Wednesday
I'd woken and been laying there in bed, naked, beside a lightly breathing Jimin for a little while now. It was peaceful. Quiet. Intimate. Vulnerable.
Yesterday had been a whirlwind of emotions. I didn't know how much more my heart could take, up and down. My heart was being pulled left and right and every which way. Those fears I held, the ones of being hurt. Hurting those I cared about, I was living them. As much as I'd tried to avoid them. It had been inevitable this entire time. It had all happened so fast that I hadn't realised it until just now.
My feelings, they're confused. I'm confused. What am I doing? I don't know. I don't think I've known for a long time now. At some point, I'd abandoned myself, thrown myself in. Was there a way out? I don't know. How much longer can I stay afloat? Or, will I sink.
The sheets rustled lightly from beside me, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Jia, you're awake?" Jimin murmured, voice laced with sleep as he draped his arm over me and pulls me into his warmth with ease.
"Mmm. Yeah, I gotta study today. I have exams tomorrow." I mumbled into his chest. Jimin placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
"Okay, I have to get going soon too. The life of an Idol is so busy," he lightly groaned.
We cuddled for a little while longer before Jimin headed off. I got up, showered and dressed. Then, checked over my schedule to try and figure out what I still needed to do before my exams.
"Oh, shit" I muttered under my breath, realising I'd completely overlooked a topic in one of my subjects. Fuck. I started to panic, this was so important. How did I miss this?
As I desperately racked my brain a sudden idea popped into my mind. Namjoon. He's intelligent, maybe I can ask for his help.
I grabbed my phone and dialled his number, after a few rings his distinct voice resides from the other end.
"Jia? What's up?" He questions.
"Hey! Um. Sorry to spring this on you last second but, are you busy today? I really need a favour. Like, life or death situation." Worry bubbled up, knowing the chances he's busy are pretty damn high.
"Oh? Well... I had something planned but, if it's really that urgent I can cancel my plans." He says.
"Joon. Oh my gosh. Really? I swear you're amazing," I gushed, relieved I might not be as screwed as I initially thought.
"Hah. Yeah okay. So, what's this life or death situation?" He pressed. I gave a small sigh.
"Well, I completely overlooked revising a topic from philosophy. I really need help trying to cram, and I know you're good with this kind of thing," I hesitated, doubting if he would even consider this important in comparison to half the other shit that went on in our lives.
"Oh," He cracked into a laugh. "That's unexpected. But, it's nice to hear you taking your studies so seriously. I'll be over soon." He says. I thank him before ending the call.
Not long after Joon arrives, we decide to set ourselves up downstairs in a booth near the dance floor. The tables down there are the biggest and, during the day no one is around apart from the odd staff member here and there which became so routine I barely noticed their presence anymore.
The light-flooded in from the windows that lined the top of the walls. They still reached outside from the underground of the basement. It made for a comfortable spot to sit during the day.
"I still can't believe you called me here to study. I actually thought you were in trouble when you called," Joon seemed more amused than annoyed. "I know... This may not seem like a big deal for you but, I really don't want to fail" I laughed sheepishly.
"Don't worry, you won't fail. Should we get started?" He gave a kind smile. I nodded. And like that, we began to revise. The way he explained things made it so easy for me to remember and understand, I was grateful for his help. I found myself getting caught up in him a few times, the way he lent on his elbow, the looks he gave me, his eyes lingering a few moments longer than needed. The way he put the back of the pen to his lips while he was in thought. I noticed it all.
Hours passed and we'd made our way through most of the work so we decided to take a break.
"So, a very interesting compilation of lyrics happened to land themselves in my lap yesterday. Bitter like an Americano, was it?" Joons inquiry had taken me by surprise.
"Yeah. Those are the lyrics I gave to Yoongi yesterday morning. He... Passed them on to you?" The fight we'd had was so big that I forgot the reason I even went there, to begin with, was to pass on lyrics.
"He did. We both agreed they were good." Joon hums.
"Seriously?" Yoongi said that... Even though he'd told me he didn't give a fuck about me.
To leave.
"Yeah. He's been out of sorts lately. I'm worried about him." Joon gave in to a sigh.
