. Going to do some reading, then work out in the living room."
"Thanks... wait... before you go..."
He stopped moving toward the door.
"Can we stay in touch after you leave?"
His eyes darted to the floor, and her heart sank.
"I'd like that," he finally said.
She smiled.
"I assumed we would, but sometimes... you know... people make friends at school and then they disappear. I'm so glad you needed a place to crash after Chocolate City. I often wonder if we would've become close had you not lived here."
"I believe we would've. I wasn't going to stop bugging you about music or other things. You were always the biggest factor in our friendship happening."
He paused and gazed at her fully.
"You gave me a lot of freedom and I appreciate that. I've grown a lot being around you."
"I feel the same."
"Get some sleep. I'll wake you when I'm done cooking."
"Okay. Thanks again."
She snuggled under the covers as he closed her bedroom door. Two hours later, she was a blubbering mess. She didn't know if it was from the discomfort of her cramps and bleeding, or because she didn't want Erik to leave Cambridge.
Probably both.
###
Disa left town for a speaking engagement, and Erik had the house to himself for a couple of days. He translated content from his father's journals. Now that his thesis was complete, he relaxed into the downward spiral of another end to an era of his life. No more school. He had lifted weights earlier in the day and began a new food regiment. He ate six times a day to gain more weight. The goal was to gain an additional twenty pounds and maintain it throughout the start of his basic training. He was already in peak physical condition, but he wanted to stand out during his indoctrination.
Standing in Disa's kitchen, he watched the news on his laptop while he cooked his mother's recipe for smothered chicken and rice with fried okra. Glancing at the time on his computer, he rinsed his hands and went to set the table in the dining room with placemats. He had a four-cheese mac and cheese baking in the oven, and his dinner guest would be there soon. She normally was an early bird, but at the moment, she was running thirty minutes late.
He was passing the living room window when he saw a chauffer-driven black sedan pulled up in front of the house. His old intern roommate, Maria Alvarez, stepped out from the passenger backseat and pulled down on the dark blue dress she wore. Erik went down to the front door and opened it.
"Get lost?" he said.
The smile on her face reminded him of old times in California. She looked sophisticated. Her hair was longer and her make-up was professionally done. She was a far cry from the spastic helicopter that hovered around him when they worked for Stark.
Walking carefully up the stairs in six-inch heels, Maria gave him a big hug when she reached him on the porch.
"Look at you! So mature-looking!" she said.
"You look amazing."
"Two years of Stark money will elevate the wardrobe. Mmmm, smells good just from standing out here."
"Made you one of your favorite meals from our old apartment."
"Oh, God! Smothered chicken?!" she squealed.
She hugged him again, and all that wild energy was still within her. He led her inside and put away her purse.
"Tony sends his regards. He couldn't get out of the department meeting, but we'll have lunch with him on Tuesday."
Erik showed her around the house, and it impressed her.
"Food is ready, but we can have a drink first," he said.
"Please! Being here with Tony and Pepper has been so dry. She's so strict with our schedules. I only agreed to come along because I wanted to see you."
"Wayment, is that a ring on your finger?"
Erik lifted her ring finger and admired the small diamond on her hand.
"I got engaged last week," she said.
"Congrats!"
"It's going to be a long engagement, but I'd love for you to be my Gentleman of Honor."
"Is that a thing?"
"I'm making it one!"
He poured Maria a glass of white wine and brought out a copy of his thesis encased in a fancy cover.
"The Sound and Fury of Transgressive Wars: The Study of Long Range Acoustic Devices Used on Black Activism in America," she read out loud.
Her face scrunched up.
"It's not your best title, but it'll work."
"That paper ends my academic career on a high note."
"Still doing the Navy?"
"Yep."
He guided her to the kitchen, where he freed their mac and cheese from the stove. Maria washed her hands in the sink.
"I'm starving!" she whined, flailing her arms to rush him with the food.
They made their plates in the kitchen and retreated to the dining room for an early dinner. Erik already had a fresh bottle of wine waiting for them with new stemless glasses.
