hello my lovelies,
I hope you had a great day today and if not, I promise you there will be better times.
Have fun reading and always remember that you are amazing and enough.
I love you, bye.
Amara Calvetti
Cold metal pierces my skin, the pain rushing through my entire body. It makes everything go weak. When I move only an inch it feels like someone is peeling off the limbs from my bones while trying to keep me alive with everything they have. My breath is loud and ragged while I have to fight for the oxygen I so desperately need. I try to slowly open my eyes, not understanding what is happening but I am not strong enough.
I am not strong enough to move.
I am not strong enough to think.
Even my eyelids seem to be too weak, my heartbeat beating in my ear.
I try to grab onto something, I try to feel with my hands... just anything. Anything that could help me to remember, that will tell me where I am. I use my sense of hearing to perceive the quietest sounds because I can make anything I hear my advantage.
There are only three things I realize.
It's a wet room, the walls smell like mold but not like nobody would give a shit about it, no, rather like they would want it to be covered in dirt and mud. They want it to smell like dead people, they want me to know that I should fear them. They want me to be scared because so many people took their last breath here. This room is to bring out my worst fears but they are naïve to think that a smell could break me.
I also notice that I must be chained to a wall because the only two things I can feel are metal and the wet stones, pressing against the back of my hand.
And the third and last thing that I notice is that I am not alone in this room.
And they know that I know it.
As an heir to one of the biggest organizations of the Organized Crime you have to do so many things, learn so much but the most important lesson you get taught since you have taken your first breath is to survive. We have to fight until we can't fight anymore and while we do this we get instincts that not everybody has.
So, I know for a fact... that this person knows me.
I know them and they know me and that tells me that whoever is in this room is not some fucking little pisser who thinks with a few guns and a couple of men he rules the world...
They are something way bigger.
A Mexican cartel? No, they are all too weak at the moment.
It can't be the Irish for a fact. The ones that are still alive are too scared... they don't even have a real leader.
The Yakuza?
The Japanese Mafia is one of the most dangerous in this entire fucking world, they have fighters and assassins that can rip you apart in seconds...
No, it's unlikely.
They would have already killed me but they also don't want to risk war. They would wait for a better moment, they wouldn't do it now.
Their new leader is too smart for that.
I slowly open my mouth, not sure if I am even able to speak.
"Are you just going to stand here and wait till I starve or are you gonna do something more fun?" I huff out, my throat barely choking out the words, while my eyes are still closed.
I hear a deep chuckle.
"Oh, malyshka. You were always a smart one." His voice echoes through the room.
Malyshka
Russian.
He is Russian.
They are Russian and not any Russians... he is not any Russian.
I would know this voice from anywhere.
Nikolai Ivanov.
No. No. No.
How could he be so fucking dumb?
Why?
Why now?
"Open your eyes, malyshka. I want to see those beautiful eyes." He commands and I can hear him stepping closer.
No. I am not even sure if I can.
I don't even want to see him.
"Open your goddamn eyes before I fucking cut your eyelids off." He says again, his voice now stronger and louder.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
I slowly open them, fighting against the urge to just fall back into a sleep that makes me forget everything.
My eyes try to adjust to the dim light and after a few seconds my sight begins to clear and I take in Nikolai, who is towering over me, grinning down at my body.
I was right.
I am chained to a wall, while I am sitting on the dirty floor, him only inches away from me.
I look into his dark brown eyes, which look almost black.
He takes another step towards me and then stretches his right arm out. I try to pull away when he harshly grabs my chin but I am trapped, I have to look into his eyes.
"Such gorgeous eyes. Brown has always been my favorite color... after light grey, of course." He says, letting out a chuckle.
I want to fucking throw up.
"God, so often have I thought about his eyes. I didn't even really realize how much I have missed them until I saw my little boy on your ball." He continues to speak.
I want to kill you.
I want to kill you so fucking bad.
Please just stop talking.
Stop.
Please.
"I am not the jealous type of man but I have to admit that when I think about you two...naked in one bed... I can't even decide who I want to fuck to death more desperately. My good little boy who will be silent and won't move while I rail the shit out of him or you who will scream and fight till you take your last breath."
Stop. Talking.
I look at him, holding back the disgust I feel.
We are going to kill you.
"Stop playing around and tell me why I am here. Have you any idea how fucking dumb that is? What do you want to achieve with that? You are just gonna end up dead. Adriano is going to fucking kill you." I hiss out, trying to bring humor in my voice.
He doesn't say anything, the corners of his mouth just twitching . After a few moments, he starts to laugh.
Hysterically.
I watch him as his entire body shakes from laughter and from every minute to the next one more painful ways how I could kill him come up in my mind.
When he calms down, he walks away from me and takes a chair out of the dark corner, putting it in front of me. Nikolai sits down and grins at me, while I give him a blank expression.