"Yesterday morning, we had a huge fight. He lost it, told me he didn't give a shit about me. That I didn't know him, and to leave him alone." As I recalled the words we exchanged I felt a sorrow float in the depths of my heart. There was no soothing to be gained from lying to myself. No pretending that it didn't cut me deeper than I was willing to admit. Joons expression became sombre.
"Jia..." Joon seemed unsure of what to say. I went on.
"Yoongi, he... I... I don't even have words for what we have. You know, he's always been the one to protect my heart. I've told him my biggest fears. He's seen me at my most vulnerable. He's picked me up off the floor when I've been at my lowest. If I'm honest, he may even understand my true heart better than I do." Joon sits quietly, listening intently to my every word.
"That's why it hurt so much. Out of all the people who could've told me those things.
For it to come from him cuts deep." I lean back, take a breath, and run my hands through my hair as I attempt to hold my composure.
"That's Yoongi in a nutshell. The guy is complicated but simple at the same time. He's deep like that... I think he's going through some internal conflict right now. And that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. Just... Give him space and time for now. I know this probably isn't much of a consolation but, there's only so much we can do from the outside." Joon was wise beyond his years. We all knew this, it was no secret but, it still hit just as much every time. He was always in my corner, cheering me on, supporting me, and giving me advice that was precious beyond measure.
"Thanks, Joon. I appreciate your advice. It's the epitome of comfort." I give a small smile. There was a tiny moment pause before something else popped into my mind.
"By the way, I saw an interview for a radio station. You and Yoongi..." I tried to tread lightly, unsure if I should even bring it up.
"Oh, you saw that? Uh. That was an absolute shit show. You should probably just try and forget that even happened. Some people are just like that, close-minded. There isn't much we can do about it." Joon says.
"Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you weren't taking anything that asshole said seriously. He's obviously salty. We both know you write your own music. You have a say in all the decisions, and if he still chooses to believe otherwise that's on him. Not you, Joon." I felt relieved that I could finally tell Joon my thoughts on the subject. They also seemed to put him a little more at ease.
"When you get the chance, make sure you tell Yoongi the exact same things you just told me."
"If I can, I will.." If I could, there were a lot of things I wanted to tell him. But...
"Idol, Artist, Criminal... Which one is the real me? I'm still trying to figure it out..." he looked out, eyes glazing over slightly.
"When you do, let me know. I can't say that I know the answer myself but, what I do know is that none of those labels defines you Joon." He glanced at me, possibly contemplating my words. A moment later he spoke.
"Another thing that's been on my mind is the dealings. I feel it coming, us slowly sinking further down. I wonder where the point of no return is, and if we've already passed it."
"You want out?" I question, not expecting the topic.
"I want out for all of us. Money is good. The numbers have evened out and we can get by without having to get our hands dirty. Isn't it preferable?" He asks but it's not really a question.
"It is." Still, I reply.
"After this shipment is all gone we can pull out. Cut ties and move on. What do you think?" His gaze searches mine.
"I think it's the best choice for everyone. You're right, once we get too deep, it'll only be harder to dig ourselves out." I say. He slips his thumb over his bottom lip in a moment of thought before continuing.
"One last thing. Has Jin ever mentioned anything about his family to you?". His question hit, momentarily being dumbfounded by it. I take a second and search my memories.
"Um... Only that they have money. I don't know how much but, from the amount he used to drop at the club for me I'd say it was on the high side." I say, curious for a reaction of some kind from him, one that might give away his reasons for asking.
"Okay." His reply is simple.
"Is there a reason you ask? It just seems like such a random thing to ask." I press, not being satisfied without more information.
"It's alright, nothing for you to worry about babe. Just curious about his background. I don't like to bring it up but," a grim look crossed his features as he goes on "Since the time he shot that guy... I just thought he should've been more bothered by it. Had he seen someone being shot before? Violence in general just doesn't seem to phase him as much as I'd expect." Despite it being a memory I avoided at all costs I was forced to recall it. At the time, I'd been so shaken that I don't think I was in a clear enough headspace to read the situation carefully enough. It was hard to say.
"Anyway, forget it, baby girl. Just me overthinking things probably." He leans in and places a kiss on my cheek. I did as he said and discard it from my mind.
A familiar raspy voice calls our names from the top of the stairs, I look over to Hoseok wave and make his way down to us.
