A/N:
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The moment I had dreaded was finally here and there was no where to run, although I had wanted to. I felt ashamed and embarrassed and I wanted to disappear but sadly, I couldn't. I couldn't escape it.
"It seems a lot has happened since we left." My dad began after several minutes of silence. I had felt my mom's gaze since she had walked into the living room but I had kept my eyes focused on the floor, unable to look at her or at my dad. I didn't want to see their looks of disappointment directed at me.
"A whole lot." Mom echoed and I gave a heavy sigh. It had begun. "Tiaraoluwa, raise your head when we are talking to you! Come on!"
Slowly, I lifted my head but kept my eyes off my parents faces.
"Would you like to explain your side of the story to avoid any misunderstandings?" Dad asked.
Before Ruby was exposed my parents would have always assumed I was guilty of a crime without hearing my side of the story. However, I couldn't bring myself to clear my name. It didn't matter whose fault it was anymore, Ruby was in a coma and even though I didn't like her very much, the empathetic side of me felt bad and just wanted her to wake up.
"Why are you quiet?" Mom yelled and I gave another sigh, slouching as I felt even worse. "If it wasn't for Tiwa, you would have been locked up for attempted murder and then what would we have done?"
I stayed silent as my mom yelled. I could tell she wasn't angry at me but worried about the state Ruby was in. I could hear the worry in her voice.
A few moments of silence passed afterwards and I felt the urge to look up at my parents to see why they were so quiet but before I could, I felt arms wrap around me.
"I always told myself that I had to be strict with you in order for you to become the best version of yourself but instead I managed to push you away so much that you couldn't talk to me about who or what bothered you. What use is a mother if she can't be there when her child needs her the most?"
"Mom—"
"You always acted like you were so strong." Mom smacked my arm as she pulled away from me and I was left confused. I couldn't understand what had just happened. That was very uncharacteristic of my mom. She wasn't an emotional touchy person. I couldn't even remember the last time she had hugged me, so, why was she doing it now and why did she sound like she was apologizing?
Mom walked away from the living room immediately and I watched her climb up the stairs until she was out of sight.
"Your mom was really worried about you. We both were." Dad said, drawing back my attention. "You were once a sweet and gentle child. I remember how you always cried when your mom spanked Benjamin for being naughty and then, you hugged him until he stopped crying. We couldn't understand why you changed all of a sudden."
A faint smile formed on my lips as I was reminded of who I used to be. I had almost forgotten all about that time. It had felt like I had been this stubborn, angry, crazy troublemaker my whole life.
"You started picking fights in school and cutting off people's hair. Your mom always worried that you were going to get yourself in big trouble one day if you didn't stop being so troublesome and when we heard about Ruby's accident, we couldn't help but think that it could have been you in her place. That thought scared us greatly. If anything had happened to you, we would not have been able to bear it at all." Even my dad had been acting weird.
I had expected to yell at me and blame me for being a trouble maker like they always did but instead, they had been gentle with me and seemed to choose the words they said to me. They both had apologetic looks on their faces and I couldn't understand why.
"I'm sorry, dad. I didn't mean to worry you both." I apologized. It never actually occurred to me that my parents had worried about me so much. I had always thought I was a disappointment to them and that they had sent me to New York just so they could get rid of me and my trouble. I felt even worse when I returned back to Nigeria after failing to succeed in the US.
I had felt like a failure who couldn't do anything right and I thought I could never please my parents and that they would have always been disappointed in me but never would I have thought that they had worried about me so much that they were scared for me.
"You should have come to us if you were struggling. You didn't have to carry all your burdens alone like you had no one to lean on."
Tears had begun to well up in my eyes and I blinked them back several times. My dad was right. I had carried all my burdens alone but it wasn't because I wanted to. I had tried many times to talk to my parents but they were always too busy with work to pay attention and when they paid attention, it was because I had done something wrong. They never saw how much I was struggling.
"For the longest time, I thought you were just being rebellious. I never realized that you—" Dad paused for a moment. "If Derrek hadn't spoken to your mom and I this morning, we would have gone on misunderstanding you."
"Derrek spoke to you?" My eyes widened in surprise.
My eyebrows pulled together as I tried to remember the events of last night up till this morning. I could remember Derrek coming over and talking with him in the living room. I must have fallen asleep sometime later cause the next thing I could remember was waking up in my room at noon. Derrek was gone by then and so was Benjamin. My parents had already been home as well. Derrek must have been here when they got back. What had he told them?
