hello my lovelies,
I hope you had a great day today and if not, I promise you there will be better times.
Have fun reading and always remember that you are amazing and enough.
I love you, bye.
I am so sorry for this chapter-please don't hate me.
I can recommend listening to "Million Reasons" by Lady Gaga while reading.
Amara Thorne
(Yes, I know that her name is Amara Calvetti now)
I stare in the mirror, my gaze wandering over my face.
We have to talk.
We have to talk.
We have to talk.
Just about the shipments.
He wants to talk about the shipments.
The fucking shipments.
Why is he fucking with my mind like that?
After everything he did.
After he betrayed me and made me feel things that are too painful, too cruel to wish them upon your biggest enemy. After leaving me lying in the puddle of my shattered heart.
We should talk but not about this fucking shipments. We should talk about why you did it. Why you waited in this goddamn theatre...our theatre with me only to what? Play drunk? Distracting me? Only to gain my trust. To kiss me and rip everything away from me.
If Ayden wouldn't have called, I would have kissed him. I would have given him everything.
Every little part of me.
My body.
My mind.
My past and future.
Only for him to run a dagger in my fucking heart by meeting with the enemy to take my Mafia down.
I shake my head in disbelieve.
Maybe, just maybe you should have killed me right there on my sixteenth birthday, so I didn't have to feel the consequences of your betrayal.
I take a step back, taking a last look at my reflection, before turning around and leaving my room.
I walk down the stairs, giving off sounds every time my heels hit the marble floor.
Just the shipments.
Just discuss the shipments.
Why does it get every day harder with him?
We talked, he got me presents, we went on a fucking honeymoon.
We hugged...we kissed.
It almost felt normal.
But then everything is different. How he acts, how he talks, how he looks at me.
I would do everything in this entire fucking world to know what is going on in his head.
I just...I just want to know if...
But also, it would probably hurt.
To know the truth. To know that everything is fake...just like last time.
I open the door to his office, and he immediately looks up from the table and at me.
His mouth opens to say something but then he closes it again before pulling out the chair next to him, signalizing me to sit down. I walk behind the table and sit down, only a few inches next to him.
My bare arm touches his that is covered with the white fabric of his dress shirt.
He lets out a strangled breath before rubbing his hand against his chin like he doesn't have a clue where to start. After a few seconds, he clears his throat and opens a black file, showing me the first page of an agreement.
We look at it.
Why am I even here?
I went through this contract, over and over again. He has read it...I have read it.
Why am I even here and why is he staring at this goddamn paper, not saying anything?
He picks up a pen and looks at it.
"Adriano?" I ask, getting annoyed.
"Yeah?" He asks, when he looks into my eyes, seeming like I have just ripped him out of another world.
"Adriano? Do you want to go over the contract or not?"
He frowns at me before realization comes and he leans back in his chair, staring at me.
He lets out a humorless laugh.
"The contract. Yeah, the contract. Fuck the contract."
I stand up from my chair and cross my arms over my chest.
"Then why the fuck am I even here? I don't fucking get you. You were the one who wanted to go over the contract, not me."
He looks at me, not answering.
"Adriano, why the fuck am I here? Is this just another stupid fucking game to you?" I huff out.
„I am so sick of it. I am so fucking sick of you, you manipulative bastard. Why am I here?"
He doesn't answer just continues to study my face. I give him a disgusted look before turning around and heading to the door.
He can't do this to me.
Not again.
"You are here because I fucking wanted you here... needed you here." He says and I stop.
He can't do that.
No.
No.
No.
I turn around and look at him.
"You wanted me here? We are living in the same fucking house. I am always here because I am forced to be here." I yell at him, and he furrows his eyebrows at me.
"I didn't fucking mean that. I meant here. With me." He answers.
"We have to talk... We have to talk about us." He adds after a few seconds, his voice getting quieter with the last words.
"About us? No. No. No. There is no us."
His fists clench on the table and he pushes himself up.
"Are you fucking kidding me? There is no us? There is a fucking us. We are married. We are ruling an entire fucking empire. If we aren't an us...nobody is." He yells.
"A marriage that was forced upon us. We are no us." I yell back.
"Oh, so you are pretending there is nothing between us? You are telling me that I am imagining things? You are telling me that this is just a stupid fucking business deal? You are here, looking into my eyes like this didn't mean anything to you. The kiss didn't mean anything to you?" He shouts.
I take a few steps closer so only the table is separating us.
"Are you goddamn delusional because when I remember right you pulled back? You walked away with a look of disgust. You walked away after holding me in your arm. After kissing me...after we talked about our fucking future children." I cry out, throwing my hands in the air.
"Because I needed space. Because... oh my fucking God. What the hell is wrong with you? It's not a big fucking deal. I am sorry that I was confused after kissing the person I dreamed of being buried in a fucking casket for years. Don't you think I am fucking confused? I am suddenly talking about an us even though you did this to me. After what you did to me?"
I huff out, my eyes widening.