"Hobi," Joon says. "Hey Hoba" I get up and walk into his embrace. "Hey, cutie. Studying hard are we?" He pulls away, giving me his famous smile.
"Sure am" I play cute. It was nice to see him. "Good girl. Make sure you pass all your classes otherwise I'll have to punish you." His expression turned cheeky.
"Hah. With me tutoring her she won't be getting any of the punishment from you." Joon cracked a short laugh before raising the stakes, "How about this if you get good scores on your exams I'll give you a little reward instead" He was laying on the moves thick. I felt pinned as I stood between their dominating auras. Jesus.
"Mmm. What kinda reward are we talking about?" I hummed. Pushing my curiosity. "Get the scores and you'll find out." Hobi laughs at Joon's response before interjecting. "You're too soft on her, C'mon Joon."
I carefully slipped out from between where they stood and went to the table to check my phone. I needed to see what the time was, given the way the light had shifted it seemed to be early afternoon.
"Anyway. Are you ready to go? I'm hungry and if we get to bbq too late we might miss out on a table," Hoseok spoke to Joon. "Yeah. I'm ready. Jia, you want to come to dinner with us?" He asked.
"Oh, sorry, I already promised I'd have dinner with Jungkook tonight." I smiled, telling them a half-truth.
"You and Jungkookie, Huh? Sounds cute. Have fun, tell him we say hi." Hoseok grins. "We'll get going then. I'll catch you soon." Joon pulled me into a brief one-armed hug before they both head off.
I packed up all of my things and took them back upstairs and put them away. As I finished I received a text from Kook telling me to meet him at the park in the same spot we went to last time.
I got changed into some leggings and a light jumper then left. When I got there Jungkook wasn't anywhere to be seen so I sat down by the trunk of a tree and watched the sun sinking under the horizon. The air was warm but I had a feeling it might turn chilly. I could see thick clouds sneakily rolling on from the corners of the sky.
After ten minutes passed I saw Jungkook's figure walking up the path. I watched as he got closer, his dark hair framing his handsome face became clearer. From far he looked small but by the time he stopped in front of me he's perfect muscle portions were impossible to not notice.
"Hey, sorry. Were you waiting long?" He asks as he takes a seat on the grass in front of me.
"No, not long. What were you doing?" I casually replied. Shifting forward so that we could start stretching. By this point, we both knew the drill.
"I was with Jimin Hyung. He mentioned you two made up." Jungkook reached out for my hands as he casually drops the subject of Jimin. I took his hands in mine and pulled him forward, he let out a relieved sigh as he lent down.
"Yeah. He stayed over last night. We spoke about everything. Things are better now." I explained. Jungkook sat up and pulled my arms forward, the pull in my legs always feels so good. This had to be one of my favourite pastimes by now.
"I'm glad you two aren't fighting anymore. Honestly, I hated seeing you two like that.. I just want things to go back to normal. Like the times we used to have sleepovers and go to karaoke." The way Jungkook mentioned the past teased at more sentimental times. He wasn't wrong.
"I want the same thing. I miss those times. They seemed... So much more simple." I admitted. We swapped legs and repeated our stretches before moving on to the next one. We continued to talk about random unimportant things as we went including what we were going to have for dinner tonight after our session.
It wasn't until we were both finished stretching and about to start that I noticed that the thick dark clouds from earlier had completely covered the sky.
They cracked dangerously, Jungkook and I both looked up, and then, the skies broke.
Light drips of water quickly turned into a full-blown downpour. Jungkook and I looked at each other, quickly becoming drenched. The sounds were so loud I barely heard him break into laughter.
"Huh? What so funny?! Seriously what the hell!" I yelled to him over the sound of heavy rain. The water was seeping into every crevice of my clothes and hair, weighing me down.
"Ahh. I know, it's just so funny. Of all times it had to be now," Jungkook grinned, standing there completely soaked. His innocents, almost childlike, shone at this moment as I looked at him. Suddenly he came closer so I could hear him over the rain.
"C'mon, we need to find some shelter. Let's run." And with that, he grabbed onto my hand and we took off through the downpour. I could barely see anything in front of me, the skies were grey and dark, the water blurring my vision, but I could feel Jungkook's hand tightly holding on to mine so I let my fear go and ran. Putting all my trust into him as I ran blindly, wet as hell.