"Derrek helped your mom and I to see the things we had missed. It did feel quite embarrassing to hear a stranger tell us about our own child but we were grateful that he had." My dad gave a sigh and got up to his feet.
"Dad, I don't understand. What exactly did he say?" I got up to my feet as well.
"We'll be heading over to the hospital in a few minutes. It would be best if you don't come with us for now. Ruby's parents wouldn't want to see you right now." Dad said before turning around to leave.
I couldn't help but feel slightly unsettled, not knowing what Derrek had said to my parents about me. What could he have said to make them act this way?
I made my way back to my room and picked up my phone to call Derrek. I had to know what he had said to them.
*
"Hi!" Derrek said enthusiastically, then, frowned when I stared back at him with a blank look. "What's wrong?" He asked as he stepped aside so I could walk into his apartment.
He was dressed in a white shirt—which had the first three buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows—paired with a navy blue and red plaid suit. He had said on the phone that he had just gotten home when I called. He hadn't changed out of his suit yet.
I shook my head free from the thoughts of his suit and why he had seemed a lot tired and instead focused on my mission.
"What did you tell my parents?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips. "They acted really weirdly with me this afternoon and my dad says it's thanks to you showing them something they had missed." I air quoted the word 'missed' with my index and middle fingers.
Derrek was quiet for a few moments before he proceeded to the couch and settled down, glancing at the marble floor. He placed his elbows down on his knees and interlaced his fingers. I stared at him for a moment before joining him on the couch.
"Do you remember what happened last night?" Derrek asked, glancing at me. I paused for a moment, trying to recall anything out of the ordinary but I couldn't.
"What happened last night?"
"You were having a nightmare and you kept on repeating that you were innocent and why didn't your parents believe you? I tried to wake you up but you clung on to my arm and said you felt like you were about to shatter into a million pieces and no one even noticed."
I felt my heartache as I heard Derrek speak. Those words had come straight from my heart and hearing someone else say them out loud completely shattered me.
For as long as I could remember, I felt like no one understood me. Not my family and not my friends. They only knew one side of me and that was the trouble making girl who never let anyone walk over her but there was more than that. There was an over sensitive and insecure side to me that I always kept hidden because I never wanted to show my weakness to anyone.
Ruby's words always hurt me, Chioma and her minions always got to me, they always made me feel irrelevant, they made me feel insecure about myself. I always wondered why they all hated me so much. I wondered why they had chosen to pick on me the most. The looks of disgust always made me feel icky and dirty. Their words always made me feel like trash but I could never let them see how much they had hurt me so instead I chose to defend myself against them by using my words or my hands. It was much better than crying in a corner while they pointed their fingers at me and laughed. I always thought that if I showed them that I wasn't scared, they would eventually leave me alone but that never happened.
I never understood how they found so much joy in tearing me down but I could never let them get the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. My friends always thought I was so cool for standing up for myself and never letting the bullies get to me but they had no idea that my wall had been penetrated long ago. They never could tell that I laughed through the pain and they always applauded me for being so strong. They began to look up to me and I started to feel like I couldn't let them down so I swallowed it all.
I never liked violence but I had inflicted it so many times. I also hated being misunderstood but I had been misunderstood so many times and after a while, I just learned to live with it.
The most peaceful years of my life were the first few years I spent in New York. I was given a chance to start again, a chance to be happy but it wasn't long until my past insecurities came back to hunt me and then I had to escape.
It seemed everywhere I went, trouble seemed to follow, so, I finally accepted that I must have been cursed and I spent the next couple of years with that thought in my mind and I became miserable and uncomfortable with everything I did. I felt suffocated, working for my parents who thought my passion for art was a waste of my time and life.
Art was an escape for me. Painting was like therapy for me where I could say everything I was scared to say out loud. With every stroke of the brush and with every color was a story hidden beneath, a story that only I could recognize. It gave me the comfort I needed during the tough days and I hoped that I could provide some comfort to the world with my work but it seemed like the world never needed my comfort.
