There was a funny thing about the past or the things you wanted to run away from. They haunted you when you least expected it. Haunted? More like hunted. I had recovered from the multiple fractures I had from the injury and went to the regular physiotherapy in accordance with the doctor.
Hyun Jae was busy with her debute preparation. Junmyeon told me her group name was 5nyx, and the concept was related to some Greek mythology. Bitch chose her name perfectly for her debute. Alanna was a Greek goddess's name apparently. Fate worked in a mysterious way I guess.
Then there was Exo. They hit big with their new song which was trending nowadays and was declared the nation's anthem. Growl. I was happy for the guys. Such a shame, I couldn't meet them personally.
I didn't want Hyun Jae to know I was here in South Korea. She would leave everything to stay by my side, and I didn't want her to sabotage herself. I had Sunhee. My dear business partner and moral support. "Fei, don't you want to meet Sana? Eun sang? They're both amazing and you would love-"
"Sunshine, you won't shine anymore if you ever so mentioned my name in front of them, okay?" I gave her a look and she pouted. "I don't want to be a pushover," I muttered, staring outside the window. We were coming back from my therapy session and my dear Sunhee was driving me home.
"Trust me, they won't see you as a pushover. They like everyone. Mostly everyone." She went on. "And, you know I'm even staying with Eun Sang today as Sana is on a trip with Minseok."
Oh yeah, new detail, that Sana girl had made it official with Xiumin. Good for her. Poor Yixing. If she was the woman he loved, he was suffering from a heartbreak in the hand of his member's girlfriend. About, Eun sang... I didn't know her as well. They both seemed too good to be friends with to be honest.
If I met them and Exo together... everyone would see that I was different. Weird. Not a good girl at all. I didn't like it. The comparison. Those girls could be fantastic, but leave me out of it, for the God's sake. By the way, it was my mind with which I debated on this topic. Nobody actually said those things.
As I said, I didn't need anyone to put me down. I was doing a lot of good job at the task myself.
"Unnie. Are you even listening to me?"
"Hmm?" I turned to her and she gave me a disappointed look. "Sorry, sunshine."
"It's really strange. Jongin also call me sunshine. Even before you said it. Does my name really rhyme with the word?" she wondered, and I ruffled her hair. "Ah.. Don't do it. I look ugly with messy hair."
"Do you want an honest opinion from me about this?" I scanned her face and smiled. "You're very beautiful, Sunhee. Even with messy hair. Sometimes I pity you."
"Pity? Why?"
"When you're pretty, people don't see beyond that superficial beauty. It's tiring." I sighed. "Look at Alanna, she got featured in one of the idol's video. She danced so well, but the comments only talked about her looks."
"It's a shame then." Her brows furrowed. "I won't want to be around people who are only there for my beauty. It's a depressing thought."
"I know, right?"
We reached the apartment after a long drive. Since Sunhee was staying with Eun sang tonight, I was alone and troubled. I had become so used to people's presence around me to the point that it annoyed me now that I had to spent some time alone. I wasn't like this before.
I dialled Yixing's number. He was so busy with the promotions and all that we hardly got time together. The number came as switched off. He was probably in a practice session. Now that I wasn't busy anymore, I had to remind myself that people around me had jobs that they were invested in. Hyun Jae didn't even have any time to breath. It was that hectic for my girl.
"You don't visit me nowadays," I told Yixing last night. "What? Got bored already?" We were in bed. He was staring at me, brushing hair out of my face. He liked doing it now that I thought of it. Staring at me. He did it a lot.
"I can never get tired of you." Yixing chuckled and kissed my forehead. "Never."
"I don't understand you. This. We're supposed to be friends with benifits, but you act opposite. Like a... friend?" I frowned. It had been troubling me for a while now, his behaviour and all. "Do you.. Do you pity me? Is that why you're taking distance from me?"
Yixing stared at me for a long moment then. His eyes weren't filled with pity I had expected, but there was sadness in them. A lot of it. "Listen, Fei."
"Hmm..."
"Why do you expect the worst when it comes to people?"
It was a relief when he got a call from the manager before I could answer or more like before I could get my way out of the discussion. He had to leave for a company meeting then. Yixing didn't leave just like though. He patted my cheek, and asked me to wait for him.
"I'll be back before you know it."
I sighed as I stepped out of the elevator and made my way to the apartment. My eyes scanned the shoes outside the door, and I froze in my place. My eyes traveled up to see the worst thing that could happen to me today or any day. Dad stood there, behind him my step-mum and my sister Xiu. She looked scared to the point of fainting.
"Dad." I walked to him, straightening up. When I was in his reach, I didn't even flinch when his palm connected to my cheek. He slapped me. Not surprised at all. That said something.
