"oh my god" i speak under my breath
my throat gets dry
"I just arrived and assumed your dad would be awake, he's not." the smallest french accent slips on the word 'assumed'
"yes, as of now I'm just working in the cocaine wearhouse by the airport." I nod "I thought the cocaine wearhouse was on the boat port?" jason shakes his head "we uh changed it recently,practical reasons"
"I thought we moved the Sanchez business by the airport?" Stefano shakes his head "no, not sure who told you that"
"It's Sanchez's business. I was told I would be a yellow folder. First one of the group''
"What do the different color folders mean?" i tilt my head "red is our members, yellow is gangs and other mafias, green is weapons, and blue is our business' like sanchez"
i hold out the file "what is it" he takes the file from me "no clue maria just needed it"
"i had a folder on the french mafia and i can't find it, i put it in my desk a few weeks ago but it's gone now"
looking in the hall, jason has his head peeked through the third door "what are you doing" his head snaps "um" he shuts the door "you shouldn't be down here."
"i grew up speaking french canadian that tends to happen" i laugh a little "pour un canadien français tu parles assez bien le français moderne" (for a french canadian you speak modern french quite well)
"You have an African last name,you're a newbie,and you're white."
"Are you not sweating in that turtle neck?" he smiles as he takes another kilo out. "no i'm just really cold all the time"
"I was wondering if you have seen Jason anywhere" I look around the room and spot him up on the second floor "He's up there" i point. "no,that's not jason. I'll find him at some point."
Some people get it in more obvious spots like their faces or arms. necks." she pauses staring at me
"Just ask Matisse," she smiles. "ask who?" she laughs "that's something i can't answer"
holy shit. my heart begins to pound as the pieces fall into place. He's the rat that Rose was so sure about.
she covered it up so i'd go to the path that i think she was lying.
all the signs that were there
all the stutters
all the accent slips
all of it was right in front of me
"blade" I look over at him "give me your knife" i whisper at him and hold my hand out "what are you going to do with it?" he keeps his voice as low as mine.
I look at Jason whose tattoo is still exposed and when I feel the cold metal hit my hand I push out my seat and stand.
I hear Hazel whisper to me but I ignore her. I walk as calmly as possible through the crowd of people standing. As I brush past each one I can feel a new person stare at me.
I can hear my heart pound in my ears as I reach the side Jason is on. He's a rat and Celia knows. That's what she was trying to tell me last night. Is his name matisse?
I stand behind a few people that are closest to him. I step in front of one and slip the knife into a firmer grip. I pause and wait a moment before stepping in front of the next person closest to him.
he's a rat
I take a deep breath and step infront of the next person. two more to go. I slip the sleeve off of the knife and place it in my pants pocket.
I step in front of the next person and my heart pounds even more. I'm not angry, I'm afraid. Nicoletta take that anger and use it with all you have. roses voice rings.
"oh suck it up" she kicks me again. "Mom please," I grip the cheap mat of the fighting ring "stop!" she stomps on my back and I cough. she picks me up by my hair causing me to scream.
she sends another punch to my stomach and i hunch over. she throws me down "suck" another punch to my stomach "it" another "up!" rose throws me to the ground kicking me again "you weak pathetic bitch!"
I make myself angry and I grip the knife. I get just behind Jason and stare at him with anger pumping through my veins.
"kill him" i look at rose "you know you want to" she smiles "he's done very bad things nicoletta" i hold the gun in my hand "you know how to use that" i lick my lips.
"kill him'' Rose repeated herself "kill him" again "kill him" i place the gun to his head and plac my finger on the trigger repeating the words in my head to keep me motivated.
kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him
The chant in my mind that plays when the darkness washes over me like a blanket of snow. The quiet hum that entertains the monstrous, dark, ruthless side of me. It's all I can hear as the anger builds up as the whisper of rose plays in my mind over and over.
kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him kill him
I stare at the back of his head. You want answers. "jason" i tap his shoulder and he turns around only to receive a punch to the nose. "nicoletta?'' I hear dad pause.
Jason falls back but swings at me causing me to duck under him. A knife will be no use. Rose probably trains her people similar to the way she trained me.
I slid between his legs causing people to back up and give us space. I kick him in the back with my heel and he turns around. "vous salope" (you bitch) I laugh a little. i know no one will be able to help me, rose has me wired to fight several people at once and i can't hurt my mafia over this. "no one touch him!"