The only dream I had was shattered into pieces and I had nothing and no one to fall back on. I could only swallow my pride and go back to my parents who were happy that I had come back to my senses and given up on my silly dream. I had even cut off from most of my friends because I became too weak and tired to put on a happy face. I would have been a shell of myself if I hadn't crossed paths with Tosin after so long. She had been a good friend to me and even though I never fully opened up to her about what had bothered me, she always made the effort to make me happy when I was down in the dumps and I was thankful for her.
Derrek was the first person I had been vulnerable with. I had let him see a side of me that no one else had. I had felt so comfortable around him and I felt like we were quite similar at times. There was a look that I had seen in his eyes sometimes that I could recognize and when he talked about the dream he had to give up, I had felt more connected to him than I had with anyone else. He had the ability to turn my worst day into an amazing one with just a single glance in my direction and I hated it but I had loved it at the same time. Knowing Derrek was there always made it easier when I was dealing with Ruby's antics or Candice's threats. I never felt alone with Derrek around and I guess that was why I fell in love with him.
Derrek reached for my hand and I looked up at him. I hadn't realized I had been crying until he wiped away the tears from my face with his thumb.
"Tiara, I know what it feels like to be misunderstood by the people you love the most. I know what it feels like to be seen a certain way for so long that you begin to see it yourself. I know how much it hurts when the ones who are supposed to love and protect you never come to your aid when you need them. I know how it feels to be alone." Derrek said and fresh tears streamed down my face. He had just described exactly how I had felt for the longest time and it felt somewhat comforting to know someone else understood what was going through my mind.
I sniffed and cleaned away my tears but every time I did, they just got replaced by fresh tears.
"Coming from someone who's father couldn't care if he was dead or alive his entire childhood, I can tell you that your parents care about you a lot. I know it wasn't my place to say but I thought they should know that you're not some troublemaker who enjoys violence and chaos. I thought that maybe if they understood you better, you wouldn't feel so alone in your own home."
For some reason, I felt anger boil up inside me as I listened to his words. He had interfered in my private life and I didn't at all appreciate it.
"I never asked you to make anyone understand me, Derrek!" I yelled as I got up to my feet. "You had no right to talk to my parents behind my back!"
I didn't need Derrek to defend me. I could take care of myself. I had been doing so my whole life.
"I was just trying to help." Derrek looked taken aback.
"Don't you think if my parents wanted to understand me, they would have tried to talk to me all these years, they would have tried to get to know me but they never did! It was easier to classify me as a trouble maker than waste their energy on trying to understand why I was always in fights! They never once asked me or even my class teachers why I always fought my classmates! They never once asked me why Ruby and I always got into fights! Instead, they always assumed I started the fights and when I tried to explain my side of the story, they never wanted to hear it! So, once again, Derrek, you had no right to try to make them understand!"
By the time I was done speaking, my chest rose and fell with each deep breath I took. My chest ached and so did my throat. My eyes were filled with tears and my vision began to blur but I didn't miss the look in Derrek's eyes. I could see his glistening eyes staring deep into mine and even though I wanted to yell at him some more for interfering, I couldn't.
It took just one glance from Derrek to break down my walls completely and as he took the first step towards me, sobs escaped my lips.
Derrek wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer to himself, placing a lingering kiss on my forehead before placing a kiss on my shoulder. He gently stroked my hair and began to hum a song that I wasn't familiar with but it had been surprisingly calming.
I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes as I concentrated on his humming. I felt everything else faded into the background and all there was, was Derrek and I. The tears and sobs soon faded as well.
I did feel touched that Derrek had cared about me so much that he had wanted to make my life better. I could tell he had only good intentions and maybe I had overreacted when he was just trying to help me.
"I know you were only trying to help." I said after a few minutes of staying buried in Derrek's arms. "Thank you, Derrek."
"No, I was wrong. It wasn't my place to tell your parents. I'm sorry." Derrek apologized and I tightened my arms around him.
I felt warm and at peace in his arms. It had become my happy place and I never wanted to leave.
I had no idea what the future had in store for Derrek and I and I wasn't bothered to think about that, however, in this moment, everything felt perfect.
"I'm always here for you, Tiara, no matter who stands against you. Don't forget that." Derrek said as he lifted my chin up with his index finger. "You don't need to fight alone anymore." I completely melted at his words. I had waited so long to hear those words.
With a small smile, he leaned down and rested his forehead on mine.
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Hey lovelies!
Here's a long chapter for the delayed update.