Maria tucked in without blessing her food as Erik sat with his palms turned up the way he and Disa prayed over every meal. Stuffing gooey mac n cheese into her mouth, Maria stared at him.
"Since when did you become religious?"
"Disa and I pray over our meals together."
"You eat together? Regularly?"
"Most of the time. Not lately because finals are going on and graduation too."
"Is she your girlfriend?"
Erik stuffed a chicken chunk covered in savory brown gravy with bacon bits into his mouth. He chewed as Maria continued to study his face.
"She's not. We're good friends."
"Good friends, huh?"
Maria stabbed a few pieces of okra and onions on her fork.
"Yeah."
"If you say so."
"I say so."
"Devika got married."
One thing about Maria, she would always be blunt. Things never changed with her.
"Oh, yeah?"
"That guy she hooked up with after you. They seem happy. She asked about you before she moved."
"She left Stark?"
"Four months ago. Her husband has a job in Canada. She's going back to school for a philosophy degree."
"Good for her."
"I think she settled."
"Why do you say that?"
Maria shrugged.
"There was something about the way she asked about you. I sensed a little sadness there. Like she missed you. Did you two ever keep in touch?"
"Clearly we didn't if I didn't know about her wedding. Tell me about your man."
Mistake.
Maria gushed about Roberto Chang for two hours, complete with a photo slideshow on her cell phone. She crammed seconds of his chicken in her mouth while going on and on about how sweet the guy was. Maria was still bragging about him when he heard Disa's key working the front door.
###
Disa's mouth watered.
The moment she flung the front door open, the odor of gravy and fried veggies hit her nose. Her stomach grumbled. She wasn't supposed to be back until the next day, but she flew home early because it was Sunday, and she knew Erik would cook something scrumptious.
Leaving her suitcase near the closet door, she ran up the stairs and sought out the chef. She found him sitting next to an attractive woman in an expensive dress, sipping wine close together.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having company over."
The obligatory words floated out of her mouth. Erik's eyes twinkled with surprise. He stood up from his seat.
"Hey... Disa, this is Maria."
"Hi!" Maria said.
The chipper tone in the woman's voice was ignored when Disa saw their empty plates of food. She had missed the meal and was intruding on their conversation.
"Hi, Maria. I got back early. Didn't feel like staying an extra day in Kentucky. Finish your meal, I'll get out of your way," she said.
She ran back down the short flight of stairs to grab her roller bag.
"There are some leftovers in the fridge," Erik said.
Disa pushed her suitcase in front of her and walked past the dining room.
"I'm good. Just gonna go crash. I'm beat," she said.
She wasn't. She slept well on the plane.
"We won't be too loud," Maria said.
Disa nodded and scurried to her room. Her face was flushed with embarrassment. He was probably going to wine and dine his girl and bed her down, thinking they had the house to themselves. Reaching for her cell in her carry-on bag, she tried calling Yamilet to see if she wanted to hang out for the night. She could spend the night there because she didn't want to hear Erik having sex with another woman. Yamilet didn't answer until Disa called a second time. Unfortunately, Yamilet had company at her one-bedroom apartment. Disa didn't want to hear her friend getting sexed up either.
Her cell chirped in her hand. Paul.
"Hey," she said, dropping herself on her bed.
"Come down to your front door."
"Why?"
"Just come down," Paul said.
Disa sat her phone on the bed and slipped into the kitchen and used the garage door to slip out of the house. Pushing the garage door opener, she walked outside and glanced up at the porch.
"What are you doing here?" she called up to him.
Paul walked down the steps with a bouquet of flowers.
"I haven't seen you for a long time, and I wanted to surprise you when you texted about flying back home. I booked a quick flight over with a rental car to whisk you away to a hotel."
"Oh, Paul. I don't feel like running off anywhere else tonight."
"I've booked it for a few days, so we can go tomorrow."
He handed her the flowers. Pink roses.
