I slide my feet into my brown suede boots, lacing them up before placing the hem of my jeans over the top.
It's date night for Nikki and me. Once a month, we choose to go into the nearest city and eat at a nice restaurant because she 'gets tired of the same old food in Stonelake.' Tonight, she chose an Italian place for us to eat at. I own a restaurant and can cook almost anything under the sun, yet she never lets me cook for her.
It's more about the appearance of eating out than the actual act of eating out.
Paired with my jeans and boots is a dark green button up, my hair gelled up so that the front appears more voluminous. If people tell you that guys don't put anything into their appearance, they're lying.
We do. Anyone that disagrees is simply denying it.
Nikki steps out of the bathroom in a mint green dress that dips down in the front. Women say that the dress style has its own fancy name. I just know that I can see the top curves of her tits. Who cares about the fucking name of the dress when you have a distraction to keep yourself busy?
Her dark hair is braided to one side, face completely masked in layers upon layers of makeup. She's hot, no doubt. I just think she could do with being a bit more...herself.
"You look pretty," I tell her.
"Thanks, babe," she smiles, turning to face the mirror so that she can slip the dangly jewelry into her ear. "Hey, it must be really good for your sister that one of her best friends is back in town. I'm sure she's missed her."
"Yeah, it's good for Lorraine." Not good for me, though.
"Were you close with her?" She asks.
"Close with who?" Play dumb, J. Play dumb.
"With Baya. Were you two close?"
Lie, J. "I mean, to an extent, yeah. She was friends with my sister, and she was around a lot." Okay, technically not a lie, just not the truth.
As if she's not even paying attention anymore, she grabs her phone and then hurries to place it in her purse—one that seems too big to carry daily, but you know... women and their fashion.
"Shit, is that the time? Our reservation is at 8 and I don't want to be late. We should get going."
Nikki comes over and places a sensual kiss on my lips before walking down the hallway and out to my truck.
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We have to park a bit down from the restaurant we're headed to because it's an unusually busy Wednesday night and both the parking lot and street parking were full.
Nikki's talking to me about something work-related but it's like a foreign language to my ears. I don't understand anything about her job. I keep my gaze trained in front of us so that we don't bump into anyone and as I'm looking down the street, I notice a blonde in dressed-down clothes, a messy bun, and a big Slurpee heading our direction.
She always did love Slurpee's.
She never knew when to stop and always ended up with the worst brain freeze.
My breathing nearly stops and as Nikki notices the girl, she turns towards said Slurpee-holding blonde and smiles.
"Oh my gosh, is that Baya?" I want to shake my head and deny it but before I can, Nikki starts yelling freakishly loud to get her attention. Baya pops her head up and recognizes who's calling her name and I watch as the color leaves her face. She glances the opposite way down the street like she wants to run but it's too late as Nikki calls her over to us.
Baya hesitates before walking toward us and stops just short of Nikki, standing awkwardly, like she doesn't know what to say. Though, I don't either. What the hell is Nikki thinking?
"Baya, it's good to see you again. You dipped out of the party before I could say anything. What are you up to?"
"Oh," her voice cracks but she clears her throat before speaking again. "I was just out watching a movie but I'm getting ready to head back home."
"You watched a movie by yourself?" Nikki questions her like it's totally unlike a woman to go to the movies by herself. It's not unlikely, just unsafe.
Baya nods at her question, slurping on her drink some more.
"You shouldn't be going out alone when you have friends, girl!"
Baya rocks anxiously on her feet, her voice coming out soft and a little...broken. "I don't have many friends," she says.
"I find that hard to believe! You seem very friendly. Have you eaten tonight?" Her eyebrows inch up her forehead but drop before anyone notices.
"No, I haven't but I'll just grab—"
"Nonsense!" Nikki states. "Come have dinner with us. We're just going to eat at the little Italian restaurant right down the street."
Oh, hell no.
"I'm sure Baya has better things to do," I pipe in, glaring at Baya in hopes that she gets the point across.
"Jensen, you can't just assume that." Nikki scolds me. She turns to the side, slightly tilting her head at Baya. "Well do you have better things to do?"
"Um. Not really. But I don't want to intrude." She speaks as if the words pain her.
"You're not intruding if I invite you silly," Nikki giggles. "Plus, since you grew up with this guy, this gives me a chance to dig up some dirt on him." She smirks my way as if she just found the pot of gold at the end of my childhood rainbow. She hooks her arm around Baya's and takes off in the direction of the restaurant, completely ruining my night and yet she doesn't even know it.
The hostess takes us to our seat and thankfully it's a small booth near the back of the restaurant. If this gets intense, I don't want anyone seeing.
The waitress comes by and gets our drink order. Nikki and I order Merlot while Baya gets a Pinot Noir. They may not serve whiskey here, but I already know I'm gonna need alcohol to get through this evening.
After mulling over the menu and deciding what to get, we each place our orders and the girls go back to chatting, unfortunately about me.
