Daniel
The plane jolted as the wheels touched the ground in Shanghai, shaking me awake.
"Noooo, go back to sleep..." I blinked a few times to see that Maeve was asleep in my arms, it was the last thing I remembered doing before slipping into my hangover cure.
"I really don't think we have a choice this time..." I cleared my throat and reached for the water in the cup holder to my left. The plane was taxiing to the pick up area for us.
"Fine." As much as I hate to say it, the second she sat up out of my arms, I felt cold. Having her in my arms had given me the best sleep I had in awhile. it was rare that we did that, mostly because we weren't in the same room long enough to also fall asleep together. It never helped how I felt about her, normally we'd both leave in the morning and I'd be able to stop myself from letting those feelings come out. Now, she sat next to me and we had to go into work together as if nothing was different.
The truth is that something was different.
While I had my doubts that what Michael said was true, some part of my brain remembered a point in the middle of the night where she tried to break us apart as we slept on the couch. When I just held her tighter, I felt the change in her heart rate that Michael was talking about, the stutter. I felt her flush as her body temperature rose. It left me confused and wondering what I should do. I didn't want to embarass her if it was nothing. Or worse, if she had a dream about someone that wasn't me and she was forced to remember it at that exact moment then I would be prying.
"What did Michael give us? I feel like a new woman..." She gulped down some water and I saw her placing the little plastic bag into her backpack as she pulled me from my thoughts. Michael must've given her the same vitamins he gives me.
"I think it's some medieval wife's tale. He had to fight a dragon for those or something..." She laughed, knowing I was playing on her last name more than anything.
"Ok hot shot. That surely is what he did." She laughed, a noise that was not helping the current predicament in my head as to how I felt about her.
I only laughed dryly as the plane came to a stop a few moments later. The team had us out of the plane and into a car to the hotel as fast as possible. It was clear there were some plans they had to keep up with, but us drivers were given the day off for recovery purposes. Which we clearly needed just at the sight of our broken and sleepless postures.
"What are you doing on this fine off day, m'lady?" Michael asked Maeve as we entered the elevator at the hotel. We were all on the same floor this time.
"I have to make a game plan based on the data from the last race for the team to make informed decisions. I'll do a work out," Michael went to say something and she cut him off," A short one, possibly just cardio so at least I'm doing something." Michael gave her a small smile and let her continue. He was probably proud that someone actually listened to him since he says that I never do. Which is a cold hearted lie.
"Then probably some sleep and a date with some very salty and unhealthy Chinese food." She laughed as the doors opened on our floor.
"Ok, well maybe shoot me a text when you're done working and before your workout. I'd like to get a better read on whatever is going on with your body so you don't have to lose that endurance in your muscles by not working out." She nodded to Michael as we navigated through the hallway.
"God it's like I don't even matter anymore!" I dramatically threw my right arm up, as my left was helping Michael pull the luggage trolley. It wasn't that I felt the need to be the center of attention, but right now I needed to be involved in the conversation or I risked my mind wandering back to my current predicament again.
"Shut up Daniel. You're the one that asked him to help me. Speaking of which, I have to ask when I'm getting paid so I can start paying you too." Maeve pursed her lips and pointed at Michael. her raise certainly should kick in any day now as it had been two weeks since that conversation.
"No rush, Daniel takes care of me too." I smiled at that. Michael had been one of my best mates since we were young. Having him around was a god send any day of the week. Even if he caused my mind to completely break down the careful barriers that had been put up to prevent thoughts about the very woman walking with us.
"Oh I'm sure he does. It's our little secret though." She looked over at me from Michael's other side and gave me a dramatic wink, making Michael laugh.
"Shut the fuck up you desmond!" I laughed with Michael as we pulled up to two of our rooms, Maeve and I were somehow next to each other and Michael was the next room down.
"Come on kids, grab your bags. Get some rest. Daniel, I'll see you in a few hours for a workout."
I couldn't help but groan. It was a necessary part of the job, but that didn't mean I had to like it. I was tired and I needed more sleep than even the long haul flight could give me. It was an overdo I was sure but necessary if that's what my body wanted.
"Don't be a big baby Daniel." Maeve jested as she started pulling her bags from the trolley. She already looked considerably better than I did given how much we drank last night. I had surely overdone it by ordering three bottles of red from room service on top of the beers she already had in her room. Plus we skipped dinner.
She took her bags and went to her room, but Michael happily invited himself into my room.
"Come on man, I want to take another nap." I threw my bags down on the floor next to the bed, suites were not in the plan this week. Not that I really cared as long as I got to sleep.
"Seemed like you got plenty of rest cuddled up to Maeve!" He laughed and I immediately threw my hand up over his mouth.
"What are you doing!? She can hear you, these walls are fucking thin." I whispered yelled at him. There was a glint in his eyes as he clearly knew I had hit a nerve. A groan left my mouth as I stepped away from him and started unpacking my bags.
"Seriously though, Charlotte found you two cuddling on the couch in her room with pillows everywhere? She was posting videos of you two on her IG all night. She gave up celebrating to hang out with you. Come on mate, you need to just own up and tell her." I shook my head as I hung some of my clothes in the small closet.