"After what I did to you? What the hell did I ever do to you? I tried everything to keep us together. I did everything for us. And now? Now there is no us anymore because you destroyed it. We were best friends. I loved the little Elijah I once knew, who was always there for me. The little boy who held me tightly when I was sad, when I had no one. You destroyed everything. And then? I wanted to give you another chance. And you betrayed me...again. You don't deserve to talk about a fucking us when you ruined it."
"I didn't destroy shit. As you said I was always there for you. I did everything for my best friend. I kept you safe, even though I knew you can take care of yourself. I gave the little ounce of love I had inside of me to you. I dreamed about you. I bought you flowers. I learned you Italian. I did everyth-"
"No this was not you. This was someone else because the fucking monster that is standing in front of me is not this boy. He was kind, he wanted the world to be a place without murder, pain, and betrayal. You are not him. I don't know when but he died. He fucking died years ago and three years ago on my birthday, I was dumb to think he was back. But it was an illusion." I yell and tears are building up in my eyes.
"He was a fucking boy and he grew up. Guess, what? We all do. As children, we have those stupid fantasies about the world being a beautiful place, but this is bullshit and I realized this. We all do one day. We did it way earlier than other children but we all do one day. And don't act like a fucking saint. You are not the angel you once were."
"I didn't fucking say th-" I argue but immediately get interrupted.
"You didn't say it but you damn sure acted like that. You act like that every fucking day. We are not children anymore. We are not the boy and the girl that talked about marriage before even knowing what the hell it really means. We are the adults that went through more pain than anyone could ever imagine. So, yeah Elijah is dead...in some kind of way. And the most ironic thing is that you are acting like you would care about that... like it would make you sad but you are the main reason why he isn't there anymore. Why I am acting every day more like my fucking father. Like a monster that deserves to burn in hell. You could have saved him. Saved me. I am a monster because of you."
Tears are starting to stream down my face and I am overflowing with anger and sadness.
"Oh, no, no, no. You are not going to blame this on me. I was your best fucking friend and then one fucking day I looked up into your eyes and I couldn't see the boy I loved so much. I only saw a monster. I saw every man I ever hated. He was gone. I am not the one who caused that. I am not responsible for how you turned out."
"I won't say you are the only one responsible for it because that would be a lie. But with you, everything would have been different. I would be way happier now. The last years wouldn't have been torture. I am just saying...you could have saved me. You could have saved me but you didn't."
"No, I couldn't. You are talking bullshit. How could I have helped you? Tell me, how could I have saved you?!" I huff out.
I walk around the table and now we are standing in front of each other, only a few inches apart.
He looks down at me as I cross my arms over my chest.
"Easy. By just being there."
"By being there? I was there. You were the one that left me. You were the one that ignored me. The one that acted like I was dirt every time we saw each other. Oh, and by the way. What was I supposed to protect you from anyway? The monsters under your bed?"
He points his index finger at me as he glares into my eyes.
"You have no fucking idea what you are talking about. You have no fucking idea what I have been through. I have been through hell and back. I wanted to fucking die. I was standing in front of a fucking mirror and cried my soul out of me. I begged God to just take me from this world so I wouldn't have to suffer.
If you went through this, I would have been there for you. The Elijah you are talking about? The Elijah you could have saved would have done everything to take your pain away. And even though I wouldn't wish this pain on my fucking enemy he would have taken it away from you so you wouldn't have to suffer alone without thinking about it for a second. He would have felt every pain in this world for you to be safe and of course I would have never expected from you to do that. No, I wouldn't even accept that but you could have been there for me."
"What the hell are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? When should I have been there? You pushed me out of your life. From one day to another you were a completely different person. You were strange and mean. There was no time for me to be there. We were best friends and then suddenly we weren't. So, please...for once in your life. Please tell me what the hell happened. Why did you do what you did? Why the hell did you break my heart?"
I can't even see clear anymore because of the tears that are uncontrollable falling down my face but when I try to wipe them off I see that they are also running down his face.
We both let out sobs.
He doesn't say anything we just stand there, tears streaming down our faces.
"It's too late for that, Amara. Everything is ruined. Not after this. We can never go back after this."
"How did we end up like that?" I ask, sobs following.
"The world is a fucking cruel place, and the universe is a bitch. Sending two people here who are made for each other only to do everything to break them apart."
"Please...Adriano. Please tell me what happened? I want to make things right. I want everything to be alright."
He shakes his head.
"I think that's not possible. Not after this. I thought...I really thought with a talk everything will be alright... but now? After this? It's very unlikely."
I give him a little nod.
"Ok."
He lays his hand on my cheek and gives me a sad smile.
He leans forward and presses a kiss on my forehead.
"I think it's best if we keep our distance for now. Maybe- maybe if we both think about it...about what happened... we will both be fine. Maybe you are right. Maybe everything will be fine." He says in Italian, his voice breaking.
I can feel his pain through his words.
I nod again.
"Ok."
"Ok."
I step away and take him and the tears that are still streaming down his face in before heading to the door.
I open it and walk out, closing it behind me.
This was it.
This was our breaking point.
We can't go back anymore.
Either the last years were just the big lesson we had to learn to find each other.
Or we lose this battle and can only hope to find each other in the next life.
~~~~~~
Thoughts?
I hate this chapter. This story gets worse with every word.