"tu es mignon" (you're cute) he punches me in the face causing me to stumble back and my eyes to water. "niki what the fuck" i don't pay attention to who is yelling at me. Jason lunges at me and gets a hold of my waist shit.
i'm thrown into the marble floor where dad is and i'm winded breath breath breath "nicoletta" i see dad above me and he stares at jason angry "you basterd"
"Dad, no!" I get myself up and Jason goes to jump at him but he moves out of the way. The adrenaline pumping through my veins helps with the pain.
"salut connard!" (hey asshole) I stretch out my back causing Jason to look at me. he runs towards me and goes to punch me in the jaw but i catch his hand "enfin un combat loyal" (finally a fair fight) i kick my leg up causing me to kick him in the face.
he stumbles back "tes petits amis ne peuvent pas t'aider" (your little friends can't help you) i shrug "comme le vôtre peut?" (like yours can?) i smile at him
I hold the knife in my hand "nous savons tous les deux que cela ne fonctionnera pas Nicoletta" (we both know that wont work nicoletta) I smile running towards him and punching him again.
I kick him between his legs and he hunches into me giving me an advantage god i love weak spots. I jab him in the throat and then punch him in the stomach at the same time.
I kick him to the ground and he falls onto his back. i climb on top of him and set the knife in the ground before sending punches to his face. "pourquoi ma mère t'a envoyé" (why did my mother send you)
I stop punching his face and wait for a response. i punch him again "why!" he smiles at me and i look at him confused until a stinging sensation fills just above my hip the bitch cut me
i grab his wrist and turn it causing him to scream and i turn his arm in the wrong direction above his head.i stand up and flip him on his back and take one of his arms and pulling it up with me.
i place a foot on his shoulder blade and bend his left arm forward causing him to scream loud i stare up at the crowd who looks at me in fear good, let them be afraid it's the only way you'll be respected like dad.
"Nicoletta, what is going on?" I try to catch my breath "Dad, look at his neck, Antonio, I need sleepy juice" I take another deep breath as I push my heel into his back more.
I feel blood drip down my face but I ignore it. "niki" hazel looks at me scared as she points down "hold on" jason tries to wiggle out of my grasp only for me to bend his arm forward more.
"Moving will make it worse" the whole mafia watches as my chest rises and falls "lui è un topo!" (he's a rat) the mafia looks confused as Antonio walks in.
He stabs the syringe into his back and I keep Jason in the hold until he passes out. I drop his arm and sigh moving away while wiping my nose. "He got me good." I show Hazel my hand.
"niki" alice steps up and points at my hip causing me to look down "shit" i look at blade's knife that sticks out above my hip.
half the knife still sticks out and I feel a hand on my back. careful movements. "let's go you cleaned up" i look at luciano with anger just deal with it. "okay"
i turn around to the group "you two" i point towards two large men sitting down "i want you to bring him downstairs and have him chained, my father will fill you in on what you missed after, make sure you use the big metal chair"
They both nod standing and I turn dad. "Look at his neck" dad looks at me confused but he bends down and pulls the fabric down to reveal the full rose.
"look familiar?" dad examines his neck until he relizes "she's branding them like a pshyco" i take another deep breath.
i turn to luciano "come on" i walk making sure i won't move the knife too much and i feel luciano not too far behind me.
"we'll need to get the medics" i shake my head "you underestimate me" i keep my head high ignoring the stinging in my side.
"No niki, just because you've don't it before doesn't mean that this is the same thing" I roll my eyes. "i'm fine luciano" he grabs my wrist and i stop so i don't get even more hurt.
"don't be dumb" he gets in my face "don't touch me " i get closer to him but pull my hand away "i can take care of myself i don't need you're assistance"
I walk away and I feel him behind me as I get to the steps and into my room. "stop following me" he scoffs and i shut my door in his face as i make it to the bathroom.
I look at myself in the mirror. I look at the blood smeared on my face. Okay, repeat the steps.
Luciano walks in and I glare at him through the mirror. "Let me help" he doesnt sound soft but more stern, I just stare at him and turn around.
He walks up to me and I sigh just accepting the fact that I'll need help. "do you have a first aid in here?" i look at him "no i don't, i'm always getting hurt and just don't have a first aid" i scoff at him
"under my sink '' I walk to the side that he can get it. luciano reaches down and takes the first aid out and places it on my counter.