"No, there's something going on with her and I'm not going to make it worse." My voice wasn't very loud as I spoke, my fear did lie with her hearing us. There was no denying that we had been more than chummy for the last 18 hours though. Anyone within eyesight could've seen it.
"Do you think it has something to do with Christian?" I nodded to him as I turned back to him with a solemn look across my face.
"I think that's exactly what it is..." I bit my lower lip as I sat down on the king sized bed.
"Like he threatened to send her back to the factory? or something else?" Michael's voice was low now, clearly this conversation was taking a turn that neither of us really wanted with the subject just a thin wall away.
"I don't know, Michael. She's spent a whole week avoiding me. Up until last night, I would've thought she was mad at me...." Deciding against unpacking, I moved to pull out my own laptop as I had some work to do myself for the clothing line.
"Clearly not since she seemed plenty content in your arms both last night and this morning..." I glared at him before I moved to the table in the room.
"Seemed like you really liked it too... Or did you want to see the pictures to prove it?" You would think I had whiplash from how fast I snapped my head to his.
"You took pictures?" Michael nodded, a devious smirk on his face as he pulled out his phone. He moved to stand next to me before swiping through the variety of photos he had of the two of us.
The first few were on us on the plane. I had moved to lean against the side of the fuselage, my body turning slightly to the right to accommodate the woman in my arms. Maeve was leaning into my right shoulder, at some point we had to have moved the arm rest between the two of us up. While my arms were wrapped around her shoulders and resting on her back, one of her hands had come up to rest flat on my chest, while the other was wrapped around my neck so her body could turn towards the back of our chairs and her legs could come up to the seat. It was very evident that I had begun slouching in my seat to help both of us get more comfortable. She had practically crawled into my lap on the plane, restricted only by the seat belt neither of us had removed, but somehow had barely tightened to begin with. Both of us had our sunglasses on too and I'd be lying if I said we didn't look like a couple.
The next few must've been from Charlotte, which explains the small smirk she had on her face when I first looked at her during our wake up call. Maeve and I were laying on the couch in her suite with our legs tangled together. I was barely on the couch without a shirt on, it looked like I was holding onto Maeve for dear life to prevent me from falling. My arms were wrapped around her waist this time. The oversized shirt she was wearing with her shorts when we fell asleep had ridden up on her torso and my hands were on her bare waist. My face was buried in her hair and she had a small smile on her face. Her right hand was wrapped around mine as it sat on her side. Not the greatest look at this point either but it brought a smile to my face.
"Careful there lover boy, you look like you're ok with being caught in the act." I bit my lip again, trying to fight the smile, but I definitely couldn't even if I tried.
"We weren't caught doing anything but sleeping." Michael swiped a few more over and there were photos from the driver's room as well. Both of us were in identical positions on opposite sides of the couch and absolutely dead asleep.
"Don't act like this isn't the first time. You find a way to get her in your arms anytime you've been drinking. I've been catching photos like this for years." I nodded, but went back to my work.
"You're right. It's the one time I'm not thinking straight. I can't help myself around her sometimes. This is the only way I can really hold her..." The melancholy in my voice made me sound downright pathetic, but I wasn't going to hide my feelings anymore about the situation.
"You're whipped, mate. Just fucking tell her already." I shook my head.
"I can't, Michael. I can't give her anything she wants in life and I don't need her getting sucked into this lifestyle if she doesn't want to..." Michael didn't say anything as I went back to my computer, approving the photos for the next drop and getting the designs for a future drop started.
"That's no way to live, man." Michael responded before grabbing his bags from the trolley.
"You know what they say. If you love something, let it go." My voice was stern at the last part, mostly to tell Michael that I wasn't ok with the line of questioning he was engaging in.
Then I remembered what he had said in my driver room in Shanghai and the parallel to what had happened last night. I couldn't help the words that left my mouth.
"I felt it." I said suddenly, surprising myself as I pulled my hands away from the keyboard. He already had one hand on the door and was preparing to leave when I spoke, but he turned around confused at my words.
"I felt her heart stutter and the blush when she realized that we fell asleep like that last night. She tried to pull away, but I was still drunk and didn't let her." I licked over my lips as I sat back in the chair. My eyes still fully trained on the computer screen, afraid to look at my friend.
"Did you say something to her? Like something that could cause it?" I shook my head.
"I don't know. We had woken up just barely as the sun was coming up and I was definitely still drunk. She didn't even try and resist when I pulled her close to me. Thinking back, I was holding her so tight I worry I was actually hurting her." I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling. He would surely make fun of me if I did that at the memory of something that happened just last night.
"Daniel...." He sat down at the second chair at the table and I didn't realize he had crossed the room until then.
"I'm scared Michael... Why is being in love with someone causing me more sleepless nights and fear than my job? I can't tell her either. I can't risk it." Michael didn't say anything as I felt the emotions splayed across my face turn somber.
