Who even thought it would be a good idea to go here? I should never have left London. I should've stayed there and solved everything myself.
When I heard his voice, I froze. I wished it was just a dream. I wanted to wake up so badly.
I finally ran away. I ran away cowardly until he stopped me. I missed his touch on my skin. It's not right, but I missed it.
I didn't know what to tell him.
He hasn't changed physically at all. He may have grown his hair slightly, but not otherwise. He looks mentally mature. He didn't push me, and he didn't want anything from me. Maybe it's because he didn't know I'd be here.
But Leo saved me when he returned. Then I immediately ran away again. I have to clean it in my head, otherwise, it won't work.
I ran up the stairs and closed myself in the room. I leaned my back against the door and slid down the floor.
What is he doing here? They said he would not return until the holidays.
The moment I saw him, everything came back to me. Memories I tried to forget. I tried to throw them in a box and bury them deep so that no one will ever get to them again. Me neither.
Am I cowardly because I ran away from him? Now, but also years ago? What would it happen if I didn't run away and faced it? The reality.
My breathing had calmed slightly.
"Amira." I heard Lydia's voice from behind the door. "Are you okay?" I don't know, am I?
I stood up slowly and opened the door. I got a glimpse of Lydia holding her daughter in her arms. She was right. She has eyes from Leo, but otherwise, she's so similar to Lydia. Something about her is reassuring. Maybe it will be the innocence or the penguin she has in her hand.
I stepped away from the door so they could go in. I walked straight to the bed and sat on it.
I heard the door close and soon Lydia and Emily appeared beside me. They sat next to me.
"Emily, this is Amira." Lydia smiled. "Amira, this is Emily."
I reached out to Emily so I wouldn't scare her, but she actually scared me a little. She ran across the bed to me and jumped on me. She wrapped herself around my neck and buried her small head in my neck.
I froze for a moment, but immediately recovered and hugged her back. The smell of strawberries got into my nose. How can she smell like strawberries?
She pulled away slowly and smiled at me. "You are pretty."
"Oh, thank you." I laughed. "But I think you're prettier." I winked at her. She blushed slightly and walked back to Lydia. She sat down next to her.
"I didn't know he was coming. I'm really sorry, Amira."
"It's fine." I gave her a forced smile. "Already happened. Can't change it now."
"If there's anything I can do, please tell me. I'll run for a bottle of wine if that helps." She raised an eyebrow. I nodded. "I'll be back in a minute." She ran out of the room and left me and Em in the room.
"What is wine?" She turned to me.
"It's ... it's like juice, but it's not good." I probably wouldn't be a good mother.
"Then why are you drinking it?"
"Because ... Because it's like a vitamin."
"I hate those too. Dad always makes me take vitamins." She frowned. "They're blah." Her face was full of disgust.
What the hell are they giving her?
"But Checco always brings me candies after. In secret." She smiled and squeezed the penguin in her hands.
"Checco?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. He brought me today." She smiled. "He gave me this penguin too."
She meant Francesco. I thought he didn't like children.
"What else is he doing?" I shouldn't, but I just can't help myself.
"He reads to me when I can't sleep. Or he still goes to the park with me." She jumped on the spot. "And he's watching fairy tales with me." She smiled.
"That sounds amazing." I didn't expect this. I was expecting...I don't even know what. I don't know what to expect from him.
"I can go after him and introduce you." Her little eyes lit up.
Where the hell is Lydia with that wine? Did she go buy it?
"I don't think that's a..." I stopped when I saw her smile drop. "You know what? Why not." Fuck. I will regret this.
Em jumped out of bed and reached for my hand. She started pulling me down.
We walked slowly down the stairs and heard voices from the living room.
"Just leave. This will work out without you. You should go." I heard Lydia. "Please."
"I expected you to understand."
"Look. Leo and I can handle it. Go back to Florence. For her own good."
"Checco!" Em shouted, and so all attention shifted to us. Their faces turned white.
Em let go of my hand and ran to Francesco. He bent down and she jumped into his arms.
"This is Amira." She smiled and pointed at me. "She's pretty, isn't she?" Francesco whispered something in her ear and she laughed immediately.
"Lydia. Leo. Can you leave us?" What did I say? I don't want to be alone with him.
Lydia wanted to fight, but in the end, she left it at that. She walked over to Francesco and took Em from his arms. Then everyone left.
"So, Checco, huh?" I laughed softly.
"Only she has the right to call me that." He smiled. God, how I missed that smile.
"I'm sorry I ran away a while ago."
"I'm not blaming you. It was a shock."
Then we just stood there. In that awkward silence.
"I got shot," I said quickly.
This is not a good conversation Amira.
"I heard. Are you okay?" There was a slight concern in his voice.
"Physically. I'm on my feet. If we're talking about mentally. I don't know yet."
"Amira I ... I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you ..."
"Please don't do this. I ... It's hard to stand here at all. And I ..." I stopped. My gaze fell on his chest. More precisely on the pendant. I hurried over to him and grabbed his pendant. "Is this.."