"Come here" I fold my arms and walk up to him "I'm gonna take this out slowly" I roll my eyes "no need" I place my hand on the handle and rip the knife out.
waves of pain are sent through my body and I groan a bit trying not to admit how much it hurts, i know that the pain would be worse if rose hadn't stabbed me various times throughout my childhood. "niki! what the-" he calms down when he sees that blood isn't spitting "he didn't stab me deep enough"
I place the knife on the counter and he nods. I unbutton my pants and pull the side off "there's a hole in these now" i push my pants off and take a sharp inhale.
i step out of each leg as he prepares everything. "where's your numbing stuff" he looks at me "i threw all of that out" i shrug and lean on the counter.
"stop trying to be a hard ass all the time and understand it's okay to be human" he grabs the alcohol and pours it on a rag. "this is going to hurt" i roll my eyes "just grab my arm if anything"
I sent him a bitchy smile "You'd probably love that." I look away from him and fold my arms as I feel Luciano get closer.
i feel the cold sting of the alcohol this doesn't hurt as much as i remember i sigh a look at lucaino who has the rag pressed against my skin.
Thank you rose for the high pain tolerance. "how did you see that he was a rat?" I look him in the eyes. "I saw you were looking at him for a good minute,but not the way you look at blade more like you were angry" i glare at him.
"jealous?" I smile at him "no" he looks back down at the wound. "don't be mad if you started it" he take a deep breath "don't act like you didn't let cassie touch you like that" i stare at him until he looks at me.
his brown eyes stare into mine and chills fill my body.
"Where are your bandaids?" I point to the drawer and haylee takes out a few. I dry my hands and she lightly places the bandaids on my knuckles. She is careful not to hurt me.
My stomach hurts and tears fill my eyes causing me to look away niki stop i feel luciano pull the rag away. "no keep going" i try not to sound choked up and i collect myself.
looking back at luciano "you know" i place a hand on his wrist "i don't need your help i got it" i pull his hand away "fine,i'm sending medics up" i roll my eyes ignoring the sadness inside of me.
he walks out without another word and i let the tears build but and fall. I cover my mouth and try not to shake and hurt myself even more.
i haven't cried about haylee since the night she died. no matter how mad you are at him you still have to be strong. He won't go to someone weak. I take a deep breath. breathe niki you got this
"nicoletta?" a woman's voice is heard from my room and i quickly wipe my tears "in here" i hear heavy boots and then see a woman with a medic bag.
her eyes widen when she sees me in practically nothing but she proceeds. "I see you have already tried to clean up," I nod.
...
I stare at him in the cold air with my arms folded. "wake him up'' I sit back at the table with all the tourture devices. Dad told me not to do much moving for the next few days, but I'm fine.
We leave for New York in ten days so I have time for my body to heal. some newbies from the joined mafia grab their knives "no." they both look at me. "wake them up with your fists"
They are both 24 and very new to the mafia life so this will be a good learning experience, learn from the best. the taller one gives the shorter one his knife and walks up to jason, or matisse?
He tilts Jason's head back "ask him for his name when he's able to answer" he nods not looking at me and punches him in his already busted nose.
He is shot awake and struggles against the chains at first. jasons stops and takes a deep breath "what's your name!" The short one yells at Jason and I keep my laughter in.
"Okay, stop." I stand up and walk over into the light, my heels clicking against the stone floors. "Nicoletta" jason smiles at me "you put up a good fight" i smile his french accent is stronger than i thought "i put up an amazing fight" i fold my arms.
"how did you do that?" he tilts his head at me "do what?" i drop my smile "when i stabbed you, you just kept going" she doesn't train them like that?
"Not sure" i shrug "adrenaline maybe" he nods "what's your name jason" i add a french accent to his name. "I'm not going to tell you" he looks at me with pride.
"hm" I lean down touching his chin "is it charles?" he shakes his head and i place a hand on his wrist "marcus?" I tilt my head and he shakes his head.
"blaise" he looks at me "blaise was such a good kill, the way i broke his windpipe so he choked to death" jason looks at me in disgust.