I felt concrete hit my feet, we came to a halt and the rain was no longer hitting my face. I rubbed the water out of my eyes to see Jungkook and I now stood under a shelter beside a picnic table.
"Are you okay?" He asks, reaching up and pushing back wet hair out of my face. He was drenched, drops rolled off his skin, but yet he was looking at me like he was totally fine.
"I'm ok. But, you're just as drenched as I am. You need to worry about yourself instead of me." I took his hand and pulled him over to the table, he let me pull him and sat down beside me.
The sounds of the rain drowned out slightly, as he spoke closely from beside me I could hear him clearly.
"It's pretty bad. We should wait until it isn't as heavy before trying to go back home."
"Yeah... I agree." I glanced over to him as he looked out into the rain-filled park surrounding us. Then, he turned to me.
"Why does this feel so familiar. Wet and facing a crisis. At this point, I've accepted it's basically our fate." We both chuckled. Behind his gaze holds a sparkle, it flickers, holding me there. Memories creep in, ones that were left unresolved.
"I remember that day... The day you told me you were leaving" I bit my lip. That was the time he'd pulled me from the depths of a frozen lake. Saved my life. I'll never forget it.
"I thought about it, too. While I was in America... About our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted." My breath caught in my chest at his words.
"I still think about it now." He doesn't look away. I let go of my worry.
"I remember you promised to tell me something, but you never did." I hadn't forgotten that either. I still thought about it now too. He licked at his lips, I held my breath.
"I was going to tell you, that you're my first love. And my last." Jungkook, you can't do this to me. I graze over him, soaking wet, strong yet so vulnerable in this moment. The air was so fragile, like it, would whisp away if I didn't grasp on to it.
"What we're you so afraid of then?" I whisper, so gently. Don't break. Please.
Uncertainty flashes, he looks away. I instantly let go of the breath I'd been holding.
"It looks like the rains settled down. Let's go home." Jungkook stood up, offering me his hand. Without a word I took it and we made a run for it, hoping to make it back before the rain could start again.
As soon as we got back I went and got a few towels and we sat on the lounge room floor and started to dry ourselves off.
"Still can't believe that happened. Guess we'll have to reschedule." Kook said as he rubbed his hair dry.
"We really do have some crazy bad luck," I say as I peel off my wet jumper and rub myself down. I notice Kooks eyes fixed on my chest.
"What?" I ask. "Oh no, nothing. Just got the image of you naked from last week still in my mind." he says casually.
"Kook. Ah. Don't bring it up, it's so embarrassing." I mumbled, moving the towel to cover myself.
"There's no point in covering yourself. I've already seen everything." He drops his towel and moves closer. I stay quiet as he takes the towel from my hand and drops it on my head. He lets out a small chuckle as he gently dries my hair. A small wave of guilt washed over me.
"I'm sorry... I always cause so much trouble for you. I don't know why it always turns out that way. I don't mean it but..." but he just dismisses it.
"I want to be the kind of guy who always keeps his word. From the beginning, I told you, when you fell I'd catch you." He pulls the towel off my head and I look up at him.
"That and, I just want to see you happy. Happy and naked but, it's never both at the same time." I can't help but to crack into laughter.
"What are you even saying. That's so cheesy." I breathe easy. A smile still lingering. That sparkle in his eyes.
"We should shower and get out of these wet clothes," Jungkook suggest. I nod along. "Okay. You want to go first?"
"We can just go at the same time." He gives me a steady look as he replies. At this point, what was really stopping me...
He leads me into the bathroom, slowly pulling off my singlet. I clung to the hem of his jumper and pull it up over his head to reveal a black T-shirt that stuck to his chest, my gaze wandered over the outline of him.
He took a step closer, kissing my lips before crouching down so he was eye level with my hips. The fabric of my leggings was slowly being pulled down, my underwear too. The air hit my damp skin. His warm breath tickled the space between my thighs.
"Jungkook..." I felt too exposed, I know he'd seen everything but it still didn't make me feel any less shy. His eyes meet mine as he looks up at me. "Hm? What is it?" I gasp as he gently rubs me, I can't look away. The way he's below me, rubbing me, eyes blown out. It's hypnotising.
"Kiss me. Please," I pull at his hand that was holding onto my hip. I wanted him to kiss me so badly. This was soo much.
