Thorin's voice echoed off the walls in the room and everyone had turned towards him. When I looked into his eyes, I couldn't see anything but gold. The group seemed unsure of what to do next. It was clear they were hoping to celebrate but Thorin had other plans.
"It's good you are back. Get the others and get down here. We must find the Arkenstone," He said gruffly, turning back towards the pillar.
He made brief eye contact with me and seemed to think I would follow him. I rolled my eyes, annoyed with his shift in attitude and ran up the stairs to greet the returning dwarves up close. I smiled softly at the two brothers. Fili smiled back at me and pulled me into a hug. I happily hugged him back, giving Kili a hug as well.
"I'm so happy you all are ok. When the dragon fell, I feared the worst," I told them, standing beside Bilbo.
"We feared for you lot as well," Bofur smiled at me, "I'm just glad you are all still standing!"
"What's going on with our uncle?" Kili asked, finally speaking up.
"Dragon sickness. I'm sure Balin can explain it better than I can but, the gold has caused his mind to go into an obsession. He slips in and out of it, sometimes he is his old self and he is happy to be here. Other times it's like I can't even recognize him."
"What can be done?" Oin asked. Being the 'medic' of the group, I was sure he was hoping there was a herb he could find to cure the leader.
I looked towards Thorin in silence.
"Nothing," Bilbo answered for me, "There is no cure."
"So what? He just slowly gets worse? We just got our home back and now we're going to lose our uncle?" Kili asked, his voice rising in anger.
"Hey!" I cut off his ranting, turning towards him, "You aren't the only one losing him."
He sighed and looked away.
"Come on, we don't need to go turning on each other right now. Let's go find the others and let them know you're back," I told Kili, placing a hand on his arm to try and ease the tension.
It seemed to work. The young dwarf nodded and turned towards an exit. He paused briefly, realizing this was his first time in the mountain as well. He shyly looked back towards us and Oin cleared his throat, taking the lead. We followed him through a door, around a corner, down a hall, then through one more door.
"Balin!" Bofur called out happily, running up to the white-haired dwarf.
Balin turned around and greeted the dwarf with a big smile and open arms.
"Kili!" Nori called out as the brothers entered the room.
"Bombur!" Bofur called again.
Bilbo and I stood at the door's entrance watching the dwarves reunite. I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled. The dwarves looked so happy to see each other again it almost allowed me to forget about the sickened dwarf that waited for us in the treasure hall.
"You all look good! Kili! You're leg, what happened to the arrow wound?!" Dori said happily.
Kili did a little jump, landing on both legs with ease. The dwarves laughed and Fili smiled at his brother.
"What arrow wound!" Kili laughed.
Fili smiled again before his face grew serious.
"I hate to break this up, I am so happy to see you all. But..." He paused and looked over at me for help.
"Thorin is expecting us," I finished for him.
"Of course, he is," Balin sighed.
Balin took the lead this time, leading the group back to the treasure room. For most of the dwarves, this was their first time in the mountain. I hated feeling like this but it was nice to not be the only clueless one in the room.
"Good. You are all back. Now, get to work. Fine the stone," Thorin told us all, his voice booming off the walls.
The dwarves walked down the stairs looking defeated. Bilbo went to follow but I grabbed his arm.
"Not you. You have done more than enough to satisfy his greed. Stay here, I'll try and get him to remember," I told him.
He smiled at me, nodding and turning away to sit on a bench in a hallway that overlooked Dale. I took a deep breath and slowly walked down the steps towards Thorin. He was standing on a mound of gold overlooking the others as they searched for his jewel.
"Any sign of it?" Thorin shouted, not noticing me begin to walk towards him
"Nothing yet," Dwalin responded.
"Nothing here," Nori echoed, his voice coming from what seemed like miles away.
"Keep searching!" Thorin told them all, his voice growing more annoyed.
"That jewel could be anywhere!" Oin cried, sounding beyond frustrated.
"The Arkenstone is in these halls. Find it!" Thorin responded to Oin's frustration.
"You heard him, keep looking!" Dwalin tried to sound encouraging but it was clear to me how much he wanted to give up.
"All of you! No one rests until it's found," Thorin's voice grew dark.
"Well, that doesn't sound healthy," I told him, finally standing beside him.
