The following 48 hours feels hetic even though I am mostly in bed.
My mum, Paul and Dr. Ada have in meetings with management about where things are going from here. The lads have had three interviews already talking about me and confirming the Carrier claims. Ruth, and Andy have been my my side helping me though the cramps, nausea and everything else that has come along with it. Paddy has loyally stayed by my hospital room door making sure that nobody that could harm me gets close enough to do anything to me. Sophia disapeared shortly after coming to see me for the first time saying she had a family emergency. Zayn has been skeptical of her ever sense.
"I feel like a robot repeating things over and over," Niall groans flopping himself down across my legs on my bed.
"The interviews are that bad?" I ask him raising an eyebrow smiling.
"YES! They just ask the same questions over and over again. Then when we leave the fans ask the same questions and then Twitter is full of the same questions. It's horrible! If we answer it once that should be enough!" Niall continues to whine as he takes the remote from my hand and steals a cracker from my small tray of food.
"Keep your hands out of his food, Horan. He needs it more than you do. Liam finish that soup, water and crackers. If you don't I'll take that TV remote so NOBODY is watching TV," Ruth glares pointedly at Niall making him look at her innocently his blue eyes twinkling.
I slowly eat the rest of my chicken noodle soup and crackers being cautious of the nausea that always seems to be threatening to rise.
By the time I am finished the rest of the lads have joined us and as well as my very furious mum, doctor and Paul.
"They want him to be back on tour tomorrow! He can barely even keep his food down! They are just going to try to make as much money off this as they can! Watch next they'll ask him to have sex with one of the boys so he can get pregnant and make even more headlines! They're not doing that to my baby! Oh hell no! If he is leaving this hospital tomorrow it is to get back on a plane to fly back home where he will stay with me!" my mum rambles angrily as she paces the length of my room.
"I'm not signing off on him leaving this hospital. He can't leave unless I sign off and unless they are holding a gun to my child's head he isn't going anywhere. He still needs to be monitored until at least his ovaries are settled," Dr. Ada adds in looking equally as pissed off.
"I already told Simon if they make him continue right now that I quit. I'm not letting him go on when he is in so much pain that it makes it hard for him to sleep at night!" Paul adds on his fist clenched in anger.
"Um can we stop talking about me like I'm not in the room?" I ask handing my tray over to a now very pissed off Ruth a part of me is scared that she will track down somebody of management and use it on them.
"Sorry, sweetheart. Are you doing okay?" my mum asks her facial expression instantly softening like somebody had flipped a switch.
"Yeah just sore. I can go back on tour if they really want, I mean it's not that big of a deal. I'm doing better than I was yesterday and I'm off that stupid IV. I'll just take things easy. There is no need to get all worked up about it. I'll be fine," I protest hoping to take some of the stress off them.
"YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THAT BED LIAM JAMES!" my mum snaps at me narrowing her eyes dangerously.
I sink into the pillows my cheeks going red from embarressment and anger. I'm 21 I can take care of myself.
"She's right, Li. You're not ready to go anywhere. It's only been 24 hours and your body is still trying to get through the transition. Not to mention the pain that is sure to come with you being a Clover," Andy so kindly reminds me.
"He's right. The Clover transition is extremly painful and I want you monitored when you go through it. Your ovaries, uterus and birth canal are also still not settled. It's going to take them at least the rest of the week to settle in and when your birth canal and ovaries really start settling in you better be ready for one painful ride," Dr. Ada reminds me making me just want to curl up in a ball and die. For all I heard come out of her mouth was painful, painful, painful and more pain.
I feel Zayn's hand slide into mine beneath my sheets. He squeezes my hand tightly as though he is reading my mind and sensing my exact thoughts. Normally he would just hold my hand or even kiss my cheek or snuggle with me, but with my mum in the room that is a big no no. My mum does not know about Zayn and I. She knew we "messed around" in the beginning, but she assured herself and every other family member of mine that it was a faze.