"Where? Here?" He bit at his lip, leaning in and kissing my inner thigh. I shudder. "Noo. Wait" I pleaded but to no avail.
"Wait? Don't you think I've waited long enough already?" He mumbles, softly kissing between my thighs, then, higher. It wasn't the lips I'd meant but it was making me so weak.
"Hm, how's that baby?" He teases, taking charge as he slowly slips his tongue between my lower lips. My knees nearly buckle at the feeling but he's quick to hold me for support.
"S' so good" I mumble, getting lost in the feeling of his tongue sliding over my clit. His mouth totally ravaging me. The way he closes his eyes and eats me up. It's unbearable.
"Jungkook, please, can we shower," I grab onto his hair, struggling to hold back moans. He looks back up at me for a moment in contemplation before standing up, stripping off the rest of our clothes, and running the water.
"You ready to get in?" He asks, testing to make sure the temperature was just right.
"Mm. Yeah, it's getting cold" I bite at my lip, waiting.
"Not for long" He gives a cheeky smile and reaches down to pick me up. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, legs around his waist as he steps into the shower. Hot water rolls off us, I kiss his cheeks.
"So much warmer" I mumble between kisses. The cool sensation of the tiles presses on my back as he firmly pins me against the wall. "Mm, not warm enough though. Don't want you to get sick" He slips his tongue across my lips and into my mouth. He's hard and it's pressing so teasingly at my core, making me want him so badly. "Are you gonna put it in, or are you just going to keep teasing me." I breathe. He moves to my ear, nibbling lightly before replying.
"Don't beg me to stop later then." He's so thick,I gasp as he works it in and out, stretch me. At first so tight, but with expertise, he eases into me. He throws his head back, his strong jawline on display, groaning. The rolls of his hips coaxing long-winded moans from me, whimpering his name which only turns him on more.
His wet skin slips against mine, water rolling off both of us. Jungkook forces himself deeper in. I cling to his shoulders desperately, holding on for deep life. He bites down on my neck, the ache quickly turns into pleasure. His dick so deep in me I can barely see straight. The latter of the water running from the shower mixed with his groans, his wet body pressed against mine, him hammering into me faster and harder. It's all spinning my head.
I clench myself around him causing him to let out a primitive groan. It runs through me, fuck he's so sexy. Again and again, he pumps into me.
"Baby, fuck. I can't hold it in anymore." He pulls away from my neck, blown out eyes gazing down between us. I followed his gaze to see his thick hard dick buried so deep in me.
"Neither, m' coming, wanna feel you come so deep in me. Please " I'm so dizzy with want for him that I don't even care what I'm saying.
Jungkook speeds up again, his thrusts became erratic, his groans, just looking at the way he's handling me makes me come all over his dick.
Jungkook locks eyes with me, brows furrow, breathing heavy. He's watching me come and I can't look away. Just as I feel myself go weak and my climax washes over I collapse on his shoulder. With one last hard thrust, he fills me to the brim with his seed. His juices coating my inner walls, it's so warm.
"Fuck." His breaths are ragged, it takes a while for us to come down off our high.
"Can you stand?" He asks as he sets me back down on my feet carefully.
"Yeah, only just."
Playfully, we finished washing up and getting ready for bed. My body is heavy with fatigue, I was so tired. Crawling into bed felt amazing.
Jungkook let out a relaxed sigh as he settled into the sheets beside me. He'd insisted on only wearing a pair of track pants to bed which left him bare-chested.
"Cuddles?" I wiggle over and rest my head on the crevice of his shoulder. He groans slightly before lifting his arm and wrapping it around me. "You have exams tomorrow, right?" He asks. I nod, falling into his gravity.
"Better get some rest then, you worked hard today" He rests his hand on my head, gently playing with my hair. I blush, wondering if he was talking about the way we'd just fucked. "Mm. Not nearly as hard as you" I mumbled, the fabric of his track pants is soft as I reached down to lightly grope him. He's still semi-hard, it throbs at my touch. "Don't start something you can't finish" The rasp in his voice sends a small ache to my core.
"I'm not... I just wanna hold it while I sleep. Feels so good in my hand" I keep my hand there, cupping him in my palm. He doesn't protest, instead, the way he touches my hair easily puts me to sleep.