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I hope you had a great day today and if not, I promise you there will be better times.
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Darius Martinelli
3 hours ago
Smoke.
Smoke.
Smoke.
My lungs are filled with it, my entire body fighting against the intrusion.
Smoke.
Fire.
It's so fucking hot.
The heat surrounding me is killing me... and not slowly.
Most of the people in this world get born and then expect to die 80 years later in a retirement home. Not me.
Not people who wake up expecting to die today.
Every day of my fucking life I woke up thinking... expecting... hoping that this would be my last. I went to sleep thinking this will be my last night.
It was like a tradition... those thoughts were controlling me.
My worst mistake?
One day I started to ignore this part of me, and this was way too long ago.
I pretended I am normal. I pretended I am gonna get old with the love of my life. I pretended I am gonna play with my children and say embarrassing stuff when my kid's friends are around.
I didn't think about ending up in a river, concrete on my feet, or tortured to death in a cellar, my enemies laughing into my face.
Instead, my head was full of pictures of my beautiful girl and my son who means more to me than anything else in the world. I thought about how I could make them happy... I thought about the things I could do to at least deserve them a bit.
Because I don't deserve them... not even close.
But I tried.
God, how much I tried to give them the world.
I wanted them to have everything.
I wanted Christiano to grow up with the best aunts and uncles he could wish for and everything he fucking needs. I wanted him to find the kind of love that changes everything.
I prayed for him to find someone who lights up his world. Somone he wants to hold in his arm forever, someone like I have found.
He should realize how beautiful life can be. I wanted him to play with me in the garden even though he feels too old and cool for it. Even though he thinks it's ridiculous. I wanted him to look at me and not see me as his family because of blood.
I wanted him to choose me as his family because I make him feel safe.
I wanted him to choose me as his family because he saw how much I am trying to be good.
Oh God, I tried so hard.
I wanted Vivian to show the world so the most beautiful places on this planet could see her and be jealous that they are not even close to the beauty she holds.
Not.
Even.
Fucking.
Close.
I wanted to make love to her under the night sky and fuck her in the morning so we could start the day together with nobody that could ever stop us.
I wanted to show her the power she holds.
I wanted everything.
And these egoistic wishes made me ignore that my life is a ticking time bomb.
And that's why I wasn't prepared when it went off in my family's apartment, changing my life in a matter of a second.
I find myself lying under a pile of rubble, jammed between metal and wood. Loud coughs leave my body, the smoke invading my lungs. I try to open my eyes but they start to burn as if someone pulled acid over them. Like little needles would stab every part of my iris over and over again.
But the pain doesn't matter as soon as the realization comes to me and my head clears up.
Vivian.
Oh God, Vivian.
"Vivian. Are you here, ba-." I start but I get interrupted by my coughs.
"Darius. " I hear her voice croak out.
"I am going- I am gonna get you-" I can't stop myself from coughing.
Fuck. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
Too much smoke and it's so fucking hot, the sweat running down my face before drying out in a matter of seconds.
I am gonna get her out of here. She is not gonna die in this stupid fucking fire.
I never gave her permission to die.
I try to keep my eyes open, but I can't even see my hands that are only a few inches away from me.
"Baby, be strong. I will be- I will be there."
I grab onto the metal that lays on top of me and pull away as I feel how hot it is.
I let out a scream as the heat burns into my flash like a knife.
"Darius?" Vivian cries out.
"Baby, it's ok-I am ok. I will come to you."
"No. Please, Darius. You are hurting yourself."
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I can't hold it.
I try to move my leg but I can't pull it under the metal out.
Shit.
I am stuck.
I have to touch it... I have to heave it off from me.
It's so fucking hot.
My hands are fucking burning from the last touch.
Fuck it. I am gonna get her out of here.
I move my hands to the metal.
I let out a scream and through all the sounds the fire makes I can hear Vivian's sobs and her crying out in pain as she hears my groans.
It's ok, baby.
It's ok.
"Darius. Please, stop. Please." She chokes out in between coughs.
I don't stop. I take all the strength inside me and pull it off me.
As it falls to the ground I let out a loud groan.
I try to look at my hands but I can't see them. I can only feel the pain that rushes through my skin and imagine what they must look like.
"Darius?"
"Yes, Vivian. I am coming." I say and then try to get up. I crawl my way through all the broken stuff and doorposts.
My hands feel like on fire as my palms touch the ground every time I move forward.
I want to get out of here.
"Vivian?"
"I am here." She calls out.
She is close.
After another few movements, I can see her outlines through all the smoke.
I grab onto the wood that separates me from her and throw it on the floor.
I crawl forward and grab gently her face with my hands that are feeling like someone is picking up every inch of my skin.
"Let's get out of here, ok? We are gonna get out of here." I whisper.
She starts to choke on the smoke again at the same time as I feel like my lungs are giving up.
No.
No.
I wrap my hands around her arms and try to pull her to her feet. She grabs onto me but I can't get her up instead she lets out a scream that rips my soul into a fucking million pieces.
Oh, God.
Fuck.
Fuck.
How didn't I see this?
I look at her leg and realize that it's broken. Not only broken... I can see her bone, sticking out of her flesh.
No.
No, baby.
I lift my gaze and look into her face that is full of panic and fear.
"I am gonna get you out of here. I promise. I am gonna carry you, ok? It will hurt but you have to trust me. You will be fine." I cough out.
"I am scared." She cries out.
"I know. I know but we have to do this for Christiano." I say, finishing the sentence with another cough.