"This jewel is the most important thing right now," He brushed me off, not looking at me.
"You're doing it again."
"Doing what?"
"Forgetting. You are forgetting why we are here, how we got here, and the sacrifices these dwarves have made for you."
"I never asked them to make those sacrifices. That was their own choice."
"You didn't need to ask them Thorin. They care about you, they want to see you succeed and you're treating them like slaves."
He turned to me, his eyes filled with anger and sickness. He grabbed my shoulders, digging his fingers into my skin. I widened my eyes at his actions and winced at the pain.
"I have spent decades waiting for this moment. I will not have you ruining my plans," He whispered angrily at me, his fingers digging harder into my shoulder.
I could only look at him in fear, unsure what to say. After a few seconds, the anger in his eyes faded and he quickly released me. He looked at his hands fearfully then back up at me. He looked devastated. I reached up to rub my shoulders, wanted to say something to him but was nervous he would lose control again.
"Y/n, I'm sorry I-" He took a step towards me and I instinctively stepped backwards. He paused and his face dropped but he continued speaking, "I'm so sorry amrâlimê. I would never hurt you, I don't know what came over me."
"Thorin," I whispered, "I love you. I love you more than anything in the world, but I cannot let you verbally degrade me because of some obsession."
His eyes welled with tears, "I'm trying."
I took a step towards him, feeling guilty for calling him out. Thorin fell to his knees and pulled me towards him. His arms wrapped around my waist and I couldn't stop myself my running my hands through his hair.
"Come on, let's go somewhere we can talk privately yeah?" I said, pulling him up.
Looking around I noticed all eyes were on us. Thorin didn't respond but he also didn't resist when I pulled on him. He walked beside me and held my hand, keeping his head hanging in shame. We walked down a hall, looking for an empty room. The mountain seemed to be just hallways and I felt my frustration grow. How could there not be one single room?
"Over there," Thorin whispered, nodding his head to another hallway.
"What?"
"There's a small medic room over there," He repeated, pointing at the hallway.
I nodded and walked towards it, relieved when I noticed he was right. I pulled us into the room and he sat down on one of the chairs. The room was quite small. It had a square table in the middle with two chairs and the rest of the room was filled with cabinets and baskets. I searched through the cabinets, looking for anything useful I could bring to Balin. I found some cloth and alcohol and put them on the table to remind myself to bring them with me when we walked back. I looked at Thorin who was doing everything to avoid eye contact with me. I sighed and pulled the chair so it was beside him. I sat down and placed my hand on his. He looked at me with big watery eyes.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," He whispered, giving me a pleading look.
"I understand that you didn't mean to Thorin, but you still did and we need to figure out a way to make sure it won't happen again."
He nodded and glanced at my shoulders, "Did I leave any marks?"
I looked down as well and pulled the neck of my shirt over one of my shoulders revealing 5 small finger-shaped bruises. A tear fell down Thorin's cheek and he dropped to his knees again, hugging my waist. He sobbed quietly into my shirt and I feel my heart shatter. As much as I wanted to tell him it was ok, I didn't want to dismiss the things he did and make him feel like this kind of behaviour was acceptable. After a few minutes his sobs turned into sniffles and he pulled away to look up at me.
"I want to do better," He told me.
I placed my hand on his cheek and he leaned into my touch, "I know, and I know you are trying Thorin. So let's talk about what happened and figure out a way to make sure it doesn't happen again."
He nodded again and sat in the chair beside me, "I don't know how to remember when I forgot."
"What seems to help you remember now?"
"Touching you. Not in a weird way, I just, holding your hand or hugging you or," He paused and looked at my shoulders, "The point is, when I'm holding you, my memories don't feel so fuzzy."
"Well, as adorable as I find that, you aren't always going to be in a situation where I am near you. If you forget enough to do this to me Thorin, I'm worried about what could happen to others."
"I never meant to make you scared," He whispered.
"I know."
"When you stepped away from me, you looked so scared."
"I was just," I paused looking for the right word, "Surprised."
"I think I need something that reminds me of you."
We both sat in silence thinking before I looked towards my neck. I touched the locket that rested against my skin and looked back at him.
He shook his head, "No Y/n. I know how important that is to you. I can't take that."