"The one that belonged to you. Yeah." I let him go slowly and realized what a mistake I had made. I'm too close. But I couldn't bring myself to back away from him. "If you want to yell at me for everything I've done, do it. Maybe it'll help both of us."
I wanted to scream about how badly he hurt me. To say that I was unable to trust almost anyone because of him. That every thought hurt me.
I opened my mouth to tell him any of it, but I couldn't. I just stood there with my mouth open and looked at him.
"Fuck it." I jumped up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I buried my head in his neck. I missed him.
In a moment I felt a pair of hands on my back.
I tried to close my eyes as much as possible and hug him properly. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I've been trying to hate him for five years. I can stop for a minute.
It's a good feeling. To have him like this with me. Being able to touch him.
I tried to bury all those feelings in myself. I'll see him once and everything will come back. I guess I didn't do a proper job.
"Won't you yell at me?"
"I will. Just not now." I whispered.
"That's fine with me." He chuckled.
I slowly pulled away from him and wiped away the tear I had on my cheek.
"Four hours. I left you alone for four hours." I heard a familiar voice from behind me. I turned just to find Samuel standing in the doorway.
I don't know if I like his new image or not. But I must say that he does not look the worst. He grew his hair a little bit, that curled and gained some muscle.
His hands rested on his hips like an angry mother. "And you?" He pointed at me. "You hugged him before me." He said kinda offended. "Unbelievable." He frowned.
I couldn't hold back a smile. I walked over to him and threw myself into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. "I missed you too." I smiled.
"You're not throwing knives at anyone I didn't expect that." He laughed and slowly pulled away.
"I can start if you want?" I took a step toward where the kitchen was, but he stopped me immediately.
"No. No. No. It's okay." He smiled. "I think we have a lot to say. Maybe over something strong?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Anytime."
"Great, so ..." He started talking and walking into the kitchen. But I didn't pay attention to him.
As I followed Samuel, I looked at Francesco with a small smile.
After all, maybe it's not the worst that I'm back.
It hurts to see her leave again. It doesn't matter that it was just in the next room. The feeling that she will leave again will never leave me.
I was ready for her to slap me or anything she wanted to do to me. I deserve it. But what I didn't expect was a hug.
It took me a while to remember what was going on. The biggest stone I've worn on my heart for five years has fallen. It was a relief I needed.
Even though it seemed like she forgave me, I know deep down that it's not true. It hurts like a bitch.
"Am I the only person she doesn't like?" I heard a voice at the door.
Cass leaned against the door frame; his arms folded across his chest. He stared straight at the door Amira had just passed.
"That will change. Don't worry." I laughed.
"Will it change that she'll like me or that I won't be the only one who she doesn't like?"
"Why do you ask when you know the answer?" I raised an eyebrow and walked over to the couch. I sat down and soon he sat down opposite of me.
"I've lived here for three years. How come I didn't know someone like that existed? Looks like Leo cares about her."
"They're best friends. Since they were little." At least according to what Leonardo sometimes told me. Who would have thought that he was not the worst company?
"Okay? But why didn't you say anything about her?" He frowned.
"She left."
"That's really a lot of information Francesco. Thank you for that." He said sarcastically. I couldn't help but laugh.
"She didn't want to live in the mafia." That brings me to the idea, why is he here? Why did she come back?
"What didn't she like? That her life was in danger every second of the day or that she would have to listen to Lydia's bullshit?"
"What's your problem with my sister again?" I frowned.
"She has a problem with me. Just like Amira." He nodded at the kitchen. "One would think that when I saved her life, she'd be more grateful."
"When did you saved her life?" I frowned. How long has she been here?
"Maybe I embellished it a little. I saved her life after she saved mine. She ... caught a bullet for me."
"Is that why she was shot? You?" I raised my eyebrows.
"No, it wasn't about that. They'd shoot at her anyway. Leo was talking about her father or something. I don't remember much."
"That's weird." I thought. "I thought that bastard was already in the grave somewhere." I think the last time Amira talked to him was when she ran away from him for the first time. Then to Russia. I haven't even heard of him since.
I was hoping someone had finally sent him to another world. He is not a good man, and he is not a father at all. Amira deserves better. She deserves the best.
"You'll have to ask Leo for details." He put his hands on his knees and stood up. "And by the way." He stopped when he was leaving. "Do you think she has anyone?" He raised an eyebrow. "Amira." He clarified.
"I don't know." I told the truth. It didn't even occur to me. Does she have anyone? There was no ring on her finger. At least, I think. "But I'll give you some advice." I stood up and walked over to him. "If you break her heart, I will break your neck." I patted him on the back and walked past him.
I don't have the slightest right to be jealous. She hasn't been mine for a long time. If she ever was. As I said, she deserves only the best. It's not me. She would just suffer with me.
It was selfish to do what I did. I hope she forgives me someday. Maybe one day.
*****
Not the reaction you were expecting right? Me either.
Hope you enjoyed. <3