"So, what was Jensen like as a kid? Or at least when you knew him," Nikki asks.
Baya looks at me as if asking permission to answer Nikki or to silently convey how uncomfortable this makes her. Well, tough shit, girl. You're here now. She could have gone home but she let Nikki coax her into dinner instead.
"Um. He was the star running back for our high school football team. Super friendly. He's always had manners and he stuck up for kids who got bullied. And he was always the kind of person to put everyone before himself. He was the perfect boy next door even though they didn't live near me back then." She takes a sip of her wine, looking brave, letting the memories guide her. "Plus, he was stubborn."
"Oh, girl, he still is. Give me something juicy though. What embarrassing stories do you have?"
Baya swirls the wine around in her glass, taking her time to comb through the endless memories to find something embarrassing that's worth telling.
"We don't have to talk about this," I suggest. It would be just my luck that she'd tell a story that implicates our past together.
"Yes, we do. I have one. When we were sixteen, Lorraine and I were hanging out in the treehouse when Jensen came to pick her up. I can't remember what we were doing, but when we came out, he slipped going down the stairs and the wood snagged his shorts. He fell the rest of the way, both his shorts and his boxers having ripped so badly that he was standing stark naked and didn't even notice." Baya starts laughing, taking pleasure in my embarrassment from one of the most cringey days of my life.
"Please stop," I beg. I remember this day. It wasn't one of my finest moments.
"Lorraine freaked out because she'd never seen her brother naked. He whipped his shirt off and covered his...junk with it— my dad was home working. I had to sneak him into my house completely nude, past both my parents, so he could steal an older pair of shorts my brother left behind."
"Oh my gosh! I can picture that so well." Nikki joins in on the laughter with Baya. "He does look good naked though." I nearly choke on my wine at that, not expecting her to say anything close to that.
"You're really enjoying this aren't you?" I'm looking at Nikki, but it's meant for both girls.
Baya doesn't say anything, just goes back to drinking like she didn't hear the insinuation of Nikki's words.
"He's still so selfless. Always puts me first. Takes such good care of his siblings. Runs the business. He's one of the best men I know."
Why does this feel like a pissing match between my ex and my girlfriend? I feel like Nikki is just trying to match what Baya knows about me but it's not possible. Baya knows everything whereas Nikki only knows a limited amount.
"So how did you two meet?" Baya looks between the two of us.
"I was in town for work," Nikki begins. "I went to the restaurant to get food and I thought he was so cute that I asked for his number. We went on a few dates to the movies, the candy store in town, and then we went bowling. After about a month of casual dating he made dinner for us at the restaurant and asked me to officially be his girlfriend on the dock."
Baya's face goes blank, and she looks like she's gonna be sick. I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help not to. I feel like shit.
It's the same way I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Nikki doesn't sense the tension or see the guilt in my eyes, but thankfully she shifts the subject back to something more neutral for the occasion.
"How long have you been friends with Lorraine?"
"A little over 10 years," Baya answers.
"That's a long time to be friends with someone. The only friend I've had for that long has been my sister," she laughs.
"I have a brother but we're not that friendly," Baya says. When did she become so distant with her brother? They used to be close. A long time ago.
"I'm sorry. I know I'm asking a lot of questions but I'm just trying to get to know you. Did you date a lot of guys back in high school? I know I did. I think I went through half the male population," she laughs. This is a first, but I'm more focused on how the hell Baya's gonna pull off this answer.
"I did date," she says as she glances over at me. "He was actually a lot like Jensen."
"What happened with him?"
"When I made the choice to move to L.A., he didn't want to do long distance."
Long distance? When the hell did she mention long distance? As if on instinct, I sit up in the booth a bit taller, leaning more into the conversation.
This feels like answers. Answers to questions I've had for so long.
"Long distance is hard, Baya. Did he tell you why he didn't want to?"
"Well," she sighs. "The day I told him; he was so hurt that he wouldn't listen to me. I tried so hard to bring up long distance, but he was so... betrayed that he wouldn't make the time of day to hear me out."
"Really?" Nikki marvels. "Well, that's a mistake on his part then. He should've heard you out and gotten your side of the story. Maybe then you wouldn't have lost him."
"Maybe," Baya responds, her voice is weak and full of something that seems like...regret.
I feel like the floor is going to open under me and I'm going to freefall into the fiery pits of hell. What the fuck is going on? I remember that day. I remember it vividly. You don't forget the days that cause you the most pain, and I've only ever had two of them.
I remember what I said to her. I regret most of it some days, but then I remember that she left, and I go back to not being sorry I said it. I think back on that day now. Did she try to tell me that and I just didn't listen?
I play the day over in my head again, the memory playing like a movie. Focusing on it from a different perspective now, I feel the color drain from my face.
I didn't even let her get a word in that day. I was furious with her, said a bunch of despicable things, then stormed off. It was the last time I spoke to her.