"They are so pretty, thank you."
He leaned in for a kiss on the lips, but she pivoted her head so that he contacted her cheek instead. She pretended to be enamored with the flowers.
"I'll put these in my bedroom."
He followed her into the garage.
"Were you doing something in here?" he said.
They passed Erik's car and Disa's drums.
"Erik has female company for the evening, so I didn't want to disturb their dinner date."
Disa led Paul to her bedroom through the kitchen exit.
"This is why we should go to my hotel room," he said.
She closed the sliding door that separated her hallway from the rest of the house.
"He'll go to his side soon enough and we'll all be fine," she said.
She placed the flowers on her dresser and sat back on the bed with Paul. They chatted for a few minutes. Eventually, Disa changed into a short nightie and tied her hair up into a ponytail. Paul stayed dressed but kicked off his shoes to cuddle with her on the bed. She told him about her lecture in Kentucky but was feeling lackluster about sharing the details. Disa wanted to talk to Erik about it. She wished she could've eaten his food and told him about the powerful reception of her ideas about restructuring housing developments. Paul was a receptive listener and asked her all the pertinent questions. He fawned over her work. But he wasn't Erik. It didn't feel the same.
Paul talked about his new job assignment and she half-listened as the tone of his warm voice lulled her toward sleep and peace.
"—Moving to Australia, and I'd like you to come with me."
She blinked several times.
"Say that again," she said.
Disa sat up against the headboard.
"I've been offered a project manager gig in Sydney, and I would love for you to come with me. The assignment doesn't start until July, but I'm heading out in June. It's a great opportunity for you to find employment if you want. I'd take care of you no matter what."
"You're asking me to live with you?"
"Yes. Later down the line, I'd like to give you this..."
He pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket. Disa took it in her hand. She opened it and the giant engagement ring didn't seem to match the demure case it came in.
"Oh my God, Paul."
"I'm not asking you now because I know you have so much going on. But I love you, Disa. We fit together and I want to give you the world. Your talents will be wasted here in the states. You are meant to design skyscrapers, opera houses, near-future housing that defies the limitations of modern architecture. Let me give you that chance."
She fingered the ring.
Paul was a good man. Handsome. Well off. Mature. He offered her the world she dreamed of on a gold platter.
"I need time to think," she sputtered.
It wasn't the answer she wanted to say off the top, but it tumbled out anyway.
"Listen, you have three months to decide on leaving with me. If you need more to lease out this place, you can have it and come to me later in the year. I won't rush you."
She nodded and handed him back the ring. He pocketed it and wrapped his arms around her.
"You are my brilliant queen, Disa. You deserve everything, especially a man like me," he whispered.
###
She snuck out of her bedroom and entered the kitchen as quiet as a church mouse. Paul was in her bathroom wearing one of her Korean facial masks to help soften the razor bumps on his freshly shaved cheeks. She grabbed a plate from a cupboard and raided the fridge for Erik's leftovers. She heard music coming from his bedroom and opted to warm up the food in the old microwave she kept in the garage to not make any noise.
Once she warmed her food, Disa stood in the lit-up garage eating the smothered chicken and staring at Erik's car. Closing her eyes, her tongue wept as the flavors reminded her of Mississippi summers with her grandparents, fireflies, cozy blankets, and wild cousins. She licked her lips of gravy and chowed down on the okra and fried onions that sat on her rice.
He would leave, and she would be alone.
The navy would take over his life. He'd forget her. No more late-night chats in the kitchen when they both stumbled in to drink coffee as they typed away at their final papers late into the night. No more glancing over at him during one of her fancy dinners and smirking at the look on his face as she argued down one of her friends. No more giddy laughter at stupid animated shows she'd catch him watching and soon found herself getting hooked on, too. No more mixing records while he sat near her reading. The animated man-child that popped up into her life as a fan was really leaving her.
Leaving her?
Disa swallowed the last of her food.
She loved him.