So after Zayn and I "messed around" in the beginning we decided to leave my family out of our relationship that is going on behind closed doors. The only family member of mine that knows is Ruth and that is only because I tell her everything and she may have walked in on me and Zayn making out when we were in New York. Opps. Andy knows about our relationship and has even helped me stage some of the PR crap so I could sneak out and go see Zayn, kind of like Zayn's birthday party. Only a few close friends, family members and clever fans know that a lot of the pictures were staged and that Zayn and I ended up having sex in his bathtub that night. Opps. Zayn's entire family knows about our relationship, even his little cousins. Whenever Trisha sees me she greets me with a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. His sisters always hug me and tell me they miss and want me to become officially apart of their family. His aunts have even told me that they can't stand Perrie and wish I was wearing Zayn's engagement ring not her. His little cousins always say we should get married and have babies together making my cheeks always go red. Perrie hates me for she always says that I stole Zayn's family from her and is even jealous if Zayn and I hang out. She always accuses me of being an attention seeking whore, to me it seems like she is the attention seeking whore. I really shouldn't think things bad about her, for she is marrying the man I love, but I suppose I really can't help myself. Opps.
"We'll sort this out or I'll sue their asses when something happens to you," my mum promises me giving me little comfort.
"Okay let's say that we can't get management to back off and we all go on tour tomorrow. Us four boys, Paddy, Paul, the band, and every other crew member will keep an eye on him and help him through it," Harry suggests making me want to kiss him, but something tells me Zayn would punch Harry if I did that.
"No, if they make him go on tour tomorrow he is quitting the band," my mum replies crossing her arms the same way she did when the principal at my school refused to punish the guys bullying me.
"What?! No mum! I am not quitting the band! I'll solider on! I'll be fine! You can't come here and try to control my life! I'm 21 not 12! I don't always need your saving me anymore! I can take care of myself! You don't always have to be the controlling dictator bitch in my life!" I snap at her the stress of everything going on just making me snap at my own mother.
My mum does not respond with words instead she slaps me hard across my face making tears sting my eyes and my cheek burn.
"Mum!" Ruth screams at her eyes wide with shock,
"I don't care if you're 21, 12, or 2. You don't EVER speak to me like that. I raised you better than that," my mum says coldly her eyes narrowed at me.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I was just upset and..." I turn my head away from her as tears run down my cheeks my guilt hitting me along with humiliation and raw emotion.
I feel Zayn's touch on my head his fingers gently running through my hair calming me as he whispers sweet nothings in my ears as I sob. I note that the rest of the room is silent, but at that moment it is no matter to me. For all that matter at the moment was my pain and Zayn.
"Liam, sweetheart I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you. I know you're just hurting and scared," I can hear the tears in my mum's voice as she places a gentle hand on my cheek her tears hitting my shirt.
"It's okay mum, I deserved it. I'm sorry I yelled at you," I apologize wiping away my tears hating how emotional I feel.
"Just so you know, your hormones are a little out of whack so you're going to be more emotional, Liam," Dr. Ada speaks up giving me a sympathetic smile.
"Great, is there anything else out of whack?" I ask repositioning myself in my bed so I can see everybody in the room again.
"Just your organs and life," she replies giving me a smile.
"Now what are we going to do about tomorrow and let's keep it civil this time," Ruth speaks up giving my shoulder a quick squeeze.
"I'm not quitting the band, that is out of the question. So please don't throw that out there," I begin wanting it known that it isn't an option.
"You shouldn't have to anyway. Just because it's known that you're a Carrier and going through your transition doesn't mean you should be forced to bring your life and career to a stop," Louis says annoyance in his voice.
"I agree, but unfortunately that isn't always true. A lot of Carriers do have to bring their careers and lives to a halt because of fear for their safety. In fact a lot of Carriers spend their lives isolated from society or as sex slaves or as husbands forced into a marriage or taken into government areas where they are tested on, and observed, but protected," Dr. Ada adds making me want to throw up. I don't want any of that to happen to me. I never want to be somebody's tool or experiment.
"Why isn't this talked about?! That's all wrong! They're people to not some thing that people can own!" Louis snaps angrily.
"Unfortunately it isn't talk about, because people don't want to talk about it and Carriers are so rare that people don't feel a need. Some of the things that have happened to Carriers are well documented, but people don't feel the importance because of their rarity. I mean it doesn't effect them personally so why care? All men take the test when they are 15, but only 1 out of 5 million are Carriers and only 1 in 1 billion are Clovers. If it doesn't effect them a lot of people just don't care," Dr. Ada continues.
"Still doesn't make it right," Niall grumbles snuggling close to me.
"Believe me I know. This has been my life for the past six years. Worrying about my baby boy and what is to come for him. When I went to some law enforcement to get their opinion on what to do about his safety they just laughed and told me a Carriers fate is a Carriers fate, I mean after all a Carriers' job is to make babies and be sexual toys to other men," my mum says shrugging her shoulders tears running down her cheeks.