"If this will help you stay yourself Thorin, then you need to."
I reached behind my neck and unclasped the chain, handing it to him. The chain was too big for me to begin with so it would definitely fit him. He sighed and looked at me.
"I promise not to let anything happen to it," He told me, turning around and holding his hair up.
I didn't respond and clasped the chain shut, putting my hands on his shoulders. He let his hair down and turned to look at me. He placed a hand on my cheek and gave me a soft smile. I looked deep into his eyes, praying I wouldn't see any glimpse of the illness. All I could see was him.
"Come on, we've left them long enough," He told me, "And I should probably apologize."
"Probably," I laughed, taking his hand from my cheek and holding it in my one.
We stood up and walked slowly back to where we had left the others. We didn't speak, neither of us knowing what to say that would make the other feel better. I wasn't ungrateful for the silence.
"You're back," Bilbo sighed, walking over to me without acknowledging Thorin.
"I'm sorry Bilbo," Thorin said quietly.
"What?" My brother asked, more stunned than confused.
"For how I treated you before Smaug. It was selfish and ungrateful of me and I'm sorry. I should have been more concerned for your safety than my own desires."
Bilbo smiled and cleared his throat, putting his hands behind him and rolling on his heels, "I appreciate that Thorin, thank you."
Thorin nodded and smiled before walking towards the other dwarves. I stayed back to talk with Bilbo.
"Are we sure that's the same dwarf that took away everyone's sleeping rights a few minutes ago?" Bilbo asked, still sounding stunned.
"We talked. I gave him my birth mom's necklace."
"You did what?"
"It helps him to remember me when he starts to forget himself. And he recognized that I can't be with him 24/7 so now he has something special to me to help him remember."
"Well, isn't that a," Bilbo sucked in a breath, sounding concerned for me, "kind gesture."
"Come on Bilbo, you know he isn't like this. It's the gold and he has no control."
"I know that but," He trailed off looking back to Thorin who was going from dwarf to dwarf to apologize, "I'm still worried you are in too deep."
"I'm too deep?"
"I mean, you both are infatuated with each other."
"It's called love?"
"I'm just saying, if it comes time to decide between a sick Thorin and your safety, I need to be sure you will choose yourself."
I didn't answer him. The truth was, I had never considered choosing between Thorin and myself. Internally, I just hopped it never came down to that. I sighed and looked back towards were Thorin was, searching for the dwarf king among the rest of the group.
"Y/n?" Bofur came up to me and Bilbo.
"What's wrong?"
"It's Thorin, he was doing really well until he got to Dwalin. Then his eyes went dark and his voice got deep and he told Balin and Dwalin to follow him to the throne."
"Shit," I mumbled, "Where's the throne?"
"I know," Bilbo said, grabbing my hand and walking quickly around a corner.
"How do you know where it is?" I asked after a few minutes of walking.
"You're not the only one who was curious about this mountain. I did my own exploring too."
I almost smiled, of course he went for a walk to explore the mountain. It was the most Bilbo thing to do.
"Here we are," He said, walking over a bridge.
Thorin and the two others stood on the opposite side with Thorin facing the throne. A hole could be seen in the middle, presumably where the Arkenstone had been.
"It is here in these halls, I know it," He whispered.
"Thorin?" I questioned. He turned around but his eyes looked right through me as if I wasn't there.
"We have searched and searched-" Dwalin started.
"Not well enough!" Thorin shouted at him.
"Thorin, we all would see the stone returned."
"And yet, it is still not found!" Thorin's voice boomed off the walls.
I didn't speak up but I took a step closer, hoping I could gain his focus and defuse the situation.
"Do you doubt the loyalty of anyone here?" Balin asked him, "The Arkenstone is the birthright of our people."
"It is the kings jewel," Thorin whispered.
He took a step backwards and let out a dry laugh before his face screwed with anger, "Am I not the king!?"
I took a step backwards, he was growing worse by the minute. Beside me, Balin, Dwalin, and Bilbo all looked surprised and frightened.
"Know this," Thorin began, his voice lowering as he looked each of us in the eye, "If anyone should find it and withhold it from me, I will be avenged."
With that he turned around and stormed off and, once again, I was left chasing after him begging to whomever above wanted to listen that I hadn't fully lost him yet.