"carter, was an amazing kill, we're any of you aware of what a disgusting human he was" jason tilts his head "he was a prick with a bigger ego than mars"
i nod "he was also a rapist, and something i know about my mother was she taught me not to put up with men like him, so why did she?" I touched his cheek bones "he was a what?"
I smile "You heard me" i stare into his eyes "what's your name" i run a hand through his hair "is it '' i pause. i walk around to the back of jason and place my hands on the back of the chair leaning down.
"if i tell you your name, my boys over here will cut your fingers off one by one" i look up at the two newbies who seem more than happy that i've referred to them as 'my boys'
"if you tell me your name, we move on and you might just leave here unscathed" that's a lie. He's dying anyway "i don't have a name" i smile and walk back around.
"I'm gonna ask you one more time, and be mindful la miséricorde ne sera pas donnée de notre part"
(mercy will not be given at our hand) I whisper in his ear.
"that's not your mafias code" i smile a bit biting on my bottom lip "it's not, but it's mine. These boys do what I say. So what's your name?"I squeeze his shoulders a bit and dig my nails in his shirtless body.
"Matisse,my name is Matisse Dupont. " i smile "there it is" i stand up straight. "When did you come here?" I walk back around and stand in between each of the men.
"Are you sending information back to her or someone else in the mafia?" he stares up at me and doesn't speak. "okay you" i look at the shorter one "you're going to ask him again, if he doesn't answer your going to stab him" he nods walking forward
"When did you come here?" he twirls the knife in his hand and waits for a response. He stabs the knife into his arm and Matisse flinches but keeps the pain to himself.
I walk over to him and grab the handle. I hear screaming from the other room and my head snaps. What is that? I look back at mattise and the screaming continues "i'll be back keep questioning him, do not stab him in the neck" i walk out of the room and down the hall.
oh no. The screams come from the room that Alex and Chris are in. I open the door and peek my head through expecting to see Luciano but instead I see maria. woah
"You took her away from me, from all of us" she sounds choked up. She twists the handle of a knife in chris' wrist, or what's left of it. "why couldn't you have just left" she looks at alex "because we would have gotten caught"
Chris still continues to scream "but you didn't have to kill her!" She rips the knife out and lodges the knife into Alex's collarbone. Chris' head hangs low as his body tries to relax.
"Maria '' I interlock my fingers in front of me as she turns her head with tears in her eyes. she stays silent as the tears fall and it shatters me.
I walk over to her with open arms and she hugs me. she cries into me and tears fill my eyes "i just miss her so much" she speaks low into me and i take a deep breath "me too, i miss her too" tears fall to my cheeks as i close my eyes.
"she wouldn't want me to be like this but i-" her voice breaks and she pulls away "let's go somewhere more quite" i rub her shoulder and she nods.
...
We sit in my bathroom at the counter. "it's been hard and i thought i would be getting better but i'm not" she wipes the tears from her face. "it's only been a few weeks, we all death with things differently"
"Dad is accepting all the pain and letting all he can out when he thinks no one is listening, vinchenzo is working out,Luciano is having a hard time" she nods "you did the right thing" I furrow my brows.
"not letting him finish the coke, and flushing it. and calling me because you didn't know what to do" i nod "how is he doing with that by the way? is it bad?" i shrug "i don't know, we're not on speaking terms right now" i tap on my knees
"How come?" i press my lips together "we got into this bad fight, and then another bad fight, and now we only speak when we have to piss each other off" she take in a sharp inhale "that bad?" I nod.
"it started with his relapse" she frowns "did he lash out at you" i nod "and then you hit him with something ten times worse" i nod slowly "he tends to do that, he pushes everyone away in anyway he can so he destroy himself without hurting others" she taps her thumbs together.
"he knows whatever he will say will be better than destroying the people he loves with what's going on with him" my throat gets dry shit "i regret what i said, but i don't think he does"
she sighs "he will, when we all found out about his coke addiction he told me that it was my daughter getting pregnant and leaving was my fault because i was terrible mother" she shrug as my eyes widen
"the apology he gave my was very long and heart felt, after he got better he would still feel terrible" i nod "you have to wait until he's ready to talk and not let your emotions get in the way" i raise my brows
"I know it's hard but you have to, he's relapsing all alone and his body is screaming at him to get more in his system. trust me it's the worst thing someone can experience"
i nod "it's good to talk" maria smiles "how are you doing with haylee?" her head tilts and i sigh.