She never told me about her lack of support from other people and the community. I have always known that it was hard for my entire family knowing that I am a Carrier and what comes with it, but I never have thought about how they were being effected by it when I am not there.
"Well that's not happening to Liam. We'll keep him safe when he is on tour with us. I can promise you that," Paul speaks up making me sigh a little in relief.
"So let's say Liam is going on tour tomorrow then we take precautions make sure he is with somebody at all times. We help him with what comes with his transition and the boys will keep an eye on him during the shows," Paddy speaks up his eyes on my mum seeing as she is the one that probably needs the most convincing.
"I can agree with that, but we are still going to put up a fight. Dr. Ada has said it is best if he stays here until the transition is over. Dr. Ada will not sign his release papers unless forced to. I'll try to continue to try and sway management," my mum continues on determination in her eyes.
Tired of the same conversation on repeat, being exhausted and feeling achey I just roll over snuggling into Niall well Zayn continues to run his fingers through my hair soothing me into sleep with me held protectively in Niall's arms and surrounded by family, and friends that will do everything in their power to keep me safe.
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They lost their battle with management and I am being forced to leave after they black mailed Dr. Ada with what she had done during the first ultrasound she had done on me which would put her career on the line if it was leaked to the public that she had 'tortured' one of the members of One Direction.
"I'm so sorry Liam," Dr. Ada continues to apologize to me as I finish getting dressed using Zayn for support as I bend over to pull my pants on. My cramps making it hard as they protest even more with my stomach being scrunched up.
"Its okay. I don't blame you. I'll be fine," I try to reassure her as I try to button and zip up my pants. Seeing my struggle Zayn pushes my hand away doing it himself his finger tips brushing a more senstive area of me making my cheeks go red. Noticing this he leans in pecking my lips.
"You two are too cute. It's sad though you can't be together in public or around Liam's family. You two would make a perfect family," Dr. Ada tells us making me blush more. Zayn just chuckles as he grabs my bags.
"Thank you, but unfortunatly he'll never be mine," Zayn replies making my heart sink. I never will be his. I'll always just be that friend that he will always love more than a friend and will occasionally have sex with. "Come on let's get out of here. The boys are waiting for us at the hotel with everything already loaded into the tour bus so we can get onto the next city," Zayn continues shouldering my bag of things and helping me settle into the wheelchair.
"Well good luck you're going to need it. If you need anything don't hesitate to call me. You can call my personal or work phone it is no matter to me and please don't think you will be bothering me, I promise that you are no bother to me. I would be more bothered if I find out something happened to you," Dr. Ada gives me one last hug before allowing Zayn to push the wheelchair out the door following the nurse.
"There is going to be fans and paparrazzi outside waiting for us isn't there?" I ask as we head to the elevator with the nurse.
"Yes, but Paddy and Paul are waiting for us down stairs. They'll make sure nothing happens to you," Zayn assures me rubbing my back comfortingly.
The nurse scrunches her nose up in disgust making me lower my head in embarressment. Zayn notices her look as well and he reacts very differently than what I did.
"Is there something wrong?" he asks her his eyes narrowing at her, Louis' sass starting to show in his voice.
"You're Muslium, correct?" she asks turning to face Zayn ignoring my existence.
"Yes."
"Isn't it against your religion to love somebody like him?" she asks motioning to me like I am some object that people can just toss away or sell.
"Why does that matter to you? And he's a person not just some object," Zayn snaps at her his hands resting protectively on my shoulders.
"He's unnatural. What he is shouldn't be happening. Woman have babies, not Carriers. He is a mutant that should not exist. That's what Carriers are you know mutants and Clover Carriers are even worse. I would think that somebody of your background would no better," she tells Zayn only ever looking at him, never addressing me only shooting me looks of disgust every once in awhile.
"You're yelling at him for existing and being the way he is. It wasn't his fault that he was born like this," Zayn snaps at her getting extremely pissed off. Thankfully the elevator door opens and Zayn leads the way out leaving the nurse behind.
"Well she was a bitch," I say trying to show that she didn't upset me when in actuality it hurt. I have always known that some people hate Carriers, I just never thought I would encounter them in real life and that none of them would be ballsy enough to actually say it to my face.
"She's lucky she is a girl otherside I would have hit her. Who says that kind of thing? If anybody ever says something like that to you tell me and I'll make sure they don't say it again," he grumbles as we reach Paul and Paddy.
Not wanting to bother with the wheelchair outside I get up ignoring the nurse's protest, not really caring at the moment what is coming out of her mouth.