"Mate, I understand where you're coming from, but I am telling you that there is something there. She was literally trying to crawl into your lap, trying to get closer to you in her sleep. She had no idea that she had done it. She was blushing when she sat up and saw what had happened when the plane landed." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I brushed him off.
"Ya know, I was extremely content with keeping these feelings locked away in my mind. It took a total of three weeks for that to break down and I wasn't even talking to her. I was barely in the same room as her for most of it. She breaks down every wall I've ever built for myself and my profession with a joke or a dig at my ego. It's like some sadistic turn on I have for myself. I feel better when she's around me making those jokes and tormenting me. How fucked up is that?" I finally gave in and covered my face with my hands, resting my elbows on the table in front of me.
"You can't help who you fall in love with, Daniel, I already told you that. Plus, you've never really had time apart from each other. Has there ever been a day in the last 5 years that you weren't constantly texting and calling each other if you weren't attached at the hip physically together?" removing my hands from my face, I tried to interject, but he immediately waved his hand to dismiss me.
"Mate, don't even try. You fell asleep on facetime together for a week straight during the Barcelona race just last year," my eyes widened, thinking that he had no idea about that specific chain of events," don't even try to lie. I found you with your phone on and plugged in enough to know better. You spend your runs on the phone with her sometimes. I hear literally everything because I'm also with you all the time. She's more than a friend. I'm telling you that there's something there." He stood up then and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
"I can't give you the answer here, but you have to think this one through or it's going to come out in a way you won't like. She's going to find out no matter what you say because your actions are certainly starting to speak louder than words to the team around you. Let's skip training tonight. We can do one in the morning instead. Just think about everything and figure out what you're going to do."
He left me alone then to wade through all the things pooling in my mind. It was evident that I had something to think about. The mental pro con list that was stuck to the inside of my brain like glue suddenly came back to me. The whole reason I really said I couldn't tell her was because the life I lead wasn't something she wanted.
No, Maeve wasn't one for the glitz and glamor of Monaco, the collector watches and the thousands of Euros gowns, and she sure as hell wasn't someone that liked having the prying eyes of the media looking into her life. That much was evident as her socials had all stayed private with only close personal friends and few very select team members being allowed to follow in case something did get out that they could try and stop it. She was a private person, but she enjoyed and cherished her memories. They had been less than kind to her for the most part anyways, something she didn't necessarily need to remind her that they weren't her friends. Natalie was the only one that had really shown her kindness to her via the commentary, but she had given Natalie the cold shoulder as she was a member of the media long ago during her only visit to see me before she was really in Formula One. She wouldn't chance letting someone in that would spill tell all style secrets about her life.
Then there was the deep rooted reason I couldn't even think about telling her. If I told her and I was wrong, that she didn't have any kind of feelings for me and we had a blow up over it or she was uncomfortable, that was it. I could lose my best friend over feelings that I could keep bottled up and let her be happy from afar as I had for years now. I couldn't lose her in all of this. It wasn't worth it.
Now a new complication was added to the mix. Christian Horner had given her orders that I didn't know and pushed her away from me, something that would never read well no matter how I tried to spin it. No part of me could even imagine what he told her she had to do or not do, but it was putting her in such a stressful position that her body was starting to feel the effects. That alone was cause for concern in our profession, if her body was under any stress that wasn't absolutely necessary it could injure her. What if I were to say my piece on how I was feeling and it stresses her out more no matter how she feels? What if I tell her and by some grace of whatever god there was above or below she feels the same and Christian doesn't agree with it? Would my feelings cost her her job?
The positive though was finally being in the open, finally being able to talk to her openly about my feelings and opinions had me leaning towards telling her alone. She hated dishonesty and I had been dishonest with her for years as a guise to save her. That never sat right with me, but I couldn't help it if that wasn't something she wanted.
Another positive? Finally being able to tell the woman I loved her, to take her home to my family, to hold her how and whenever I wanted. God to kiss her and finally feel the peachy pillows that had been speaking to me all this time against my own lips finally... The woman had no idea what her affect was on the men around her. How she could make them bend to her every beck and call if she wanted because she was a goddess in her own right. She never could though, because while her looks were god-like, her behavior was saint like and she took that in the highest regard.
She was the first person to check in when someone wasn't doing ok, to hold their hand through tough times, to feed someone that needed it even if she only had enough for herself. She would give up everything just to help one person if she knew they needed it. It was a side of her that didn't come out in public often because she was worried about being judged. How could you judge that though? I never understood that worry until I realized that She was raised around privilege that she was never given. She wasn't well off up until two weeks ago. In fact, I would say she was bearing the weight of a financial load that she felt she would never recover from. She grew up with no family and no one to support her. All she had been working on was her studies and her happiness. They were the two most important things in the world to her.
Happiness was the word that stalled my thought process. On the off chance that Michael and I were right about her feelings, that I was denying her a shred of happiness that she deserved and some that I craved, I had to tell her. She deserved the opportunity to make the decision herself as to what we would do. I was being selfish by keeping it from her if it would make her happy...
I had to tell her and I had to tell her soon.