I am scared too.
I have never been more terrified in my life.
I can't breathe.
I need fucking oxygen.
"You have to stretch your leg away so you won't touch the floor. Can you do that for me?" I ask as I pull my arm around her.
She nods, letting out a sob.
And then we move.
With every move, she lets out cries that leave my heart aching.
"You are doing so good. Just a few more steps, ok? Just a few more then we are out of here." I choke out.
It's so fucking hot and with every second I can feel my body getting weaker.
Just.
A.
Few.
More.
Steps.
I look up and in that second the wall in front of us breaks in, the flames blocking our way completely. We try to protect our eyes from the heat and smoke but it's not possible. There is just too much.
No.
No.
No.
I look down at Vivian who looks straightforward, realizing that we are trapped.
We.
Are.
Trapped.
In a fucking building that was just blown up.
And we are not gonna get out of here.
No.
No.
No fucking chance is she gonna die in here.
Not after what she has been through.
Not after a life full of pain. Why can't she get a fucking break? Just for once?
Why does the universe do that to her?
Is it laughing at us right now?
At me?
Because I was such a fool and thought that I am gonna stay happy...
Vivian slowly lets herself slide down, letting out a cry in pain as her leg touches the floor.
"No. Vivian. No. We are gonna get out of here. We can't give up." I choke out.
She furiously shakes her head.
"No, Darius. We are not gonna get out of here. We will die... today... in here and we both know it." She says and then leans herself against the nearest wall.
"No. We won't die. Don't say this shit. Never say this shit ever again. You will not die." I spit out.
"Why can't I fucking hear a goddamn fire department?" I yell out as I pull on my strands of hair while looking at the flames in front of me, trying to take over the entire space.
You know why, you fucking idiot.
Because this was a bomb and it was placed here by people who have the power to do fucking everything.
And when they want us to die... then we will die.
No. I can't let them win.
They can't win.
Why am I so fucking dumb?
My phone.
I pull it out of my pants but as I try to switch it on... the hope I just got a second before vanishes.
The frustration builds up inside me and I throw it in the flames.
"It's out?" I hear Vivian's tired voice.
I look down at her and nod.
She lifts her right arm and holds it out to me.
"Come on, baby. Come into my arms. I want to hold you." She says, a cough leaving her mouth.
I want to say no.
I want to refuse.
I want to tell her that we are gonna get out of here but I can't.
I can't when I look into her eyes and see her tiredness.
I take a step forward and let myself fall to my feet.
She wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my chest.
As soon as our body touches we both let out everything that is inside us.
No.
No.
No.
"Darius, I am so fucking tired... but I don't want to die. I don't want to die."
"I know. I know, baby. If there is one person in the world that deserves to live... it's you. God, I love you so much."
"I love you too." she chokes out.
She puts her hand on my chest and fists my t-shirt tightly.
"We are never going to see Christiano again. I am never gonna hold him again. He won't remember us. He won't know his parents. He won't know how much we love him-"
My heart aches every second more...
I stop her by grabbing onto her face, lifting her head so her eyes meet mine.
"Don't say that. Don't say that. He has Adriano and Amara and he has Felicia and Mateo. They will take good care of him. They will tell him that we love him every single day. He will know that he is loved, ok? He will know it." I try to comfort her but I don't believe my own words.
But he won't have his parents. He won't have us.
I will never play with him soccer. I will never embarrass him in front of girls. I will never be his wingman. I will never get him his first car. I won't be able to see him grow up.
I won't see how he falls in love.
I won't be at his wedding.
"I swear. He will be fine, ok? He will be fine." I choke out.
He will be fine.
Without the people who love him most in the world.
We don't say anything just try to hold on.
We try to hold on to our life.
We try to get every oxygen there is left.
We both know what I said isn't true but we try to believe it because it's the only thing that helps us... a lie is the only thing that comforts us in the worst moment that we could have ever imagined.
"I am so fucking tired, Darius. I don't want to fight anymore." She whispers.
I look down at her as our gazes lock.
I give her a nod.
"I know. It's ok. I love you. Whenever you are ready... I will be ready too." I say and if my eyes wouldn't be dried out... tears would run down my face.
"I love you so much, Darius Martinelli." She says and tries to move her head towards mine.
I lean down and press my lips against hers.
I give the woman I love most in the world the last kiss we will ever have.
"It shouldn't have been that way. It shouldn't have been."
"I know, Darius... but I couldn't imagine a better place to die in than in your arms." She croaks out, her voice barely above a whisper.
Oh, God.
No.
"There couldn't be a better moment to die in than with you in my arms," I say and brush a strand of hair out of her face.
"I want you to know one thing... I am dying as a happy man... It was a short fucking life but the last year couldn't have been better. It makes up for the time we lose. It was fucking perfect." I say as I lean my forehead against hers.
She lets out a hoarse sob that turns into a cough.
"And I am dying as a happy woman. The only regret that I have- is- is that I am not dying as a Martinelli."
I smile down at her, my heart losing a part with every word.
"You don't need my last name to be my wife. You were mine from the first time I saw you on and I was yours when you put a fucking spell on me with that smile that could light up an entire fucking city." I say.
She flashes me a sad smile back and I can see the tiredness in her eyes that grows with every second.
I take my hand and put it on her head to softly press her against my chest.
"It was an honor to love you." She whispers before I watch her closing her eyes.
And then I close mine... and wait.
I wait to find infinity with the love of my life.
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