It took her two years and the navy looming over him to make her realize that she loved Erik Stevens. More than love. She adored him. The denial of embracing her feelings made her cry. Wiping her eyes, she shuffled back up into the kitchen with her empty plate. She licked the last bit of gravy on the ceramic.
"I knew you'd get into that food eventually," Erik said.
He stood in the kitchen wearing only gray boxer-briefs and a smile. A glass half-filled with water sat in his hand. In the yellowish glare of the overhead stove light, the smile faded from his face.
"You okay?" he asked, putting the glass on the counter near the fridge.
She shook her head no and placed her dirty dish into the sink. Standing across from him, the reality of losing Erik hit her.
"What is it?" he asked.
She couldn't bear to have him look directly at her. Moving next to the counter, she grabbed his glass of water and drank the last down.
"Hey... Disa?" Erik implored.
"Paul asked me to move to Australia with him. He also showed me an engagement ring in my bedroom."
"Congratulations?" he said with caution.
She shook her head again.
"I don't want to go. Even though it's a fucking amazing opportunity... I don't want to go. I don't want to marry him. I love you, Erik, and I'm terrified of not seeing you ever again."
Her stomach clenched into a hard ball, and she rested her forehead on the bottom of a cabinet.
"You love me?" he said.
"I do—"
His lips were on her before all of her words escaped from her mouth. He cradled his arms around her and pushed Disa up against the opposite counter. Their tongues entwined with perfect precision and her heart swelled with the overflow of emotion that poured out of him and into her.
"Erik, wait... you have company—"
"Maria left after dinner."
Disa pulled back from him.
"We used to be interns for Stark," he said, pulling her closer again. "She was just catching up and giving me information I needed."
Disa grinned and dropped her face down.
"Disa, I have loved you for a long time. I hate that I'm leaving, but it's a path I've chosen and I have to see it through. But I want you in my life too."
She pushed her face into his neck.
"This isn't the time to talk about this. Paul is still here—"
"Tell him to leave."
"It's not that easy. He is offering me a life. You are offering me uncertainty."
"But you don't love him. I can feel it. I hear it in your voice. This is our moment. Get him up outta here."
"I have to talk to him first. Give him my answer."
Erik pulled her into his arms and cradled her neck with one hand.
"Tell me you love me again. Look me in my eyes, Disa."
She raised her gaze from his neck to his face.
"I love you."
Erik seemed to physically melt while holding her. Tension left his shoulders, and he sought her lips. His kisses were filled with languid exploration, as if they had all the time in the world to stand there together with soft mouths uniting as one. His hands dropped to her backside, and he squeezed and separated her cheeks. A bulge grew inside of his boxer briefs. Time was forgotten.
A rumble from her bedroom let her know Paul had jumped into the shower. She gave in to the intense feeling of Erik's tongue in her mouth. Her pussy throbbed when he skimmed the cleft in her ass cheeks and dipped a finger into her folds from the back. He groaned at how wet she was already. He lifted her and sat her on the cool, clean counter. Positioning himself between her meaty thighs, he ran his fingers under her sheer nightie and lifted her breasts. She raised up her nightie and allowed him to suckle and kiss her voluptuous mounds. When he began flicking his tongue rapidly against her nipples, her legs shot out.
Paul would be in the shower for a long time. The man luxuriated in long hot cleansing water. They had a little time. Erik's tongue ran along the side of her neck and found the shell of her ear where he hummed her name and made her pussy tap out an SOS for his dick. The code was received, because Erik pulled her to the edge of the counter and fished his hand inside the opening of his briefs.
"We can't..." she huffed.
But they did.
Erik had his dick in his hand and rubbed his fingers around the tip, spreading pre-cum before inserting himself inside of her. Madness. Letting that man fuck her raw. Her pussy swallowed his erection.
"You see how hard you got me?" he groaned.
Each thrust that rocked into her dragged out loud moans of pleasure from him and her. This was some new dick. Not the one that petered out with three strokes a long time ago. No, this was a man stretching out his woman with righteous vigor. This was her man.