"How you feeling today kiddo?" Paul greets me wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
"Okay, my stomach feels weird, but other than fine. Are the other boys already to leave for the next show?" I ask just wanting out of here and to move on.
"All loaded up in the bus, all that is missing is you and Zayn. You ready to head out there?" he asks me squeezing my shoulder.
I give him a nod just as Paddy opens the door letting in the screams of the fans and paparazzi.
"No pictures or anything, just get to the car. We don't have enough time or security for you to stop," Paddy warns me before leading the way out into the chaos outside.
"Liam!! Liam! How are you feeling?!" a paparazzi yells at me as I make my way through the crowd keeping my head down and holding tightly onto Paddy's arm using him as a shield as he pushes his way through the crowd.
"Liam, is Ziam real?"
"Liam can you sign this for me please?!"
"Are you going to have Ziam babies?!"
"I can't wait to see you glowing with a baby!"
"I'd tap your ass! How much do you want?!"
"Please let me pay you to help me and my wife! We've been trying for years and all we got is a mentally ill son! Please you are our only hope! I'll pay you whatever price! Please!"
"How much do I have to pay for him?! I'll pay you 12 million!"
The assult of words continue endlessly but we push forwards. Zayn slides into the back seat of the car with me his jaw clenched in anger slamming the door behind him.
Paul and Paddy both wordlessly get in up front easily manuvering the way out to the road.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat as a sharp cramp suddenly hits me. I rub the area gently near my waist line. I unbutton my seat belt so I can easily access the area.
"What are you doing?" Zayn asks watching me as I carefully massage the area.
"Hurts," I reply shifting my weight as another wave of pain hits me.
"You shouldn't unbuckle your seat belt though. Is it really hurting that bad?" he places a hand under my chin making me look up at him.
I don't reply to his question, but I don't really need to for soon I am doubled over from a wave of pain that hurts so bad I cry out. Bending over doesn't help, but I can't help it the instinct makes me lean over.
"Crap Liam, hold on we're almost there then you can lay down," Zayn promises me his hand rubbing my back gently.
I gag throwing up on the floor painfully as my stomach clenches more cramps hitting me like a bunch of bullets piercing my abdoman.
"Shit how far out are we?" I hear Zayn ask his hand on my back rubbing small quick circles on the small of my back. His own anxiety reflecting in his motions. "Come here, lay across the seat so your stomach organs aren't so squished," Zayn orders me grabbing my shoulders helping me lay out on the seats with my head resting on his lap.
"Hold on, Liam. We're fifteen minutes out," Paddy assures me, but I pay him little attention as I squirm in the seats the pain almost unbearable.
"Shh, let me help you," Zayn grabs my hands removing them from my waist line. He unbuttons my jeans rolling them down a little so he can access the area that is hurting the most easier. His fingers dance right along the belt line his fingers actually tickling a few hairs that peak out from my boxers.
I relax into his lap turning my face so I am facing his stomach tears running down my eyes from the pain and embaessement of throwing up in the car forcing three people to smell it all the way back to the hotel.
I feel the car slow down and slowly come to a stop. I try to sit up but Zayn holds me still as Paul and Paddy disapear out of the car.
"When we get in the bus you just lay down. I'll get you some pain medication and some water. I want you to drink the water so you don't get dehydrated, okay?"Zayn orders kissing my forehead. The door by Zayn opens and I can hear him talking to somebody, but can't make out the words thanks to my sudden migraine. I feel a blanket be draped over me preventing me from feeling the cool ending of summer air.
Wrapped in the blanket Zayn lifts me from the backseat not bothering to fix my jeans. I keep an arm wrapped around his neck shielding my face from the fans, paps and their flashing cameras. I don't care that seeing me is only going to fuel their media fire. I hurt too much.
The bus doors are already open and Harry is standing in the entrance in greeting.
"He should not be out of the hospital," I hear Louis grumble as Zayn lays me down on the couch Harry propping a pillow under my head. "They're just using him to get attention from the press. With him being a Carrier it's going to be a media frenzy. Everybody is going to want to interview him, go to the shows, and find out what it's like 'living the life as a Clover Carrier," Louis whispers to Zayn, but I still catch his words and they hurt.
Even if I am not some sex slave I am still being sold by management to the media like some kind of side show. I am their personal show dog and it only makes things hurt worse. My mum was right it's only a matter of time before they ask me to get pregnant, so I can add to the excitment for the media.
No matter what somebody is always going to be gaining something from me.