"Maybe there was more to the story." I'm looking straight through Baya. She knows what I was going through back then and how it would make me feel to lose another person. She just looks at me with her eyes wide and face pale, but my thoughts pull me from the conversation.
Oh my god. Is it my fault? Does she hate me for not letting her talk? Am I the reason we lost all those years together?
Wait. No. Why the fuck am I thinking like that? She still wanted to leave, and she didn't discuss it with me.
But a part of me still feels at fault for what happened. Things would be so different right now if I had just fucking listened.
"What about now? Any boyfriends?" Baya shakes her head at that. "You mean you live in L.A. and don't have any boyfriends?"
"Nope. Just me. Livin' the single life." Baya seems like she didn't want to admit that. I wonder why.
"Huh. Well, I guess everyone has their own prerogative." Nikki's brows arch. She slides her gaze down Baya, with a flare of superiority. "I have a friend who chose her career over dating too. She tells us she's happy all the time, but who really knows. You do remind me of her, she always looks so exhausted too."
What the... did she just make a dig at her? The hell is that about?
"Sweetheart," Baya begins. Oh god, you don't say that in the south unless you're getting ready to rip someone a new asshole, which would totally be unlike the Baya I used to know. But obviously she's not the same girl anymore. I've noticed that in the few times I've seen her since she's been back.
"I didn't choose my career over anything. I chose something that made me happy at the time and I expected him to fight for me when he came to his senses, but he didn't. I lost the chance to choose once I realized..." She stops herself from finishing that sentence, but I've never wanted to hear someone finish a sentence as much as I do right now. "If I wanted a boyfriend, I'm sure I could get one. I'm choosing to focus on myself right now. Not everyone needs a significant other to be satisfied."
That seems like a dig right back at Nikki, but I can't exactly be mad. Nikki started it and all for a reason I don't know the answer to.
Nikki shuts up after that, not quite expecting Baya to come back at her. For the most part she still looks like the same sweet girl on the outside, but there's a bit of a viper inside her now that wasn't there before.
I shouldn't be feeling anything towards her right now, but an overwhelming rush of pride settles deep in my chest at the woman before me now.
The old Baya would have just let that slide at the fear of confrontation. She never wanted to talk back to people or say things to them like they did to her out of fear of hurting someone's feelings. She wanted to keep the peace, which often made her a bit of a doormat to put it simply.
But this Baya... seems stronger now and more independent. Like me, she put other people's feelings above her own. It seems now she's learned to be selfish, but in a way that benefits her.
I'll never show it nor admit it, but I'm so proud of her right now.
The waitress returns with our food and as soon as she sits it down, Baya asks her for a box. She grabs one from the stack of supplies behind us and hands it to her. Baya swiftly puts her food away and then looks back at us.
"You know, this has been fun and all," she says, gesturing at the three of us in the booth, "but I need to get home. I've got a hot date with my guitar. Nikki," she says flatly. "Jensen," she says, her gaze hanging on me a little longer. Her expression is all over the place, and for once, I don't know how she's feeling.
Baya pulls out a wad of cash and throws it on the table before picking up her glass and downing the rest of her wine. I would have paid for her meal because I'm a gentleman—most of the time—but she's not like that.
"Well, she was a bitch, storming out of here like a toddler."
I feel the steam building underneath the surface. I shouldn't want to defend her, but I can't help it.
"You weren't exactly nice to her," I scolded. She looks genuinely surprised that I'd defend her, but the only bitch I see here tonight is the girl in front of me. I don't voice that out loud.
"You're serious."
"Deadly," I retort. "You practically suggested that she was depressed and hiding it while also looking exhausted. Those aren't exactly nice comments or whatever the hell you want to call them. You don't know anything about her or what happened. You can't say shit like that."
"My bad," she says, but there's not a hint of an apology in her tone.
The tension between the two of us as we eat dinner is so tough that you couldn't cut it with a knife. We finish our meal and drive back home. I kiss her and head directly inside, hoping that she takes the hint that I don't want her staying here tonight.
Thankfully she gets the hint. I don't want to deal with it anymore tonight. I'm already too consumed by other thoughts.
I can't get over what Baya said. Did I really not give her the option to talk to me?
I don't want to believe it, but I know in my heart and in my mind that she's right.
I practically called her a vain, selfish bitch the day that it happened. But it's been seven years and I'm seeing things in a whole new light now.
I should be angry with her. I should still be fucking angry with her. I mean, I am, but now I'm questioning whether I should be.
At the end of the day, she still left. She didn't fight for me. So, I have the right to still be angry. But until this day, there's something I didn't realize. Or maybe it's just another thing I fought to keep hidden in the depths of my mind.
She has a right to be angry with me too.
What she did to me was horrible.
But what I did to her was equally as horrible.
Oof....this was tense, right?! I thought so.
I don't have too much to say other than I'm not a fan of Nikki--I mean, someone has to be the villain, right?
But I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter and this interaction (:
I'll see y'all Monday <3