"Open the door." He stepped aside and I unlocked the door to my heaven which was about to become a hell. "You lied to me! There was no scholarship. Huh?" He grabbed a bunch of my hair and I hissed, but didn't react otherwise. I won't give him that satisfaction.
"Honey-" My step-mum tried to interfere and I closed my eyes when he pushed her away, giving her his infamous 'know your place' look.
"And, you." He turned to me, his other hand's fingers squeezing my face hard. "Did you think I won't find out-"
"I knew, but didn't know it would take you this long to figure out how I fooled you." I won't shed a tear. It was my kind of 'Fuck you' to him.
"You ungrateful kid!" This slap was hard hitting and I found myself slammed against the nearby table. For a while, my vision blurred and I blinked several times to focus on my surrounding. "Why are you so hell bent on embarrassing us? We're like Chinese royalty! My daughter won't work, dance or do stupid things! You got it?"
Blood rolled down my forehead, and I glared at him. There was something he should know about me. I wasn't an ignorant girl anymore. I knew what he doing and I also knew how to show him a mirror. Xiu was sobbing in the corner, probably horrified of the situation.
"Dad..." I swallowed down my pain. My head was throbbing. "How could you ever... sleep after knowing what a shit you are?"
The door opened and I turned my head to see a young girl standing there. She was my co trainee in the past, now a confirmed member of Alanna's group. What was she doing here? My eyes zoomed to the bag in her hands. A take-out. Damn you, Junmyeon. Why did you have to send a junior to my aid? Fuck.
I felt my father's fingers loosening their grip on my hair. My mind went through a thousand scenarios on how to make a good story for the girl, but she didn't give me a chance. The said girl went straight to my dad and pushed him away from me. "I'll call the police!" Her hands went to her pocket and before I could react, dad pushed her in a struggle to get her phone.
She lost her balance and fell beside me. I got on my feet and grabbed a knife. "Leave," I whispered, glaring at him. "Leave before I call the police!" I screamed my lungs out.
"You're making a mistake." Dad shook his head. "You'll end up in streets."
"How do you think I survived this long?" A tear escaped my eyes, my hands trembling. "I'm 21, dad. I've legal rights to my funds. To millions." I gestured towards the door. "Leave." I would have asked my step mum and Xiu to stay behind, but seeing their fearful faces, I didn't try. They won't stay with me.
As soon as the door closed behind them, I went to the girl. Her left eye was swollen and there was a cut on her cheek. Shit. Shit. Shit. "Unnie, are you okay?" she asked.
"It's you I'm concerned about. Your eye... Shit." I helped her sit on the couch. "Your name is... Bora, right? You were a trainee under Yoo young Jin. First member in the line-up?"
She smiled, nodding her head, but grimaced when I cleaned her cut. I did my best with her, and frowned. "You shouldn't headbutt in others fights. It's dangerous."
"But you fought for me too. Remember? I was being bullied by other trainees and you came like a knight in the shining armor-"
"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever." I waved off the memory. "Don't tell Alanna that I'm here, okay?"
Bora grinned. "Suho Oppa asked me to not tell her too. I'm his spy and my mouth is always sealed." I asked Junmyeon to pick her up then and sent her back to the dorms.
Only after then I noticed that my feet were bleeding again. Dad must've put his shoe on my feet. Ah.. It was hurting as hell. I changed the dressing, and cleaned my wound and decided to sleep the exhaustion off when Yixing visited me. He was smiling when he entered the living room but when he looked at me, his smile fell.
"Hey, what happened to you?" Yixing was in front of me in flash. His concerned filled eyes staring into my soul. "Fei, what happened? Tell me. Did someone fight with you? Who hurt you?"
A part of me wanted to push him away, to ask him to leave. Tell him I fell off the stairs, that it wasn't a big deal. But, other part wanted his comfort too. I might not be able to give him the truth, but I could tell him something else. Another truth.
"Yixing." My eyes teared up as I grabbed the sleeves of his shirt.
"I'm here. Tell me." He cupped my cheek and I let the first tear roll down my face. "Tell me. What is it?" Looking at Yixing that moment really made me wish for a lifetime with him. I wanted to tell him everything then and there, but a rational part of me held back.
"Yixing... I'm in pain. So much pain."
"Fei." He held me close, his forehead pushed against mine. His own eyes filled with tears. "Tell me please. Why are you in pain?"
My tears fell freely then. Yixing didn't deserve it. My burdens. My traumas. My problems. I couldn't give him happiness, the least I could do was to not give him pain as well. I didn't reply, and somewhere he knew I won't. So he did the only thing I wanted from him that second.
Yixing hugged me. The world was a good place again.