"Oh, malyshka, you are so so wrong. I am not the dumb one, you were just too naïve, thinking that you were safe. You aren't. Yes, you two are strong and since you are married you seem unbeatable but that's not the case. Something happened that nobody could have ever seen coming." He says, smiling at me like he had just given me the greatest news of all time.
I frown at him and then let out a snort.
"I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. Adriano will come here with an entire army and will rot all of you bastards out." I spit out, the adrenaline pumping through my veins.
"No, he won't." He says, sounding sure of himself.
I narrow my eyes at him.
"I don't even get why you make the effort to kidnap me. You can't do shit to me. Why the fuck am I here?"
"Wrong. So fucking wrong. He is not gonna do shit. You know, your husband has something that is mine." He starts and holds out his hand to brush a loose strand of hair out of my face.
I look at it in disgust and do everything, so he doesn't touch my skin.
"I have no idea what you are talking about so whatever it is... say goodbye because you won't get it back." I hiss out as I look back at him.
"He. Not an it. He doesn't have an object. He has a person and you know who because he fucking told you. Don't play dumb... you know he has my fucking son."
I try to hold back my surprise.
That can't be true.
He has lost him.
He said he has lost him.
Is he back?
"I don't have a fucking clue what you are talking about but if I were you, I would already prepare a funeral for him," I say, flashing him a smile, that couldn't be any more fake.
May he rot in hell.
"Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. What the hell is wrong with you today, malyshka. Your entire life I was sure that you are a smart one but everything you said is bullshit. I am gonna get my son back and I won't even have to make any more effort because your husband is gonna give him back to me voluntarily." He replies, his grin widening.
I let out a laugh.
"No, he is not gonna do that and if you really think he would... you should really go to a doctor and let him check you out. God, how stupid can someone be? You think he would give you your son back in return for me?" I can't hold back the mocking grin.
"I don't think that he will do it... I know." He answers, the dirty smirk not leaving his face.
"Yeah, sure. And you have this theory...why?" I mock him.
"Malyshka, I am gonna get straight to the point. I know a man who is in love when I see one and he isn't only in love with you... you are also the only one who makes him wake up every day. He is obsessed with you. He is gonna do absolutely everything to get you back in his arms."
"Absolute not. I hate to break it to you, but he doesn't love me which means... you are never gonna get him back."
"Yes, he will and you know why I am so fucking sure of it?" he asks, mocking me.
"Tell me, I can't wait to hear what the love expert has to say."
"Oh, malyshka. I don't have to be a fucking love expert to know that. It was obvious. I always had assumptions but I have never been one hundred percent sure... well until I saw footage of the day you made the deal with the Bulgarians a few weeks ago..."
"What the fuck has that to do with anything? Of course, we go to such important business deals together." I snort out.
"Yes, of course, but when the deal was about to die and one of the guards pulled a gun, the first reflex he had was to put his arm in front of you to move you behind him. For the bastards there it didn't seem suspicious for a second... but for me? When I saw this video it was so goddamn obvious. A man who wouldn't even hesitate, who wouldn't even think for a second to give his life for a woman... is a man in love. A man who is so obsessed with his wife that a life without her... is no life. And that's the story of how I found Adriano Calvetti's biggest weakness."
I don't know what to fucking say.
I don't even look him into his eyes anymore.
Yeah, sure... he is so in love with me... he is so obsessed that he fucked another woman.
That's a definition of love I haven't known before but interesting. It's always great to expand your knowledge.
"I can't wait to fucking see it. I can't wait till he begs me to give you back. First, he will try to find me but he won't. He won't find us and then... when he gets desperate he will do absolutely everything. He is my fucking puppet."
"He is not gonna come for me," I say, my voice steady now, my gaze boring into his.
"Well, I guess we will see but until then... we will have our fun together." He says, smirking down at me as he stands up.
He is not gonna come for me.
But I guess it doesn't matter.
My entire life I have fought alone... why should I expect now to get saved by someone else?
He walks to the other corner, where a table is standing, and takes something from it before heading back to me.
"Don't worry, malyshka. I feel like being generous today. We are gonna start really easy and slow." He says and tells me anything but the truth.
I look at the knife in his hand and then concentrate on his ugly, ugly, ugly, face.
Knowing what is underneath makes it so much uglier.
And while I look at him I can feel him, putting the blade on my thigh, and then the pain starts to spread through my body.
I can feel the blood trailing down my skin and the blade cutting my flesh and I cry out.
I cry out because everything is too much.
The physical pain.
The mental exhaustion.
I cry out because I am scared that I will never get to hold Christiano.
I cry out because I miss my friends which are my only true family.
I cry out because Adriano's betrayal hurts more than I could ever admit.
I cry out because I wish I wouldn't be here.
I wish I would have never heard what I have heard. I wish I would be home with him. I wish Elisa wouldn't be pregnant.
I wish I would be pregnant and in Adriano's arms.
And most of all I cry out because it doesn't matter what he did or how big the pain is he caused and will cause...
I will love him until I take my last breath and no one in this entire fucking world can stop me.