They tried to fuck quietly, even with Erik just giving half of his inches. He teased her walls by giving her just enough to have her opening clenching to hold him deeper. She ran her nails across his scalp.
"Feel so good," she hummed into his ear and he gasped from the vibration of her mouth.
Common sense returned, and she pushed him back. Paul would get out of the shower, eventually. She needed to talk to him. Pushing Erik back, she removed her pussy from his heavy dick. He had a wounded look in his eye and the side of his mouth curled into a frown. His brows stitched vexation above his narrowing eyes. The intensity made her opening twitch.
"I have to do this the right way, Erik."
She jumped down from the counter and pulled down her nightie.
"I'll talk to him and then you and I can figure us out in the morning."
She walked away before he could question her. Shaky legs returned her to a room with steam pouring from under the closed bathroom door. Paul was using her honeysuckle body wash. Clasping her fingers together, she stared at the door, trying to gather her words together. She didn't want to go with him. She couldn't leave her father with his health crisis at the moment. Any and all thoughts raced through her mind.
Strong hands grabbed at her waist. She gasped, and Erik pressed his face against hers.
"You're taking too long," he hissed in her ear.
He pulled down his boxers and parted her folds with a length that made her stand on her tippy-toes.
"You're mine now," he grunted.
Her mouth fell open as that magic stick claimed her pussy for all time.
"Oh, fuck... oh fuck... oh my God... oh shit... oh shit, Erik... I can't... Jesus!" she cried out.
He yanked her nightie off, loosening the tie that held her hair back. Silky hair fluttered about her shoulders. He gripped her arms and rooted her to the spot with thrusts that made her ass clap. She whimpered from anxious fear. Paul could walk out and see her pussy being pummeled. Erik was hitting angles that shouldn't have been possible while standing. He dug into his heels and made his dick do a search and rescue inside of her deep pink wetness. Her tits smacked together with disrespectful slaps. His balls slapped her clit and the surge of pleasure took over her rational mind. She threw her ass back on him and he was grateful. The complete wrongness of the situation sat unfazed in their minds.
"This is whatchu been needing, girl. A big hard dick all in your pussy. I love you, Disa. I love you. You tell that nigga to go back where he came from and you come to my bed... make you my woman... all in this tight pussy... fuck me, baby... dammit! My dick is a fuckin' rock. Make Daddy nut in this pussy... yeah... dassit... big ass all on Daddy's dick... make me cum... make me cum...'bout to nut... ooh I'm 'bout to nut in this pussyyyyyy—"
Erik gave one final thrust, and she felt the hardness swell within her. A hot nut drenched her insides, each spurt coating her walls. She let go then, her orgasm rendering tight squeezes all up and down his length, milking every drop from his slit.
"Fuckkkk!" he gasped.
Erik fell back from her on unsteady legs and fisted himself. He covered her vulva with a final spurt of semen.
The shower water shut off.
"Disa?"
Paul's voice echoed into the space.
Erik squeezed her taut nipples. They were so sensitive that her pussy gave aftershocks from the plucking of nerve endings.
"Get in my bed," Erik said through gritted teeth.
He slapped her ass and left her standing there with cum gushing out of her pussy. It ran down the back of her thighs as the shock of what happened rocked her to her core. The bathroom door flew open and Paul ambled out with a towel wrapped around his waist. Disa could barely get her breathing together. Her pussy throbbed and her clit jumped from the ghost of Erik's handling of them. Just thinking of his fat dick again made her legs tremble.
A thick stream of cum dribbled out of her pussy once more. Disa covered her privates with her hand. It embarrassed her to feel how much he had ejaculated on her from the outside. Her fingers were dripping wet with Erik's claim on her body.
The sly grin on Paul's lips faded away as he took in Disa's expression and wildly disheveled hair.
"I can't marry you. I can't go to Australia," she whispered.
Cum fell from her fingers.
She ran past Paul and locked herself in the bathroom.